1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag आप down to his level and beat आप with experience.
2. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
3. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I चुरा लिया a bike and asked for forgiveness.
4. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
5. Going to church doesn't make आप a Christian any और than standing in a गेराज makes आप a car.
6. We live in a society where पिज़्ज़ा, पिज्जा gets to your house before the police.
7. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
8. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
9. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until आप hear them speak.
10. If I agreed with आप we'd both be wrong.
11. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If आप see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
12. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
13. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
14. Knowledge is knowing a टमाटर is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a फल salad.
15. Children: आप spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then आप spend the अगला 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
16. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
17. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
18. Having sex is like playing bridge. If आप don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
19. The early bird might get the worm, but the सेकंड माउस gets the cheese.
20. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell आप why it isn't.
21. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
22. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
23. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
24. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
25. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
26. If आप think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
27. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
28. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
29. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
30. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but आप can't help smiling when आप see one tumble down the stairs.
31. Did आप know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
32. A bank is a place that will lend आप money, if आप can prove that आप don't need it.
33. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
34. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
35. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
36. I didn't fight my way to the चोटी, शीर्ष of the खाना chain to be a vegetarian
37. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
38. I didn't say it was your fault, I कहा I was blaming you.
39. I saw a woman wearing a sweat कमीज, शर्ट with "Guess" on it...so I कहा "Implants?"
40. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
41. Why does someone believe आप when आप say there are four billion stars, but check when आप say the paint is wet?
42. The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
43. God must प्यार stupid people. He made SO many.
44. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the सड़क, स्ट्रीट with a bald head and a बीयर, बियर gut, and still think they are sexy.
45. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
46. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
47. Some people say "If आप can't beat them, शामिल होइए them". I say "If आप can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting आप to शामिल होइए them, so आप will have the element of surprise.
48. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
49. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
50. आप do not need a parachute to skydive. आप only need a parachute to skydive twice.
50 to 100 Funny Jokes:
51. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
52. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
53. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
54. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
55. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
56. It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
57. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
58. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
59. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
60. A diplomat is someone who can tell आप to go to hell in such a way that आप will look आगे to the trip.
61. We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
62. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if आप wish they were.
63. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
64. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
65. When in doubt, mumble.
66. I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured द्वारा a great white शार्क या if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
67. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
68. Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
69. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
70. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
71. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
72. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I कहा I want a सेकंड opinion. He कहा okay, you're ugly too.
73. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
74. येशु loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
75. I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
76. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
77. I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
78. I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
79. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
80. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
81. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
82. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
83. When tempted to fight आग with fire, remember that the आग Department usually uses water.
84. आप are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss आप heaps and think of आप often.
85. I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, आप won't be able to get into the corners very well."
86. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
87. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
88. With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
89. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever आप hit the target.
90. A bargain is something आप don't need at a price आप can't resist.
91. Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
92. A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
93. If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
94. Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
95. If at first आप don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
96. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when आप are after it as when आप are in it.
97. Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
98. Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
99. If आप are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have और than one child.
100. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
2. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
3. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I चुरा लिया a bike and asked for forgiveness.
4. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
5. Going to church doesn't make आप a Christian any और than standing in a गेराज makes आप a car.
6. We live in a society where पिज़्ज़ा, पिज्जा gets to your house before the police.
7. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
8. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
9. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until आप hear them speak.
10. If I agreed with आप we'd both be wrong.
11. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If आप see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
12. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
13. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
14. Knowledge is knowing a टमाटर is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a फल salad.
15. Children: आप spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then आप spend the अगला 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
16. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
17. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
18. Having sex is like playing bridge. If आप don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
19. The early bird might get the worm, but the सेकंड माउस gets the cheese.
20. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell आप why it isn't.
21. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
22. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
23. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
24. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
25. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
26. If आप think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
27. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
28. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
29. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
30. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but आप can't help smiling when आप see one tumble down the stairs.
31. Did आप know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
32. A bank is a place that will lend आप money, if आप can prove that आप don't need it.
33. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
34. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
35. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
36. I didn't fight my way to the चोटी, शीर्ष of the खाना chain to be a vegetarian
37. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
38. I didn't say it was your fault, I कहा I was blaming you.
39. I saw a woman wearing a sweat कमीज, शर्ट with "Guess" on it...so I कहा "Implants?"
40. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
41. Why does someone believe आप when आप say there are four billion stars, but check when आप say the paint is wet?
42. The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
43. God must प्यार stupid people. He made SO many.
44. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the सड़क, स्ट्रीट with a bald head and a बीयर, बियर gut, and still think they are sexy.
45. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
46. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
47. Some people say "If आप can't beat them, शामिल होइए them". I say "If आप can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting आप to शामिल होइए them, so आप will have the element of surprise.
48. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
49. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
50. आप do not need a parachute to skydive. आप only need a parachute to skydive twice.
50 to 100 Funny Jokes:
51. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
52. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
53. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
54. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
55. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
56. It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
57. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
58. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
59. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
60. A diplomat is someone who can tell आप to go to hell in such a way that आप will look आगे to the trip.
61. We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
62. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if आप wish they were.
63. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
64. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
65. When in doubt, mumble.
66. I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured द्वारा a great white शार्क या if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
67. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
68. Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
69. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
70. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
71. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
72. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I कहा I want a सेकंड opinion. He कहा okay, you're ugly too.
73. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
74. येशु loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
75. I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
76. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
77. I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
78. I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
79. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
80. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
81. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
82. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
83. When tempted to fight आग with fire, remember that the आग Department usually uses water.
84. आप are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss आप heaps and think of आप often.
85. I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, आप won't be able to get into the corners very well."
86. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
87. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
88. With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
89. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever आप hit the target.
90. A bargain is something आप don't need at a price आप can't resist.
91. Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
92. A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
93. If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
94. Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
95. If at first आप don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
96. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when आप are after it as when आप are in it.
97. Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
98. Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
99. If आप are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have और than one child.
100. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
~ barium tetraiodomercurate
~ barium hexafluorosilicate
~ beryllium acetylacetonate
~ barium pyrovanadate
~ dichlorodifluoromethanefreon
~ trichloromethanemethyl trichloride
~ dimethylsulfoniopropionate
~ tetrahydrocannabinol
~ nitridotriphosphorous hexafluoride
~ pentafluorosulfanyldifluoroamine
~ aluminium-gallium-indium phosphide
~bismuth nitrate pentahydrate
~ tetrafluoroethylene
~ bromoisobutyric acid
~ cyclopentadienyl anion
~ acetylbutyric acid
~ butyl glyoxylate
~ hydroxypropyl acrylate
~ propyl pyruvate
~ decaprenoastaxanthin
~ barium hexafluorosilicate
~ beryllium acetylacetonate
~ barium pyrovanadate
~ dichlorodifluoromethanefreon
~ trichloromethanemethyl trichloride
~ dimethylsulfoniopropionate
~ tetrahydrocannabinol
~ nitridotriphosphorous hexafluoride
~ pentafluorosulfanyldifluoroamine
~ aluminium-gallium-indium phosphide
~bismuth nitrate pentahydrate
~ tetrafluoroethylene
~ bromoisobutyric acid
~ cyclopentadienyl anion
~ acetylbutyric acid
~ butyl glyoxylate
~ hydroxypropyl acrylate
~ propyl pyruvate
~ decaprenoastaxanthin
I'm back again! I'm reviewing Godzilla 2014!
Plot: Godzilla must defeat the evil MUTO, with the help of scientists and soldiers.
This movie...is one of the most फिल्में of 2014! The effects were beautiful, the fights were amazing, and everything was just awesome!
Score: 5/5
Music: The score was amazing...the Shakuhachi made the atmosphere feel great!
Score: 5/5
Characters(Heroes): While I will admit that Godzilla doesn't appear til' about 45 मिनटों in. And the human characters are alright. Ken Watanabe plays probably the most awesome scientist ever!
Score: 4/5
Characters(Villains): The MUTOs are both amazing! Its a great display of Sexual Dimorpisim (The Male MUTO can fly, and the Female MUTO has eight legs).
Score: 4/5
Final Thoughts: If आप want to start watching Godzilla movies, put this on the list!
Final Score: 18/20
Would I recommend it? YES
Plot: Godzilla must defeat the evil MUTO, with the help of scientists and soldiers.
This movie...is one of the most फिल्में of 2014! The effects were beautiful, the fights were amazing, and everything was just awesome!
Score: 5/5
Music: The score was amazing...the Shakuhachi made the atmosphere feel great!
Score: 5/5
Characters(Heroes): While I will admit that Godzilla doesn't appear til' about 45 मिनटों in. And the human characters are alright. Ken Watanabe plays probably the most awesome scientist ever!
Score: 4/5
Characters(Villains): The MUTOs are both amazing! Its a great display of Sexual Dimorpisim (The Male MUTO can fly, and the Female MUTO has eight legs).
Score: 4/5
Final Thoughts: If आप want to start watching Godzilla movies, put this on the list!
