'Letters To A Young Gentleman' द्वारा Halrloprillalar 

Summary: Harry/Draco. The collected correspondence of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy.

Notes: Written in 90 minutes for the contrelamontre Letters challenge.

Please refrain from sending me such juvenile items in the future; it\'s embarrassing for us both. If you think a childish prank will deter me in my plans to kill you, you are very much mistaken.

Are you mad? I didn\'t send you anything. And kill me? You\'d be lucky.

Your denials are weak and unconvincing, just what I\'d expect from someone raised by Muggles. I am now having all my post inspected by the house elves, so don\'t bother with any more harassment.

As to your rude remark about my father, our solicitor assures us that Father will be released and fully cleared by the end of the month.

Perhaps your severed head would make a suitable welcoming gift for him.

I still don\'t know what you\'re on about. Unless you plan to kill me by boring me to death. Does reading your letters often cause people\'s heads to drop off? Otherwise, you\'ve about as much chance of killing me as you do of catching the Snitch.

Clearly you are afraid, else you wouldn\'t be trying to intimidate me. (It\'s not working.) You ought to be afraid. I\'m going to kill you. Don\'t you think it would be best to have it over?

I\'m so afraid, my head just fell off and I had to put it back on with a Sticking Charm.

Will Friday be too soon? I expect you\'ll want to get your affairs in order.

Friday at midnight. There\'s a park nearby -- I\'ll draw a map on the back of the parchment. I suppose your broomstick can fly that far?

No magic, though, or we\'ll have the Ministry down on us inside of a minute. Unless you\'re too much of a coward to face me without your wand.

I should have known you\'d want to play at Muggle barbarism. But it\'s all the same to me. I enclose a catalogue from Gower\'s Coffins and Caskets for your perusal in your final hours.

If that\'s your idea of killing me, I think I\'ll stick with Voldemort.

? I responded out of simple courtesy. Next time, don\'t expect such kindness from me.

you, to wrestle you to the ground and punch your head. Apparently, you\'re so starved for affection, you can\'t tell the difference.

I did not realise that a proper grapple hold involved putting your tongue in your opponent\'s mouth. Is that a Muggle technique?

Please cease communicating with me. You will not have a second opportunity to exercise your sick desires on me. Don\'t even think about accosting me on the train next week.

Damn you, Malfoy. I\'ve had to wear my scarf to lessons all week and it\'s only September. And I have a massive bruise on my back where you shoved me against the sink. I should have known you\'d jump at me the minute we got on the train.

I realise you\'ve always been obsessed with me, but maybe you should try someone more your level. Like the Giant Squid.

The toilet was clearly engaged, you had no call to barge in on me like that. You can\'t seem to stay away from me. It\'s really pathetic.

Almost as pathetic as your inability to clear up a few passion marks with a simple charm. My, but you

PS I\'m doing Untraceable Poisons as a special Potions project with Snape.

It\'s obvious you don\'t want to kill me or you\'d have done it by now. If you could, which I doubt. I\'ve been drinking my pumpkin juice every day, but where is the Untraceable Poison? All you seem capable of is snogging in dark alcoves. How Slytherin of you.

But stop hanging around the Gryffindor common room or you\'ll get yourself killed. I\'ll just watch while Dean and Seamus smash your face in.

Killing you would be cruelty to animals. And where did you get that invisibility cloak? I suppose that wasn\'t the first time you\'ve watched me in the showers. It\'s just the sort of sick thing you would do.

I suppose that wasn\'t the first time you ever moaned my name in the showers.

You wrenched my shoulder yesterday when you pulled me into the broomstick cupboard. Please be more careful in the future.

Sorry I hurt your precious shoulder. How else am I to get hold of you?

History of Magic classroom, 10PM. Bring the cloak.

Forgot to let you know -- while we were clearing out some old stock over the summer, we sent a load of dungbombs to Draco Malfoy with your compliments. Hope that went over well.

SQUEEE! i loff it :). in fact, i loff all your stories muchos.

Nice one! I really liked it. However, I didn\'t get the ending... I\'ll probably understand later and be like "oooooh" lol. Anyway, still very good and interesting!

My word, that was brilliant! I haven\'t laughed that hard in ages. The Weasleys, dysfunctional cupids. Lovely.

That was brilliant. I absolutely adored it, and it is the reason that this site has now been added to my favourites.

Wonderful. Thankyou so much for sharing you writing talents with the world. :)

I love the ending. Love it. Harry must be really thankful that Fred and George did what they did. Or how else would he find an excuse to chase Draco? sniggers...

