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posted by karpach_13
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can आप tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The जोस्टिक, जॉयस्टिक is wet.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her और attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do आप say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are आप boys all in the same band?
A3: Do आप guys all play for the Green खाड़ी, बे Packers?

Q: How do आप make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde...
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posted by karpach_13
The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. आप have to catch it yourself. ~Benjamin Franklin

Even if happiness forgets आप a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert

If आप want to be happy, be. ~Leo Tolstoy

Happiness is never stopping to think if आप are. ~Palmer Sondreal

Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy. ~Robert Anthony

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~Mark Twain

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. ~Edith Wharton

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posted by karpach_13

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten मिनट intervals
throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people आप can get
to शामिल होइए in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department द्वारा sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as आप see fit.

9. When there are...
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posted by MrssBieber320
Ever met that one person that आप just wanna पंच in the face , then someohow , आप end up in a relationship with them , आप fall in प्यार , and then watch things crash and burn in your face (and thats not the only thing आप want to burn either (:]) Well if आप still have feelings for that person im gonna help आप get him/her back , note that this may only work for a girl though , cuause guys cant hit us , but we can surelly slap आप guys (: , ohk so आप could first start off द्वारा doing q of two simple things
1) light all the stuuf he gave आप on आग ... on his front lawn
2) give them back to...
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posted by karpach_13
Be proud of your gender
Reasons why आप shoud be proud if your a


1. Phone conversations are over in 30 सेकंड्स flat

2. Movie nudity is almost always female

3. आप know stuff about tanks

4. A five दिन vacation requires only 1 suitcase

5. Toilet lines are 80% shorter

6. आप can open all your own jars

7. Old फ्रेंड्स don't give आप crap if you've gained weight

8. Your नितंब, गधा is never a factor in a job interview

9. All your orgasms are real

10. A बीयर, बियर gut does not make आप invisible to the opposite sex

11. आप can go to the toilet without a support group

12. Your last name stays put

13. आप can kill your own...
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New ways to order pizza
Are आप tired of always ordering पिज़्ज़ा, पिज्जा the same way? Well, this lists will keep आप entertained for over 90 पिज़्ज़ा, पिज्जा orders!!!

1. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

2. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival पिज़्ज़ा, पिज्जा place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh,...
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1)Devise a secret code with your फ्रेंड्स then hand in the homework in that code
Continually ask सवालों so that the professor can’t give homework
Answer the teacher’s सवालों in slow motion 2)Answer सवालों only with one word
3)Scream बिना सोचे समझे words without anybody noticing it’s you
4)Continuously yawn until everyone is yawning
5)Ask your professor personal questions
6)Every time the professor finishes talking clap
7)Eat paper
8)Talk very fast
9)Call the professor “Mom” या “Dad”
10)Count your hair
11)Talk with an accent
12)Answer सवालों in a different language
13)Fake spasms
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posted by Mallory101
 1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
179 Ways to Annoy People:

1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If आप have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal द्वारा conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what आप think."

7. Claim that आप must always wear a bicycle हेलमेट as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone,...
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आप know you're a 'Furry Fan' when...
Rabies replaces cancer as your number one disease concern.
Your प्रिय character from तारा, स्टार Trek is Lieutenant M'Ress (from the animated series).
You think "Beauty and the Beast" was spoiled द्वारा Beast becoming human.
You replace Elle McPherson pinups with those of Amy the Squirrel, Erma Felna, या Minerva Mink.
You slip the word 'fur' into as many places as possible in your mail.
You can identify a captionless book illustration as being Doug Wingers' in under ten seconds.
None of your प्रिय female (or male) fiction characters are actually human.
You go...
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posted by meow_girl
*One night,Selena,Demi and Taylor were having a concert.And Miley was there for some reason.*

In the middle of true फ्रेंड्स Joe Jonas ran on stage,knocked the गिटार player (Billy रे Cyrus) off the stage,Breaking his leg.

Miley:That was my dad!You ass!

Joe:Yeah no one cares.Demi,Selena,Taylor I प्यार आप all!

Miley:What about me?

Joe:What about आप man whore?

Miley:I'm a girl!

Joe:That's not what your boyfriend said!

Miley:At least I'm not pregnant like you!

Joe:Those were just rumors!!!


Joe:They were!


Simon:I don't believe you!

