How do आप get someone to stop insisting आप were a soldier 60 years ago?

Okay,so my great uncle keeps saying to me things like "i can see why colonel fortnum was glad to have आप द्वारा his side at the fall of st.Geobad,my girl" and "tell'em matey,we too were handsome soldiers at the frontier,werent we? We were fresh from the war and all the ladies were swarming.." and "say,matey,at the fall of st.Geobad,do आप remember 'bigfoot archie'..and that deer we hit in colorado?" It goes on and on and i dont even know what the heck the fall of st.geobad is-and its driving me nutz-and a few kids r calling me private marley.how do i make him Get that i WAS NOT THERE! Sorry,its too long.