Part II - The Endless Hum
This ब्रेव little pine martin allowed me to creep within eight feet before bolting.
I am painfully aware that in my attempt to write a book about my quest to find and photograph wild भेड़िया in Minnesota I have been preceded in this task द्वारा men with extraordinary talent for writing, for photography, and for finding and studying wolves. I have read the पुस्तकें of Jim Brandenburg and David Mech multiple times and lived the life of my dreams vicariously through their efforts. I have a deep respect for them and an even deeper प्यार for their work, and their पुस्तकें have been a major catalyst in my desire to fulfill this childhood desire. Yet to my knowledge this same task has never been done द्वारा someone like me… a nobody.
Although part of me yearns for the life lead द्वारा such men… a full time existence traveling the globe at the expense of National Geographic या the federal government, I wanted to prove that becoming aquatinted with भेड़िया was not an exclusive privilege open only to the wilderness elite. I hoped to दिखाना that a simple fellow such as myself, a city dweller with a full time job, could, with enough patience and effort, successfully find and photograph wild wolves.
I am द्वारा trade an Internet software developer. I am a faceless, anonymous soldier in the vast and endless army of eight-to-five workers grinding out a living on the weekdays and wasting the weekends getting ready to do it again. My गेराज and closets are packed with dust covered tents and sleeping bags – idols of a life I only live a few fleeting days a year.
Like so many of my fellow soldiers I repeat the same mundane tasks in an almost mindless state of auto pilot. I take out the trash, mow the lawn, pay the bills, and change burnt out light bulbs. I scrape my face with a steel blade every morning and pay to have my hair trimmed once a month. I wake up, go to work, come home, and go to bed. And like many of us, I spend plenty of time wondering what I could do to escape this endless hum.
But let's stop right there.
I am also a husband to my beautiful wife, Carina, and father to my daughter Andi and son Tanner. I scoop up my children as they run towards me with open arms when I come घर from work. I किस my wife on the lips and soak up her approving smile and fiery flash in her blue eyes. I clasp my fingers around hers as she pushes a stroller holding a sleeping Tanner while I carry a chattering Andi on my shoulders.
Together the four of us are, in my humble opinion, doing remarkably well at forging through life. As I begin to write this book Andi has recently turned two and Tanner is six months. They bubble over with an inspiring energy and vibrancy for life which they inherited from Carina, the spiritual giant who binds us together. We are not without our challenges yet we do our best to meet the needs of our children and each other. I know and understand Carina's desire to pursue an education in Physical Therapy, to enjoy hobbies, leisure time with friends, and ‘time out' away from the demands of full time motherhood. And she knows and understands my need to punctuate the dreariness of an eight-to-five job.
Re-enter the endless hum. I sometimes lie in बिस्तर at night awake, feeling the rhythmic rise and fall of my wife's warm and sleeping body अगला to mine, fighting off fears that I will one दिन wake up old without having accomplished something I was supposed to, but not even knowing what it was. Is it not a noble thing to excel in a rewarding career? And is it not a far nobler thing to raise a loving, healthy, and happy family? There are millions who will live and die having done this and this alone, and who will not have lived या died in vain.
Unless, of course, there was within them the potential for this, and then something more.
We all have loves in our life. My first is God, family and country. सेकंड is creativity and nature. Somewhere far down the सूची is Internet software development. It is a career I fell into in a backwards sort of way because I needed a skill to support my family while my true career in film, photography, and लेखन took shape. Somewhere along the way that secondary skill became the principle रोटी winner, and while late at night pondering the fear of growing old and never accomplishing all that I love, I softly slip out of bed, किस my sleeping wife on the cheek, flip on the lamp at my computer desk, and continue to write. I don't know if this book is something I'll ever finish - and if I do I hope someone will deem it worthy of publishing. But in the mean time it is scratching a need and reaching a love. And most all, it is break from the routine.
भेड़िया have within them an innate desire – almost a genetic urgency – to play, and they do so often. I'm certain that for them it is a needed and welcomed relief from the routine task of staying alive. Humans are no different. The pressure and stress of simply surviving from दिन to दिन can overwhelm, and we each need from time to time a deep and profound release. Venturing into the woods and looking for wolves, and लेखन about my adventures, is one of mine.
This ब्रेव little pine martin allowed me to creep within eight feet before bolting.
I am painfully aware that in my attempt to write a book about my quest to find and photograph wild भेड़िया in Minnesota I have been preceded in this task द्वारा men with extraordinary talent for writing, for photography, and for finding and studying wolves. I have read the पुस्तकें of Jim Brandenburg and David Mech multiple times and lived the life of my dreams vicariously through their efforts. I have a deep respect for them and an even deeper प्यार for their work, and their पुस्तकें have been a major catalyst in my desire to fulfill this childhood desire. Yet to my knowledge this same task has never been done द्वारा someone like me… a nobody.
