There are certain rules of survival in horror movies. The movie Scream had some rules, but they weren’t very useful. Our rules are much better and teach आप exactly how to survive a horror movie.

Don’t walk around saying “Hello?” like the killer is going to reply “Yeah I’m in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?”

If someone says “Oh yeah, that’s the house where Old Man Jenkins was murdered” then it’s time to हटाइए house.

If your friend gets bitten द्वारा a zombie and says “Maybe I wont turn into one”, kill him. Better सुरक्षित than sorry.

Upstairs? Bad idea. Outside? Don’t go there. Phone? Never works. Gun? Don’t drop it. Car? Won’t start. Neighbors? Never home. Police? Always die.

If something licks your hand in the darkness, it’s not your dog. Your dog is dead.

Stay away from places like Amityville, Haddonfield, Camp Crystal Lake, Elm सड़क, स्ट्रीट and the entire state of Maine.

If you’re running around completely naked, आप might as well just murder yourself.

Don’t be black. For some reason, in horror movies, black people are usually the first to die.

If आप are annoying या a wise-ass, आप will die before the black guy.

If आप are a hot blond girl with big boobs, आप will die before the annoying guy and the black guy.

If आप open the door and there is a man standing there, holding an axe, he didn’t come to chop firewood.

Never go to the toilet alone. If needs be, poop your pants. It’s much safer.

If आप see a clown, RUN. That clown isn’t hanging around to make आप some balloon animals!

Leave slow या clumsy फ्रेंड्स behind. Every man for himself. Somebody’s got to live to tell the story.

Don’t विभाजित करें, विभक्त करें up and look for clues. Everything आप learned from Scooby-Doo is wrong.

आप know that creepy clown statue upstairs that is freaking आप out? Well it’s not a statue.

Never say “I’ll be right back” because आप won’t be right back.

When you’re walking around a spooky old house, at least try turning the lights on!

If you’re running from the killer, you’re going to trip and fall down at least twice. और if you’re a girl.

If आप trip and fall, don’t lay there with the “Ow it hurts” face. Get up and continue running!

If the killer is chasing you, आप don’t have to run fast. Just faster than your friends.

No matter how fast आप run, the killer will always be right behind या in front of you, despite the fact that he is shuffling along at a slower and और dramatic pace.

On a stormy night, आप will find an open window that आप were sure was locked. It didn’t magically unlock itself!

Whatever आप do, remember that the killer will never forget what आप did last Summer.

If you’re pointing a gun at the killer, don’t say “If आप हटाइए I’ll shoot! I’m serious!” Just shoot him already!

Just lay down on the floor and pretend to be dead. Hey, it works for bears… doesn’t it?

Never back out of one room into another without looking. It’s always behind you.

If आप see something moving, hit it with a baseball bat… even if it turns out to be your friend. झूला, स्विंग first, say sorry later.

Listen to the सलाह of all the people in the movie theater who are yelling at the screen!

Don’t trot round the house shouting, “Hey! is anybody there?” Of course there’s somebody there, dummy!

Never take a shower. Killers प्यार showers. Anyway, sweaty people are slippery and harder to catch.

If you’re a girl, get a boyfriend. He’ll be horribly murdered in front of you, but at least you’ll live.

If आप hear weird noises, don’t go to investigate. You’re not Dora the Explorer.

Stay out of the library. It’s one of the worst places to hide. Seriously, it’s like a labyrinth of getting murdered. Do आप realize how easy it is for a killer to hide behind a bookcase?

If you’ve beaten the killer into a bloody pulp and you’re sure he must be dead, take the opportunity to dismember, burn, eat, blow up या otherwise destroy him.

If somebody claims that there’s nothing wrong, something is horribly, horribly wrong.

If you’re asked to babysit during a storm, on Halloween, on Friday the 13th या during a full moon, just say “Sorry, no can do”.

Don’t pick up hitchhikers and don’t hitchhike. If आप do both, then the worst case scenario is: आप could end up picking yourself up and murdering yourself.

If one of your फ्रेंड्स is injured, leave them behind. Even if it’s just a skinned knee. That qualifies as an injury. Leave them.

If आप friend gets shot, don’t, under any circumstances, do CPR. This will only make them die faster!

Always have your keys at the ready. आप don’t want to be fumbling in your bag going “Oh where are they I’m sure I have them here somewhere”, while the killer closes in.

