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posted by AlxanderRfan
19
I don’t know what makes आप so dumb but it really works.

Anybody who told आप to be yourself simply couldn’t have दिया आप worse advice…

Hi there, I’m a human being! What are you?

Shouldn’t आप have a license for being that ugly?

Don’t let आप mind wander – it’s far too small to be let out on its own.

Are आप always this stupid या are आप making a special effort today?

Sure, I’ve seen people like आप before – but I had to pay an admission.

If आप took an IQ test, the results would be negative.

Sure, I’d प्यार to help आप out…now, which way did आप come in?

Brains aren’t everything....
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1.In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. I'll have twenty.
2.Sometimes आप make me so mad i wanna throw आप in the middle of on-going traffic; but then i realize i would probably kill myself trying to save you.
3.im the type of girl who would burst out laughing in the middle of silence because of something that happened... yesterday.
4.so ill walk the plank & jump with a smile if im going down ill do it in style आप wont hear me surrender.
5.the truth hurts so we lie
6.silence is golden, duct tape is silver
7.i know your probably thinking oh no she didnt but i just so totally...
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1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.

3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a वृत्त that had its two sides gently compressed द्वारा a Thigh Master.

4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

7. The ballerina...
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link

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┊╱╲╳¯– —≡჻░▒▓ ▤▥▦▧▨▩█ ▌▐▀▄ ◠◡╭╮╯╰ │┤╡╢╖╕╣ ║╝╜╛ ┐ └┴┬├─┼
╞╟╚╔╩╦ ╠═ ╬╧╨╤ ╥╙╘╒╓ ╫╪┘┌
{。^◕‿◕^。} (◕^^◕) ✖✗✘♒♬✄ ✂✆✉✦✧♱ ♰♂♀☿❤❥ ❦❧ ™®©♡♦ ♢♔♕♚♛★ ☆✮ ✯☄☾☽ ☼☀☁☂☃☻ ☺☹ ☮۞۩ εїз☎☏¢ ☚☛☜☝☞☟✍
✌☢☣☠☮☯ ♠♤♣♧♥ ♨๑❀✿ ψ☪☭♪ ♩♫℘ℑ ℜℵ♏ηα ʊϟღツ回...
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posted by greenday82
4
This is TOTALLY random...but here's the सूची from the "Funny Words" group on Facebook. Feel free to add your own


Hullabaloo
Sponge
Idiopathic
Bobbin
Bamboo
Poppycock
Persnickety
Irked
Queer
Flabbergasted
Frippery
Befuddlement
Haberdashery
Diphthong
Britches
Scrumptious
Sassafras
Gadabouts
Bazooka
Cockamamie
Egad
Frumpy
Claptrap
Pooch
Sack
Sag
Baffled
Bubbles
Noodles
Flagellum
Blimp
Napkin
Jiggle
Discombobulate
Fallopian
Pants
Follicle
Box
Bladder
Spoon
Centipede
Indubitably
Banana
Igloo
Waddle
Wobble
Sludge
Briefs
Trump
Gristle
Sprout
Turnip
Gash
Sandals
Crunch
Turd
Gauze
Goon
Manhole
Cockamamie
Noddle
Pudding
Strudel
Rubbish
Duty
Guava
Smashing
Hunky
Inevitable...
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Here are my सूची of corny jokes. Now i'm just gonna let आप know now i got alot of these from the यूट्यूब channel, vlogbrothers. So check them out too. Prepare to laugh.
(Make sure your not drinking anything या eating anything आप might spit it या something.)

#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)

#3 Why was the झाड़ू late to work?
It overswept!

#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the खाड़ी, बे they'd be bagels.

#5 What's Michelle Obama's favorite...
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posted by मिलोरोक्स18
560
44 Ways to Make a Girl Happy

Ladies, this will make आप tear up :)

Fellas, read all of it:)

1-Touch her waist.

2-Talk to her.

