Part 5: link
-Understanding-
There is a skirmish near the western borders of the kingdom involving some thugs menacing a peaceful Druid camp, so the अगला day, Arthur and a small party of knights ride out.
Arthur didn’t really need to go, but since it was involving the Druids, he wanted to go as an act of good faith, to further help repair the relationship with the Druids and the kingdom of Camelot.
That, and he wasn’t sure how to face Guinevere yet.
They rode out in the morning, watched unknowingly द्वारा Gwen from a small window overlooking the courtyard. She looks down at them, saying a silent prayer for their safety. She sees Frida standing off to one side, surreptitiously. She watches and smiles as she sees Percival give Frida a tiny wave, which the maid shyly returns.
Gwen’s emotions are in turmoil watching him leave. Her anger has faded almost completely, but she doesn’t know how to face him now, after all her harsh words. All she knows is that if something happens when he’s gone that prevents him from returning to her, she will surely crumble into dust.
They are gone for nearly two days, returning just after noon, in high spirits. The courtyard is ringing with male laughter as the knights joke with each other, teasing this one and that for various mishaps in whatever battles they may have been in.
Gwen peeks from a window in Gaius’ rooms, smiling when she sees that Arthur appears well and whole, but then frowning when she sees that he is not joining in the general revelry, his face still serious.
“Would आप like to go down?” Gaius asks, noticing her looking out at them.
“No, it’s all right, Gaius, thank you,” she says, disappearing just as Arthur’s face finds her window.
He smiles sadly, only having seen the swish of her hair as she turned away. She was watching, even if I missed her.
After dinner, a soft knock comes at Arthur’s door.
“Come,” he calls from where he is standing, contemplating the fireplace, watching the flames dance as they warm him.
“Arthur?” Gwen calls timidly, and once again Arthur is pleased that she never reverted to addressing him द्वारा his title. At least still I have that much.
“Guinevere,” he says nervously, closing his hand around her ring that he had once again been holding like a security blanket.
“Um, I’ve brought your बरसती, लबादा back,” she says quietly, her voice a little nervous, holding up the folded red cloth. “Good as new.”
“Thank you. आप didn’t have to mend it, आप know.”
She sets it on the table. “I know. I wanted to. I’m only sorry it took so long.”
“You had a broken hand, Guinevere,” he chuckles, and is rewarded with the smallest of smiles.
Gwen opens her mouth as if she is about to say something, then closes it again. I still don’t know what to say. “Good night,” she says instead, turning to leave.
“Guinevere, will आप stay and talk with me?”
She hesitates, her hand on the door. I want to. I really do. My दिल aches to be so near him, yet I still cannot seem to let myself let him close again.
“Please?”
She turns to look at him, and he has stepped closer, his face unguarded and hopeful. Sad. So sad. She looks down and sees the leather पेटी still bearing her ring dangling from between his fingers, and her resolve bends a little.
“Very well,” she says, heading for the table.
“No, over here, द्वारा the fireplace where it’s warm,” he says.
She bites her lip and follows him to the fireplace. He sits on an upholstered bench and indicates that she should शामिल होइए him.
Gwen holds her breath a moment, then sits stiffly beside him, close enough to be polite, but far enough so that they are not touching.
“How was your journey?” she asks.
Ah. So it’s polite conversation. Better than no conversation. “It was very good. Productive. We pretty well made sure that those thugs will never bother anyone ever again, especially the Druids. या anyone from Camelot.”
“That’s good. I’m glad that आप are mending that relationship.”
“They were lovely and hospitable, actually,” he says, his fingers twitching idly on his lap. “They… they knew about you. About us. Even knew your name, and none of us had spoken it.”
“What?” she looks at him finally, surprised.
“Yes. The head priest in the camp, he told me to look after you. Take care of you, keep आप safe. Help आप heal,” he says quietly.
“That is very kind of him to say. And I know that’s what you’ve been trying to do,” she admits, indirectly addressing her outburst days before.
“Yes, but I’ve been doing it wrong,” he sighs, reaching out slowly for her hand. She stiffens almost imperceptibly beside him, and he brings his hand back to his lap.
“Is it really so difficult to let me touch you?” he asks, then immediately backpedals. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound insensitive, I am just trying to understand. That’s what I should have been doing all along.”