Drips are never good. If आप hear a dripping sound, it’s blood. Likewise, if आप hear a clang, it’s a meat cleaver and if आप hear a thunk, it’s a severed head.

If there is a scary legend, believe it. It’s real. It doesn’t matter of the legend says the killer has an प्याज for a head या a भालू trap for a mouth. It’s real and he’s coming for आप tonight.

If someone says “It’s just the wind, guys. Everything’s fine. Stop overreacting”, आप should reply “Yeah well I hope I won’t overreact when you’re dead and stuffed beneath the floorboards”.

Avoid screaming, crying, whispering, panting, wheezing या breathing heavily when you’re trying to hide. Killers are not deaf.

Never bend down to spit out your toothpaste. When आप come back up, there’ll be someone standing behind आप in the mirror.

Don’t go to places with weird names like Terror Lake, Hell Hollow, Devil’s Den, Screamerville, Skull Valley, Dead Man’s Crossing, Spook Hill, Ghost Creek, Bloody Springs या Slaughter Beach.

Never go downstairs to check out a weird noise. Especially not in your underwear.

If your फ्रेंड्स go to check out a strange noise and don’t return, don’t go looking for them. Just make new friends.

If your son starts telling आप “I see dead people”, put him up for adoption!

If you’re babysitting a kid and they tell आप they saw someone scary at the window, tell them to stand at the window and wave while आप go hide.

If your running from zombies and your friend trips, don’t worry. Leave them and say “I’ll see आप again when you’re a zombie”

DO NOT hide where आप obviously could be SEEN… like BEHIND a LAMP! *idiot*

This is the 21st Century. आप have a cell phone. Why does nobody in horror फिल्में call 911?

If you’re black, stay away from white people. They’re too curious – always checking out noises and getting killed.

Have a fat friend. They will come in useful. If आप run into the killer, आप can use them as a human shield.

When आप hear the संगीत change to “ch, ch, ch, ch…ah, ah, ah, ah”, you’re as good as dead.

If आप and your फ्रेंड्स are running from the killer, trip up your friends. आप can always make new friends, but there’s only one you.

If आप are babysitting and the phone rings, don’t answer it. Just go घर and let the kids fend for themselves.

Always check the back सीट of the car. 9 out of 10 times, the killer will be crouched there going “Aw dude आप caught me!”

If आप come to a deserted town, it’s probably been deserted for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.

If you’re not sure who’s the killer and who’s an innocent person, shoot them all and let God sort them out.

If आप see something mutating, don’t stand there with your “OMFG” face and wait for it to finish mutating. Kill it with आग and get the hell outta there.

I’m a leader not a follower… but if we’re going into a haunted house… you’re going first.

If some idiot in the group says “Let’s विभाजित करें, विभक्त करें up”, tell him “OK आप go that way, the rest of us will go this way”

Never under any circumstances run upstairs if आप are being chased. Once आप get upstairs, there’s nowhere left to go.

If you’re hiding from the killer, put your phone on silent.

make sure the killer is dead. if the killer isn’t dead they will just keep coming back like team rocket.

OK under the बिस्तर is not a real hiding spot. What self-respecting killer WOULDN’T check under the bed.

If your BestFriendForever trips and falls and screams “Don’t leave me!”, change their friendship status to BestFriendForNever.

If आप find your friend stabbed 78 times and lying in a pool of blood, dont go “OMG what happened?” आप KNOW what happened.

The killer never dies the first time. Wait until he gets up, then kill him again.

when आप find your friend stabbed 78 times dont comfort her. Run! She’s gonna die anyway.

When you’re driving at night and आप hit someone, don’t stop to see if they’re OK.

Hide in the fridge. Killers don’t get hungry and stop for munchies during a murder spree.

Never look behind आप while running away. When आप look back, the killer will be standing in front of you.

Make sure your car has a full tank of gas and your cell phone is fully charged.

Whenever a puppet या doll turns to आप and says “Let’s play”, it doesn’t REALLY want to play.

If आप knock on the door of a creepy old house and it opens द्वारा itself, don’t go inside.

If objects in your house become possessed and start attacking you, don’t run into the kitchen. That’s where the knives are.

If आप hear a little girl गाना a nursery rhyme, say “Feet don’t fail me now!” and start running.

Don’t stop at a gas station and ask the creepy old man for directions. He’s not going to help you.

After आप shoot the killer, don’t drop your gun.

