The ‘Walking Dead’ Characters We’d Most Want On Our Zombie-Killing Dream Team 

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The ‘Walking Dead’ Characters We’d Most Want On Our Zombie-Killing Dream Team

We’re in the middle of March Madness, but I’m already thinking ahead to the NFL Draft, where teams pick, on average, seven new players to help them win the Super Bowl. This is kind of like that, except I’m picking seven characters from

who I’d most want on my walker-killing dream team. Imagine everyone on the show still being alive, in perfect health, although you have to take into account their mental health. Drafting The Governor might seem like a good idea, until he lops your head off. Who would you pick?

An obvious person to start with. She’s smart, dependable, commanding, loyal, and when she needs to be, ruthless. Plus, unlike the rest of the dips on

who use noisy guns to kill walkers, which only attracts more walkers, Michonne’s weapon of choice is a sword.

To go back to the noise issue, one thing that’s always bugged me about Daryl is his riding a motorcycle. Yes, they get better mileage. Yes, they can go faster than the average rusty truck or minivan. And yes, they look like

, brah. But they’re loud as hell; walkers should be able to hear a motorcycle from a mile away. And yet, I’m still picking Daryl because everything I said about Michonne’s sword is also true of his crossbow (although arrows aren’t an unlimited resource). He’s also a skilled tracker, hunter, and gatherer, so if the group ever runs out of comically large cans of pudding, he’d be able to kill and cook a tasty opossum.

Morgan went a little something something for awhile there, but he seems to be better now. He’s on his way north, following Rick & Co. from King County to Terminus to Father Gabriel’s church to, eventually, Washington, D.C. That’s all by himself, mind you. He doesn’t have a Daryl or a Carol or even a Sasha (lucky guy). It’s Morgan vs. the world, and so far, Morgan’s winning.

When we first met Carol, she wasn’t Carol; she was Ed’s wife. Ed’s soft-spoken, abused wife. Now she’s blowing up buildings and sniping and sneaking around in plain sight. No one suspects the cookie baker! Carol’s both prey and predator, looking meek right until the second she strikes. So many horrible things have happened to her that she’s unemotional; if someone, even a child, needs to be “taken care of,” she’ll do it. “Look at the flowers.” In a horrible walker wasteland, that’s someone you want on your side.

Let’s check in with the actors who appeared in at least five of the six episodes from Season 1. Rick: alive. Shane: DEAD. Lori: DEAD. Andrea: DEAD. Dale: DEAD. Coral: alive. Amy: DEAD. T-Dog: DEAD. Jacqui: DEAD. Glenn: alive. You have to be either really lucky or really smart to still be breathing, and Glenn is both (he also has a really good agent). He started off as a fairly one-note pizza boy before blossoming into a self-reliant badass who doesn’t let his emotions get the best of him, like Rick or Shane. He’s the character I’d most want as my leader.

Okay, Hershel is old. So old that he’s dead, but I’m picking the Hershel who’s still alive and has both his legs and isn’t an alcoholic self-loather. It’s my dream team, and that’s my dream Hershel, who will provide medical care and grandpa guidance and Spaghetti Tuesdays and infinite shotgun ammo and if his daughter Maggie wants to tag along, who am I to complain?

This is the toughest choice. Rick or Shane. To say that Rick is going full Shane right now isn’t an exaggeration. But is that such a bad thing? With the exception of one unfortunate, out-of-character moment that commenter RJSuperfreaky makes reference to here, Rick is now where Shane was seasons ago. He’s brutal, uncompromising, and he wants another guy’s wife; he’s pure machismo. All that being said, if Shane had killed Rick and taken over, his team probably would have turned into C.H.U.D.s or something, and Lori would still be around…

"The ‘Walking Dead’ Characters We’d Most Want On Our Zombie-Killing Dream Team"

Just Daryl, Carol and Michonne in my core group. Maggie and Rosa for my sugar and spice, but Michonne and Carol could get it too, WHAT?!

