January 1, 2015,
I looked around the hospital room and कहा "I'm so glad that I can finally go home! I didn't expect it to take that many days for me to be rehydrated enough to go home!" Kyle कहा as we walked out to my truck "what do आप think your family is going to say when they find out that you're pregnant with my baby?" I कहा "you heard what the doctor कहा to me yesterday; I can't be stressed out and I can pretty much guarantee आप that a few people in particular are going to raise my stress level once they find out I'm pregnant again! The whole reason I passed out in the first place was because of the pressure that was being put on me! The last thing I need are my uncles and aunt Janet complaining about me being pregnant!!!" Kyle कहा "I understand that आप don't want to tell them; but आप can't hide it forever! Wouldn't आप rather them find out from us? Rather than the other option; which is to दिखाना up one दिन with a huge stomach and have your water break!" I कहा "it's completely up to आप whether आप want to tell them are not! All I know is that I'm not putting up with their BS because it's not good for me या the baby! आप can tell them; just don't do it when I'm around because I really don't want to hear it! I couldn't care less about what they think and I don't feel like they should act like they deserve for their opinions to be heard! They tried to turn grandma against me and my siblings! They kidnapped her and we had no idea where she was! They talk bad about dad in front of all of us and that makes me so angry because all dad ever did for them was basically bend over backwards to make sure that had everything they ever wanted! I don't even really think I want to see them again for as long as I live!" Kyle कहा "we really need to stop talking about this because I can tell just doing that is stressing आप out babe! Don't worry about telling them that you're pregnant; I'll tell them when you're not around!" I कहा "in the meantime, we can at least tell my grandmother, Blanket, Prince, and Paris because I know that they'll be happy for us!" Kyle asked "how are we going to tell Carter?" I कहा "give me a few days because I just got out of the hospital and I need to regroup! We can tell him after I get settled back in at home!" Kyle कहा "I feel so terrible that आप had that much stress on your shoulders! I shouldn't have let Frank put that much pressure on आप about going back on tour when आप weren't ready to!" I कहा "that's not your fault Kyle! I realize that I'm the one that has to bring the money in for us to live off of. I can promise आप that a few months after the baby is born I'll be और than ready to go on tour again because I'll have और time to prepare my mind to be away from आप guys for nine months straight!"
We pulled up in front of my grandmother's house and walked inside. Grandma came up to me and frantically asked "are आप okay? What happened? I heard आप passed out at your concert!!!" I chuckled and कहा "relax grandma; I'm fine!" She कहा "sorry; I just feel like I have to compensate for how worried your father would be if he was here!" Paris and Prince came running up to me and Prince कहा "I'm so glad you're okay AJ! I was really worried about आप when I found out that आप passed out!" Paris कहा "I know; I was too! The video of आप passing out on stage is all over YouTube and the news! I guess one of the प्रशंसकों had a video camera with them and captured the whole thing! आप seemed like आप to the ground really hard!"
I opened up the doors to the मांद, डेन and gestured for my grandmother and siblings to follow me inside. Grandma कहा "whatever happened to आप must've been pretty serious for आप to want to talk to us alone in here! I don't like the vibe you're putting out AJ; you're worrying me!" Kyle and I sat down on the सोफ़ा, सोफे अगला to them and they all looked at us with worried expressions on their faces. We sat there in stunned silence for about five मिनटों before Kyle burst out and कहा "I can't take it anymore; AJ'S PREGNANT!!!" Paris looked at me and कहा "wait; I thought आप couldn't get her pregnant Kyle! It is Kyle's baby; I hope!" I rolled my eyes and कहा "of course it's his baby Paris! I would never cheat on Kyle!" She took a sigh of relief as Prince asked "then how are आप pregnant with his baby?" I कहा "there was only a 5% chance of him being able to get me pregnant on his own; so we thought the odds of it actually working were pretty much impossible! I guess this is one of those times where someone can say never say never!" Grandma asked "is that why आप passed out AJ? Did आप know आप were pregnant? Were आप trying to hide it just so आप could go on tour and hope that nobody would find out?" I कहा "no; I didn't pass out because of that. I passed out because I was dehydrated from the morning sickness. I didn't know at all that I'm pregnant! I just thought I was throwing up because of nerves. Being pregnant was the last thing on my mind!" She asked "were आप and Kyle still trying to get pregnant; even though the doctor कहा that there was pretty much your chance of that happening?" I कहा "I wouldn't say that we were necessarily trying to get pregnant. It was one of those things where if that happened we wouldn't be opposed to it! Kyle and I pretty much accepted the fact that he would never give us any biological children together! Before this happened, we actually started looking into adopting a child. "Blanket कहा "I'm so happy that I'm going to be an uncle again!" Kyle कहा "we really appreciate आप watching Carter and taking him to school for us while AJ has been in the hospital! Before I forget, I want आप guys to help keep AJ's stress level down during the pregnancy because the doctor कहा it's not good for the baby!!! The doctors don't really want her doing too much while she's pregnant! She's pretty much on बिस्तर rest the entire pregnancy!" Prince laughed and कहा "like that's going to happen! AJ has ADHD and is going to be impossible to make her relax for nine months!" Kyle कहा "I have a feeling it's going to take all of us for her to follow through with taking it easy; but we have to make it work!"
January 9, 2015,
Carter sat at the edge of his बिस्तर watching TV when Kyle and I decided to check on him. I sat down and कहा "hi buddy; I bet you're wondering why I didn't go on tour like I कहा I was going to!" He कहा "yeah; I was just thinking about that! Why didn't आप go mommy?" I कहा with a smile on my face "you're going to have a little brother या sister soon!" He asked "you and daddy are having a baby together? How come your stomach is not big?" Kyle chuckled and कहा "it doesn't get big right away Carter! It'll be a while before आप can really tell!" Carter कहा "make sure it's a boy because I want a little brother!" I कहा "we don't get to pick what it's going to be Carter; it just happens!"
February 3, 2015,
I had just left the bathroom, after waking up early in the morning with morning sickness and I climbed back into bed. Kyle asked "are आप sure you're okay?" I कहा "yes; I told आप it's normal for me to be throwing up!" He कहा "if there's anything आप ever need from me don't be afraid to ask!" I कहा "there is one thing." He asked "what is it?" I कहा "I've been craving Chinese खाना like crazy and I was wondering if आप would go get us some?" He looked over at the clock and कहा "it's 6 o'clock in the morning and I don't know if any Chinese खाना places are open this early. I'll go check anyway; just because I प्यार you." I कहा "thanks Kyle; I really appreciate it!"