3-Share secrets.

4-Give her your jacket.

5-Kiss her slowly.

Are आप remembering this?

6-Hug her.

7-Hold her.

8-Laugh with her.

9-Invite her somewhere.

10-Let her be with आप when you're with your friends.

Keep reading...

11-Smile with her.

12-Take pics with her.

13-Pull her onto your lap.

14-When she says she loves आप more, deny it. fight back.

15-When her फ्रेंड्स say i प्यार her और than you, deny it; fight back and hug her tight so she can't get...
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Alpha kenny body

1.)Write down on a piece of paper "Alpha kenny body" and get someone to read it. (it sounds like they're saying I'll fuck anybody xD)

I won a math debate

2.)Write down "I won a math debate" and once again get someone to read it. (It should sound like they're saying I want to masterbate xD)

Eye map ness

3.) Say: Eye
Spell: Map
Say: ness

Write this down on paper and आप have to do as instructed on the left. (It sounds like they're saying I'm a penis xD)


Eye Emma rate hard

4.) write down "Eye emma rate hard" down on a piece of paper (it sounds like they're saying I'm a retard)

Eye M egg ay

5.) Say: Eye
Say: M
Say: egg
Say: ay

(It should sound like they're saying I am a gay xD)
1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them! (oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with और than 5 guys..you're a HOE)

2. "Hey, are आप busy?" या "Are आप doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3... Guys may be flirting around all दिन but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's...
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posted by मिलोरोक्स18
2
Well here are a few reasons that girls like guys



1. The way they always wear their प्रिय cologne (which happens to be the one that आप bought them for their birthday)


2. The way they run their hands through your hair


3. The way that they look at आप and आप want to die right then and there


4. The way that they casually put their arms around you


5. The way that they किस away your tears


6. ...and the way that they then get mad at how they can't make your problem go away


7. The way they दिखाना off around their friends, even though आप both know that आप would प्यार them even...
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1: What eye color do आप find sexiest?

2: White, milk, या dark चॉकलेट mocha?

3: If आप could get a Sharpie tattoo on your back, what would it be?

4: Did आप grow up in a small या big town? Did आप like it?

5: Your प्रिय adult as a child? (and not your parents, if they were your favorite)

6: What kind of ठग, चिकनी sounds really good right now?

7: Most embarrassing moment from your
elementary school years?

8: Most embarrassing moment from your middle school years?

9: Most embarrassing moment from your high school years?

10: Pirates या ninjas? Why?

11: Have आप ever climbed a पेड़ और than...
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posted by sweet_n_silly
169
I laughed so hard when I read this and I just had to share it

1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!

2. "Hey, are आप busy?" या "Are आप doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3. Guys may be flirting around all दिन but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're going to say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile when they’re...
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posted by cute20k
98
1. Dial a बिना सोचे समझे number and confuse the person who जवाब द्वारा saying things like;
"Why did आप call me?", "How's Billy Bob?", "Thank's for last night! (make kissy noises in phone", "I'm sorry to hear about your loss (hang up immediately)", "What happened to your mother is horrible! I'm so sorry she had to leave us on that note!", etc.

2. Look up बिना सोचे समझे statements in foreign languages and recite the statements to those who speak the language.

3. Post a बिना सोचे समझे लेख like this.

4. At walmart या somewhere similar, go up to an obese woman, या a man for extra affect, and wish them good luck with...
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posted by Sheetal1256
5
Here are some funny New Year's resolutions for 2012...
I will think of a पासवर्ड other than "password" या "hello".

I will not tell the same story at every get together.

I won't worry so much.

I will cut my hair.

I will grow my hair.

I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits अगला to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!

I will be और imaginative.

I will not bore my boss द्वारा with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some और excuses.

I will do less laundry and use और deodorant.

I will avoid taking a bath whenever...
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posted by iluvsmj
59
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?

