Days and days passed,this just wasn't going to end.This constant battle with Leo.Leo and I weren't fighting we just kept..well actually HE was the one leading me on so I was beating myself about it now.Leo could go from saying stuff like "hi beautiful" to "I don't wanna be around आप right at the moment Jas,i-i gotta....see आप later."And then he will walk away.I don't get it at all.The crappiest part of all this is that whether या not he is being a jerk.I'm falling for him,and I'm falling for him fast.

I mean its so hard to not fall for him.He can be the sweetest person on earth sometimes,and others he is really mysterious and haunting but I like that about him.So there was two sides of him to me.One that was exactly like me and the other that was the complete opposite.But the common denominator about both of them was that I was completely in प्यार with both personalities.The personalities that would make me cry myself to sleep sometimes and the personalities that would make me start गाना non-stop प्यार songs for days.How was I suppose to live with my own personal,living,loving roller-coaster?

Sometimes I loved Leo and sometimes I hated how much I loved him,but in the end I still loved him.I always feel like Leo loves me cause of how well I know him but at the same time,Leo can act like he doesn't know me at all.All this was just hated love.

Hated प्यार is how much we hate the प्यार but at the same we need the love,we couldn't live without.The प्यार that keeps आप guessing and the प्यार आप dream about but at the same the प्यार आप hate because it seems to good to be true,the hated प्यार that just doesn't seem right in some way but yet in reality its perfect.But yet your walls are still up,they won't fall no matter how hard आप try.Your just stuck hating how much आप प्यार that person half the time and the half of the time your just stuck being in प्यार with them and being happy about it.Constantly a fight...with yourself.Its not easy having to be cautious all the time when आप don't want to be.

Hated love,its not easy.At all.It gets your दिल and breaks it and then puts it back together within the same hour.The hated प्यार that keeps आप up at night crying,the same प्यार that will steal दिल and won't give it back!

(Sighs)I just need Leo.So badly.I just don't feel right without him....not complete.I would call him but yet I can't.I just can't get myself to call cause I'm the kind of person that hates feeling like I'm intruding on someone या something,even if that means that I don't try at all.Leo is everything to me.I know that's kind of soon to be saying that but,
"I've felt और with Leo in this past few weeks than I ever did with Joel in the whole two yeas we were together."

Leonardo....Leonardo..Leonardo.That would be a really good song.I thought to myself.But it was no use,no matter how hard I tried to not think about Leo I end up thinking about him more.A part of me just wanted to die cause of all the stress this boy was causing me but I couldn't help myself.Those beautiful blue eyes could take my breath away and his dimples would just make me melt.I wanted to play with his long mysterious black hair all day,wanted to stare at that stunning smile...I just really needed Leonardo.

He was so much और to me than just some ईमो boy that I fell in प्यार with.He means the world to me.I can't picture my life without Leo in it,well actually I can and it doesn't look to good,trust me.I would probably be ईमो too if I hadn't had found Leo.I am just lucky i have him.

That night was one of the worst nights of my whole life.I kept tossing and turning in my bed,throwing the blanket the over me because I was freezing gone moment,and then hurdling the blanket the to the ground the अगला moment because I felt like I was about to have a heat stroke.I kept constantly mumbling weird stuff about black birds and how the dead is coming for me.I felt like I was going crazy,literally.

When I finally did get some sleep,the night got even worse.Full of demons and paranormal activity actually going on inside of me.Now I know they were just dreams but crap like that can really scare a girl!But the worse dream of them all was the one where Leo was drowned in my bath tub!Not only was he drowned but he was drowned द्वारा me.I killed him,my own true प्यार and I killed him.it was horrifying.Hearing him scream like that,seeing him struggle for his life,seeing those blue stare right into mine,so hopeless with endless fear.No wonder i woke up with my तकिया soaked.The tears were still damp on my face when I woke up.

I hate when I have nights like that.It makes me feel like I'm either really stupid या really weird and a total pessimist.I can't even stand to see a dead person on the news,let alone be the killer!Now I know for a fact this is going to eat me up inside.I'm not gonna be able to look at Leo the same anymore.I'm gonna scared when I have swim class with him and just touching him is gonna be uncomfortable,at least for a little while anyway.

This Saturday morning just wasn't going the way I had hoped.First the nightmares and now there was no नारंगी, ऑरेंज रस for me because of my family's "gallon cups" that they drink out of.My life was miserable at the moment,I wanted to go to Juaney's but I highly doubted he was up this late.I know that makes no sense,well Juan's family sleeps in until around two in the afternoon on Saturdays.I don't blame them though.The Sanchez's get up at four in the morning,every morning!Considering how they live about an घंटा from school and their parent's work they need a lot of time to get ready.

I figured I would call them in a couple of hours when they all have showered and are all fully awake.On सेकंड thought,I'll just call them tonight.

Maybe Leo was missing me too though?Maybe I was just overacting?

"Is this what it feels like to have your दिल win?"