Hello, I’m Cthulhu. Some of आप may know me as an evil elder god who controls the minds of people and turns them into my slaves, but I am actually an evil elder god who controls the minds of people and turns them into my slaves who has the solution for America. Every year, it’s the same thing. आप vote for some cheap politician who does nothing but lie as he sits in the White House, taking all your tax dollars. But, as an elder god, I have no need for money. I’m immortal, so I have all the time in the world to not worry about finances. I want to do what is best. I want to put an end to over-population… द्वारा devouring at least a hundred mortals a week. I do not want आप to worry about unemployment. With how fast I devour puny mortals, आप will never have to worry about unemployment again. You’ll only have to worry about me, choosing आप as my अगला meal. And I want to put an end to all war. Send me into the war, I’ll put an end to the opposing forces right away. They’ll soon be worshipping me without hesitation. So, why vote for the lesser evil. Vote for Cthulhu today.
Vote for Cthulhu: Let’s face it, आप were voting for something evil already. So why not Cthulhu?