King of Red Lions: Ah, Dragon Roost Island. Can आप just smell it
Link: All I smell is a bunch of nuclear waste
King of Red Lions: Oh, well, this place has a lot of nuclear waste. So, everyone here is a bird person. But, you’re fine. Just as long as आप don’t touch
Link: Why in the name of fuck would I touch that stuff
King of Red Lions: I…. don’t know
Link: Fuck it, I’ll see आप later
King of Red Lions: Wait, take this too (Holds up baton)
Link: What is it
King of Red Lions: It’s the Wind Waker. आप can use it to change the direction of the wind
Link: …. That’s stupid. I’ll just use it as a shive and stab someone with it
King of Red Lions: (Sighs) Whatever. I don’t care
Link: Well, see आप later (Leaves)
(Later)
Quill: Hi, Link
Link: What are आप doing here
Quill: I came outside. The other guys wanted to see how long I can stay out here
Guy: Fuck you, Quill, आप retarded fuck
Quill: Their so friendly
Link: Uh-huh… Well, I’m gonna go now. Try not to jump off the ledge and forget how to fly
Quill: Okay….. (Jumps off ledge)
Link: …. j-just fuck it (Walks off)
Quill: (Hits the ground) …. what’s this big white thing sticking out of my arm
(Later)
Chief: What do आप mean Valoo is angry
Birdman: That’s what I said, Valoo is angry
Chief: Fuck. Well, try to fix it
Birdman: Okay (Leaves)
Chief: Oh, Link. I’ve been expecting you. Quill has told us so much about you. He कहा that आप would beat him over the head with a stick until red stuff came out. So, anyone who beats up Quill is a friend of ours
Link: Fantastic. So, I hear that I can get और powerful here. What do I need to do
Chief: Well, Komali, my disappointment of a son is too scared to go talk to Valoo to turn into a man. I’ve tried everything, even physically abusing him. But, no matter what I do, he just sits in his room and cries like a bitch
Link: So, what do आप want me to do
Chief: Talk, या at least beat some sense into him and have him get his pansy नितंब, गधा up the mountain
Link: If आप say so
Chief: However, you’ll need a letter I made for him from Medli
Link: Well, can’t आप just give me the letter
Chief: Nope. आप have to go talk to Medli
Link: … Why?
Chief: Because fuck you, that’s why. Now get your नितंब, गधा moving
Link: (Sighs) Fine
(Later)
Link: So, where’s this Medli person a-
Birdgirl: (Stares at Link)
Link: Uh…. hi
Birdgirl: You’re a human, right
Link: Uh…. yes
Birdgirl: Oh my, I always dreamed this दिन would come when I would meet a human. Oh, it’s like a dream come true. My name is Medli. What’s your name, incredibly handsome human
Link: I’m Link. I need to get a letter from the Chief to give it to his कुतिया, मतलबी son
Medli: Anything for you, incredibly sexy human
Link: Uh… thank you
Medli: Oh, द्वारा the way, can I have some of your hair... and your skin… and blood… And possibly some of your seamen
Link: I’m gonna leave now. Bye (Runs off)
Medli: You’ll be back. And I’ll be waiting
(Later)
Link: Okay, now, where is the chief’s कुतिया, मतलबी son
Birdboy: (Whimpers)
Link: Hey, are आप Komali
Birdboy: Well, yeah, but-
Link: Good. Read this
Komali: (Reads letter) This is from-
Link: Yeah, your dad. I don’t care. Now, go up there and become a man… birdman… whatever
Komali: But its real scary up there and I might die and- (Whimpers so much, his dialogue is indecipherable)
Link: Oh, for fucks sake. Fucking go up there
Komali: But I can’t… unless
Link: (Annoyed sigh) What do I have to do
Komali: Go up there and see what’s making Valoo upset
Link: Fine. Fucking hell, at least I’ll be making SOME progress
(Later)
Link: What the hell. आप again
Medli: LINK! I knew you’d come back. I missed आप super sexy human man
Link: Can आप please help me get inside the temple
Medli: Sure, just throw me up there
Link: Okay (Picks Medli up, misses the throw, and Medli hits a wall)
Medli: Okay, so, आप kinda missed
Link: Not really. I was planning to do that
Medli: Well, lets just try this again
Link: Fine (Gets her on चोटी, शीर्ष of the ledge) Wait, how did this help
Medli: It didn’t. I must go now. I must go and save Valoo, so I’ll be a hero to आप and we can have crazy human on birdgirl sex
