निनटेंडो eShop - Attack on Titan: Humanity in Chains Full Trailer

(A light appears from the ocean)
Link: What is that
King of Red Lions: It is the entrance to the sacred realm
Link: What makes it so sacred
King of Red Lions: It is a destroyed city, filled with hundreds of monsters, and the entire place is overlooked द्वारा a tower owned द्वारा the villain and………… Okay, it WAS sacred, but, that’s not the point right now. What is important is that आप need a new item
Link: That depends. So far, all I got was a grappling hook, which I really haven’t used, and a Deku Leaf, and we didn’t even दिखाना footage of me getting it. Do I really want this new item
King of...

Link: So, what now
King of Red Lions: Now we must take these pearls, and put them on three different islands
Link: If that’s the case, then why didn’t we go to those fucking islands in the first place
King of Red Lions: Because, who gives a shit, now get going
Link: (Sighs) Goddamn it
(Later)
Red Statue: I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY
Link: Uh huh
Red Statue: I WANT TO BREAK SOMETHING, GODDAMN IT
Link: Yeah, I’m just going to put this pearl here (Places it in the statues hand)
Red Statue: FUCK YOU! LET ME पंच आप IN THE FACE
Link: (Leaves)
Red Statue: WHY THE FUCK CAN’T I MOVE
(Later)
Blue Statue: I hate...

King of Red Lions: (Sails to a destroyed island) Oh my god
Link: Huh…. Is this Detroit Island
King of Red Lions: What happened to Great मछली Island
Quill: (Flies over) Hi, Link
Link: Oh god, not आप again
Quill: I saw this green guy come and break the island. He scared a giant fishy and it swim away
Link: Swam, आप idiot, not swim
King of Red Lions: Giant fishy? Oh, thank god, Lord Jalla is still safe
Link: Who?
King of Red Lions: A giant मछली who has the last pearl
Link: Oh… well, where can we find him
King of Red Lions: Well, if I’m correct, he must have went to Outset Island
Link: आप mean that...

King of Red Lions: (Arrives to another island) Ah, Forest Haven. This is where the Great Deku पेड़ lives
Link: Great Deku Tree? That name sounds oddly familiar, but, I can’t figure out why…. Oh well
(Later)
Link: So, where is this guy
Great Deku Tree: Hello there, young hero
Link: OH DEAR GOD! What’s wrong with your face
Great Deku Tree: Nothing, why
Link: Uh…. nothing, go on
Great Deku Tree: Anyway, I am the Great Deku Tree
Link: Seriously, your name sounds so familiar
Great Deku Tree: I’m pretty sure you’ve mistaken me for someone else
Link: Trust me, no one is going to mistake आप for anyone,...

King of Red Lions: Ah, Dragon Roost Island. Can आप just smell it
Link: All I smell is a bunch of nuclear waste
King of Red Lions: Oh, well, this place has a lot of nuclear waste. So, everyone here is a bird person. But, you’re fine. Just as long as आप don’t touch
Link: Why in the name of fuck would I touch that stuff
King of Red Lions: I…. don’t know
Link: Fuck it, I’ll see आप later
King of Red Lions: Wait, take this too (Holds up baton)
Link: What is it
King of Red Lions: It’s the Wind Waker. आप can use it to change the direction of the wind
Link: …. That’s stupid. I’ll just use...

Link: (Wakes up) Oh, where am I
???: Ah, so you’re finally awake
Link: Who कहा that
???: (Boat turns its head towards Link) It is I. A नाव with a face
Link: AHH!
Boat: Is something wrong
Link: Begone, spawn of Satan
Boat: No, it’s okay. I’m a good guy, like you
Link: Oh…. I’m suddenly okay with the fact that you’re talking
Boat: Perfect. I am the King of Red Lions, द्वारा the way
Link: I’m Link
King of Red Lions: Now, I recall आप trying to save your sister. That was either very brave, या very stupid
Link: ….. I dare आप to call me stupid again. Let me remind आप you’re made of wood. And...