Don’t forget Beth for a “Sister Wives” thing.

I would probably keep one of the T-Dogs around to sacrifice himself in case something goes wrong… T-Dog 1.0 was fairly competent w/o being annoying as all hell/emo, so probably him…

Maggie first and foremost if I plan on being alive long term. Gotta have something to come home to. Then I’ll take Michonne and Daryl. Michonne just in case Maggie dies (plus shes a badass) and daryl for sure if I need something to eat. Gotta have a hunter.

Daryl. Maggie. Michonne. Rick. Tyrese. Carol. Glenn.

Daryl Carol Michonne and a random funny fat guy. Seriously this group needs a funny fat guy who can kick ass.

People realize that swords dull after use right? I’ve yet to see her carry any sharpening tools or stop by at a whetstone to fix that sword which by now is basically a blunt object.

Pretty sure I have seen her use a whetstone before, but I could be mistaken. Gimme a decent GOT sword instead of a samurai one, any day…

Michone. Daryl. Glenn. Tyrese. Maggie. Carol. Abraham.

Michonne, Daryl, Pre-Maggie Glen, Rick, Morgan and probably Carl. Carl can be annoying but he’s a good shot, and would be great for recon (for now).

No fucking way I keep Carol around and get a good night’s sleep. One cough and I might wake up tied to a tree. I’d take the Tyrese from the comics too, the TV version was useless. Bob was a medic, so he’d make the reserves list, along with pre-ptsd Sasha and pre-laurie Shane.

Imagine for a minute how much better this show would have been if Laurie had died pre zombie apocalypse and Shane and Rick had fallen out over her annoying ass.

I like to play this game but with characters from other shows.

I’d have the Hound, Brienne, Ron Swanson, Richard Harrow, Ragnar, Lagatha and whoever Alexandra Daddario played in anything.

Thank you for name checking Ragnar and Lagatha. Floki is good with a blade and rather quick, so I bet he’d do well on a team too.

No thanks to Rick, I plan on being the leader of my team and I don’t need to be in a constant power struggle with a guy who has apparently never seen a zombie movie, sometimes acts like the kid from the sixth sense, and has a very vacillating attitude towards what a neccesary evil is. Certainly keep Maggie, Rosa, and Michonne all very capable and have the benefit of not turning my team into a total hot dog cart. Obviously keep Daryl since he is a multi-talented survival bad ass that seems to thrive in a lieutenant role. Adittionally, since I’d really like to be popular in the affections of my female comrades, Daryl comes with the added bonus of apparently being asexual or gay and therefore not likely to steal my shine as a “romantic” interest. Those four make up a solid core of undead head smashers. Now I need some specialists. I’ll take the combo of Bob and Sasha. Because Bob is a medic but also young able bodied and combat trained so he gets the nod over Hershel. Sasha really is only a specialist in the sense that she makes a good sniper, but I figure if I have Bob, Sasha will be less unhinged and if I have Sasha, Bob will be less likely to relapse into an unreliable drunk. For the final slot on my zombie survival team I am considering who could fill the utility role of “Designated Bastard.” Any group that wants to go the distance needs somebody with the wherewithal to make the hard call, set aside emotion and do the neccesary for the good of the whole. I considered post-Gov Merle, thinking Daryl could keep him inline and that he seemed to be coming around before his death. However, think kind of ingrained hate casual viciousness usually doesn’t just disappear. Can’t trust him and he’d be just be a real downer, so Merle is out. Carl showed me something by plugging that kid outside the prison but I don’t know that I want to put up with his angsty, rebellious teenaged BS so I’ll call it a toss up between Carol and Carl.

Rick, daryl, maggie, glenn, abraham, rosa, and terra.

oh crap I left out michonne so not terra but michonne instead.

I don’t want him on my team, it’s just fun to say his name.

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