A few hours later, he arrived back at the house and walked up to our bedroom carrying a huge bag of Chinese food. He कहा "sorry it took me so long; you're in luck though because I found a 24-hour Chinese खाना restaurant a few towns over!" I कहा "you didn't have to drive that far just to get me the खाना that I wanted!" He कहा "I know; but I wanted to!" He started picked up खाना out of the bag and sat down on the bed. He कहा "I know Damien wasn't here for आप last time when आप were pregnant with Carter and I want to दिखाना आप how a real man is supposed to act!" I कहा "you don't really have to treat me any different just because I'm pregnant." He कहा "you deserve to be treated like the Queen!" I कहा "I know one thing's for sure; I hate being stuck in this bedroom all दिन every day!" He कहा "it's only been a little over a week and आप are already going crazy!" I कहा "I don't understand why I have to lay in बिस्तर pretty much the entire pregnancy! My ADHD is driving me nuts and I don't know how much of this I can take!" He कहा "I know that it seems like it sucks right now; but it'll be worth it once आप see the baby for the first time!" I कहा "I know you're right; I just hope that I can keep my stress level down enough to where it doesn't affect the baby!" He कहा "I'll do everything I can to make sure that आप relax as much as possible until the baby is born! Don't worry about anything because I've got it under control!"
February 23, 2015,
"I can't believe we're having a baby girl!" Kyle कहा as we walked in the house after going to the doctors. I कहा "I'm so glad it's a girl because after this I'm done being pregnant! I don't want any और kids!" Kyle कहा "we have our son and our daughter and that's good enough for me!" I sat down on the सोफ़ा, सोफे and Kyle कहा "since I wasn't around when आप named Carter, आप should let me name her on my own! At least the first name!" I कहा "I don't know if आप can handle that Kyle! It would be different if we were having a boy; but आप have to remember that whatever name we name our daughter she is going to be stuck with for the rest of her life! I don't want her to have a stupid name!" He कहा "the name I picked out isn't that bad! How about if I give her the name I picked out for her first name and आप can pick out whatever आप want for her middle name?" I asked "what name did आप pick out for her first name Kyle?" He कहा "Addison." I raised my eyebrows and कहा "actually, I like it! Okay: आप win! We can name her Addison!"
I grabbed the baby book off the तालिका, टेबल and started to flip through the pages. I stopped and कहा out loud "Addison Avery; how does that sound to you?" He कहा "I really like that!" I कहा "I guess her names going to be Addison Avery Lester; that was easier than I thought it would be!" Kyle कहा "speaking of names; I've always wondered why आप didn't change your last name to Lester when आप and I got married." I कहा "it's not that I didn't want to; but part of my celebrity image is my last name and if I changed it that would probably affect my fans! I've been known as Alanna Jackson द्वारा the public for so long that it would be awkward if I changed my last name." He कहा "that's okay; I understand! I was just always curious. It doesn't really matter to me whether या not आप have my last name!"
April 15, 2015,
Kyle was gone go shopping and I was up in my room when the phone rang. I answered it and the person on the other end कहा "excuse me; I'm looking for Miss Jackson." I कहा "this is her." She responded "hello; I'm the principal at your son Carter's school." I asked "is everything okay?" She कहा "no; not really. Carter's been suspended and I need आप to come pick him up." I कहा "suspended; what can आप possibly suspend a first grader for doing?" She कहा "Carter was using foul language in front of the other children and inside his classroom. He was told several times not to say the things he was saying; but he just continued on." I कहा as I sighed "okay; I'll be there in a few मिनटों to pick him up."
Even though I knew I wasn't supposed to be walking around much, I had to go pick up Carter because Kyle was gone. After driving to the school, I climbed out of my truck and walked inside. I walked down to the principal's office and the secretary let me into the room. I casually walked in and Carter looked up at me with shame in his eyes. I looked at the principal and कहा as I grabbed Carter's arm "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I assure आप that it won't happen again." She कहा "he suspended for a week of school. I'll see आप then."
After Carter and I got into the truck, he looked at me in silence and I looked at him and he कहा "please don't tell daddy mommy!" I asked "what did आप say in your classroom that got आप in trouble?" He कहा "I told the teacher to shut the fuck up because she wouldn't stop complaining about my handwriting! Please don't tell daddy!" I rolled my eyes and कहा "don't worry; I won't because I know how it feels to get into trouble and I'm not the type of parent that's going to punish you. It's no big deal; I'll figure something out so daddy doesn't suspect anything weird going on!"
When we pulled into the driveway, Kyle had already gotten घर and had parked his car अगला to my parking spot. The two of us walked inside and Kyle asked "where have आप been AJ? आप know you're not supposed to be out of bed! Why is Carter with you?" I कहा while thinking quickly "you must've forgotten that today starts April break for Carter! He doesn't have school for a whole week." Kyle कहा "I've been so busy making sure that you're okay AJ that I must've forgotten all about it!" As Kyle walked away, Carter gave me a secretive high-five and कहा "thanks for covering for me mommy!"
April 21, 2015,
I'm running out of things to do to keep myself busy because Kyle won't let me do anything other than stay up here in our bedroom all दिन every day! I decided to have him bring some of my childhood घर फिल्में for us to watch together. He put one of the फिल्में in the VCR and pressed play:
Dated at the bottom of the screen January 5, 2005,
I was holding the camera and laughing hysterically as dad attempted to skateboard; but he could barely stand up on it. He कहा "I don't know about this AJ! It doesn't look safe! I don't know how आप do this! It's moving around too much for me!" I कहा "dad; come on! You're being such a wimp! Once आप get the hang of it, you'll be fine; trust me! It's not as hard as it looks!" He hopped off skateboard and कहा "I'll stick to dancing. I'm afraid that if I keep trying to skateboard on that thing I will crack my head open!" I कहा "you're going to be missing out; that's all I have to say about it." He कहा "all I know about skateboarding is that I better not catch आप without your हेलमेट on!" I कहा "yeah, yeah, yeah; I know dad! आप don't have to give me a lecture!" He कहा "it may seem like I'm nagging you; but you'll thank me later!"
*Video ends*
I immediately started crying and Kyle asked "is it the pregnancy mood swings again?" I कहा "my dad was supposed to be here! He shouldn't have died! Being pregnant again only makes me miss him और because it reminds me of how much he did for me when I was pregnant with Carter!" Kyle कहा "I wish there was something I could do to make आप feel better! If आप don't want to watch anymore वीडियो we don't have to." I कहा "I don't think I could handle watching another video with him in it. It's just too much for me to handle! I don't understand why I was just so mean to him when all he ever wanted was to make me a good person! I just keep going back to the दिन when I pretty much ditched him with Carter to go get drunk with some of my friends! I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't a good mom at all of the beginning! My dad pretty much took care of him on his own while I slept all दिन and drank all night! I hate to say it; but if my dad wasn't around to take care of Carter those last few months before he passed away I don't think I would have Carter today! He would probably be in the foster care system because I wouldn't have taken care of him! Looking back on it now, I treated my dad like a personal babysitter and I should have appreciated everything that he's done for me over the years! It wasn't fair to him! He didn't want to be a dad again and basically he was because I wasn't taking care of my son!" Kyle कहा "you really need to stop beating yourself up for that! That happened a long time पूर्व and आप heard what the psychic said! Your dad forgives आप and he doesn't want आप to feel guilty about stuff that happened before he died!" I कहा "I just don't understand why he had to die when I was only 15 years old and a teenage mother on चोटी, शीर्ष of that! He left me at the worst possible time and I wasn't at all prepared for the reality of how the real world worked! Anytime I ever got in trouble before, he would come to my rescue and now he isn't here anymore to protect me from how awful the world can be!" Kyle कहा "I know that if he had the choice to stay alive he would still be here! He even told आप through the psychic that he wasn't ready to leave this world!" I कहा "I would do anything just to hug him one और time!"
