Nathan: (wanking in his coffin) Ah… Take it to the edge. Oh! Pull it back… Pull it back… Oh! Make it last, आप little tease! Okay, crank it up! Crank it up! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! आप प्यार it, आप beautiful bastard!
Kelly: So if you’re not dead, how come आप smell so bad?
Nathan: I appear to have shat myself.
Alisha: Were आप having a wank in there?
Nathan: Yeah, so what if I was? A man can’t enjoy a quick shuffle in his own coffin? It’s not like I was expecting visitors.
Nathan: I need to eat. Has anyone got a kebab?
Nathan: Yeah, so my mum opens the door and she’s like ‘Aaaaaaahh!’...