#1:
AVGN: आप know what's really weird? That this game was actually capable of a 4-player mode using an accessory that allows four controllers to be connected to your निनटेंडो Entertainment System? Now, I can't imagine having four people playing this game. Who's gonna want to play this piece of shit? I'm lucky if I can get one other person! I have a better chance of cloning myself. (four Angry Video Game Nerds play and curse at the same time)
AVGN 1: Hey, wait. Wait, wait, wait. I just cloned myself. I'm in a dream, I can do whatever I want, so why don't we all just stop playing this fucking game? So, the hell with that shit!
AVGN 2: Yeah! The hell with that... damn shit!
AVGN 3: The hell with that damn... fucking shit!
AVGN 4: THE HELL WITH THAT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT!
AVGN 3: (nervously) Relax.
#2:
AVGN: (being forced द्वारा Jason Voorhees to make POSITIVE review of a really bad Friday the 13th game) What a wonderful game! The bare basics of left and right do not apply. And that's why this game is so great because it's free from all logic. Logic is for pussies!... Oh, and every great game has a map screen, and being that the game is mostly side scrolling, आप can't tell which direction you're supposed to be going. But, that's cool. It's cool. It makes it और challenging. I like that. Like when you're walking left but really heading to the right on the map? I प्यार figuring that shit out. ...I प्यार it. ... It's just great. (sees if Jason is there, and seeing he isn't speaks how he REALLY feels) LIKE PUKE UP A DONKEY'S ASS! WHAT A SHITLOAD OF MOTHERFUCKING BULLFUCK! I mean I'd rather eat snot and diarrhea vomited out of a buffalo's dick, and if आप thought I was serious about this game -- [ Jason Voorhees comes out and grabs AVGN द्वारा the throat and threatens him with a machete) -- you're absolutely right because I was just kidding! I was just kidding! I swear! I swear to God, I was just kidding! I was just kidding!! It's not a shitload of fuck! It's NOT a shitload of fuck! (Jason lets AVGN go and leaves)
#3:
AVGN: This game is so hard, it would actually be easier to go outside in a thunderstorm and try to dodge rain. It would be easier to walk barefoot without your toes या heels touching the floor. It would be easier to pick fly shit out of pepper, while wearing boxing gloves! The fact that आप can get hit only once pretty much means that you're weaker than every other enemy in the game. HOW DO आप DIE FROM JUST TOUCHING A WALL!? I can understand if he's flying it like 200 miles per घंटा and he crashes into the wall! But the fact that he just touches the दीवार and dies is just ridiculous. I never read any of the comics, so I don't know what Silver Surfer's powers are, but isn't he supposed to be pretty strong? So why'd they make him into a wimp!? Why is he fucking up rubber ducks and weeping like a crybaby!? It's like some sort of fucking joke. Like, what if they had Bruce Lee tripping over his own shoelaces? It's a fucking insult! This game should have been classic! But instead, it's worthless! It's as worthless as this fucking LJN poster I have back here! MAN, I WOULD JUST PISS AND SHIT ALL OVER THIS FUCKING GAME!!! IN FACT, JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE HAVING AN ANAL EVACUATION!!! (drinks beer) Fuck! (Takes the game out of the NES and throws it at the wall).
#4:
AVGN: Somewhere up here, there's a rope which, I don't know if it's important या not. आप blow up this gym locker या whatever it is and he says, "I'd have to be desperate to tie that on and jump off! No, thanks!" Are आप kidding me? Have आप ever had a video game character talk back to आप and say, "No, I'm not gonna do that!"? Going back to Mario again, what if Mario just कहा "You know, I'm really not feeling up to jumping over that platform. No thanks." This is ridiculous. I mean, he won't climb down with a rope, but he'll jump out a window and fucking kill himself?!
#5:
AVGN: So, when the game's over, the screen goes black, like a Mortal Kombat fatality. And the girl kicks आप in the butt. How violent, she kicks आप in the rear. Now I can take bodies getting slashed apart with the chainsaw, but a kick in the ass? That's fucking hardcore. Fuck this game. What a piece of shit.
#6:
AVGN: Some call it a platformer game, some call it an adventure game. I classify it as a "Where the fuck do I go?" kind of game. Yeah, one of those.
#7:
AVGN: It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a shitty game!
#8:
AVGN: (after finishing the car-carrying stage 4) So I get to the goal, and guess what's next? Seriously, I want आप to just take a guess what comes after this. और rings. Yeah. What kind of game is this!? Is this some sort of insanity test!? Well, I'm done. I'm sorry, but that's all I can do. This game doesn't even qualify as shit! It's like the equivalent of shit taking a shit! This is unspeakably, shockingly bad. It's sickeningly loathsome! It's a fucking suffering to the mind! It's a bunch of fuck and it doesn't belong on this planet! Somebody's gotta take care of it! This is a job for the fucking Nerd! (unbuttons his कमीज, शर्ट to reveal a blue सुपरमैन shirt. Flies up to the sun and tosses the game into into it while a rock version of सुपरमैन Theme plays.)
