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posted by Seanthehedgehog
After mentioning things आप should only do alone, Tom had another segment for his audience to enjoy.

Tom: आप know one thing I like to do when I'm alone? Rewatch some episodes of On The Block.
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Not only do I enjoy comedy, but I also enjoy being an actor. It's the only job where आप can get away with murder.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Unless you're Robert Deniro, and the main protagonist is Al Pacino.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Seeing those two together was a lot of fun, but what really surprised me was seeing Pacino as a cop. He's normally the criminal, but I still got a kick out of hearing him talk. There's a reason Bill Hader loves impersonating him.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Impersonating Al* Whaddaya shay I buy आप a cup of coffee?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I wish Al pulled me over, but आप don't wanna drink too much coffee. Otherwise you'll have enough energy to bounce up to the moon!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And I don't understand what the fascination is with coffee. Equestrians are hooked on this stuff like the British are with tea.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Half of my फ्रेंड्स literally need this shit to survive! Do आप ever feel that way?
Crowd: Yeah!
Tom: And supposedly आप can't stay awake without it. Ever heard of an alarm clock?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It's a really fascinating device, set it up at the time आप want to wake up, and you're awake. No need to drink anything!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Well. *Scratches the back of his head* I could be wrong there. Your mouth might feel dry, so it does help to drink water.
Crowd: Yeah.
Tom: In fact I'm gonna do that now. *Heads for a water bottle to his left, and takes a sip* If we had this in the cup, a fly would likely be bathing inside.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's another thing I don't like about this so called pandemic, outside dining. When it's warm, आप either have to deal with flies, या too much wind blowing things off your table!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I remember one time I was at Chimney Rock Inn in Ponyville, and the menu kept getting blown off my table. That's when they offer, the digital menu!
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: आप have to use the camera on your cell phone to scan a code, and download the menu. Unless you're out of memory. What do आप do then?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: आप have a lot of things on your phone for a reason, आप can't मिटाइए any of them! *Looks down at his left hoof* Hmm, I can't मिटाइए this video, since I need to put it on facebook. I can't मिटाइए फेसबुक since I have to अपलोड some things on there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Angry Birds is totally out of the question.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: आप need that to keep yourself from getting depressed, and killing everypony that lectures आप for not wearing a mask.
Crowd: Yeah!! *Clapping*
Tom: The only mask I like is the movie with Jim Carrey!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I made an exception when I was visiting a Wal-Mart. I found a mask with the state of Neigh Jersey on it, which also features straps आप can control. Yet everyone I encounter wants to wear those crappy blue surgical masks.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's literally no end to seeing these ugly things! Can't we have some variety, and find somepony wearing a different type of mask?!
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Anyway, I bought the mask because it कहा Neigh Jersey on it, since that's the state I live in, but I've always wanted to come to St. Foalis, so just before the दिखाना started, I bought another mask from another Wal-Mart.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: And this one has the gateway arch on it. It seemed appropriate since I'm currently performing for आप under the arch.
Crowd: *Clapping*

2 B Continued
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: EQD
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: EQD
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: EQD
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: EQD
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: EQD
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: EQD
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: EQD
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: EQD
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Coffee Creme was driving her train up Sherman Hill, and Mirage still had his engine pushing from behind.

Conductor: *Still drunk, and looks out the back of his caboose* Wait a minute. *Sees Mirage's engine* Why is that engine pushing the train?! It's supposed to be on the front of the train, not the back! *Walks out of caboose, and gets onto Mirage's engine*
Mirage: *Sees conductor* What is he doing on my engine?
Conductor: *Walks into cab* आप sir are doing your job wrong!
Mirage: What are आप talking about? I'm supposed to push this train up the hill, to help Coffee Creme.
Conductor: Don't...
continue reading...
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Jeff got back to Ponyville after killing Princess Cadence, and Shining Armor. He was waiting at the चोटी, शीर्ष of his army's HQ with Twilight. They were waiting for Dr. Robotnik to arrive.

Jeff: I'm looking आगे to ending this war.
Twilight: Me too man. Me too.
Jeff: When do we kill him?
Twilight: We? Let me do all the talking.

Song: link

Robotnik: *Enters room*
Twilight: *Shoots Jeff's horn off*
Jeff: Ah! *Falls on floor*
Twilight: *Looks at Robotnik* What do आप want me to do Doctor?
Robotnik: आप have forgotten your place Princess Twilight Sparkle, द्वारा having your own... Student. Instead of teaching...
continue reading...
I was sitting in a room with Con, and his boss, P.

Sean: What can I help आप with?
Con: Discord. Remember the prison your army put him in?
Sean: Yes. What happened?
P: He was being transferred to a different prison, but escaped.
Sean: Where is he?
Con: We're not entirely sure yet.

Meanwhile, in Mexico.

Discord: Wait here. This won't take long.
Italian Pony: Yes sir.
Discord: *Walks into Mexican military base*
Mexican टट्टू 33: Halt!
Discord: Relax. I am unarmed. I request permission to speak to your boss.
Mexican टट्टू 33: Very well. *Grabs walkie talkie* General, आप have a visitor.
Mexican General:...
continue reading...
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Jeff was soon sitting अगला to the judge.

Judge: It appears that everypony is saying आप were in Cheyenne when Gordon took charge on the दिन February 20, 1954.
Jeff: Yes, I was there.
Judge: What did आप think of Gordon's actions when he told आप to take the rails apart, and fix them again?
Coffee Creme: Objection.
Hawkeye: आप can't object to what the judge says!
Judge: Thank you. Now Jeff, if आप will please answer my question.
Jeff: I was very surprised, and upset द्वारा what Gordon wanted me to do.
Judge: When आप say surprised, do आप mean like an angry kind of surprised, या just surprised?
Jeff:...
continue reading...
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: EQD, joyreactor, deviantart
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: EQD, joyreactor
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: original owners, joyreactor
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: original owners, EQD, tumblr, joyreactor
added by tinkerbell66799
Source: Original Owners
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: original owners, EQD, tumblr, joyreactor
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: original owners, EQD, tumblr, joyreactor
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: original owners, EQD, tumblr, गूगल तस्वीरें