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What would आप rate my fanfiction? Honest please.

(Naruto is a new student)
“You can have a सीट beside Mr. Uchiha.” He कहा pointing to me. My दिल froze. Yes. नारूटो extended a pale, soft, hand.
“Hi, I’m Naruto.” I took his hand, squeezing it gently.
“I’m Sasuke. Would you…like to hang out later?” He smiled warmly.
“Sure, sounds fun.” शिकामारू shot me a teasing look, he knew I was falling…hard. ककाशी stepped out of the room with Iruka for a moment and शिकामारू turned to me with a smirk.
“Kiss the new boy.” नारूटो and I blushed.
“Let’s not scare him okay.” नारूटो laughed.
“I wouldn’t mind.” I blushed and Shika began chanting “kiss him, किस him” making me turn scarlet.
“Naruto, आप don’t want me to do that. I-I’m gay.”
“So? So am I.” I gasped. Things couldn’t get और perfect. Suddenly everyone was chanting “kiss him” so I softly captured the blondes lips in mine, brushing my tongue against his lips. He opened his mouth to me and I quickly explored the boys warm cavern. शिकामारू then began to laugh.
“Uh…you guys having issues down there?” We looked down and both of us had giant erections. We both turned as red as the crest on my back. I couldn’t hold it back anymore.
“So…would आप like to go out with me? Like, as my boyfriend?”
“I’d प्यार too.” Suddenly the entire class burst into laughter and ककाशी walked back into the room.
“Um, what are आप guys doing?”
“Nothing…” He glared at us.
“Please get seated Sasuke.” I got up from where I was kneeling beside नारूटो and got back in my seat. A bubbly feeling welled up in my chest and a warm sensation was growing in my groin. I had a boyfriend…that was beyond my wildest imagination. School was going द्वारा way to slowly now, because I wanted to have time to get to know नारूटो better. Kiba nuzzled his face into Shikamaru’s shoulder and I smiled. I wanted नारूटो to do that to me. I wanted him be in my arms, सुरक्षित a secure, feeling all my प्यार radiating f
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it was supposed to say "radiating from my chest"
RikuSoraKairi3 posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना
 RikuSoraKairi3 posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना
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बिना सोचे समझे जवाब

sarabeara said:
Wait. They've just met and now they're making out to the point where they both have erections?

If so (I truly do mean this in the nicest way possible), आप seriously need to work on character development. People don't get together in 30 seconds. That's something आप have to build up to.
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posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना 
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yeah, agree
HaleyDewit posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना
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It's based off a dream I had last night and that's just they way it happened XD
RikuSoraKairi3 posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना
Me_Iz_Here said:
Waaaaaaaaaat? is all I can say.
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