#9:
AVGN: आप know, there's been many games based on the Angry Video Game Nerd... which is me. Yeah, all these years while I've been busy playing shitty games, people've been making games about myself. There's been so many games about me, I can't even keep up. Unlike the majority of games I've ripped apart, these ones were made द्वारा independent game developers, usually single handedly, all द्वारा their selves, and hopefully they will have growing careers and aspire to make better games than a whole company of Laughin' Joking Numbnuts ever could. (He's referring to the game publisher, LJN.) Another thing that makes these games different from the games I usually play, is that I have to play them on a computer. (The Nerd looks at the Commodore 64.) Hmm... (He shrugs his shoulders.) Well, anyway, the first AVGN game I'm gonna look at is: The Angry Video Game द्वारा Eric Ruth. This was the first AVGN game that ever came to my attention back in 2008. आप might be wondering: what took me so long to get around to it? Well, the answer is simple: That's how long it took to load it on my Commodore 64!
#10:
AVGN: (Commenting on the game over screen) That's ingenious. That's the best game over screen I ever saw. For real! I'm actually being dead serious. Dead fucking serious. That's brilliant, right? "You and your फ्रेंड्स are dead. Game over". It's priceless. Like, I can't believe it! Isn't that a mean thing to say to kids? Nobody ever dies in Nintendo. They're either "defeated" या they turn into an item and like float away. But here comes a game like Friday the 13th that just cuts the bullshit, shows some balls, comes flat out and says "You're fucking dead. And your friends, too." Beautiful. (Jason nods in agreement) And what if there was a sequel? It would have to say something even worse. Like, I got it. I got a good idea what it should say. It should say:
You're Dead.
Your फ्रेंड्स Are Dead.
Your Family's Dead.
Your Fucking Pets Are Being Skinned Alive.
Your Mom's A Fucking Whore.
आप Suck At Life.
The Whole World Hates You.
You're Going To Hell.
Live With It.
Game Over.
AVGN: आप know what's really weird? That this game was actually capable of a 4-player mode using an accessory that allows four controllers to be connected to your निनटेंडो Entertainment System? Now, I can't imagine having four people playing this game. Who's gonna want to play this piece of shit? I'm lucky if I can get one other person! I have a better chance of cloning myself. (four Angry Video Game Nerds play and curse at the same time)
AVGN 1: Hey, wait. Wait, wait, wait. I just cloned myself. I'm in a dream, I can do whatever I want, so why don't we all just stop playing this fucking game? So, the hell with that shit!
AVGN 2: Yeah! The hell with that... damn shit!
AVGN 3: The hell with that damn... fucking shit!
AVGN 4: THE HELL WITH THAT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT!
AVGN 3: (nervously) Relax.
#2:
AVGN: (being forced द्वारा Jason Voorhees to make POSITIVE review of a really bad Friday the 13th game) What a wonderful game! The bare basics of left and right do not apply. And that's why this game is so great because it's free from all logic. Logic is for pussies!... Oh, and every great game has a map screen, and being that the game is mostly side scrolling, आप can't tell which direction you're supposed to be going. But, that's cool. It's cool. It makes it और challenging. I like that. Like when you're walking left but really heading to the right on the map? I प्यार figuring that shit out. ...I प्यार it. ... It's just great. (sees if Jason is there, and seeing he isn't speaks how he REALLY feels) LIKE PUKE UP A DONKEY'S ASS! WHAT A SHITLOAD OF MOTHERFUCKING BULLFUCK! I mean I'd rather eat snot and diarrhea vomited out of a buffalo's dick, and if आप thought I was serious about this game -- [ Jason Voorhees comes out and grabs AVGN द्वारा the throat and threatens him with a machete) -- you're absolutely right because I was just kidding! I was just kidding! I swear! I swear to God, I was just kidding! I was just kidding!! It's not a shitload of fuck! It's NOT a shitload of fuck! (Jason lets AVGN go and leaves)
#3:
AVGN: This game is so hard, it would actually be easier to go outside in a thunderstorm and try to dodge rain. It would be easier to walk barefoot without your toes या heels touching the floor. It would be easier to pick fly shit out of pepper, while wearing boxing gloves! The fact that आप can get hit only once pretty much means that you're weaker than every other enemy in the game. HOW DO आप DIE FROM JUST TOUCHING A WALL!? I can understand if he's flying it like 200 miles per घंटा and he crashes into the wall! But the fact that he just touches the दीवार and dies is just ridiculous. I never read any of the comics, so I don't know what Silver Surfer's powers are, but isn't he supposed to be pretty strong? So why'd they make him into a wimp!? Why is he fucking up rubber ducks and weeping like a crybaby!? It's like some sort of fucking joke. Like, what if they had Bruce Lee tripping over his own shoelaces? It's a fucking insult! This game should have been classic! But instead, it's worthless! It's as worthless as this fucking LJN poster I have back here! MAN, I WOULD JUST PISS AND SHIT ALL OVER THIS FUCKING GAME!!! IN FACT, JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE HAVING AN ANAL EVACUATION!!! (drinks beer) Fuck! (Takes the game out of the NES and throws it at the wall).