Final Score: 18/20
Would I recommend it? YES
Hi I'm back! And today I shall be reviewing Maleficent!
Plot: The evil Maleficent returns in this modern re-telling of Sleeping Beauty!
This movie should not have been called a "Re-Telling", it's completely different! Why did they make Maleficent the hero?! And the ending made no sense!
Score: 2/5
Music: Now I'll admit it, I thought the संगीत was so-so. I liked "Once Upon a Dream" was pretty good.
Score: 3/5
Characters(Heroes): I thought that Elle Fanning was adorable as Aurora. And Brenton Thwaites was a pretty good Prince Phillip. The 3 Fairy Godparents were annoying.
Score: 3/5
Characters(Villains): I thought it was an odd choice picking Angelina Jolie to play Maleficent. The odd thing was I never felt sorry for her. She curses an infant for Godzilla's sake!
Score: 1/5
Final Thoughts: If आप are into villains being shown as heroes, this movie is for you. For anyone else, no.
Final Score: 9/20
Would I recommend it? NO
Plot: The evil Maleficent returns in this modern re-telling of Sleeping Beauty!
This movie should not have been called a "Re-Telling", it's completely different! Why did they make Maleficent the hero?! And the ending made no sense!
Score: 2/5
Music: Now I'll admit it, I thought the संगीत was so-so. I liked "Once Upon a Dream" was pretty good.
Score: 3/5
Characters(Heroes): I thought that Elle Fanning was adorable as Aurora. And Brenton Thwaites was a pretty good Prince Phillip. The 3 Fairy Godparents were annoying.
Score: 3/5
Characters(Villains): I thought it was an odd choice picking Angelina Jolie to play Maleficent. The odd thing was I never felt sorry for her. She curses an infant for Godzilla's sake!
Score: 1/5
Final Thoughts: If आप are into villains being shown as heroes, this movie is for you. For anyone else, no.
Final Score: 9/20
Would I recommend it? NO
Rant 2: Geewuners!
I'm baaack!
Here's something that annoys me: Geewuners!
If you're new to the concept, Geewuners are people who are प्रशंसकों of ट्रांसफॉर्मर्स G1 and think that everything is crap! Not all G1 प्रशंसकों are Geewuners, as I like G1 myself. But the difference between me and Geewuners is that I like Armada, Beast Wars, Beast Wars 2, Beast Wars Neo, Beast Machines, Robots in Disguise, Cybertron, Energon, Bayformers, Prime, and Go!
I know that they want to keep their "Nostalgia", but come on, it's not just for you. Just ask the millions of people who watch and buy Micheal Bay's Transformers.
On a different note, people should open their minds to the ट्रांसफॉर्मर्स 4 Dinobots. I know they're not G1 Dinobots, but their not supposed to be!
I just think that Geewuners should open their minds to other series.
I'm baaack!
Here's something that annoys me: Geewuners!
If you're new to the concept, Geewuners are people who are प्रशंसकों of ट्रांसफॉर्मर्स G1 and think that everything is crap! Not all G1 प्रशंसकों are Geewuners, as I like G1 myself. But the difference between me and Geewuners is that I like Armada, Beast Wars, Beast Wars 2, Beast Wars Neo, Beast Machines, Robots in Disguise, Cybertron, Energon, Bayformers, Prime, and Go!
I know that they want to keep their "Nostalgia", but come on, it's not just for you. Just ask the millions of people who watch and buy Micheal Bay's Transformers.
On a different note, people should open their minds to the ट्रांसफॉर्मर्स 4 Dinobots. I know they're not G1 Dinobots, but their not supposed to be!
I just think that Geewuners should open their minds to other series.
Again डिज़्नी has wrapped its magical fairy hands around this tale making it two movies, when in reality this tale is quite short.
There is a young girl, who is working out in the fields. Her चप्पल falls off and a eagle (or hawk) then picks up the shoe. She chases after it leaving her family just for the shoe, which the bird drops on the kings lap. The king orders her beheaded but sees her beauty and declares her his wife, also ending in forced child birth of several sons.
(Have yet to find how she dies.)
There is a young girl, who is working out in the fields. Her चप्पल falls off and a eagle (or hawk) then picks up the shoe. She chases after it leaving her family just for the shoe, which the bird drops on the kings lap. The king orders her beheaded but sees her beauty and declares her his wife, also ending in forced child birth of several sons.
(Have yet to find how she dies.)
Thank आप so much if आप do check my प्रोफ़ाइल out and PM me आप have no idea how much that means to me <3
