Well, I'll risk offending आप and I'll try to give my honest opinion about what I dislike in your story. It seemed quite good in the beginning- I liked both the storyline and the characterization. It was when नारूटो entered that things got ugly. Because let me get this straight; he and the narrator introduced themselves, made out (erections included) and started a relationship, all during a two मिनट conversation? With their teacher and entire classroom full of teenagers watching? Even for fanfiction, it’s too fast and unrealistic. The process of meeting, kissing, going out and falling for someone would normally last for weeks. आप could’ve made several प्रशंसक fiction chapters with just this plotline, and आप wasted it in one scene. *sighs* But hell, it usually doesn't even count whether प्रशंसक fictions have good plots- I'm merelly saying what could have been written better according to my personal opinion.