“I know आप mean no disrespect, Arthur,” she says quietly, then adds, even quieter, “And I want to be close to आप again.”
“You do?”
“But…” She fidgets with her स्कर्ट in her lap.
“Guinevere… I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to fully understand, but will आप help me try?” Arthur asks quietly, watching her sadly, her skin glowing सोना in the firelight. She looks so beautiful, but so sad.
Gwen stares at the आग for a long while. She looks down at her hands, running her thumb over the bump on her knuckle. When she looks at Arthur, the sadness in her face wrenches his heart.
I cannot remember the last time I saw her truly smile.
“What’s the worst feeling आप can imagine, Arthur?”
“I don’t have to imagine. It was when I लॉस्ट you.”
She sighs. “Less specific, Arthur, और general. Broader,” she clarifies, then tries a different approach. “How did आप feel watching your father die?” she asks quietly.
“Sad. Angry.”
“And why were आप angry?”
“Because I felt helpless. Hopeless. All these terrible things were unfolding around me and there was nothing I could do. I felt the same way when I realized that I wanted, no, needed आप back here with me, and I had no idea where आप were.”
“Helpless. आप are a man of power; feeling helpless must be very distressing indeed,” she says, but not unkindly.
“Yes. I think I’m beginning to understand…”
“Beginning to. Now, imagine that helpless feeling, and all the bad things happening around आप are actually happening directly to you. And you’re completely. Trapped.”
He says nothing, but she can see the pain in his eyes. He carefully, slowly reaches for her hand. She allows it, and he almost leaps for joy.
“Powerless, Arthur. आप would think that someone who has been a servant her whole life would be accustomed to feeling powerless. But it is different. So different,” she says, pausing, sniffling as a tear rolls down her cheek. “I am used to following orders, to serving others. But something like that, something so… personal… intimate…” She trails off a moment, and that haunted look crosses her face again. “It was so humiliating, so mortifying. I spent the entire time wishing that I would just die. Something that was supposed to be so beautiful got turned so ugly, so wrong, so dirty. And that’s how I feel, Arthur. Dirty. Worthless. Ruined.”
Arthur’s दिल is breaking again, watching his beautiful Guinevere crumble before him as she bravely relives her horror, just so that he can attempt to understand.
“You know it doesn’t matter to me that आप are no longer a maiden,” he whispers tenderly, his thumb gently stroking the back of her hand.
“I know,” she allows. “But that’s not actually the point. There is no going back, no taking back what he did to me.” Her breath catches now and she is crying fully, pulling her hand away from his to cover her face as she weeps.
“Shh,” Arthur tries to console her, reaching his hand towards her but stopping himself. His hand hovers in midair as he feels the tears running down his own face now. He touches her shoulder, and she doesn’t shrink from him. “Will आप let me hold you, Guinevere?” he croaks, “Please?”
She slowly nods after a long moment, and he pulls her into his embrace, gently, so gently, not wishing to frighten her या upset her any more. She sobs into his chest, her tears soaking into the white linen of his shirt, his tears falling onto the चोटी, शीर्ष of her head.
“I have so little to give you,” she whispers hoarsely against him. “That… that was supposed to be yours…”
“You have already दिया me so much,” he says, tightening his arms around her just slightly, holding her a little closer. “And I know… I know that as my wife and my क्वीन आप will continue to give me everything I need to be happy. Your support. Your wisdom. Your honesty.” He pauses, swallowing. “Your love.”
She relaxes a little against him, her hand resting on his chest.
“You may feel worthless, Guinevere, but I would still give up this entire kingdom if it meant I could spend the rest of my life with you. That is how much worth आप have.”
Something breaks inside her and she sobs harder now. Arthur still holds her, tentatively stroking her hair now.
“And I promise you, Guinevere, that I will never, ever hurt आप again,” he says, his emotions making his voice hoarse.
“That is not something आप can promise,” she whispers into his chest.
He thinks a moment. She’s right. I can’t promise that. “Then I promise I will do everything in my power to never, ever hurt आप again,” he amends. “Your pain is like a चाकू in my heart,” he whispers now, his lips against her hair.