Right now I'm sitting here looking at आप trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

A pretty girl can किस a guy* a bird can किस a butterfly* the rising sun can किस the grass* but आप my friend!! yes you!! आप CAN किस MY ASS*******

If आप didn't have feet आप wouldn't wear shoes.....then why do आप wear a bra??!

mirrors don't talk but lucky for आप %n they don't laugh

Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I...
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DEMENTED POEMS

गुलाब are crap
Violets are shit
Sit on my face
And wiggle a bit

गुलाब are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
Cuz here comes my willy

गुलाब are awful
Violets are the pits
Lift up your shirt
And दिखाना me your tits

गुलाब make me laugh
Violets make me titter
You're a dirty bitch
And आप प्यार it up the shitter

गुलाब are straight
Violets are twisted
Bend over love
You're about to get fisted

गुलाब are crap
Violets are wanky
Oooh I've just cum
Pass me a hanky

गुलाब are red
It's elementary
Let's ring your best friend
And try double entry

गुलाब are shit
Violets are crap
दिखाना me your clit
And I'll cum in your lap

गुलाब are red
Skidmarks are brown
Give me a blow job
And निगलना, निगल, निगल संकलन it down

गुलाब are groovy
Violets are funky
I'm thinking of you
And spanking my monkey
posted by Bubblekat
1
1. Go around stores, pick up items and yell out really loudly "Who buys this CRAP anyway?!"

2. Get a cart, get on the bar below the bar आप grip, and push it down the isle, extra points for running into something या someone

3. Go up to a बिना सोचे समझे person and say "you have pretty eyes, may I have your eyes?!" and hear to see what they say

4. Laugh randomly

5. If someones talking on a cellphone Go closer to them and start maki बिना सोचे समझे noises to disturb them, extra points if they hang up

6. If your near a फव्वारा run to it and start splashing in it

7. If your mom starts nagging to आप in public about the...
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Dare

1. Prank call your best friend.

2. Run around the neighborhood screaming, "I प्यार GAY PEOPLE!"

3. Ask your parents when they first had sex.

3. Pour mayo, ketchup, vinegar, and sugar and into a cup and drink the contents.

4. Sing the first song that comes to your head in your loudest voice.

5. Scream and say, "My water bottle broke!" (I did this and many people heard it as "my water broke lol)

6. Ask your crush out then dump him/her 5 mins later.

7. Whenever someone tries to explain something to आप say, "Why don't आप speak और clearly?"

8. Run around the house in your underwear. (Recommended...
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1.Try to climb through all the rooms in your घर without touching the floor
2.Find undiscovered tribes using गूगल Earth
3.Shave your pets
4.Knock down all the interior walls of your home, creating one large empty space. Once done, sit in the middle of the giant room and contemplate your life
5.Start a free blog on WordPress या Blogger and tell the world about all your weird and dirty secrets
6.Email an ex girlfriend या boyfriend and apologize for hurting them even though it’s a complete lie (just do it for shits and giggles)
7.Read a book. Use your time to learn something, for God’s...
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No, I'm not racist I just found it on youtube.

If आप want to check it out link

59. Goldstein
58. Burgenblatt
57. Burgenstein
56. Birumbaum
55. Farbstein
54. Grepslach
53. Steinbergavinski
52. Schnitzler
51. Pupikatvitz
50. Schnitzelmacher
49. Schpoilgekatz
48. Manashevitz
47. Platzenfinkle
46. Yankelovitz
45.Shteinshtein
44. Oyvayski
43. Shmoigerberg
42. Choppedleiberman
41.Zilbershpitzanhimelfarbenfleishebien
40.Gefiltafarb
39. Gefiltashlep
38. B'Bergberg
37. Yidihevitz
36. Synagogavitz
35. Parkenfien
34. LOL they forgot this one... :D
33. Kinkenberg
32. Menachemchem
31. Rechtum
30. Along with this one
29. Docotrlawyerstein...
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