#1:
AVGN: आप know what's really weird? That this game was actually capable of a 4-player mode using an accessory that allows four controllers to be connected to your निनटेंडो Entertainment System? Now, I can't imagine having four people playing this game. Who's gonna want to play this piece of shit? I'm lucky if I can get one other person! I have a better chance of cloning myself. (four Angry Video Game Nerds play and curse at the same time)
AVGN 1: Hey, wait. Wait, wait, wait. I just cloned myself. I'm in a dream, I can do whatever I want, so why don't we all just stop playing this fucking game? So, the hell with that shit!
AVGN 2: Yeah! The hell with that... damn shit!
AVGN 3: The hell with that damn... fucking shit!
AVGN 4: THE HELL WITH THAT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT!
AVGN 3: (nervously) Relax.
#2:
AVGN: (being forced द्वारा Jason Voorhees to make POSITIVE review of a really bad Friday the 13th game) What a wonderful game! The bare basics of left and right do not apply. And that's why this game is so great because it's free from all logic. Logic is for pussies!... Oh, and every great game has a map screen, and being that the game is mostly side scrolling, आप can't tell which direction you're supposed to be going. But, that's cool. It's cool. It makes it और challenging. I like that. Like when you're walking left but really heading to the right on the map? I प्यार figuring that shit out. ...I प्यार it. ... It's just great. (sees if Jason is there, and seeing he isn't speaks how he REALLY feels) LIKE PUKE UP A DONKEY'S ASS! WHAT A SHITLOAD OF MOTHERFUCKING BULLFUCK! I mean I'd rather eat snot and diarrhea vomited out of a buffalo's dick, and if आप thought I was serious about this game -- [ Jason Voorhees comes out and grabs AVGN द्वारा the throat and threatens him with a machete) -- you're absolutely right because I was just kidding! I was just kidding! I swear! I swear to God, I was just kidding! I was just kidding!! It's not a shitload of fuck! It's NOT a shitload of fuck! (Jason lets AVGN go and leaves)
#3:
AVGN: This game is so hard, it would actually be easier to go outside in a thunderstorm and try to dodge rain. It would be easier to walk barefoot without your toes या heels touching the floor. It would be easier to pick fly shit out of pepper, while wearing boxing gloves! The fact that आप can get hit only once pretty much means that you're weaker than every other enemy in the game. HOW DO आप DIE FROM JUST TOUCHING A WALL!? I can understand if he's flying it like 200 miles per घंटा and he crashes into the wall! But the fact that he just touches the दीवार and dies is just ridiculous. I never read any of the comics, so I don't know what Silver Surfer's powers are, but isn't he supposed to be pretty strong? So why'd they make him into a wimp!? Why is he fucking up rubber ducks and weeping like a crybaby!? It's like some sort of fucking joke. Like, what if they had Bruce Lee tripping over his own shoelaces? It's a fucking insult! This game should have been classic! But instead, it's worthless! It's as worthless as this fucking LJN poster I have back here! MAN, I WOULD JUST PISS AND SHIT ALL OVER THIS FUCKING GAME!!! IN FACT, JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE HAVING AN ANAL EVACUATION!!! (drinks beer) Fuck! (Takes the game out of the NES and throws it at the wall).
#4:
AVGN: Somewhere up here, there's a rope which, I don't know if it's important या not. आप blow up this gym locker या whatever it is and he says, "I'd have to be desperate to tie that on and jump off! No, thanks!" Are आप kidding me? Have आप ever had a video game character talk back to आप and say, "No, I'm not gonna do that!"? Going back to Mario again, what if Mario just कहा "You know, I'm really not feeling up to jumping over that platform. No thanks." This is ridiculous. I mean, he won't climb down with a rope, but he'll jump out a window and fucking kill himself?!
#5:
AVGN: So, when the game's over, the screen goes black, like a Mortal Kombat fatality. And the girl kicks आप in the butt. How violent, she kicks आप in the rear. Now I can take bodies getting slashed apart with the chainsaw, but a kick in the ass? That's fucking hardcore. Fuck this game. What a piece of shit.