She weeps against him, letting him hold her, finally allowing herself to be soothed द्वारा his presence.
“Thank you, Arthur,” she whispers after a time, hiccupping, trying to calm herself.
Gwen pulls back and looks up at him, her eyes, swollen and red-rimmed, blinking at him as he watches her through his own glassy blue eyes.
Before either of them realize what’s happening, their lips meet, softly, gently, warm and pliable.
How…? he thinks, his दिल thumping so hard she can probably feel it against hers.
Gwen’s fingers curl, bunching his कमीज, शर्ट in her fist, and she is lost.
It’s like home. His प्यार is like a balm on my heart. How could I not have known?
Arthur wants nothing और than to slide his tongue between her lips and plunder the warm familiar crevices of her delicious mouth, but he holds back, quite content to be able to even just किस her at all.
Slowly they part, and Arthur opens his eyes, gazing down at her. He carefully lifts his hand to her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb.
She doesn’t jump.
His दिल swells in his chest and he almost starts crying again.
“I प्यार you, Arthur,” she says, “I never once stopped.”
Arthur hugs her to him again, squeezing tightly, burying his face in her neck.
She tenses briefly, but then relaxes.
Too fast. “Sorry,” he mutters into her neck.
“Don’t let go.”
xXx
Merlin enters the royal bedchamber later that night to find Arthur smiling.
“Who are आप and what have आप done with Arthur?” he asks, freezing in his tracks.
“She kissed me, Merlin. Tonight. She kissed me and told me she loved me. She told me she loved me and didn’t follow it with ‘but.’” Arthur cannot stop smiling.
“She kissed you?” Merlin asks, stepping forward, a grin spreading over his face now.
“Or I kissed her and she let me,” he says, waving his hand vaguely. “Not quite sure how it happened, but that’s not important.”
“What happened?”
“We talked,” Arthur says, following Merlin as he heads over to turn down the bedcovers, probably uselessly, but he always makes the effort.
“She came and returned my cloak, which she mended herself even though she didn’t have to, and I asked her to stay and talk and she did.”
“I knew you’d figure it out,” Merlin says, smiling to himself at Arthur’s rambling.
“Well, I did talk to Gaius, to be honest. He helped me realize what I was doing wrong.”
“And what was that?”
“Oh, only everything,” Arthur laughs.
“Did… did she say anything about the other night?”
“Not a word. And if she had tried to apologize, I would have told her that she has no reason to apologize anyway.”
Arthur sleeps in his बिस्तर that night.
xXx
“Frida?” Gwen calls softly when she enters her house.
“Gven! I vas getting vorried!” Frida exclaims, sitting up and lighting a candle.
“Sorry,” she apologizes.
“Vat happened? Vy so late?”
“I was with Arthur, actually,” she says, sitting on her bed.
“Really? और yelling?”
“No,” Gwen chuckles. “No और yelling. It was… nice. We talked.”
“Good.”
“And…” she looks down at her feet. “I think I kissed him.”
“You tink?”
“Well we definitely kissed. I’m just… not sure who kissed who, exactly.”
“Ya…?” she asks, leading her.
“It felt good. It felt right. Like… a missing piece of my दिल returned.”
“Dat is good, Gven,” Frida says, smiling a sad smile.
“Does such talk make आप think of Nils?” Gwen asks quietly.
“Ya. But it is okay. I have finally made my peace vit him, I tink. Now that I am someplace good and can think clearly again. I have had longer to heal from my vounds than आप did and had the time to harden myself against… him… that आप did not have. I vill be fine.”
“You will be और than fine, Frida,” Gwen says, reaching across, holding her hand out to her friend. Frida puts her hand in Gwen’s and Gwen squeezes reassuringly.
“Tank you.”
“I am exhausted, though,” Gwen says, releasing Frida’s hand and beginning to undress for the night.
“I vould tink so,” Frida lays back down. “Percival brought me फूल today,” she says suddenly.
“Did he, now? That’s lovely.”
“Ya. I do like him very much. He is big like the men of my home, but kinder and gentler. Doesn’t feel he has to pound skulls to prove he is man.”
“Wait till आप see him in battle,” Gwen chuckles. “But you’re right. His natural disposition is very sweet.”