April 25, 2015,
Kyle came and asked with irritation in his voice "how long were आप planning to lie to me?" I asked "what do आप mean?" He कहा "Carter's school just called and asked me if we wanted someone to drop off the school work he's missed this week!" I कहा "I knew आप would overreact and punish Carter from getting suspended! That's the whole reason I lied to आप in the first place!" He कहा "I don't want this to turn into a fight because it's not good for आप या the baby. All I'm saying is that if आप don't start punishing him soon for misbehaving it will only get worse." I कहा "I realized that Kyle; but what he did wasn't that bad! I've done way worse when I was seven years old!"
Kyle called Carter into our bedroom and Kyle asked "how come आप didn't tell me that आप got suspended from school?" Carter कहा "mommy कहा it was no big deal! आप just need to mind your own business daddy!” My eyes widened in shock द्वारा what had just come out of my son’s mouth. I कहा "don't talk to your dad like that Carter." Kyle just rolled his eyes in disbelief as Carter walked out of the room.
May 3, 2015,
Kyle came out of Carter's bedroom and कहा "I took the video game out of his room." I asked "why did आप do that?" He कहा "because his teacher just called and he's been suspended again." I asked "what did he do this time?" Kyle कहा "he ran off of school grounds during recess and the teacher couldn't find him!" I कहा "maybe we should just take him out of school and start homeschooling him." Kyle कहा "that's not going to fix the problem AJ! What he really needs is for one of us to discipline him and since आप won't let me do it you're going to have to!" I कहा "disciplining him isn't going to make a difference. I don't see it as a big deal because the teachers found him. I'm not going to discipline him for that Kyle!" Kyle कहा with irritation in his voice "so you're just going to leave me to pick up the pieces when you're gone on tour? I'll have to deal with him and a newborn baby all on my own; the way things are going he's going to be out of control द्वारा the time आप leave! The principal कहा she would drop him off for us because I can't trust आप to stay in बिस्तर like you're supposed to!"
Before long, Carter walked through the door and Kyle looked at me; expecting me to do something. I walked Carter into his room and shut the door behind us. I sat down on the बिस्तर अगला to him and कहा "I can't believe आप walked off of school grounds Carter!" He कहा "whatever" and flopped backwards onto the bed. I कहा "it's not whatever Carter! Nobody knew where आप were and आप could have gotten hurt! Someone could've hurt आप या kidnapped you! Do आप know how sad your dad and I would have been if we लॉस्ट you?" Carter chuckled and कहा "I was only gone for a few मिनटों mommy!" I कहा sternly "I don't find this funny at all and आप will be punished!" Carter कहा "yeah right; आप wouldn't do that!" I asked "you want to bet?"
I removed the mounted flatscreen TV off of the दीवार and walked out of the room. Once Carter realized what I was doing, he ran up to me and kicked me in my stomach right in front of Kyle. That's when Kyle flipped out! He shouted "DID आप JUST KICK YOUR MOTHER IN THE STOMACH?" Carter immediately started crying at the sound of Kyle raising his voice at him because he's never done that before. I कहा "whoa Kyle; chill out! He's only seven!" Kyle कहा "go to your room Carter!" Carter ran off to his room and slammed the door.
Kyle asked frantically "are आप okay? I can't believe he kicked आप in your stomach; you're pregnant!" I कहा "I know you're scared for the baby; but that doesn't give आप any excuse to scream at Carter like that! आप saw his face; he was terrified of आप and still is! I didn't expect आप to traumatize him like that! He's never been exposed to that sort of reaction before! I don't appreciate आप अभिनय like that towards him and I think आप should apologize to him! That was totally uncalled for!"
Kyle felt terrible as he walked into Carter's bedroom and saw him hysterically crying on his bed. Kyle knelt down अगला to him and कहा "I didn't mean to scare आप Carter. I'm sorry buddy! आप just can't kick mommy in the stomach like that because it could've hurt the baby. That's the only reason why I screamed at you; but I won't do it again because I know it was wrong!" Carter sat up and कहा "that was really scary how your face turned red!"
Kyle decided to leave the room because he was feeling awful and I think he actually wanted to cry. I sat down on the बिस्तर and looked around the room. I proceeded to give my son a lecture; which is something I thought I would never do. I कहा "if your behavior doesn't get better soon I'm going to start making आप go to school at home; like I had originally planned." Carter कहा "but आप can't do that because I have so many friends! I प्यार going to school!" I कहा "if I want to do that than I have the right as your mother to do so." Carter asked eagerly "if I say I'm sorry for getting suspended from school and kicking आप do I get my TV back?" I कहा "yes; a week from now! Nice try though!"
I shut Carter's bedroom door after setting him up with a game on my laptop. I stood outside the doorway and slid my back down the दीवार as I sat down on the ground. Kyle came over with tears in his eyes and sat down अगला to me. He put his arm around me and कहा "I'm so sorry AJ! I never intended to scream at him like that! I guess I just got caught up in the moment and overreacted!" I stared off into अंतरिक्ष and Kyle asked "what's wrong?" I कहा softly under my breath "I just realized how much I sounded like my dad when I was punishing Carter just now. Oh my God; that's freaking me out! I sounded exactly like he did when he was punishing me!" Kyle laughed and कहा "I bet आप never thought in 1 million years that आप would lecture your son just like your dad did with आप for 15 years!"
May 13, 2015,
I was going through some old stuff in the attic while Carter looked through some boxes for something to play with. He came across a book and passed it to me. I asked "what's this buddy?" He कहा "I don't know; but it has your name on it. I looked at the front cover of what appeared to be a चित्र album with the words "daddy's little tomboy" written in marker across the top.
Carter sat on my lap as I started to flip through the pages. He pointed to a picture of dad and I in the swimming pool and asked "who is that? Why are they in our swimming pool?" I कहा as I chuckled "that's me when I was your age and your Papa!" He asked with a puzzled look on his face "why are आप guys in our swimming pool?" I कहा "this is where I grew up Carter! My daddy raised me here just like daddy and I are raising आप here!" Carter joked "you grew up mommy? आप still act like a big kid!" I smiled and कहा "yeah; I guess I really didn't grow up after all!"
As we looked at the various photos, Carter asked "what was your daddy like?" I just sat there in silence for what felt like forever trying to process what he had just asked me. I कहा as a single tear ran down my face "he was the best daddy ever!" He asked "why are आप crying mommy?" I कहा "it's okay to cry." I wiped my tear filled eyes as Carter asked "do आप have any good stories आप can tell me about Papa?" I moved the two of us off of the ground and sat down with Carter still on my lap in a really comfortable reclining chair. I कहा "plenty of good stories!" Carter asked "can आप tell me some of them?" I कहा "of course I will!"
