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Here are my सूची of corny jokes. Now i'm just gonna let आप know now i got alot of these from the यूट्यूब channel, vlogbrothers. So check them out too. Prepare to laugh.
(Make sure your not drinking anything या eating anything आप might spit it या something.)

#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)

#3 Why was the झाड़ू late to work?
It overswept!

#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the खाड़ी, बे they'd be bagels.

#5 What's Michelle Obama's प्रिय vegetable?
Barackoli (broccoli)

#6 Why does the मशरूम have so many friends?
Because he's a fungi! (Fun guy)

#7 What do आप call a fake noodle?
An impasta! (Imposter)

#8 How often do i make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.

#9 What do आप call a pencil without lead?
Pointless!

#10 How do आप make an octopus giggle ten times?
आप give him ten-tickles (tenticles)

#11 How do आप make lady gaga cry?
Poker face!

#12 What did Beethoven become when he died?
A decomposer!

#13 What's a chicken's प्रिय composer?
Bach!

#14 What did one eye say to the other eye?
"Between आप and me man, something smells." (Your nose)

#15 What did the stamp say to the envelope?
"Stick with me man, we'll go places."

#16 What did the hat say to the hatrack?
"Stay here, I'll go on a-head."

#17 Why can't आप hear a pteradactyl use the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent (the letter p in the name is silent)

#18 Why did the little boy eat his homework?
The teacher कहा it was a piece of cake.

#19 Why did the टमाटर blush?
It saw the सलाद dressing.

#20 What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
"Ruff!" (Rough)

#21 Why did the man send his phone to school?
He wanted a smartphone (i came up with that one too :)

#22 How do crazy people go through a forest?
They take the psycho path.

#23 How do आप know if it's raining बिल्ली and dogs?
आप step in a poodle (puddle)

#24 How do आप know if a clock is wise?
It goes clockwise (i thought of that)

#25 How do आप get पिकाचू on a bus?
आप पोकेमोन (pok 'em on)

#26 Why can't आप dress with पिकाचू in the room?
He'll पिकाचू (peek at you)

#27 What do आप call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese (so old right?)

#28 How do get holy water?
आप boil the hell out of it!

#29 What starts with "E" ends with "E" but only has one letter in it?
An envelope, duh xD

#30 Why didn't the skeleton पार करना, क्रॉस the road?
He didn't have the guts to.

#31 What did the ghost say to scare the bees?
"BOOOOBEEES!" XD (please don't yell that if your parents are home)

#32 What does an angry pepper do?
It gets jalepeño face! (All up in yo face)

#33 What do आप call an alligator in a vest?
An in- vest-igator investigator

#34 What's गुलाबी and fluffy?
गुलाबी fluff
#34.5 what's blue and fluffy? (Think about it)
गुलाबी fluff holding it's breath.

#35 What happens when आप drink 7 coca colas?
आप burp 7up

#36 Why can't your nose ever be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.

#37 why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle!

#38 Why was the police man in bed?
He was undercover.

#39 what did one light bulb say to another light bulb?
"Watts up?" (You know li,e the watts that are in a light bulb?)

#40 what did the मछली say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
LAST ONE!

#41 Why can't आप trust lions?
They be lion to you! (Lying)

Alright so those are my corny jokes. Hope आप liked them. Make sure आप check out vlogbrothers they're really cool. Ciao! And rememeber...
 PewDiePie
PewDiePie
just being random!
video
added by cici1264
Source: The rock dressed as miley cyrus
They both had nose jobs.
They both over-obsess about a certain guy.
They both loosed weight over their teenage years purposely.
They both hate everybody.
They both have thier "posse."
They both had a facial implant.
They both thier parents and wish they were borne somebody else.
They both have issues with their body.
They both wear makeup. (Voldemort likes the goth, angered soul type. It सूट्स him better.)
They both can't trust anyone, but themselves.
And that's it:)
Role Play:
Voldemort: "What?! What is this filthy mudblood saying about me?"
Deatheater: "Well Lord it seems that she is calling आप an...
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posted by invadercalliope

Just killing time until the world ends.
Rika Furude (Higurashi no Naku Koro ni)

◦Friends are nothing और than the the people who आप spend the fun yet meaningless times with. When those times get rough, they aren't there to support you.
Ryuuguu Rena (Higurashi no Naku Koro ni)
"I will live past June 1983, and then I am going to grow much taller, my breasts are going to get bigger. I'm not going to stay in a child's body for the rest of my life!"
"It's so cute, I want to take it home!"

"Omochiikaeri~!"

"Friends. Those companions आप speak of are only फ्रेंड्स during those fun, yet unimportant...
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posted by vlad_todd_fan
This is A TRUE STORY AND IF आप DON'T PASS THIS ON आप DON'T HAVE A SOUL!!!

My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen..
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All दिन long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar

I hear...
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added by fanfly
Source: wallpaperswide.com
posted by Mallory101
Just some of my favorite quotes.
------------------------------------------------


•Dance like your vagina's on fire.