#4:
AVGN: Somewhere up here, there's a rope which, I don't know if it's important या not. आप blow up this gym locker या whatever it is and he says, "I'd have to be desperate to tie that on and jump off! No, thanks!" Are आप kidding me? Have आप ever had a video game character talk back to आप and say, "No, I'm not gonna do that!"? Going back to Mario again, what if Mario just कहा "You know, I'm really not feeling up to jumping over that platform. No thanks." This is ridiculous. I mean, he won't climb down with a rope, but he'll jump out a window and fucking kill himself?!
#5:
AVGN: So, when the game's over, the screen goes black, like a Mortal Kombat fatality. And the girl kicks आप in the butt. How violent, she kicks आप in the rear. Now I can take bodies getting slashed apart with the chainsaw, but a kick in the ass? That's fucking hardcore. Fuck this game. What a piece of shit.
#6:
AVGN: Some call it a platformer game, some call it an adventure game. I classify it as a "Where the fuck do I go?" kind of game. Yeah, one of those.
#7:
AVGN: It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a shitty game!
#8:
AVGN: (after finishing the car-carrying stage 4) So I get to the goal, and guess what's next? Seriously, I want आप to just take a guess what comes after this. और rings. Yeah. What kind of game is this!? Is this some sort of insanity test!? Well, I'm done. I'm sorry, but that's all I can do. This game doesn't even qualify as shit! It's like the equivalent of shit taking a shit! This is unspeakably, shockingly bad. It's sickeningly loathsome! It's a fucking suffering to the mind! It's a bunch of fuck and it doesn't belong on this planet! Somebody's gotta take care of it! This is a job for the fucking Nerd! (unbuttons his कमीज, शर्ट to reveal a blue सुपरमैन shirt. Flies up to the sun and tosses the game into into it while a rock version of सुपरमैन Theme plays.)
#9:
AVGN: आप know, there's been many games based on the Angry Video Game Nerd... which is me. Yeah, all these years while I've been busy playing shitty games, people've been making games about myself. There's been so many games about me, I can't even keep up. Unlike the majority of games I've ripped apart, these ones were made द्वारा independent game developers, usually single handedly, all द्वारा their selves, and hopefully they will have growing careers and aspire to make better games than a whole company of Laughin' Joking Numbnuts ever could. (He's referring to the game publisher, LJN.) Another thing that makes these games different from the games I usually play, is that I have to play them on a computer. (The Nerd looks at the Commodore 64.) Hmm... (He shrugs his shoulders.) Well, anyway, the first AVGN game I'm gonna look at is: The Angry Video Game द्वारा Eric Ruth. This was the first AVGN game that ever came to my attention back in 2008. आप might be wondering: what took me so long to get around to it? Well, the answer is simple: That's how long it took to load it on my Commodore 64!
#10:
AVGN: (Commenting on the game over screen) That's ingenious. That's the best game over screen I ever saw. For real! I'm actually being dead serious. Dead fucking serious. That's brilliant, right? "You and your फ्रेंड्स are dead. Game over". It's priceless. Like, I can't believe it! Isn't that a mean thing to say to kids? Nobody ever dies in Nintendo. They're either "defeated" या they turn into an item and like float away. But here comes a game like Friday the 13th that just cuts the bullshit, shows some balls, comes flat out and says "You're fucking dead. And your friends, too." Beautiful. (Jason nods in agreement) And what if there was a sequel? It would have to say something even worse. Like, I got it. I got a good idea what it should say. It should say:
You're Dead.
Your फ्रेंड्स Are Dead.
Your Family's Dead.
Your Fucking Pets Are Being Skinned Alive.
Your Mom's A Fucking Whore.
आप Suck At Life.
The Whole World Hates You.
You're Going To Hell.
Live With It.
Game Over.