Demi:Simon Cowell?What are you...
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posted by phangirl2009
Chapter 1
I kept my eyes half closed even though I was awake. I had a full visual of what was going on around me and sadly, that meant my foster mother, Mrs. Lovett waking me up.
    “Emily, Emily,” she repeated in a sweet tone. This would have have made any other gal happy except I knew this would be over to soon.
    “I’m awake!” I yelp out smiling. Her wicked smile always made me happy.
    “Guess what? There’s good news.”
    “Have आप ever noticed good news...
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posted by yoshifan1976
Doctor Mario was in his office when suddenly there was an urgent phone call. It was Daisy. "Mario, come quick. Luigi's very sick." "I'll be there right now, Daisy", Mario told her. Nurse आड़ू, पीच was very concerned. "What's wrong, Mario?" "Luigi's sick", he answered with worry. "Go", आड़ू, पीच told him kindly. "I can take care of things here." "Thanks, Peach". He gave her a किस and then rode over to Luigi and Daisy's house. गुलबहार, डेज़ी hugged Mario and led him upstairs. "Hey little brother", he smiled at Luigi. Luigi smiled back. He loves his big brother Mario. No one understood the brotherly bond between...
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Being locked in a walk-in closet must get boring...

Somethings to do to pass time;

- पार करना, क्रॉस dress.

- Make faces in the mirror.

- Make a mannequin out of something, dress it up, and throw a चाय party.

- See how long आप can walk in the most uncomfortable shoes.

- Dress in the opposite of your style.

- Try to touch the ceiling.

- [Like a pile of leaves] Make a pile of clothes and run and dive into it.

- See which clothes are edible.

- See if आप find anything misc. that really just shouldn't be in a closet.

- If आप do, lay it all out and try to see what it does.

- Make ropes द्वारा tying shirts/pants/dresses together, and hang them from the ceiling, and झूला, स्विंग from one to another, yelling like Tarzan.

- Reorganize द्वारा colour.
posted by ilovepenguins
1) If प्यार is blind, then why is there lingerie?
2) Why are they called "apartments" if they are all connected?
3) Should आप believe a chronic liar if he admits that he is a chronic liar?
4) Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
5) Why is it that कुत्ता प्यार to hang their head out of the car window, but will get mad at आप if आप blow in their face?
6) If all the world is a stage, where is the audience?
7) If a पेड़ falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?
8) If pro is the opposite of con, then wouldn't congress be the opposite of progress?
9) If the पंचकोण, पेंटागन were...
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posted by jedigal1990
okay i decided to write an लेख to grip about things on here that really bug me if आप don't like it deal with it

okay number one grip
- i know i already wrote an लेख about this but my number one gripe on here is people posting twilight कचरा, जंक, रद्दी on this spot and other nontwilight spots seriously and then आप wonder why we get upset believe it या not some of us don't like twilight so हटाइए on and keep it where it belongs thats all i will say about that

second gripe
- people who complain about people's bad grammer या spelling we are not in a fucking english class so who cares stop bugging...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
1) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes.

2) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour.

3) Improvise Italian operas.

4) Gossip about someone to their face.

5) Answer every सवाल with a question.

6) Repeat yourself constantly.

7) Act like a member of the opposite sex.

Cool Repeat yourself constantly.

9) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.

10) Repeat yourself constantly.

11) Change what आप repeat every now and then.

12) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.

13) Change what आप repeat every now and then.

14) Talk...
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1. "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch.

2. "Take one capsule द्वारा mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills.

3. "Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts.

4. "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a टिकिया, मफिन at a 7-11.

5. "Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap.

6. "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper.

7. "Serving suggestion:...
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posted by patrisha727
A typical American eats 28 pigs in his/her lifetime.

Americans eat 20.7 pounds of कैन्डी per person annually. The Dutch eat three times as much.

Americans spend approximately $25 billion each साल on beer.

Americans spent an estimated $267 billion dining out in 1993.

An etiquette writer of the 1840's advised, "Ladies may wipe their lips on the tablecloth, but not blow their noses on it."

Aunt Jemima pancake flour, invented in 1889, was the first ready-mix खाना to be sold commercially.

Caffeine: there are 100 to 150 milligrams of caffeine in an eight-ounce cup of brewed coffee, 10 milligrams...
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posted by moo000
1. Wait for a rainy day. Por paper confetti into sombodys closed umbrella and wait for them to go outside and open it.

2. Use a pin to prick a hole near the चोटी, शीर्ष of sombodys drinking straw.

3. Find an old rag. Put a coin on the floor and stand near by. When people come along and try to pick up the coin rip the rag so they think they have torn their pants.

4. When a friend is drinking a can of something fizzy, wait untill they are not looking and poor in some sugar. The sugar will make the drink froth up and poor out of the can.

5. Keep sending your frends on fool's erands. - this means asking them...
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Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make प्यार with आप
Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until आप find your contact lens.
Punch the body and tell people that he hit आप first.
Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
Ask someone to take a snapshot of आप shaking hands with the deceased.
At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
Walk around tellin people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
Ask the widow to give आप a kiss.
Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask...
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