#6:
AVGN: Some call it a platformer game, some call it an adventure game. I classify it as a "Where the fuck do I go?" kind of game. Yeah, one of those.
#7:
AVGN: It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a shitty game!
#8:
AVGN: (after finishing the car-carrying stage 4) So I get to the goal, and guess what's next? Seriously, I want आप to just take a guess what comes after this. और rings. Yeah. What kind of game is this!? Is this some sort of insanity test!? Well, I'm done. I'm sorry, but that's all I can do. This game doesn't even qualify as shit! It's like the equivalent of shit taking a shit! This is unspeakably, shockingly bad. It's sickeningly loathsome! It's a fucking suffering to the mind! It's a bunch of fuck and it doesn't belong on this planet! Somebody's gotta take care of it! This is a job for the fucking Nerd! (unbuttons his कमीज, शर्ट to reveal a blue सुपरमैन shirt. Flies up to the sun and tosses the game into into it while a rock version of सुपरमैन Theme plays.)
#9:
AVGN: आप know, there's been many games based on the Angry Video Game Nerd... which is me. Yeah, all these years while I've been busy playing shitty games, people've been making games about myself. There's been so many games about me, I can't even keep up. Unlike the majority of games I've ripped apart, these ones were made द्वारा independent game developers, usually single handedly, all द्वारा their selves, and hopefully they will have growing careers and aspire to make better games than a whole company of Laughin' Joking Numbnuts ever could. (He's referring to the game publisher, LJN.) Another thing that makes these games different from the games I usually play, is that I have to play them on a computer. (The Nerd looks at the Commodore 64.) Hmm... (He shrugs his shoulders.) Well, anyway, the first AVGN game I'm gonna look at is: The Angry Video Game द्वारा Eric Ruth. This was the first AVGN game that ever came to my attention back in 2008. आप might be wondering: what took me so long to get around to it? Well, the answer is simple: That's how long it took to load it on my Commodore 64!
#10:
AVGN: (Commenting on the game over screen) That's ingenious. That's the best game over screen I ever saw. For real! I'm actually being dead serious. Dead fucking serious. That's brilliant, right? "You and your फ्रेंड्स are dead. Game over". It's priceless. Like, I can't believe it! Isn't that a mean thing to say to kids? Nobody ever dies in Nintendo. They're either "defeated" या they turn into an item and like float away. But here comes a game like Friday the 13th that just cuts the bullshit, shows some balls, comes flat out and says "You're fucking dead. And your friends, too." Beautiful. (Jason nods in agreement) And what if there was a sequel? It would have to say something even worse. Like, I got it. I got a good idea what it should say. It should say:
You're Dead.
Your फ्रेंड्स Are Dead.
Your Family's Dead.
Your Fucking Pets Are Being Skinned Alive.
Your Mom's A Fucking Whore.
आप Suck At Life.
The Whole World Hates You.
You're Going To Hell.
Live With It.
Game Over.
AVGN: आप know what's really weird? That this game was actually capable of a 4-player mode using an accessory that allows four controllers to be connected to your निनटेंडो Entertainment System? Now, I can't imagine having four people playing this game. Who's gonna want to play this piece of shit? I'm lucky if I can get one other person! I have a better chance of cloning myself. (four Angry Video Game Nerds play and curse at the same time)
AVGN 1: Hey, wait. Wait, wait, wait. I just cloned myself. I'm in a dream, I can do whatever I want, so why don't we all just stop playing this fucking game? So, the hell with that shit!
AVGN 2: Yeah! The hell with that... damn shit!
AVGN 3: The hell with that damn... fucking shit!
AVGN 4: THE HELL WITH THAT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT!
AVGN 3: (nervously) Relax.
