0 = Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as any bayonet.
1 = Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.
2 = Lager warming up head. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.
3 = Crossword in newspaper filled in. After a while blanks are filled in with बिना सोचे समझे letters and numbers.
4 = Barmaid complimented on choice of bra, partially visible when bending to get packet of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bras. Order half a dozen packets of crisps one द्वारा one.
5 = Have brilliant discussion with guy on the अगला bar stool. Devise fool-proof scheme for winning lottery, sort out Manchester United's problems.
6 = Feel like a Demi-God. Map out rest of life on cigarette packet. Realize that everybody loves you. Call parents and tell them आप प्यार them. Call girlfriend to tell her आप प्यार her and she still has an amazing figure.
7 = Send drinks over to woman sitting at तालिका, टेबल with boyfriend. No reaction. Scribble out message of प्यार on five कॉकटेल napkins and Frisbee them to her across the room. Boyfriend asks आप outside. आप buy him a Slim Panatela.
8 = Some slurring. Offer to buy drinks for everyone in room. Lots of people say yes. Go round the bar hugging them one द्वारा one. Fall over. Get up.
9 = Head-ache kicks in. बीयर, बियर tastes off. Send it back. अगला bottle comes back tasting the same. Say, "That's much better." Fight nausea द्वारा trying to play old अंतरिक्ष Invaders game for ten मिनटों before seeing out of order sign.
10 = Some doubling of vision. Stand on तालिका, टेबल shouting abuse at all four barmen. Talked down द्वारा barmaid, who आप offer to give a baby to. Fall over. Get up. Fall over. Impale head on corner of table. Fail to notice oozing head wound.
11 = Speech no longer possible. Eventually manage to find door. Sit and take stock. Realize आप are sitting in pub cellar, having taken wrong turning. Vomit. Pass out.
12 = Put in cab द्वारा somebody. Give घर address. Taken home. Can't get key in door. Realize you've दिया address of your local gym. Generally pleased at way evening has gone. Pass out again.
1 = Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.
2 = Lager warming up head. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.
3 = Crossword in newspaper filled in. After a while blanks are filled in with बिना सोचे समझे letters and numbers.
4 = Barmaid complimented on choice of bra, partially visible when bending to get packet of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bras. Order half a dozen packets of crisps one द्वारा one.
5 = Have brilliant discussion with guy on the अगला bar stool. Devise fool-proof scheme for winning lottery, sort out Manchester United's problems.
6 = Feel like a Demi-God. Map out rest of life on cigarette packet. Realize that everybody loves you. Call parents and tell them आप प्यार them. Call girlfriend to tell her आप प्यार her and she still has an amazing figure.
7 = Send drinks over to woman sitting at तालिका, टेबल with boyfriend. No reaction. Scribble out message of प्यार on five कॉकटेल napkins and Frisbee them to her across the room. Boyfriend asks आप outside. आप buy him a Slim Panatela.
8 = Some slurring. Offer to buy drinks for everyone in room. Lots of people say yes. Go round the bar hugging them one द्वारा one. Fall over. Get up.
9 = Head-ache kicks in. बीयर, बियर tastes off. Send it back. अगला bottle comes back tasting the same. Say, "That's much better." Fight nausea द्वारा trying to play old अंतरिक्ष Invaders game for ten मिनटों before seeing out of order sign.
10 = Some doubling of vision. Stand on तालिका, टेबल shouting abuse at all four barmen. Talked down द्वारा barmaid, who आप offer to give a baby to. Fall over. Get up. Fall over. Impale head on corner of table. Fail to notice oozing head wound.
11 = Speech no longer possible. Eventually manage to find door. Sit and take stock. Realize आप are sitting in pub cellar, having taken wrong turning. Vomit. Pass out.
12 = Put in cab द्वारा somebody. Give घर address. Taken home. Can't get key in door. Realize you've दिया address of your local gym. Generally pleased at way evening has gone. Pass out again.