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posted by Bluekait
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program. The अगला day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 साल old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If आप can catch me, आप can have me."

Without a सेकंड thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the अगला four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has लॉस्ट 5kg as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The अगला दिन there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If आप catch me आप can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the अगला four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth दिन when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has लॉस्ट another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program.

"Are आप sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The अगला दिन there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but गुलाबी running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, आप are mine."

He लॉस्ट 33 kilos that week.
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posted by nmdis
"My Own Monster"


I turn my head, there's nothing there
All I own is my thoughts for my fears
I close the door to keep out the bad
I plug my ears to keep out these fears

And I cry

So hold me close
For I'm so tired of holding myself
So very tired and tired
Tired and tired
Just hold me

I listen to these voices
या is it this house that's giving me chills
As I lie upon this little girls bed?
Who's at the door? Who's walking near?
या has my imagination spilled?
This little girl all grown up still fears

Oh, and I cry

So hold me close
For I'm so tired of holding myself
So very tired and tired
...
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posted by chattycandy
"I'm going fishing."
Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand द्वारा a stream with a stick in my hand, while the मछली swim द्वारा in complete safety."
"It's a guy thing."
Really means... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and आप have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means... "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," या "Yes, dear."
Really means... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means... "I have no idea how it works."

"We're...
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