I started द्वारा saying "I remember one time when I was almost 3 when your Papa took me to Disneyland right before uncle Prince was born. It was only the सेकंड time I ever remember going to Disneyland and I remember that I was scared of Mickey Mouse. I wouldn't let go of your Papa's leg and was screaming at the चोटी, शीर्ष of my lungs! Then he would whisper in my ear and tell me that everything was going to be okay! That he would never let anything happen to me! That there was nothing to be afraid of because he was there to protect me!" I started crying hysterically with Carter still on my lap as I recalled those exact words coming out of my father's mouth.
I moved Carter off of my lap and said" I'm sorry Carter; I can't talk about him anymore! I'll be back in a few minutes. Why don't आप go watch TV in your room for a while? I'm going to go to my room. Carter कहा "I'm sorry I made आप cry mommy."
I ran up to our bedroom just as Kyle was getting dressed and collapsed onto the बिस्तर in a mess of emotions that Kyle had never witnessed coming from me before. He lay down अगला to me and asked "oh my God; what's wrong babe?" I started hyperventilating and forced out of the words "I think – I'm having – a panic – attack!" He कहा "just take deep breaths; calm down!" I कहा "I can't do this without my dad!" Kyle asked "you can't do what without your dad?" I कहा "I can't live life without him!" He कहा "yes आप can! You've been doing pretty good!" I कहा "he was supposed to be there for all of this! We got married and he wasn't physically there! I'm going to be having another baby and he won't even get to meet Addison! Carter doesn't even know really who his grandfather is; even though I tried so hard to keep his memory alive. I guess I just don't want to let my dad go! I can't be at peace with him being gone! Okay; I admit it! I needed him and I still need him! I JUST WANT MY DADDY; THAT'S ALL I WANT! I JUST WANT HIM TO HOLD ME! I KNOW I'M 21 YEARS OLD; BUT I JUST WANT HIM TO HOLD ME LIKE I'M FIVE YEARS OLD AGAIN AND NEVER LET GO! I don't miss my dad; I MISS MY DADDY! The daddy that tucked me into बिस्तर every night; even when I was a teenager he still did that! The daddy that always told me that he loved me; no matter what I did! The daddy that cut my खाना for me when I was little! The daddy that tied my shoes for me and then spent hours teaching me how to tie them on my own! The daddy that consoled me when I woke up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream! The daddy that wiped my –." Kyle widened his eyes with an awkward look on his face and कहा "I can see where this is going!" I burst out laughing and कहा "I was going to say nose!" Kyle breathed sigh of relief and कहा "oh thank God!" I कहा as I chuckled "I'm not excluding what आप thought as a possibility when I was younger he did do that; when I was a toddler! Anyway; my point is that I realized that I don't miss my dad at all! Who I really miss is my daddy! The sad thing is that I pushed my daddy away a long time ago; when he was still alive! He would always try to reconnect with me after I turned into a teenager; but I didn't want to spend any time with him!"
Kyle moved me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. He कहा "I know that I'll never be as good as Michael was; but I'm not going anywhere! Everything is going to be okay and आप can do this! We can do this! You're not alone!"
September 22, 2015,
I shook Kyle out of the deep sleep he was in and कहा "it's time Kyle!" He asked as he yawned "time for me to get आप some और food?" I कहा "no; it's time for आप to take me to the hospital! I woke up a few मिनटों पूर्व to go to the bathroom and my water broke when I got back into bed."
Kyle immediately jumped out of बिस्तर and कहा "oh my God! What are we going to do with Carter?" I कहा "my brother’s phone number is on speed dial and I already told him to be prepared to come over here and watch Carter if this happened in the middle of the night. Don't worry; I already called him and he's on his way. Actually, I think he just pulled into the driveway.
Kyle did something that I definitely wasn't expecting. He picked me up and cradled me in his arms as he ran out the door. Prince asked as he chuckled "what the heck are आप carrying AJ for Kyle? Her water broke; she's not paralyzed!" Kyle कहा frantically "there's no time to talk; we're having a baby anytime now!" Kyle practically threw the house keys out of the car window as we sped down the road. Kyle asked "are आप okay? The baby isn't coming yet is it?" I कहा "don't worry; she's not going anywhere unless I start pushing." Kyle कहा "whatever आप do; please don't push! I don't want to be another news story about a father her delivers his baby on the side of the road!" I कहा "calm down Kyle; I'm और calm than आप are and I'm in a lot of pain!" He कहा "sorry; I'm just excited and nervous all at once!"
After a nurse took us to a hospital room, we sat there waiting for the doctor to come in. After she arrived, she कहा "oh my God; this baby is going to come out any सेकंड now! आप didn't start pushing yet; did you?" I कहा "no; why?" She कहा "the baby's head in already all the way out! I have a feeling you're only going to need to push once! I was going to offer आप the epidural; but there's no time!" I कहा as I recalled the tremendous pain I was in from giving birth to Carter without the epidural "I don't want to do this without some sort of numbing medication!" She कहा "you don't really have a choice at this point! We just have to get this baby out as soon as possible! Trust me; it's not going to be as bad as the first time because all आप need is push a little bit and the baby will be out."
Sure enough, without even really trying; our daughter was brought into this world. Kyle looked over and कहा "she has my hair; she's pretty much bald though.” One of the nurses passed her to Kyle and he started to cry as he looked down at her. He brought her up to me and कहा "here's our little miracle baby! Addison Avery Lester." I took her out of his arms and कहा "I can't believe आप and I created something so beautiful together!" The Doctor कहा "she seems really healthy; आप can go घर with her today if आप want to!"
After signing a release form, Kyle and I walked out to his car and he started trying to figure out how to install the car seat. I chuckled as he टैंगल्ड himself up with the seatbelt in the back सीट and कहा "I thought आप would've practiced this a few times; before we brought her home!" He कहा "I think I figured it out; go ahead." I buckled her into the car सीट after sitting down अगला to it and Kyle started the car.
I कहा "I have a feeling that Carter will be sleeping still; द्वारा the time we get back to the house. It's 3 o'clock in the morning and I don't think we shouldWake him up." Kyle कहा "Prince must've woken him up because I can see him through the windows in front of the house and he's watching TV."
Kyle walked behind me while he carried the car सीट with Addison inside it. Carter waited patiently while Prince took his niece over to him. Carter held Addison for a lot longer than I expected him to. He कहा "I'm so excited that I'm a big brother!" I कहा "that means you're going to have to help take care of Addison with daddy while I'm on tour starting in a few months. That reminds me of something; Kyle when are आप going to start decorating Paris's old bedroom into the nursery for Addison?" He कहा "Addison can stay in our room until after आप leave on tour and that way it can be a surprise for आप when आप get home. Trust me; it'll be worth the wait! I'm going to make the most perfect nursery anyone could ever imagine for my little girl! In the meantime, let's appreciate the last four months before आप leave on your tour because after that I'm going to be taking care of two kids all on my own for nine months straight. Surprisingly, I'm looking आगे to it!"