Oh Lord. The Weasley twins put the "fun" into dysfunctional cupids indeed. Betcha they hadn\'t a clue what they started. It\'s wonderful to see our two favourite boys getting along so nicely though. ;-) And my brother doesn\'t understand how I can pair them up. *sighs* Teenage boys are clueless. XD

This was wonderful! I am a big letter-romance buff....since daddy long-legs and this is also my fav. ship. What I like best about your writing is the triteness and the part u leave unsaid which is actually the \'real\'story! Excellent work and this happens to be my fav....I love H/D fluff! Thanks a million for making my day!

*cackles delightedly* It took me a moment to remember there had been a packade at the beginning, but then I twigged. Cue the maniacal laughing. ^^

Wicked! I loved it. Had so much fun just reading that. You\'ll get me started writing Harry/Draco soon. Loved it. Great.

^^ I think this wonderfully written. It\'s light-hearted and humorous... I think I fell in love with your ending, lol. George and Fred... dysfunctional cupids indeed. *needs to remember that term*

That was gr8! we luvd it!Our 2 fave boys finally getin 2geva! yay! lol!

That was funny, witty, and had me snorting several times in my tea. And to say Harry/Draco is my personal I Don\'t Get It ship. Really, really great; even the characterisation made sense. Very enjoyable.

Dude that was COOL!!! Probably not the best choice of words but I swear that is the first thing my brain said. Anyway fabulous story thought it was wonderful!! I loved the style of exchange, am going to have to find for letter exchange stories. You should be proud you inspired me to take a step into another style of wrinting. I thought it was great and really sweet.

I just noticed that it goes from Dm And HP to Harry and Draco when the letters are consisted mostly with talk of the exploits adn less insults in general. Not sure if it was on purpose or not but I thought it was a interesting transition

Alright, enough of that, but woman you\'re brilliant. Don\'t know what we\'d do without genius plot-twists like that. Hah, had to read that one over just cuz of that unexpectedness. Splee.

Yeah, hit the \'post\' butten about a paragraph before I meant to, and I wish I hadn\'t, \'cause there\'s a big, hawkin\' tyop staring me in the face. Supposed to be \'big loffs on yuu,\' not \'to yuu.\' Oh, well.

Anyway, I loved the way the storyline shifted. That was great. And, again with the Goddess of the Last Line bit. :)

I read a couple of your works before via The Potter Slash archive and i LOVE them ALL

Nice. How I would expect something to happen, maybe, in a strange way, I think.

Sorry for the short feedback, but not really sure what else to say. Hmmm...

I LOVE THAT I THOUGHT IT GENIOUS so the weasleys sent the mysterious package magnificent!!!!!! hehehe

Still great after multiple read throughs.

LMAO I\'ve read this somewhere else too. It made me die laughing the first time and it\'s done it again. If it\'s possible to die twice. Nyeh sure it is. Absolutely hilarious :)

Wonderful story! I\'ve read a lot of your fics and they\'re all great... I think this is my favorite, though.

this is so funny I\'m crying. And I\'m a serious 41 year old. Let me know if you write more

There is a uk site with this theme but it is more serious with abuse in draco\'s childhood making him more sympathetic

i\'m back for a second reading, and this time i will deign to leave feedback. :D

seriously, i adore this fic! it maketh me laugh very hard. harry\'s last note to george is too funny. and the h/d dialogue...perfection. thank you thank you thank you, you have blessed my life!

Oo, yay, this is so great...and funny!! Yayyy for you. And I love letter format fics. This *sooo* made my day. ::bookmarks page::

I think that this is one of my favorite Harry/Draco drabbles. *sigh* So sweet and entertaining.

*squeel* that was pure geneous! brilient! funny! lovely! awsome! i cant think of any more describing words! :)

Awesome! this is one of my all time favorite fics. As a matter of fact, I have gotten in trouble for laughing at your funny fics in class before... Most distressing. LOL

love the title; love the stylistic nakedness; the wit; Malfoy, Potter ... DM, HP ... Draco, Harry ... four words:

Ah, yes. Now I, too, have found this site. And I\'ve got to say. These drabbles are so awesome. This is one of my favorites. I laughed so hard first time reading it I spit diet coke all over the screen. Awesome I tell you, awesome! Many plot points for this one. XD

lol! You rock! That was one of the best fanfics ever!

This was hilarious. Fantastically witty writing, I love it.

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