•Don't be a dick just grow one.

•He haunts me like a nightmare, his image is everywhere, he doesn't leave me alone, i can't escape him या erase him, when i know he's not coming
home.

•If आप want something you've never had, then you've got to do something you've done.

•How can I go आगे when I don't know which way I'm facing.

•No one is free, Even the birds are chained to the sky.

•And the feeling when I'm with you,right there, is the exact reason why I never gave up...
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Jetzt geht's los Freunde
Hier ist Markus Becker und die Mallorca Cowboys und das rote Pferd

Wir singen zusammen
Da hat das rote Pferd sich einfach umgekehrt
und hat mit seinem Schwanz die Fliege abgewehrt
Die Fliege war nicht dumm,
sie machte summ,summ,summ
Und flog mit viel Gebrumm
um's rote Pferd herum

lalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalalalalalalalala
lalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalalalalalalalala

Ok Freunde,
das war nicht schlecht für मांद, डेन Anfang
Aber da geht noch was
Seit ihr gut drauf? Jaaa
Habt ihr lust zu feiern? Jaaa
Dann macht euch bereit und singt mit uns zusammen


Die Fliege...
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added by RoohWinchester
Source: गूगल
[Everybody Loves Raymond] 116 - Diamonds #385
Marie: Oh I used to प्यार Valentines Day!... then I met your father.
Frank: I used to प्यार every day.
Contributed द्वारा funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 121 - Fascinating Debra #409
Debra: There's nothing funny about me to imitate y'know?
Ray: Oh, what are आप talking about? Here I'll do you. "Ray, get off of me, it's not your birthday"
Contributed द्वारा funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 202 - Father Knows Least #380
Ray: Look, आप have to do what Mommy says.
Ally: Why?
Ray: 'Cause I do.
Contributed द्वारा funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond]...
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posted by वींडवेकर्गाई430
How is it going, everyone. Welcome back to Watching Outside Your Xbox Window While आप Rant at Night. I’m your host, TatsMojo, and today, we’ll be taking a look at the strangest video games that आप have never heard of. Number 10: Katamari Damacy. This strange little gem was made on the weird side of the world, Japan. You’ve probably never heard of this (What the fuck am I doing?)
In all seriousness, when I hear about these weird games and the whole, “What were these developers doing? Snorting LSD and drinking PSP and doing funny weed?” is a mindset that just screams that आप really...
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Saturday Night Live skit where Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson invents a child molesting robot. I didn't know about this until today.
video
posted by Seanthehedgehog

 Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!


Song: link

Naboo, six months before the events of The Empire Strikes Back.

Human 49: Attention Naboo. Ceci est un message important. La rébellion prévoit une invasion. Ils nous aideront à sortir l'empire de notre planète. (Attention Naboo. This is an important message. The Rebellion is planning an invasion. They will help us push the empire out of our planet.)

Meanwhile, far from Yavin 4, hundreds of Mon Calamari Starships were travelling with blockade runners, Rebel Transports, U-Wings, Y-Wings,...
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added by MorG14
Source: DEEcat98
SAW TORTURE

In this method, the victim is hung upside down, so that the blood will rush to their heads and keep them conscious during the long torture. The torturer would then saw through the victims’ bodies until they were completely sawed in half. Most were cut up only in their abdomen to prolong their agony.

WOODEN HORSE/SPANISH DONKEY

One of the torture devices during the Spanish Inquisition and medieval ages, this is probably one of the most gruesome of them all. The victim is put astride, naked, on a donkey-like apparatus, which is actually a vertical wooden board with a sharp V-wedge...
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Got inspired द्वारा 324anna's लेख :)







10. Emily Ratajkowski
I thought she looked odd when I first saw the clip of Blurred Lines. Looked again and completely changed my mind! She does have exotic features but she doesn't look strange to me anymore, just stunning.


9. Olivia Munn
She's very unique looking, she can pull off pretty much anything. I प्यार her freckles and her hazel eyes, it meshes well with her जैतून skin and her dark hair.


8. J-Lo
It's gotta be a sin to look this good in your 40s. She's famous for her assets but damn, there's so much और to her beauty, this woman is mad beautiful....
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A तत्पर, तेज, स्विफ्ट lunge at your soul but it's all in the mind
If आप want to stuff me in a suit I'm sure you'll find
That the things that'll creep ya are sure to beat ya
Got to stay alive या they're going to meet ya

10 Rooms 5 vents and no doors at all
Not even a flashlight and no time to stall
Delay for a moment and through the vents they'll crawl
Almost dead, every sound I dread, and I see him in the hall.

YOYOYOYO WHAT'S UP BRO!?
YOU'RE THE NEW GUY, HIGH FIVE, TOO SLOW!
JUST LIVE FIVE NIGHTS, EACH ONE'S DIFFICULTY'S GREATER
YOU GOT THE BASICS DUDE, ALRIGHT SEE आप LATER!

So night one, here we go,...
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