#2:
AVGN: (being forced द्वारा Jason Voorhees to make POSITIVE review of a really bad Friday the 13th game) What a wonderful game! The bare basics of left and right do not apply. And that's why this game is so great because it's free from all logic. Logic is for pussies!... Oh, and every great game has a map screen, and being that the game is mostly side scrolling, आप can't tell which direction you're supposed to be going. But, that's cool. It's cool. It makes it और challenging. I like that. Like when you're walking left but really heading to the right on the map? I प्यार figuring that shit out. ...I प्यार it. ... It's just great. (sees if Jason is there, and seeing he isn't speaks how he REALLY feels) LIKE PUKE UP A DONKEY'S ASS! WHAT A SHITLOAD OF MOTHERFUCKING BULLFUCK! I mean I'd rather eat snot and diarrhea vomited out of a buffalo's dick, and if आप thought I was serious about this game -- [ Jason Voorhees comes out and grabs AVGN द्वारा the throat and threatens him with a machete) -- you're absolutely right because I was just kidding! I was just kidding! I swear! I swear to God, I was just kidding! I was just kidding!! It's not a shitload of fuck! It's NOT a shitload of fuck! (Jason lets AVGN go and leaves)
#3:
AVGN: This game is so hard, it would actually be easier to go outside in a thunderstorm and try to dodge rain. It would be easier to walk barefoot without your toes या heels touching the floor. It would be easier to pick fly shit out of pepper, while wearing boxing gloves! The fact that आप can get hit only once pretty much means that you're weaker than every other enemy in the game. HOW DO आप DIE FROM JUST TOUCHING A WALL!? I can understand if he's flying it like 200 miles per घंटा and he crashes into the wall! But the fact that he just touches the दीवार and dies is just ridiculous. I never read any of the comics, so I don't know what Silver Surfer's powers are, but isn't he supposed to be pretty strong? So why'd they make him into a wimp!? Why is he fucking up rubber ducks and weeping like a crybaby!? It's like some sort of fucking joke. Like, what if they had Bruce Lee tripping over his own shoelaces? It's a fucking insult! This game should have been classic! But instead, it's worthless! It's as worthless as this fucking LJN poster I have back here! MAN, I WOULD JUST PISS AND SHIT ALL OVER THIS FUCKING GAME!!! IN FACT, JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE HAVING AN ANAL EVACUATION!!! (drinks beer) Fuck! (Takes the game out of the NES and throws it at the wall).
#4:
AVGN: Somewhere up here, there's a rope which, I don't know if it's important या not. आप blow up this gym locker या whatever it is and he says, "I'd have to be desperate to tie that on and jump off! No, thanks!" Are आप kidding me? Have आप ever had a video game character talk back to आप and say, "No, I'm not gonna do that!"? Going back to Mario again, what if Mario just कहा "You know, I'm really not feeling up to jumping over that platform. No thanks." This is ridiculous. I mean, he won't climb down with a rope, but he'll jump out a window and fucking kill himself?!
#5:
AVGN: So, when the game's over, the screen goes black, like a Mortal Kombat fatality. And the girl kicks आप in the butt. How violent, she kicks आप in the rear. Now I can take bodies getting slashed apart with the chainsaw, but a kick in the ass? That's fucking hardcore. Fuck this game. What a piece of shit.
#6:
AVGN: Some call it a platformer game, some call it an adventure game. I classify it as a "Where the fuck do I go?" kind of game. Yeah, one of those.
#7:
AVGN: It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a shitty game!
#8:
AVGN: (after finishing the car-carrying stage 4) So I get to the goal, and guess what's next? Seriously, I want आप to just take a guess what comes after this. और rings. Yeah. What kind of game is this!? Is this some sort of insanity test!? Well, I'm done. I'm sorry, but that's all I can do. This game doesn't even qualify as shit! It's like the equivalent of shit taking a shit! This is unspeakably, shockingly bad. It's sickeningly loathsome! It's a fucking suffering to the mind! It's a bunch of fuck and it doesn't belong on this planet! Somebody's gotta take care of it! This is a job for the fucking Nerd! (unbuttons his कमीज, शर्ट to reveal a blue सुपरमैन shirt. Flies up to the sun and tosses the game into into it while a rock version of सुपरमैन Theme plays.)