Link: ………. आप know what, go on ahead
Medli: YAY! I’ll see आप soon, Link. I’ll be sure to bring the rubbers
Link: …… (I hope that कुतिया, मतलबी dies)
(Later)
Link: Okay, I finally managed to make it into this shithole, now all I got to do is
Medli: (In a cage) Link, I got captured
Link: OH COME ON, WHY ARE आप NOT FUCKING DEAD
Bokoblin: Oh, sir, we found your friend. We didn’t want to put her in this cage, but we didn’t have a choice. But, were glad आप came to-
Link: FUCK YOU
Bokoblin: Wait, what )Link stabs Bokoblin to death)
Medli: Thanks Link… Now, can आप let me out
Link: Why should I? You're a sex driven maniac
Medli: I’ll give आप this grappling hook
Link: ……… (Breaks open cage) Give me the grappling hook
Medli: Okay (Hands it to him)
Link: Great. Now fuck off before I stab you
Medli: Oh, I प्यार the violent stuff. It makes me so we-
Link: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE
Medli: Okay, I’m leaving
(Later)
Link: So, now I just need to find what’s making that Valoo guy angry
Gohma: (Pops out of the Lava) BOW BEFORE THE AWESOME MIGHT OF…. JOE
Link: (Snickers) Joe, really. That’s the best name आप could come up with
Gohma: SHUT THE FUCK UP! I AM GOING TO CRUSH YOU
Link: With what. Your one single eye. What can आप even do
Gohma: WELL, I AM THE FIRST BOSS, SO I AM INDESTRUCTI- (A rock hits Gohma on the head, and Link stabs him in the eye, killing him)
Link: Well, at least that’s done with
(Later)
Link: Okay, so I guess we can just leave no-
Medli: LINK!
Link: Oh, goddamn it
Medli: Before आप go, Komali has something to say to you
Komali: AHHHA AHHAHHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHH (Hands him pearl)
Link: (Takes pearl) Thanks for…. whatever the hell आप just said
Medli: Well, see आप later Link. And, perhaps अगला time, we can try intercourse
Link: Yeah, but I would rather fuck a cactus rather than fuck you, so…. bye (Leaves)
Medli: Well, at least I got a strand of his hair
Link: All I smell is a bunch of nuclear waste
King of Red Lions: Oh, well, this place has a lot of nuclear waste. So, everyone here is a bird person. But, you’re fine. Just as long as आप don’t touch
Link: Why in the name of fuck would I touch that stuff
King of Red Lions: I…. don’t know
Link: Fuck it, I’ll see आप later
King of Red Lions: Wait, take this too (Holds up baton)
Link: What is it
King of Red Lions: It’s the Wind Waker. आप can use it to change the direction of the wind
Link: …. That’s stupid. I’ll just use it as a shive and stab someone with it
King of Red Lions: (Sighs) Whatever. I don’t care
Link: Well, see आप later (Leaves)
(Later)
Quill: Hi, Link
Link: What are आप doing here
Quill: I came outside. The other guys wanted to see how long I can stay out here
Guy: Fuck you, Quill, आप retarded fuck
Quill: Their so friendly
Link: Uh-huh… Well, I’m gonna go now. Try not to jump off the ledge and forget how to fly
Quill: Okay….. (Jumps off ledge)
Link: …. j-just fuck it (Walks off)
Quill: (Hits the ground) …. what’s this big white thing sticking out of my arm
(Later)
Chief: What do आप mean Valoo is angry
Birdman: That’s what I said, Valoo is angry
Chief: Fuck. Well, try to fix it
Birdman: Okay (Leaves)
Chief: Oh, Link. I’ve been expecting you. Quill has told us so much about you. He कहा that आप would beat him over the head with a stick until red stuff came out. So, anyone who beats up Quill is a friend of ours
Link: Fantastic. So, I hear that I can get और powerful here. What do I need to do
Chief: Well, Komali, my disappointment of a son is too scared to go talk to Valoo to turn into a man. I’ve tried everything, even physically abusing him. But, no matter what I do, he just sits in his room and cries like a bitch
Link: So, what do आप want me to do
Chief: Talk, या at least beat some sense into him and have him get his pansy नितंब, गधा up the mountain
Link: If आप say so
Chief: However, you’ll need a letter I made for him from Medli
Link: Well, can’t आप just give me the letter
Chief: Nope. आप have to go talk to Medli
Link: … Why?