“Champion in battle but gentle ven not in battle. Dat is man,” Frida says, smiling to herself.
“But you’re still not ready for anything more, I take it,” smiling at her friend’s fondness for one of her प्रिय knights.
“Not yet. I tink soon.”
Gwen blows out the candle and settles down into her bed, feeling a happy sleepiness falling over her for the first time in a very long time.
“Frida?” she asks again after a few minutes.
“Ya?”
“I think I’m ready to be strong again. हटाइए forward. I’m tired of jumping at shadows, tired of flinching when any man comes near me.”
“Good.”
“I’m tired of being scared all the time.”
“Ya. Dis is very good, Gven.”
“If I am the queen… I will be able to… help people, Frida.”
“Ya. Because आप know how it feels to suffer.”
“Ya,” Gwen echoes.
Frida chuckles, then asks, “Vat do आप mean, ‘if?’”
xXx
After lunch the अगला day, Gwen knocks on Arthur’s door.
“Come,” he calls.
Gwen enters, standing a little taller than she had been recently, looking a little और like her old self.
“Good morning, Guinevere,” he smiles at her.
“Good morning,” she says.
“What can I do for you?” he asks, smiling.
“I’ve made a decision,” she says, trying to sound confident.
“Oh?” You’ll take your ring back and marry me? He leans against the table, facing her.
“I need to find my strength again. I need to be strong now. If I continue to shrink and hide, then Helios has damaged me forever, and I cannot let that happen. Because then I am still under his thumb though he is dead and gone.”
Arthur loves hearing these words. She is coming through. “Yes, Love, आप cannot let him continue to torment आप from beyond the grave. आप are too good, आप have too much to offer, to walk around here like आप are a ghost yourself.”
Gwen reaches out then, actually taking his hands in hers. Her cool, slender fingers feel so good against his skin.
“Please marry me,” he blurts out without even thinking.
“Maybe,” she answers, releasing his hands.
“Maybe?”
She fidgets a minute. Dare I say it? “I… I think I need to…” she bites her lip and looks down.
“What do आप need, Guinevere?” he asks quietly, lifting her chin. “You know आप have only to ask.”
Be brave. Strength, Gwen, strength. “I need to lay with आप first,” she tells her shoes.
What? His jaw drops. “Isn’t that… kind of… backwards…?” he stammers, his mind reeling.
“Yes, I know.” She gathers her resolve and continues despite her furiously-blushing cheeks. “It’s a bit… odd, yes, but I need to know that I can give myself to आप before I commit to marrying you. I need to know that I will be able to be your wife in every way. Because if I cannot do it, then… then I should not be your wife.”
“Oh,” is all he can think to say. When? Do we set a date? Make an appointment? When? Now? Now is good…
Gwen looks back up at him and the expression on his face actually makes her laugh a little. “Arthur, आप look like आप just swallowed a wilderen.”
Dare I ask? “When?” he croaks.
She presses her lips together and looks down again, blushing further. “Tomorrow night?” she whispers.
Not tonight? Easy, man. Don’t rush her. That would be bad.
He once again lifts her face, only this time he bends and kisses her, still relishing the simple fact that she lets him.
“I have no plans,” he says, trying to appear calm.
“I will…” she pauses, trying not to lose her nerve, “I will return after रात का खाना tomorrow, then.”
“Will आप not शामिल होइए me for रात का खाना tomorrow? Here, alone?”
“No, Arthur,” she answers. I am nervous enough, if I have to sit through a meal with him knowing what we will be doing after, I surely will die.
xXx
Oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear is the mantra running through Gwen’s head the rest of the day. I can’t believe what I just committed to. Why did I say it? And now the words are out, and it’s too late.
I can change my mind. He may be disappointed, but he will understand. I know he will.
“Gwen? Guinevere?” Gaius calls to her, snapping her out of her panicked thoughts.
“Hmm?”
“Are आप all right, dear? If आप pound that chamomile any और it’ll be so fine that it will just float away.”
She looks down and the mortar and pestle in her hands, at the dried chamomile she’s been grinding for only the gods know how long.
“Sorry. Just a little preoccupied this afternoon,” she says setting the pestle aside and portioning the pulverized chamomile into a few jars.
