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can any body look at my story for me and टिप्पणी दे what आप think and if आप would read a सेकंड chapter?[there is a link in the details]

here is the link the name of it is eternal love:


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 lilred96 posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना
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samlover316 said:
Okay, I'm sorry, but I couldn't get through the first paragraph of this story because of the appalling amount of spelling and grammatical errors in it. There aren't even spaces between the punctuation marks, and आप use the wrong "to". What grade must आप be in to not have learned which "to" to use? Your sentences are run-ons and they have little relevancy. There is no flow to your story; it's just choppy and uninteresting. I would suggest that आप use Microsoft Word to rewrite this (spell-check) and possibly your mom या English teacher. I wouldn't really want to read another chapter of this. Plus, it sounds just like Twilight. Except much, much worse. I'm sorry if you're offended द्वारा this, but it just isn't very good. I didn't want to sugarcoat it. I'm sure it could be a very good story, if maybe आप asked for help from an adult या older sibling. Again, sorry, but as someone once said: "Lies never help anything, not in the long run, anyway. It's better to make an honest mess and clean it up." या something like that, sorry, I don't have the quote in front of me. But आप should definitely give it another go, just make sure आप संपादन करे your work.
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