someone mentioned your name today. It wafted over to me like the smell of spicy perfume - pleasant at first, but one that stings in the long run. My subconscious picked it up, without me noticing and, I must admit, it took me a few tenths of a सेकंड to dig up your file in my brain. I seemed to forget who आप were for that short amount of time. For that brief, innocent period, I was unaware. The name could have been from years and years ago, it could have been a name I had दिया to a कुत्ते का बच्चा, पिल्ला many years back, the name of a plush toy, the name carved in a bus stop bench. A name that I had known, but never had I connected with a human being या a face.
An abrupt twist brought me back around, down to Earth, back to reality. The brain has a tendency for remembering crimes and pain. To make things clear, I am not me. If my name got caught in your ears, you'd think of a shadow. You'd remember a person, now gone. You'd think of her, but it wouldn't be me. The same name. But not me at all. And आप should know, I hate myself right now. There is a chemical eating me up from the inside. The chemical not being guilt. Having a similar aspect to it, but being much deeper, much और complicated. But nevertheless, I do tell the truth. I hate myself like a child from a divorced family hates one of their parents. The feeling of betrayal. Me betraying myself. Turning out unexpectedly and incorrectly. Doing the wrong things, taking wrong turns.
I was on the right track for a while. I truly was. And I imagined the rest of my life running smoothly. I thanked for every day. I was grateful. I was happy. I was determined. The future looked right. I had things to look आगे to. Not you. Things other than you. Much deeper, much और complicated. I was a girl on the right track. The girl, ticking off her To-Do lists, was aware of what needed to be done. She was proud. She walked with her head raised. I am not her. I have already ruined almost half of what I worked so fucking hard for. I know what you're thinking, sweetie. "You can still get back." आप can still find the road आप were on and keep pedaling. This is just a rock. A bump on the road to hold आप back. But not to stop आप completely. And I pray that you're right. That आप know what you're saying. Because it's आप we're talking about.
An abrupt twist brought me back around, down to Earth, back to reality. The brain has a tendency for remembering crimes and pain. To make things clear, I am not me. If my name got caught in your ears, you'd think of a shadow. You'd remember a person, now gone. You'd think of her, but it wouldn't be me. The same name. But not me at all. And आप should know, I hate myself right now. There is a chemical eating me up from the inside. The chemical not being guilt. Having a similar aspect to it, but being much deeper, much और complicated. But nevertheless, I do tell the truth. I hate myself like a child from a divorced family hates one of their parents. The feeling of betrayal. Me betraying myself. Turning out unexpectedly and incorrectly. Doing the wrong things, taking wrong turns.
I was on the right track for a while. I truly was. And I imagined the rest of my life running smoothly. I thanked for every day. I was grateful. I was happy. I was determined. The future looked right. I had things to look आगे to. Not you. Things other than you. Much deeper, much और complicated. I was a girl on the right track. The girl, ticking off her To-Do lists, was aware of what needed to be done. She was proud. She walked with her head raised. I am not her. I have already ruined almost half of what I worked so fucking hard for. I know what you're thinking, sweetie. "You can still get back." आप can still find the road आप were on and keep pedaling. This is just a rock. A bump on the road to hold आप back. But not to stop आप completely. And I pray that you're right. That आप know what you're saying. Because it's आप we're talking about.
Everyone has a red glass window.It's called your heart.People's windows differ from others,some windows are shaded out and don't let any light come in and than there are some windows that are open to whatever goes pass their them.
Is your window open या closed out?
Would आप let the air in if आप had the chance?
My window has been open for quite some time and the same gush of wind keeps coming in and I've grown to प्यार and need that one breath that air gives me.But that gush of wind I've grown to प्यार sometimes easily breaks my window with it's power.But yet can easily fix my window up again with it's strength.It is a constant fight between letting that gush of wind in because I'm afraid of the wind breaking my window once more.But that same gush of wind I'm so scared of but yet प्यार so much,loves me as well but that wind can spread far.Far enough to other people's windows as well.
Always an constant fight between the wind and the window!
Is your window open या closed out?
Would आप let the air in if आप had the chance?
My window has been open for quite some time and the same gush of wind keeps coming in and I've grown to प्यार and need that one breath that air gives me.But that gush of wind I've grown to प्यार sometimes easily breaks my window with it's power.But yet can easily fix my window up again with it's strength.It is a constant fight between letting that gush of wind in because I'm afraid of the wind breaking my window once more.But that same gush of wind I'm so scared of but yet प्यार so much,loves me as well but that wind can spread far.Far enough to other people's windows as well.
Always an constant fight between the wind and the window!
I feel like I have always known you
We’ve always been so close but
आप look away
आप tell me that आप प्यार me
But your eyes say something else
It shouldn’t be so difficult for me
To turn away
Chorus:
Every time we talk at night
Every time आप make me feel alright
When आप say goodbye
आप say you’ll think of me all the time
I know it’s a lie
And I’m slowly breaking
I’m slowly breaking
Somehow आप just cannot see
The way I smile when आप look at me
Are आप completely blind?
Cuz’ I’ve दिया आप all the signs
That I प्यार आप
Chorus:
And now I’m falling apart
You’ve gone from my life
I can’t take it anymore
My new best friend is a knife
What आप were to me
Made me complete