#1: FRIDAY THE 13th, ORGINAL:
I just don't get how THAT gave us Jason Voorhees.. It's so stupid.
#2: KILL BILL:
It's weird.. I just always found this movie TOO action-y.. I don't know if it's Uma Thurman.. The over acting.. The subtitles.. या just that I had to sit though it over a thousand times..
Either way.. I'll put this movie lower on this, but it's the quickest I could think of.
#3: SAW 3D:
This is when the series became that torture porn आप THINK the series started as.. It's stupid.. The movie is stupid.
#4: RESIDENT EVIL:
No thank you..
#5: REVENANT:
Let me clarify.. I DO like this movie.. But I mainly just watch the first half, rarely the सेकंड half.
But still.. Leonardo literary had to eat raw meat, crawl in the snow, and get ravaged द्वारा a CGI grizzly, to finally get that damn oscar..
I just don't get how THAT gave us Jason Voorhees.. It's so stupid.
#2: KILL BILL:
It's weird.. I just always found this movie TOO action-y.. I don't know if it's Uma Thurman.. The over acting.. The subtitles.. या just that I had to sit though it over a thousand times..
Either way.. I'll put this movie lower on this, but it's the quickest I could think of.
#3: SAW 3D:
This is when the series became that torture porn आप THINK the series started as.. It's stupid.. The movie is stupid.
#4: RESIDENT EVIL:
No thank you..
#5: REVENANT:
Let me clarify.. I DO like this movie.. But I mainly just watch the first half, rarely the सेकंड half.
But still.. Leonardo literary had to eat raw meat, crawl in the snow, and get ravaged द्वारा a CGI grizzly, to finally get that damn oscar..
#1:
Tell him ALL blonde girls are idiots..
#2:
Tell him a girl is "out of his league"..
#3:
Put on Country Music..
#4:
Put on ANY teen sitcom other than Sweet life of Zack and Cody, या मक्खी, ड्रैक, ड्रेक and Josh. Heck. Even आईकारली isn't too bad..
#5:
Convince him into giving a fuck about politics..
#6:
Steal his X-Box..
#7:
Make him watch PowerPuff Girls..
#8:
Remind him that he has no life outside of Fanpop..
#9:
Remind him that GTA 5 STILL doesn't friggin work, and I'm stuck with the 4 games..
#10:
Talk shit about his वीडियो (just kidding)..
Tell him ALL blonde girls are idiots..
#2:
Tell him a girl is "out of his league"..
#3:
Put on Country Music..
#4:
Put on ANY teen sitcom other than Sweet life of Zack and Cody, या मक्खी, ड्रैक, ड्रेक and Josh. Heck. Even आईकारली isn't too bad..
#5:
Convince him into giving a fuck about politics..
#6:
Steal his X-Box..
#7:
Make him watch PowerPuff Girls..
#8:
Remind him that he has no life outside of Fanpop..
#9:
Remind him that GTA 5 STILL doesn't friggin work, and I'm stuck with the 4 games..
#10:
Talk shit about his वीडियो (just kidding)..
#1: REMAIN CALM AND NO SUDDEN MOVEMENTS:
The शार्क may not be planning to attack you.. So don't give the animal any reason to feel threatened. Don't try to out swim away either, unless you're already very close to shore. Sharks can swim 5 times faster than the average human, and this is the most लोकप्रिय mistake that people make. हटाइए slowly toward the किनारा, शोर या a boat; choose whichever is closest. Don't thrash your arms या kick या splash while आप swim..
#2: KEEP YOUR EYE ON IT:
And never block the shark's path. If you're standing between the शार्क and the open ocean, हटाइए away, या else the शार्क will feel threatened..
#3: AIM FOR THE EYES:
If the शार्क DOSE attack, आप still need to stay calm. I know this is easier कहा than done. But. आप need to remember one thing.. The eyes and gills are sensitive to shark, attacking these spots will harm the Shark, and it will back off..
The शार्क may not be planning to attack you.. So don't give the animal any reason to feel threatened. Don't try to out swim away either, unless you're already very close to shore. Sharks can swim 5 times faster than the average human, and this is the most लोकप्रिय mistake that people make. हटाइए slowly toward the किनारा, शोर या a boat; choose whichever is closest. Don't thrash your arms या kick या splash while आप swim..
#2: KEEP YOUR EYE ON IT:
And never block the shark's path. If you're standing between the शार्क and the open ocean, हटाइए away, या else the शार्क will feel threatened..
#3: AIM FOR THE EYES:
If the शार्क DOSE attack, आप still need to stay calm. I know this is easier कहा than done. But. आप need to remember one thing.. The eyes and gills are sensitive to shark, attacking these spots will harm the Shark, and it will back off..