“Seems आप are preoccupied with something good, though.”
“I hope so,” she जवाब cryptically.
“I must admit that I noticed a change in आप right away this morning. So did Merlin. आप seem more… yourself.”
“I feel और myself, Gaius. I feel… better.”
“Things are better with Arthur, then?”
She blushes deeper and manages a careful “Yes” before turning away so he can’t see her face.
It must be written all over it.
“Good. The two of आप are destined to be together, आप know,” Gaius says.
“Oh?”
“Yes. Arthur’s destiny is to be a great king. Your destiny, and Merlin’s destiny, is to guide him there, to make sure he keeps his arrogant head on his shoulders and his feet firmly on the ground,” he says, his eyes twinkling.
Gwen laughs a little. “Merlin told me that he was insufferable when I was gone.”
“Not all the time,” Gaius says.
“Oh?”
“I’m sure he was quite pleasant when he was asleep.”
xXx
“Frida?” Gwen asks that night, once again seeking the safety of the dark to talk to her friend.
“Ya?”
“I did something today that was either quite brilliant या extraordinarily foolish.”
“And आप need me to help आप decide vich?”
“Maybe. I… I told Arthur that I wished to lay with him before I could consent to marrying him.”
Frida is silent, mulling over Gwen’s confession.
“You… आप are vishing to find out if आप can, ya? If आप can allow yourself to be loved द्वारा him, um, physically?”
“Yes. At least I hope that’s the reason,” she says, biting her lip.
“Gven! आप are… I don’t know vat is the vord.”
“Scandalous?”
“No.”
“Wanton?”
“Close enough. If आप are vanting to give yourself to him, dat is your choice.”
“I told him that if I could not be his wife in every way, then I should not be his wife.”
“And so आप vish to test dis out before आप accept the ring back.”
“Yes.”
“I tink dat आप are being very smart, really.”
“Thank you. I’ve been fretting over it all afternoon.”
“I did notice dat आप vere a little… scattered.”
“Gaius कहा the same thing,” she laughs.
“Gven? One ting.”
“What’s that?”
“You must make it clear dat if आप vant या need to stop, no matter vat state आप both are in, he must stop.”
“I will,” Gwen जवाब quietly. “I think he will understand that. No, I know he will.”
“He had better, या I vill be coming after him vit Percival’s dagger. आप are not the only voman who can do damage to the soft parts of a man, आप know.”
“Frida!” Gwen exclaims, but falls to giggling nevertheless.
There is a tap at the door, followed by, “What’s all that laughter in there?”
“Push off, Elyan,” Gwen calls, still laughing. She hears him chuckle and walk away.
xXx
Arthur has trouble concentrating the following day, a दिन that drags on endlessly, just to torment him. A council meeting of which he remembers nothing. Meeting a visiting lord whose name he no longer remembers.
What did I have for lunch?
Finally he gives up, and, claiming his knee is giving him trouble in the day’s rainy weather, he begs off of afternoon training, leaving Leon in charge.
I’d probably end up injured and then I’d be no good at all for… anything.
Merlin finds him staring at a book, sitting at his desk.
“Interesting reading, my lord?” Merlin asks, walking over.
“Hmm? Oh. Yes,” Arthur says vaguely, turning a page.
“Oh really?” Merlin steps over, lifts the book and turns it right-side-up. “Perhaps this will help.”
“Shut up, Merlin,” Arthur says, but he isn’t even able to put any real feeling behind it.
“Oh, come now, surely आप can do better than that…” Merlin cajoles, waiting. He had of course noticed the king’s oddly-distracted mood and has been waiting to find out about it all day.
“What?” Arthur looks up at him. “Merlin, is there a point to your being here?”
“Just making sure आप are well, Sire,” he says idly.
“Never better.”
“Except for your knee, of course.”
“What knee?”
“The knee आप claimed was troubling आप and keeping आप from attending training.”
“Ah. Yes. That knee. Right.”
“Arthur, what is going on? I thought आप and Gwen were back on track.”
“We are, we are…”
“So…?”
Arthur looks up at him. “It’s none of your concern.”
“Oh,” Merlin says, blinking in surprise, now even और curious. “You’re not going to tell me what’s troubling you?”
“No. And nothing’s troubling me.”
