These are our rules! Please note ... these are
all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, आप need it down. आप don't hear us
complaining about आप leaving it down.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what आप want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable जवाब to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if आप want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we कहा 6 months पूर्व is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all टिप्पणियाँ become null and void after 7 days.

1. If आप won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If आप think you're fat, आप probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we कहा can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes आप sad या angry, we meant the other one.

1. आप can either ask us to do something या tell us how आप want it
done. Not both. If आप already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever आप have to say
during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. कद्दू is also a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and आप say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know आप are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.

1. If आप ask a सवाल आप don't want an answer to, expect an
answer आप don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything आप wear is fine.
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless आप are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, या monster
trucks.

1. आप have enough clothes.

1. आप have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank आप for पढ़ना this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
सोफ़ा, सोफे tonight, but did आप know men really don't mind that, it's like
camping.