I looked around the hospital room and कहा "I'm so glad that I can finally go home! I didn't expect it to take that many days for me to be rehydrated enough to go home!" Kyle कहा as we walked out to my truck "what do आप think your family is going to say when they find out that you're pregnant with my baby?" I कहा "you heard what the doctor कहा to me yesterday; I can't be stressed out and I can pretty much guarantee आप that a few people in particular are going to raise my stress level once they find out I'm pregnant again! The whole reason I passed out in the first place was because of the pressure that was being put on me! The last thing I need are my uncles and aunt Janet complaining about me being pregnant!!!" Kyle कहा "I understand that आप don't want to tell them; but आप can't hide it forever! Wouldn't आप rather them find out from us? Rather than the other option; which is to दिखाना up one दिन with a huge stomach and have your water break!" I कहा "it's completely up to आप whether आप want to tell them are not! All I know is that I'm not putting up with their BS because it's not good for me या the baby! आप can tell them; just don't do it when I'm around because I really don't want to hear it! I couldn't care less about what they think and I don't feel like they should act like they deserve for their opinions to be heard! They tried to turn grandma against me and my siblings! They kidnapped her and we had no idea where she was! They talk bad about dad in front of all of us and that makes me so angry because all dad ever did for them was basically bend over backwards to make sure that had everything they ever wanted! I don't even really think I want to see them again for as long as I live!" Kyle कहा "we really need to stop talking about this because I can tell just doing that is stressing आप out babe! Don't worry about telling them that you're pregnant; I'll tell them when you're not around!" I कहा "in the meantime, we can at least tell my grandmother, Blanket, Prince, and Paris because I know that they'll be happy for us!" Kyle asked "how are we going to tell Carter?" I कहा "give me a few days because I just got out of the hospital and I need to regroup! We can tell him after I get settled back in at home!" Kyle कहा "I feel so terrible that आप had that much stress on your shoulders! I shouldn't have let Frank put that much pressure on आप about going back on tour when आप weren't ready to!" I कहा "that's not your fault Kyle! I realize that I'm the one that has to bring the money in for us to live off of. I can promise आप that a few months after the baby is born I'll be और than ready to go on tour again because I'll have और time to prepare my mind to be away from आप guys for nine months straight!"
We pulled up in front of my grandmother's house and walked inside. Grandma came up to me and frantically asked "are आप okay? What happened? I heard आप passed out at your concert!!!" I chuckled and कहा "relax grandma; I'm fine!" She कहा "sorry; I just feel like I have to compensate for how worried your father would be if he was here!" Paris and Prince came running up to me and Prince कहा "I'm so glad you're okay AJ! I was really worried about आप when I found out that आप passed out!" Paris कहा "I know; I was too! The video of आप passing out on stage is all over YouTube and the news! I guess one of the प्रशंसकों had a video camera with them and captured the whole thing! आप seemed like आप to the ground really hard!"
I opened up the doors to the मांद, डेन and gestured for my grandmother and siblings to follow me inside. Grandma कहा "whatever happened to आप must've been pretty serious for आप to want to talk to us alone in here! I don't like the vibe you're putting out AJ; you're worrying me!" Kyle and I sat down on the सोफ़ा, सोफे अगला to them and they all looked at us with worried expressions on their faces. We sat there in stunned silence for about five मिनटों before Kyle burst out and कहा "I can't take it anymore; AJ'S PREGNANT!!!" Paris looked at me and कहा "wait; I thought आप couldn't get her pregnant Kyle! It is Kyle's baby; I hope!" I rolled my eyes and कहा "of course it's his baby Paris! I would never cheat on Kyle!" She took a sigh of relief as Prince asked "then how are आप pregnant with his baby?" I कहा "there was only a 5% chance of him being able to get me pregnant on his own; so we thought the odds of it actually working were pretty much impossible! I guess this is one of those times where someone can say never say never!" Grandma asked "is that why आप passed out AJ? Did आप know आप were pregnant? Were आप trying to hide it just so आप could go on tour and hope that nobody would find out?" I कहा "no; I didn't pass out because of that. I passed out because I was dehydrated from the morning sickness. I didn't know at all that I'm pregnant! I just thought I was throwing up because of nerves. Being pregnant was the last thing on my mind!" She asked "were आप and Kyle still trying to get pregnant; even though the doctor कहा that there was pretty much your chance of that happening?" I कहा "I wouldn't say that we were necessarily trying to get pregnant. It was one of those things where if that happened we wouldn't be opposed to it! Kyle and I pretty much accepted the fact that he would never give us any biological children together! Before this happened, we actually started looking into adopting a child. "Blanket कहा "I'm so happy that I'm going to be an uncle again!" Kyle कहा "we really appreciate आप watching Carter and taking him to school for us while AJ has been in the hospital! Before I forget, I want आप guys to help keep AJ's stress level down during the pregnancy because the doctor कहा it's not good for the baby!!! The doctors don't really want her doing too much while she's pregnant! She's pretty much on बिस्तर rest the entire pregnancy!" Prince laughed and कहा "like that's going to happen! AJ has ADHD and is going to be impossible to make her relax for nine months!" Kyle कहा "I have a feeling it's going to take all of us for her to follow through with taking it easy; but we have to make it work!"
January 9, 2015,
Carter sat at the edge of his बिस्तर watching TV when Kyle and I decided to check on him. I sat down and कहा "hi buddy; I bet you're wondering why I didn't go on tour like I कहा I was going to!" He कहा "yeah; I was just thinking about that! Why didn't आप go mommy?" I कहा with a smile on my face "you're going to have a little brother या sister soon!" He asked "you and daddy are having a baby together? How come your stomach is not big?" Kyle chuckled and कहा "it doesn't get big right away Carter! It'll be a while before आप can really tell!" Carter कहा "make sure it's a boy because I want a little brother!" I कहा "we don't get to pick what it's going to be Carter; it just happens!"
February 3, 2015,
I had just left the bathroom, after waking up early in the morning with morning sickness and I climbed back into bed. Kyle asked "are आप sure you're okay?" I कहा "yes; I told आप it's normal for me to be throwing up!" He कहा "if there's anything आप ever need from me don't be afraid to ask!" I कहा "there is one thing." He asked "what is it?" I कहा "I've been craving Chinese खाना like crazy and I was wondering if आप would go get us some?" He looked over at the clock and कहा "it's 6 o'clock in the morning and I don't know if any Chinese खाना places are open this early. I'll go check anyway; just because I प्यार you." I कहा "thanks Kyle; I really appreciate it!"