#9:
AVGN: आप know, there's been many games based on the Angry Video Game Nerd... which is me. Yeah, all these years while I've been busy playing shitty games, people've been making games about myself. There's been so many games about me, I can't even keep up. Unlike the majority of games I've ripped apart, these ones were made द्वारा independent game developers, usually single handedly, all द्वारा their selves, and hopefully they will have growing careers and aspire to make better games than a whole company of Laughin' Joking Numbnuts ever could. (He's referring to the game publisher, LJN.) Another thing that makes these games different from the games I usually play, is that I have to play them on a computer. (The Nerd looks at the Commodore 64.) Hmm... (He shrugs his shoulders.) Well, anyway, the first AVGN game I'm gonna look at is: The Angry Video Game द्वारा Eric Ruth. This was the first AVGN game that ever came to my attention back in 2008. आप might be wondering: what took me so long to get around to it? Well, the answer is simple: That's how long it took to load it on my Commodore 64!
#10:
AVGN: (Commenting on the game over screen) That's ingenious. That's the best game over screen I ever saw. For real! I'm actually being dead serious. Dead fucking serious. That's brilliant, right? "You and your फ्रेंड्स are dead. Game over". It's priceless. Like, I can't believe it! Isn't that a mean thing to say to kids? Nobody ever dies in Nintendo. They're either "defeated" या they turn into an item and like float away. But here comes a game like Friday the 13th that just cuts the bullshit, shows some balls, comes flat out and says "You're fucking dead. And your friends, too." Beautiful. (Jason nods in agreement) And what if there was a sequel? It would have to say something even worse. Like, I got it. I got a good idea what it should say. It should say:
You're Dead.
Your फ्रेंड्स Are Dead.
Your Family's Dead.
Your Fucking Pets Are Being Skinned Alive.
Your Mom's A Fucking Whore.
आप Suck At Life.
The Whole World Hates You.
You're Going To Hell.
Live With It.
Game Over.
Yes.. That's right people.. I'm finally watching it!
Wow.. 37 episodes... That's a lot of friggin reviews. But we're get though it together :)
Anyway.. Here's the review of the pilot episode..
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, what can I say..
A lot sure happens in the first episode. Certainly better than I was expecting. Light is an interesting character.
He's not over the top.
Nobody was really very over the top.
I think I'm gonna like this show.
It's certainly up to a unique start..
A vey "different" दिखाना then one I'd normally watch.
But hey.. So is MLP.
I want a death note.
There's one main name I would put down.
It rhymes with "Arnold Umpt"
Wow.. 37 episodes... That's a lot of friggin reviews. But we're get though it together :)
Anyway.. Here's the review of the pilot episode..
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, what can I say..
A lot sure happens in the first episode. Certainly better than I was expecting. Light is an interesting character.
He's not over the top.
Nobody was really very over the top.
I think I'm gonna like this show.
It's certainly up to a unique start..
A vey "different" दिखाना then one I'd normally watch.
But hey.. So is MLP.
I want a death note.
There's one main name I would put down.
It rhymes with "Arnold Umpt"
My geekness for Freddy Krueger
My unhealthy obsession with online लेखन
The fact I’m Canadian
My pride in being Irish
The way I hardly ever actually WATCH mlp, yet have the nerve to go to all those sites and write my own series for it
The fact I am OBSESSED with Packie McReary and he’s at least used ONCE, in EVERY gta प्रशंसक fiction of mine
I hate Death metal, but yet I प्यार Korn
I have almost EVERY ऐमिनैम album
I LIKE Rob Drydek and Adam Standler
I never seen Sons of Anarchy (and yet it’s EVERYTHING I like these days, killing, guns, and.. Well.. Guns).
