For all Hugh Jackman fans everywhere: Great news! I heard that he just agreed to star in the stage musical adaptation of “The Amityville Horror”. This is going to Broadway! Apparently he signed on for the role of George Lutz, and will be singing songs titled “Hell Hole”, “I Can’t Get These Flies To Stop Swarming”, and “My Daughter’s Best Friend Is A Red-Eyed Pig-Demon”. I can’t wait! He’s going to win a Toby award!

BTW, I just found out that Hugh’s line of bison butter is going to be hitting grocery shelves any day now. This is premium salted butter flavored with real Australian bison. None of that cheap Canadian buffalo, here! I just saw the ad in People Magazine. The slogan was: “At least ten fist-sized bison chunks in every tub!”. I just bought a bunch of bread, so I’m ready! YUM!

One thing… is there any truth to Hugh Jackman’s claim that his IQ is 407? Can someone confirm? That would be simply amazing. I don’t doubt it, though. I bet he’s better at riddles than anyone. Here’s a riddle I wrote that he could solve in no time:

I am a friend to all mankind
A more loyal companion you will not find
I have hair on my body, I don’t need a shirt
I might chew on hooves, and dig in the dirt
I can sit, run, and fetch, while I play in the park
I like fire hydrants! I yelp and I bark!
I hate cats and eat bones, I’m bonkers for beef
I am even named after one of your teeth
What am I?

I’ve got to get this to him. Does anyone have his agent’s address or email? This one's a brain-burner, but a great mind needs stimulation. I can help!

Hugh Jackman is the great one! He is the smartest man on the planet, and the most trustworthy source for bison-flavored spreads. I look forward to seeing him on Broadway in the Big Apple, the city that never speaks. All right, Jackman! Hugh are the best! LOLOL!!!!

P.S.

The answer to the riddle is "a mole".