A few hours later, he arrived back at the house and walked up to our bedroom carrying a huge bag of Chinese food. He कहा "sorry it took me so long; you're in luck though because I found a 24-hour Chinese खाना restaurant a few towns over!" I कहा "you didn't have to drive that far just to get me the खाना that I wanted!" He कहा "I know; but I wanted to!" He started picked up खाना out of the bag and sat down on the bed. He कहा "I know Damien wasn't here for आप last time when आप were pregnant with Carter and I want to दिखाना आप how a real man is supposed to act!" I कहा "you don't really have to treat me any different just because I'm pregnant." He कहा "you deserve to be treated like the Queen!" I कहा "I know one thing's for sure; I hate being stuck in this bedroom all दिन every day!" He कहा "it's only been a little over a week and आप are already going crazy!" I कहा "I don't understand why I have to lay in बिस्तर pretty much the entire pregnancy! My ADHD is driving me nuts and I don't know how much of this I can take!" He कहा "I know that it seems like it sucks right now; but it'll be worth it once आप see the baby for the first time!" I कहा "I know you're right; I just hope that I can keep my stress level down enough to where it doesn't affect the baby!" He कहा "I'll do everything I can to make sure that आप relax as much as possible until the baby is born! Don't worry about anything because I've got it under control!"
February 23, 2015,
"I can't believe we're having a baby girl!" Kyle कहा as we walked in the house after going to the doctors. I कहा "I'm so glad it's a girl because after this I'm done being pregnant! I don't want any और kids!" Kyle कहा "we have our son and our daughter and that's good enough for me!" I sat down on the सोफ़ा, सोफे and Kyle कहा "since I wasn't around when आप named Carter, आप should let me name her on my own! At least the first name!" I कहा "I don't know if आप can handle that Kyle! It would be different if we were having a boy; but आप have to remember that whatever name we name our daughter she is going to be stuck with for the rest of her life! I don't want her to have a stupid name!" He कहा "the name I picked out isn't that bad! How about if I give her the name I picked out for her first name and आप can pick out whatever आप want for her middle name?" I asked "what name did आप pick out for her first name Kyle?" He कहा "Addison." I raised my eyebrows and कहा "actually, I like it! Okay: आप win! We can name her Addison!"
I grabbed the baby book off the तालिका, टेबल and started to flip through the pages. I stopped and कहा out loud "Addison Avery; how does that sound to you?" He कहा "I really like that!" I कहा "I guess her names going to be Addison Avery Lester; that was easier than I thought it would be!" Kyle कहा "speaking of names; I've always wondered why आप didn't change your last name to Lester when आप and I got married." I कहा "it's not that I didn't want to; but part of my celebrity image is my last name and if I changed it that would probably affect my fans! I've been known as Alanna Jackson द्वारा the public for so long that it would be awkward if I changed my last name." He कहा "that's okay; I understand! I was just always curious. It doesn't really matter to me whether या not आप have my last name!"
April 15, 2015,
Kyle was gone go shopping and I was up in my room when the phone rang. I answered it and the person on the other end कहा "excuse me; I'm looking for Miss Jackson." I कहा "this is her." She responded "hello; I'm the principal at your son Carter's school." I asked "is everything okay?" She कहा "no; not really. Carter's been suspended and I need आप to come pick him up." I कहा "suspended; what can आप possibly suspend a first grader for doing?" She कहा "Carter was using foul language in front of the other children and inside his classroom. He was told several times not to say the things he was saying; but he just continued on." I कहा as I sighed "okay; I'll be there in a few मिनटों to pick him up."
Even though I knew I wasn't supposed to be walking around much, I had to go pick up Carter because Kyle was gone. After driving to the school, I climbed out of my truck and walked inside. I walked down to the principal's office and the secretary let me into the room. I casually walked in and Carter looked up at me with shame in his eyes. I looked at the principal and कहा as I grabbed Carter's arm "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I assure आप that it won't happen again." She कहा "he suspended for a week of school. I'll see आप then."
After Carter and I got into the truck, he looked at me in silence and I looked at him and he कहा "please don't tell daddy mommy!" I asked "what did आप say in your classroom that got आप in trouble?" He कहा "I told the teacher to shut the fuck up because she wouldn't stop complaining about my handwriting! Please don't tell daddy!" I rolled my eyes and कहा "don't worry; I won't because I know how it feels to get into trouble and I'm not the type of parent that's going to punish you. It's no big deal; I'll figure something out so daddy doesn't suspect anything weird going on!"
When we pulled into the driveway, Kyle had already gotten घर and had parked his car अगला to my parking spot. The two of us walked inside and Kyle asked "where have आप been AJ? आप know you're not supposed to be out of bed! Why is Carter with you?" I कहा while thinking quickly "you must've forgotten that today starts April break for Carter! He doesn't have school for a whole week." Kyle कहा "I've been so busy making sure that you're okay AJ that I must've forgotten all about it!" As Kyle walked away, Carter gave me a secretive high-five and कहा "thanks for covering for me mommy!"
April 21, 2015,
I'm running out of things to do to keep myself busy because Kyle won't let me do anything other than stay up here in our bedroom all दिन every day! I decided to have him bring some of my childhood घर फिल्में for us to watch together. He put one of the फिल्में in the VCR and pressed play:
Dated at the bottom of the screen January 5, 2005,
I was holding the camera and laughing hysterically as dad attempted to skateboard; but he could barely stand up on it. He कहा "I don't know about this AJ! It doesn't look safe! I don't know how आप do this! It's moving around too much for me!" I कहा "dad; come on! You're being such a wimp! Once आप get the hang of it, you'll be fine; trust me! It's not as hard as it looks!" He hopped off skateboard and कहा "I'll stick to dancing. I'm afraid that if I keep trying to skateboard on that thing I will crack my head open!" I कहा "you're going to be missing out; that's all I have to say about it." He कहा "all I know about skateboarding is that I better not catch आप without your हेलमेट on!" I कहा "yeah, yeah, yeah; I know dad! आप don't have to give me a lecture!" He कहा "it may seem like I'm nagging you; but you'll thank me later!"
*Video ends*
I immediately started crying and Kyle asked "is it the pregnancy mood swings again?" I कहा "my dad was supposed to be here! He shouldn't have died! Being pregnant again only makes me miss him और because it reminds me of how much he did for me when I was pregnant with Carter!" Kyle कहा "I wish there was something I could do to make आप feel better! If आप don't want to watch anymore वीडियो we don't have to." I कहा "I don't think I could handle watching another video with him in it. It's just too much for me to handle! I don't understand why I was just so mean to him when all he ever wanted was to make me a good person! I just keep going back to the दिन when I pretty much ditched him with Carter to go get drunk with some of my friends! I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't a good mom at all of the beginning! My dad pretty much took care of him on his own while I slept all दिन and drank all night! I hate to say it; but if my dad wasn't around to take care of Carter those last few months before he passed away I don't think I would have Carter today! He would probably be in the foster care system because I wouldn't have taken care of him! Looking back on it now, I treated my dad like a personal babysitter and I should have appreciated everything that he's done for me over the years! It wasn't fair to him! He didn't want to be a dad again and basically he was because I wasn't taking care of my son!" Kyle कहा "you really need to stop beating yourself up for that! That happened a long time पूर्व and आप heard what the psychic said! Your dad forgives आप and he doesn't want आप to feel guilty about stuff that happened before he died!" I कहा "I just don't understand why he had to die when I was only 15 years old and a teenage mother on चोटी, शीर्ष of that! He left me at the worst possible time and I wasn't at all prepared for the reality of how the real world worked! Anytime I ever got in trouble before, he would come to my rescue and now he isn't here anymore to protect me from how awful the world can be!" Kyle कहा "I know that if he had the choice to stay alive he would still be here! He even told आप through the psychic that he wasn't ready to leave this world!" I कहा "I would do anything just to hug him one और time!"