Chief: Because fuck you, that’s why. Now get your नितंब, गधा moving
Link: (Sighs) Fine
(Later)
Link: So, where’s this Medli person a-
Birdgirl: (Stares at Link)
Link: Uh…. hi
Birdgirl: You’re a human, right
Link: Uh…. yes
Birdgirl: Oh my, I always dreamed this दिन would come when I would meet a human. Oh, it’s like a dream come true. My name is Medli. What’s your name, incredibly handsome human
Link: I’m Link. I need to get a letter from the Chief to give it to his कुतिया, मतलबी son
Medli: Anything for you, incredibly sexy human
Link: Uh… thank you
Medli: Oh, द्वारा the way, can I have some of your hair... and your skin… and blood… And possibly some of your seamen
Link: I’m gonna leave now. Bye (Runs off)
Medli: You’ll be back. And I’ll be waiting
(Later)
Link: Okay, now, where is the chief’s कुतिया, मतलबी son
Birdboy: (Whimpers)
Link: Hey, are आप Komali
Birdboy: Well, yeah, but-
Link: Good. Read this
Komali: (Reads letter) This is from-
Link: Yeah, your dad. I don’t care. Now, go up there and become a man… birdman… whatever
Komali: But its real scary up there and I might die and- (Whimpers so much, his dialogue is indecipherable)
Link: Oh, for fucks sake. Fucking go up there
Komali: But I can’t… unless
Link: (Annoyed sigh) What do I have to do
Komali: Go up there and see what’s making Valoo upset
Link: Fine. Fucking hell, at least I’ll be making SOME progress
(Later)
Link: What the hell. आप again
Medli: LINK! I knew you’d come back. I missed आप super sexy human man
Link: Can आप please help me get inside the temple
Medli: Sure, just throw me up there
Link: Okay (Picks Medli up, misses the throw, and Medli hits a wall)
Medli: Okay, so, आप kinda missed
Link: Not really. I was planning to do that
Medli: Well, lets just try this again
Link: Fine (Gets her on चोटी, शीर्ष of the ledge) Wait, how did this help
Medli: It didn’t. I must go now. I must go and save Valoo, so I’ll be a hero to आप and we can have crazy human on birdgirl sex
Link: ………. आप know what, go on ahead
Medli: YAY! I’ll see आप soon, Link. I’ll be sure to bring the rubbers
Link: …… (I hope that कुतिया, मतलबी dies)
(Later)
Link: Okay, I finally managed to make it into this shithole, now all I got to do is
Medli: (In a cage) Link, I got captured
Link: OH COME ON, WHY ARE आप NOT FUCKING DEAD
Bokoblin: Oh, sir, we found your friend. We didn’t want to put her in this cage, but we didn’t have a choice. But, were glad आप came to-
Link: FUCK YOU
Bokoblin: Wait, what )Link stabs Bokoblin to death)
Medli: Thanks Link… Now, can आप let me out
Link: Why should I? You're a sex driven maniac
Medli: I’ll give आप this grappling hook
Link: ……… (Breaks open cage) Give me the grappling hook
Medli: Okay (Hands it to him)
Link: Great. Now fuck off before I stab you
Medli: Oh, I प्यार the violent stuff. It makes me so we-
Link: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE
Medli: Okay, I’m leaving
(Later)
Link: So, now I just need to find what’s making that Valoo guy angry
Gohma: (Pops out of the Lava) BOW BEFORE THE AWESOME MIGHT OF…. JOE
Link: (Snickers) Joe, really. That’s the best name आप could come up with
Gohma: SHUT THE FUCK UP! I AM GOING TO CRUSH YOU
Link: With what. Your one single eye. What can आप even do
Gohma: WELL, I AM THE FIRST BOSS, SO I AM INDESTRUCTI- (A rock hits Gohma on the head, and Link stabs him in the eye, killing him)
Link: Well, at least that’s done with
(Later)
Link: Okay, so I guess we can just leave no-
Medli: LINK!
Link: Oh, goddamn it
Medli: Before आप go, Komali has something to say to you
Komali: AHHHA AHHAHHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHH (Hands him pearl)
Link: (Takes pearl) Thanks for…. whatever the hell आप just said
Medli: Well, see आप later Link. And, perhaps अगला time, we can try intercourse
Link: Yeah, but I would rather fuck a cactus rather than fuck you, so…. bye (Leaves)
Medli: Well, at least I got a strand of his hair