Although part of me yearns for the life lead द्वारा such men… a full time existence traveling the globe at the expense of National Geographic या the federal government, I wanted to prove that becoming aquatinted with भेड़िया was not an exclusive privilege open only to the wilderness elite. I hoped to दिखाना that a simple fellow such as myself, a city dweller with a full time job, could, with enough patience and effort, successfully find and photograph wild wolves.
I am द्वारा trade an Internet software developer. I am a faceless, anonymous soldier in the vast and endless army of eight-to-five workers grinding out a living on the weekdays and wasting the weekends getting ready to do it again. My गेराज and closets are packed with dust covered tents and sleeping bags – idols of a life I only live a few fleeting days a year.
Like so many of my fellow soldiers I repeat the same mundane tasks in an almost mindless state of auto pilot. I take out the trash, mow the lawn, pay the bills, and change burnt out light bulbs. I scrape my face with a steel blade every morning and pay to have my hair trimmed once a month. I wake up, go to work, come home, and go to bed. And like many of us, I spend plenty of time wondering what I could do to escape this endless hum.
But let's stop right there.
I am also a husband to my beautiful wife, Carina, and father to my daughter Andi and son Tanner. I scoop up my children as they run towards me with open arms when I come घर from work. I किस my wife on the lips and soak up her approving smile and fiery flash in her blue eyes. I clasp my fingers around hers as she pushes a stroller holding a sleeping Tanner while I carry a chattering Andi on my shoulders.
Together the four of us are, in my humble opinion, doing remarkably well at forging through life. As I begin to write this book Andi has recently turned two and Tanner is six months. They bubble over with an inspiring energy and vibrancy for life which they inherited from Carina, the spiritual giant who binds us together. We are not without our challenges yet we do our best to meet the needs of our children and each other. I know and understand Carina's desire to pursue an education in Physical Therapy, to enjoy hobbies, leisure time with friends, and ‘time out' away from the demands of full time motherhood. And she knows and understands my need to punctuate the dreariness of an eight-to-five job.
Re-enter the endless hum. I sometimes lie in बिस्तर at night awake, feeling the rhythmic rise and fall of my wife's warm and sleeping body अगला to mine, fighting off fears that I will one दिन wake up old without having accomplished something I was supposed to, but not even knowing what it was. Is it not a noble thing to excel in a rewarding career? And is it not a far nobler thing to raise a loving, healthy, and happy family? There are millions who will live and die having done this and this alone, and who will not have lived या died in vain.
Unless, of course, there was within them the potential for this, and then something more.
We all have loves in our life. My first is God, family and country. सेकंड is creativity and nature. Somewhere far down the सूची is Internet software development. It is a career I fell into in a backwards sort of way because I needed a skill to support my family while my true career in film, photography, and लेखन took shape. Somewhere along the way that secondary skill became the principle रोटी winner, and while late at night pondering the fear of growing old and never accomplishing all that I love, I softly slip out of bed, किस my sleeping wife on the cheek, flip on the lamp at my computer desk, and continue to write. I don't know if this book is something I'll ever finish - and if I do I hope someone will deem it worthy of publishing. But in the mean time it is scratching a need and reaching a love. And most all, it is break from the routine.
भेड़िया have within them an innate desire – almost a genetic urgency – to play, and they do so often. I'm certain that for them it is a needed and welcomed relief from the routine task of staying alive. Humans are no different. The pressure and stress of simply surviving from दिन to दिन can overwhelm, and we each need from time to time a deep and profound release. Venturing into the woods and looking for wolves, and लेखन about my adventures, is one of mine.
Has tales to tell,
The legends and lore
He knows so well.
From survival and feasting
On the vast plain,
From blinding blizzards
And torrential rain.
They have seen it all
As the Indians have,
Almost extinct
As the buffalo calf.
Beautiful creatures
Who stand with pride,
Few do live
And most have died.
His last request
Is a howl at the moon,
Telling his brothers
We'll be extinct real soon.
If आप look into his eyes
आप will see a tear,
His howl he bellows
Is all आप will hear.
If mankind would stop
And try to save,
The भेड़िया would flourish
Again one day.
Let's save these beautiful
Mystical eyes,
To tell और tales
That are so wise.
The eyes of the wolf
Has tales to tell,
His howl at the moon
We know so well.
I whine in disappointment of not being able to hunt with them because I'm still young.
"Very soon," begins my older brother sitting beside me, "you'll be out there leading the pack just like him and mother."
I know this is true but it seems so far away when I think about it.
My sister nuzzles me with her स्टाउट, तेज, मोटा nose to play a game with her.
My brother is amused and tells me to not think of hunting, but to live and enjoy my precious moments as a pup.
"You'll be a grown भेड़िया soon enough," he says.
Feeling a twitch of hope within my heart, I race after my sister and over the cold, powdery face of Mother Earth.
I tumble and roll within the flying flakes of Mother Earth's hair so white and clean, knowing that I will someday be a leader, a hunter, and a father of a pack all my own.