April 25, 2015,
Kyle came and asked with irritation in his voice "how long were आप planning to lie to me?" I asked "what do आप mean?" He कहा "Carter's school just called and asked me if we wanted someone to drop off the school work he's missed this week!" I कहा "I knew आप would overreact and punish Carter from getting suspended! That's the whole reason I lied to आप in the first place!" He कहा "I don't want this to turn into a fight because it's not good for आप या the baby. All I'm saying is that if आप don't start punishing him soon for misbehaving it will only get worse." I कहा "I realized that Kyle; but what he did wasn't that bad! I've done way worse when I was seven years old!"
Kyle called Carter into our bedroom and Kyle asked "how come आप didn't tell me that आप got suspended from school?" Carter कहा "mommy कहा it was no big deal! आप just need to mind your own business daddy!” My eyes widened in shock द्वारा what had just come out of my son’s mouth. I कहा "don't talk to your dad like that Carter." Kyle just rolled his eyes in disbelief as Carter walked out of the room.
May 3, 2015,
Kyle came out of Carter's bedroom and कहा "I took the video game out of his room." I asked "why did आप do that?" He कहा "because his teacher just called and he's been suspended again." I asked "what did he do this time?" Kyle कहा "he ran off of school grounds during recess and the teacher couldn't find him!" I कहा "maybe we should just take him out of school and start homeschooling him." Kyle कहा "that's not going to fix the problem AJ! What he really needs is for one of us to discipline him and since आप won't let me do it you're going to have to!" I कहा "disciplining him isn't going to make a difference. I don't see it as a big deal because the teachers found him. I'm not going to discipline him for that Kyle!" Kyle कहा with irritation in his voice "so you're just going to leave me to pick up the pieces when you're gone on tour? I'll have to deal with him and a newborn baby all on my own; the way things are going he's going to be out of control द्वारा the time आप leave! The principal कहा she would drop him off for us because I can't trust आप to stay in बिस्तर like you're supposed to!"
Before long, Carter walked through the door and Kyle looked at me; expecting me to do something. I walked Carter into his room and shut the door behind us. I sat down on the बिस्तर अगला to him and कहा "I can't believe आप walked off of school grounds Carter!" He कहा "whatever" and flopped backwards onto the bed. I कहा "it's not whatever Carter! Nobody knew where आप were and आप could have gotten hurt! Someone could've hurt आप या kidnapped you! Do आप know how sad your dad and I would have been if we लॉस्ट you?" Carter chuckled and कहा "I was only gone for a few मिनटों mommy!" I कहा sternly "I don't find this funny at all and आप will be punished!" Carter कहा "yeah right; आप wouldn't do that!" I asked "you want to bet?"
I removed the mounted flatscreen TV off of the दीवार and walked out of the room. Once Carter realized what I was doing, he ran up to me and kicked me in my stomach right in front of Kyle. That's when Kyle flipped out! He shouted "DID आप JUST KICK YOUR MOTHER IN THE STOMACH?" Carter immediately started crying at the sound of Kyle raising his voice at him because he's never done that before. I कहा "whoa Kyle; chill out! He's only seven!" Kyle कहा "go to your room Carter!" Carter ran off to his room and slammed the door.
Kyle asked frantically "are आप okay? I can't believe he kicked आप in your stomach; you're pregnant!" I कहा "I know you're scared for the baby; but that doesn't give आप any excuse to scream at Carter like that! आप saw his face; he was terrified of आप and still is! I didn't expect आप to traumatize him like that! He's never been exposed to that sort of reaction before! I don't appreciate आप अभिनय like that towards him and I think आप should apologize to him! That was totally uncalled for!"
Kyle felt terrible as he walked into Carter's bedroom and saw him hysterically crying on his bed. Kyle knelt down अगला to him and कहा "I didn't mean to scare आप Carter. I'm sorry buddy! आप just can't kick mommy in the stomach like that because it could've hurt the baby. That's the only reason why I screamed at you; but I won't do it again because I know it was wrong!" Carter sat up and कहा "that was really scary how your face turned red!"
Kyle decided to leave the room because he was feeling awful and I think he actually wanted to cry. I sat down on the बिस्तर and looked around the room. I proceeded to give my son a lecture; which is something I thought I would never do. I कहा "if your behavior doesn't get better soon I'm going to start making आप go to school at home; like I had originally planned." Carter कहा "but आप can't do that because I have so many friends! I प्यार going to school!" I कहा "if I want to do that than I have the right as your mother to do so." Carter asked eagerly "if I say I'm sorry for getting suspended from school and kicking आप do I get my TV back?" I कहा "yes; a week from now! Nice try though!"
I shut Carter's bedroom door after setting him up with a game on my laptop. I stood outside the doorway and slid my back down the दीवार as I sat down on the ground. Kyle came over with tears in his eyes and sat down अगला to me. He put his arm around me and कहा "I'm so sorry AJ! I never intended to scream at him like that! I guess I just got caught up in the moment and overreacted!" I stared off into अंतरिक्ष and Kyle asked "what's wrong?" I कहा softly under my breath "I just realized how much I sounded like my dad when I was punishing Carter just now. Oh my God; that's freaking me out! I sounded exactly like he did when he was punishing me!" Kyle laughed and कहा "I bet आप never thought in 1 million years that आप would lecture your son just like your dad did with आप for 15 years!"
May 13, 2015,
I was going through some old stuff in the attic while Carter looked through some boxes for something to play with. He came across a book and passed it to me. I asked "what's this buddy?" He कहा "I don't know; but it has your name on it. I looked at the front cover of what appeared to be a चित्र album with the words "daddy's little tomboy" written in marker across the top.
Carter sat on my lap as I started to flip through the pages. He pointed to a picture of dad and I in the swimming pool and asked "who is that? Why are they in our swimming pool?" I कहा as I chuckled "that's me when I was your age and your Papa!" He asked with a puzzled look on his face "why are आप guys in our swimming pool?" I कहा "this is where I grew up Carter! My daddy raised me here just like daddy and I are raising आप here!" Carter joked "you grew up mommy? आप still act like a big kid!" I smiled and कहा "yeah; I guess I really didn't grow up after all!"
As we looked at the various photos, Carter asked "what was your daddy like?" I just sat there in silence for what felt like forever trying to process what he had just asked me. I कहा as a single tear ran down my face "he was the best daddy ever!" He asked "why are आप crying mommy?" I कहा "it's okay to cry." I wiped my tear filled eyes as Carter asked "do आप have any good stories आप can tell me about Papa?" I moved the two of us off of the ground and sat down with Carter still on my lap in a really comfortable reclining chair. I कहा "plenty of good stories!" Carter asked "can आप tell me some of them?" I कहा "of course I will!"