If someone hands आप a videotape and says “If आप watch this आप will die in 7 days”, don’t break out the popcorn.

If आप see something weird, tell someone. Don’t just go “Oh, I must be imagining things.”

There is a killer in town and the police have asked us to give आप the following safety tips. Stay in well-lit areas, do not travel alone whenever possible, always wipe front to back.

Never get into a car. It will either not start, break down, run out of gas या आप will lose the keys. Either way, the killer will be hiding in the back seat.

If a policeman arrives, don’t get your hopes up. He will be killed just before he reaches you.

Find a good hiding place and STAY THERE. If the killer can’t see या hear you, WHY WOULD आप MOVE?

If आप are buying a house and the real estate agent is all like “well, yeah, full disclosure – there were some murders that happened here”, buy a different house.

If आप hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate. The killer is there. Also your dog is dead.

Never attempt to pull off the killer’s mask. आप won’t like what आप see.

Never assume the killer is dead. Shoot him, stab him, chop off his arms, legs and head, then burn the pieces and put them out with holy water. If possible, rocket his charred remains into space. Even then, he probably won’t be dead.

If आप have any history of mental illness, आप will discover at the end of the movie that आप were the killer all along.

If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism. हटाइए very very far away. Because there’s blood on your walls. Blood! On your walls! Your walls are bleeding!

Never किस your boyfriend या girlfriend. Smooching couples are a magnet for deranged serial killers.

Never yell things like “It’s over now” या “We made it”. That guarantees that it’s not over and आप won’t make it.

If आप spot a weird dude in your garden holding a chainsaw, he is not there to trim your hedges.

Don’t get drunk या do drugs. Escaping from a killer is much harder when you’re stumbling around and गाना to yourself.

If you’re going on vacation, गूगल the name of the area. If the first five खोजिए results are news stories about Missing Persons, take a holiday somewhere else.

Don’t go outside just because आप hear a noise. That’s like coming out and saying “Here I am! I’m ready to be murdered now!”

Protect yourself. Find a weapon. Gun, knife, chainsaw = weapons. Umbrella, mop, lamp = not weapons.

Don’t drink alcohol या do drugs. Killers in horror फिल्में have an extra-special hatred of drunk या stoned teenagers.

If your Dad goes insane and starts hacking down your bedroom door with an axe, don’t try to reason with him. Jump out the window.

Upstairs? Bad idea. Outside? Don’t go there. Phone? Never works. Gun? Don’t drop it. Car? Won’t start. Neighbors? Never home. Police? Always die.

If आप hear a scary noise and find out that it’s just the cat, the अगला scary noise आप hear won’t be just the cat.

If one of your arms या legs gets chopped off, don’t let it get आप down. Later on, आप may be able to replace it with a chainsaw या machine gun.

Don’t sacrifice yourself to save someone else. Usually the person आप saved will die anyway.

If आप see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s just one of your फ्रेंड्स playing a prank on you.

If your parents murdered a serial killer years ago, the killer will return to murder you. Strangely, he will leave your parents alone.

If your girlfriend is a hot cheerleader, dump her for the weird chick that nobody likes. Weird chicks never get killed, cheerleaders always die.

A good strategy is to say “No! Kill me instead!” That way, the killer will leave आप alone and murder everbody else. Reverse psychology.

Don’t make फ्रेंड्स with rednecks या hillbillies unless आप want to be down on all fours, squealing like a pig.

Never make a plan, because your plan will take into account everything that could possibly happen, except for the one thing that actually happens.

If आप throw away a doll and come घर to find it waiting for you, immediately leave the country. There is no other way to get rid of it.

If the calls are coming from inside the house, get outside the house.

When आप find a strange weapon, immediately grab it. Later on, this will be the only weapon capable of killing the monster.

If आप are shooting at a monster with a big gun and it has no effect, don’t take out a smaller gun and start shooting.

If a girl with long black hair starts crawling out of your TV, hit the OFF button on the remote before she gets all the way out.

If you’re being chased द्वारा a killer and आप meet one of your फ्रेंड्स and they ask “what’s wrong?”, don’t stop to explain. Just shout “Cantstoptotalkkillerchasingmeseeyoulater” as आप pass by.

If all else fails, make फ्रेंड्स with the villain and help him kill everyone else. If आप can’t beat ‘em, शामिल होइए ‘em.


A सूची द्वारा Scary For Kids. Link here:

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