"Do you know what happens in Vocal Adrenaline if someone dies during a performance? They use them as a prop, like Weekend At Bernie's".

"I took a class at UCLA in Judging for Reality TV Shows, so I’m totally ready to give feedback that’s both blistering and unhelpful. It was a great class, I learned a lot."

"Usually at this point the reality show would go to commercial and we would take a five minute break to regroup and get touch ups done on our makeup so I'm gonna hit the little boys room You're doing a great job, I really think you should comment more. Don't be shy".

"Well, it was a tough competition, but here's the dope. Santana: too mean, Kurt: too controversial, Mercedes, I said it twice and I'll say it again: lazy b-o-n-e-s".

"I can’t practice reality show judging without a camera it’s like practicing skiing without skis"

Brittany: "Jesse maybe you can come on Fondue For Two and judge my cat?"
Jesse: "Rock and Roll"

Will: "Just feels like I'm telling one of my children that they're my favorite"
Jesse: "that's what my parents told me, in front of my siblings. Sure, some might say it led to my brother's whippet addiction, and my sister's bulimia, but my parents owed them the truth".

"What you call fighting I call motivation. And this is just the beginning. Once we get to nationals, I'll have them willing to kill each other for that solo".

haha, that's so true Jesse <3

ROFL

His lines were absolutely hilarious this episode.

So true!

So true. This comment had me ROFLMAO like nothing else. That and the "Weekend at Bernie's." one. Oh, and "zombie". Jesse speaks the truth.

LOLS jesse is the best! I think he hates Finn as much as i do:)