I started द्वारा saying "I remember one time when I was almost 3 when your Papa took me to Disneyland right before uncle Prince was born. It was only the सेकंड time I ever remember going to Disneyland and I remember that I was scared of Mickey Mouse. I wouldn't let go of your Papa's leg and was screaming at the चोटी, शीर्ष of my lungs! Then he would whisper in my ear and tell me that everything was going to be okay! That he would never let anything happen to me! That there was nothing to be afraid of because he was there to protect me!" I started crying hysterically with Carter still on my lap as I recalled those exact words coming out of my father's mouth.
I moved Carter off of my lap and said" I'm sorry Carter; I can't talk about him anymore! I'll be back in a few minutes. Why don't आप go watch TV in your room for a while? I'm going to go to my room. Carter कहा "I'm sorry I made आप cry mommy."
I ran up to our bedroom just as Kyle was getting dressed and collapsed onto the बिस्तर in a mess of emotions that Kyle had never witnessed coming from me before. He lay down अगला to me and asked "oh my God; what's wrong babe?" I started hyperventilating and forced out of the words "I think – I'm having – a panic – attack!" He कहा "just take deep breaths; calm down!" I कहा "I can't do this without my dad!" Kyle asked "you can't do what without your dad?" I कहा "I can't live life without him!" He कहा "yes आप can! You've been doing pretty good!" I कहा "he was supposed to be there for all of this! We got married and he wasn't physically there! I'm going to be having another baby and he won't even get to meet Addison! Carter doesn't even know really who his grandfather is; even though I tried so hard to keep his memory alive. I guess I just don't want to let my dad go! I can't be at peace with him being gone! Okay; I admit it! I needed him and I still need him! I JUST WANT MY DADDY; THAT'S ALL I WANT! I JUST WANT HIM TO HOLD ME! I KNOW I'M 21 YEARS OLD; BUT I JUST WANT HIM TO HOLD ME LIKE I'M FIVE YEARS OLD AGAIN AND NEVER LET GO! I don't miss my dad; I MISS MY DADDY! The daddy that tucked me into बिस्तर every night; even when I was a teenager he still did that! The daddy that always told me that he loved me; no matter what I did! The daddy that cut my खाना for me when I was little! The daddy that tied my shoes for me and then spent hours teaching me how to tie them on my own! The daddy that consoled me when I woke up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream! The daddy that wiped my –." Kyle widened his eyes with an awkward look on his face and कहा "I can see where this is going!" I burst out laughing and कहा "I was going to say nose!" Kyle breathed sigh of relief and कहा "oh thank God!" I कहा as I chuckled "I'm not excluding what आप thought as a possibility when I was younger he did do that; when I was a toddler! Anyway; my point is that I realized that I don't miss my dad at all! Who I really miss is my daddy! The sad thing is that I pushed my daddy away a long time ago; when he was still alive! He would always try to reconnect with me after I turned into a teenager; but I didn't want to spend any time with him!"
Kyle moved me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. He कहा "I know that I'll never be as good as Michael was; but I'm not going anywhere! Everything is going to be okay and आप can do this! We can do this! You're not alone!"
September 22, 2015,
I shook Kyle out of the deep sleep he was in and कहा "it's time Kyle!" He asked as he yawned "time for me to get आप some और food?" I कहा "no; it's time for आप to take me to the hospital! I woke up a few मिनटों पूर्व to go to the bathroom and my water broke when I got back into bed."
Kyle immediately jumped out of बिस्तर and कहा "oh my God! What are we going to do with Carter?" I कहा "my brother’s phone number is on speed dial and I already told him to be prepared to come over here and watch Carter if this happened in the middle of the night. Don't worry; I already called him and he's on his way. Actually, I think he just pulled into the driveway.
Kyle did something that I definitely wasn't expecting. He picked me up and cradled me in his arms as he ran out the door. Prince asked as he chuckled "what the heck are आप carrying AJ for Kyle? Her water broke; she's not paralyzed!" Kyle कहा frantically "there's no time to talk; we're having a baby anytime now!" Kyle practically threw the house keys out of the car window as we sped down the road. Kyle asked "are आप okay? The baby isn't coming yet is it?" I कहा "don't worry; she's not going anywhere unless I start pushing." Kyle कहा "whatever आप do; please don't push! I don't want to be another news story about a father her delivers his baby on the side of the road!" I कहा "calm down Kyle; I'm और calm than आप are and I'm in a lot of pain!" He कहा "sorry; I'm just excited and nervous all at once!"
After a nurse took us to a hospital room, we sat there waiting for the doctor to come in. After she arrived, she कहा "oh my God; this baby is going to come out any सेकंड now! आप didn't start pushing yet; did you?" I कहा "no; why?" She कहा "the baby's head in already all the way out! I have a feeling you're only going to need to push once! I was going to offer आप the epidural; but there's no time!" I कहा as I recalled the tremendous pain I was in from giving birth to Carter without the epidural "I don't want to do this without some sort of numbing medication!" She कहा "you don't really have a choice at this point! We just have to get this baby out as soon as possible! Trust me; it's not going to be as bad as the first time because all आप need is push a little bit and the baby will be out."
Sure enough, without even really trying; our daughter was brought into this world. Kyle looked over and कहा "she has my hair; she's pretty much bald though.” One of the nurses passed her to Kyle and he started to cry as he looked down at her. He brought her up to me and कहा "here's our little miracle baby! Addison Avery Lester." I took her out of his arms and कहा "I can't believe आप and I created something so beautiful together!" The Doctor कहा "she seems really healthy; आप can go घर with her today if आप want to!"
After signing a release form, Kyle and I walked out to his car and he started trying to figure out how to install the car seat. I chuckled as he टैंगल्ड himself up with the seatbelt in the back सीट and कहा "I thought आप would've practiced this a few times; before we brought her home!" He कहा "I think I figured it out; go ahead." I buckled her into the car सीट after sitting down अगला to it and Kyle started the car.
I कहा "I have a feeling that Carter will be sleeping still; द्वारा the time we get back to the house. It's 3 o'clock in the morning and I don't think we shouldWake him up." Kyle कहा "Prince must've woken him up because I can see him through the windows in front of the house and he's watching TV."
Kyle walked behind me while he carried the car सीट with Addison inside it. Carter waited patiently while Prince took his niece over to him. Carter held Addison for a lot longer than I expected him to. He कहा "I'm so excited that I'm a big brother!" I कहा "that means you're going to have to help take care of Addison with daddy while I'm on tour starting in a few months. That reminds me of something; Kyle when are आप going to start decorating Paris's old bedroom into the nursery for Addison?" He कहा "Addison can stay in our room until after आप leave on tour and that way it can be a surprise for आप when आप get home. Trust me; it'll be worth the wait! I'm going to make the most perfect nursery anyone could ever imagine for my little girl! In the meantime, let's appreciate the last four months before आप leave on your tour because after that I'm going to be taking care of two kids all on my own for nine months straight. Surprisingly, I'm looking आगे to it!"