Tetra: What. आप want to come with us on our ship
Link: That’s what I said, isn’t it
Tetra: No. Out of the question
Link: Apparently, you’re forgetting something. I have an annoying grandmother that makes me do unspeakable things for her. My sister is the one who I force to do those things so I don’t have to do them. Without her, I have no chance of avoiding those कहा things. Now, आप ARE going to help me get her out, and आप are going to like it
Tetra: आप must have some balls, kid. आप think आप can just tell us what to do. I am the captain of the pirates
Link: A bunch of pirates that...

Long ago, in the magical land of some castle, there lived a bunch of farmers who only had one horse. They worked all दिन because they aren’t technologically advanced. SERIOUSLY, BUY AN XBOX या SOMETHING आप CAVEMEN! Anyway, their land was rich with… corn, I guess, due to this magical triangle. They cherished this item so much, and vowed to protect it from all evil. So, it only makes sense that they just left it out in the open for anyone to come and take it. It just seems like the smart thing to do. Then, as if out of nowhere, the worlds largest black guy came from the earth, and took the...

Teacher: So, yeah, we had the kids do some interviews as a project for school. However, they were… um (Remembers he threw them in the garbage) Less than successful. Of course, if आप want to look at them, आप can. Just, please don’t put this on national TV
Man with Camera: Of course not
(That night)
News Anchor: Our camera man put all those taps on national TV. So, lets us see what wonderful work our societies children have done (Starts rolling tape)
(Students Interviews)
Wind: The school? Oh, it was a piece of shit since the दिन I first walked through the doors. All of the students there were...

Teacher: Okay, everyone, आप have a new student joining our class
Wind: Why the hell would anyone want to go to this school
Teacher: I ask myself that all the time. Now, he is a new student, and it is your guy’s job to make him feel unwelcome, unloved, and pathetic. Her name is Megan
???: (Comes in, with a backpack covered in ऐनीमे character stickers, and has blue hair) Konichiwa. But, my names not Megan, it’s Miku
Teacher: Whatever, just take a सीट (Miku sits अगला to Wind and Cody)
Cody: Hey, Wind, looks, another fagface. You’re not alone after all
Wind: आप do know I have the code to your...

Cody: (Dials number)
Answering Machine: Hello, आप have just called Wind, the येशु of the 21st century. Thankfully, for me anyway, I can’t get to the phone right now and here you’re stupid shit. So, leave a message, and, if I actually care, I’ll be sure to call आप later. And if this is Cody, I will dissect आप and hang your intestines on meat hooks if आप call me again.
Cody: (Dials number)
Mr. Smith: (Smiling) (Answers phone) Hello
Cody: Hello, Mr. smith
Mr. Smith: (Smiling) Ah, well, if it isn't the definition of idiocy himself. How may I help you, Cody
Cody: Have आप heard from Wind
Mr....

Cody: Hey, She-Fag, how’s it going
Cody’s Sister: I got a name, Cody. It’s Nicole
Cody: Whatever, She-Fag. Anyway, आप remember the party we agreed on
Nicole: No, आप agreed on it, and I कहा it was a stupid idea. Then आप got so mad, that आप started huffing paint thinner, and then decided to call all your फ्रेंड्स and tell them we had a party tonight, even though I specifically told आप not to call them
Cody: …… So, yes, आप do remember?
Nicole: For all the wrong reasons, yes. And, everything about this is a wrong reason
Cody: Awesome, now-
(Later that night)
Cody: Lets get this party started...

Wind: Oh man, it feels so good to have finally graduated from Freshman year. I can finally enjoy summer break with not a single idiot in si-
(3 Months Later)
Wind: (Standing at the bus stop) Well it was fun while it lasted
(Later, in the auditorium)
Wind: (Sits in chair in the back) I just hope that people changed since last year
Students: (Stares at pictures of penises on their phones and laugh)
Wind: God, if you’re listening, please kill me
Cody: (Sits अगला to Wind) हे there, queerbait
Wind: Hello, failed abortion
Cody: Hey, my mom’s the only one who can call me that
Wind: Do आप even know what...