I STILL watch Spongebob sometimes
I DON’T play hockey
I have NO फ्रेंड्स these days, I have no life outside this site
i have ADHD
I secretly watch porn, but yet I whine about Rule34 shit
I think I’m funny
I’m think I’m cool
The fact having a GOOD evil laugh is important in my view
My unhealthy obsession with online लेखन
The fact I’m Canadian
My pride in being Irish
The way I hardly ever actually WATCH mlp, yet have the nerve to go to all those sites and write my own series for it
The fact I am OBSESSED with Packie McReary and he’s at least used ONCE, in EVERY gta प्रशंसक fiction of mine
I hate Death metal, but yet I प्यार Korn
I have almost EVERY ऐमिनैम album
I LIKE Rob Drydek and Adam Standler
I never seen Sons of Anarchy (and yet it’s EVERYTHING I like these days, killing, guns, and.. Well.. Guns).
I STILL watch Spongebob sometimes
I DON’T play hockey
I have NO फ्रेंड्स these days, I have no life outside this site
i have ADHD
I secretly watch porn, but yet I whine about Rule34 shit
I think I’m funny
I’m think I’m cool
The fact having a GOOD evil laugh is important in my view
#1: JUSTIN BIEBER:
We all प्यार to hate this idiot.
But the thing is, I decided to actually look him up.
He's actually pretty good now that he dosen't a voice of friggin Alvin and the chipmunks..
#2: SMOSH:
They seem to try to hard these days.
But they still have the rare episode that is still funny.
They just need to stop with all these new guys, they have no talents, as where Ian and Anthony have a LOT of talent..
#3: ROB DRYDEK:
I'm one of the few that actually cares about him.
Lose that WestCoast girl, and maybe OTHER people will care about your shows too, Rob..
#4: NICKELBACK
Beatles aren't the greatest. But we gotta respect them, it's just how things are.
Why can't the same rule apply for Nickelback!?
#5: MILEY CYRUS:
I actually loved this kid once.
But.. Times have changed.
We all प्यार to hate this idiot.
But the thing is, I decided to actually look him up.
He's actually pretty good now that he dosen't a voice of friggin Alvin and the chipmunks..
#2: SMOSH:
They seem to try to hard these days.
But they still have the rare episode that is still funny.
They just need to stop with all these new guys, they have no talents, as where Ian and Anthony have a LOT of talent..
#3: ROB DRYDEK:
I'm one of the few that actually cares about him.
Lose that WestCoast girl, and maybe OTHER people will care about your shows too, Rob..
#4: NICKELBACK
Beatles aren't the greatest. But we gotta respect them, it's just how things are.
Why can't the same rule apply for Nickelback!?
#5: MILEY CYRUS:
I actually loved this kid once.
But.. Times have changed.
I never seen ALL Full Metal Jacket. But I seen most of Hartman's scenes..
I am always unsure how to feel about this character.
Sure his foul mouthed, slightly racist, rage filled, rude attitude, might be pushing the limits a bit.
But for the most part, Drill sergeants are SUPPOSE to be yelling at you, and scaring you.
The point of this, is their suppose to knock the innocence out of you.
War is no place for innocence.
It's a place of murder, and little else.
Why आप think so many Veterans go crazy without the proper help.
In some ways, Happy पेड़ फ्रेंड्स isn't THAT far from the truth.
People are so use to killing with out remorse.
That they still have the "beast" inside.
But anyway..
I am always mad Hartman dies.
He didn't deserve it.
He was just doing his job (for the MOST part)..
I am always unsure how to feel about this character.
Sure his foul mouthed, slightly racist, rage filled, rude attitude, might be pushing the limits a bit.
But for the most part, Drill sergeants are SUPPOSE to be yelling at you, and scaring you.
The point of this, is their suppose to knock the innocence out of you.
War is no place for innocence.
It's a place of murder, and little else.
Why आप think so many Veterans go crazy without the proper help.
In some ways, Happy पेड़ फ्रेंड्स isn't THAT far from the truth.
People are so use to killing with out remorse.
That they still have the "beast" inside.
But anyway..
I am always mad Hartman dies.
He didn't deserve it.
He was just doing his job (for the MOST part)..