“Right. But something is definitely distracting you.”
“Merlin, shouldn’t आप be polishing my armor right now?”
“No, I don’t think so…” Merlin says, thinking, ticking off his सूची of duties for the day.
“Let me rephrase that. Merlin, shouldn’t आप be polishing my armor right now?”
“Ah. Right.” He turns to leave, disappointed that he was unable to solve the mystery.
“And Merlin,” Arthur calls.
“Yes?”
“I’ll be having my रात का खाना here tonight.”
“Alone?”
“Yes. Just bring it in and then आप may have the rest of the night off.”
“Um… thank you?” Merlin is growing even और confused द्वारा the minute.
“And… tomorrow morning as well,” Arthur adds, sticking his nose firmly back in the book that he is clearly not reading.
“Uhhhhhooookaayyyy…” Merlin answers, and turns to leave again. He reaches for the door and the realization hits him like a stone wall.
He fumbles with the knob and almost falls into the hallway, his ears now bright red.
xXx
Arthur stares at his रात का खाना as if he has never seen chicken before.
This is ridiculous. I don’t get nervous. I am the king of bloody Camelot. A knight. A warrior. The ultimate killing machine. The “once and something whoozits” that Merlin keeps blathering on about.
Qualities that will do me no good whatsoever this evening.
He pokes the chicken with his fork. He takes a drink of his wine. He ponders the carrots as if they have secrets to tell him.
He picks up the chunk of cheese. This is one of Frida’s, Merlin had said. He sets it down and cuts off a small slice.
Oh gods, this is the best cheese I have ever had. He cuts another slice, bigger, and eats that as well as his eyes keep drifting to the door, wondering when her quiet knock will come.
If it will come.
Not that I doubt her, I just still cannot believe this is happening.
Arthur manages a bite of chicken and one roasted carrot before his head turns sharply to the door.
Her knock comes a सेकंड later, soft. Tentative. He almost tips his chair over as he stands, walking to open the door for her rather than just bidding her enter.
“Hi,” Gwen says nervously. She looks up and sees all the same emotions she’s been feeling all day: nervousness, excitement, anxiety, anticipation, all mirrored in his face.
She laughs suddenly then, a light, musical laugh that throws Arthur completely off balance. Again.
He steps aside and she enters, saying, “I’m sorry to laugh, Arthur, it’s just… I guess I am relieved to see that आप are feeling the same way I am.”
Then Gwen turns and smiles at him. Actually smiles. Arthur is paralyzed, having nearly forgotten how beautiful her smile was.
“I had to pretend my knee was bothering me to get out of attending training. I was afraid I would end up injured, I was so distracted,” he admits.
“I almost crushed some dried chamomile into nothingness until Gaius reminded me of my task. And that was yesterday,” she replies, watching as he finally moves, sliding the lock into place on his door.
Her smile fades with the click of the lock and is replaced द्वारा the nervousness again.
“We do not have to do this, Guinevere,” Arthur says quietly, taking her hands in his. “I understand if you’ve changed your mind.”
“No, Arthur, I do need to do this,” she says, squeezing his hands, taking comfort in their warmth.
“The fact that आप even want to is enough for me,” he says, his voice still gentle.
“It isn’t enough for me,” she whispers.
“Are आप sure? Are आप absolutely certain?” he asks, looking down into her eyes, serious now.
“Arthur,” she says, dropping one hand to lead him द्वारा the other over to the bench द्वारा the fireplace where they sat two nights ago. “How much do आप know about birds?” she asks.
“What?”
“What do आप know about birds? Apart from how they taste. And knowing how to kill a chicken at a thousand paces, of course.”
Arthur laughs at her remark, remembering that night where he almost kissed her for the first time. “Not a lot. Why?”
“When the baby birds have grown all their feathers in, it is time for them to learn to fly. They have the instinct to fly. They want to fly. But they can’t until the mother bird pushes them out of the nest.”
“Ah,” Arthur says, understanding now.
“Wanting it isn’t enough. They need that push to know that they can do it.”
“And are आप the baby bird या the mother bird?” he asks, scooting a little closer to her, stroking her cheek with his finger.
“Both, actually, which makes it a little complicated,” she says, closing her eyes, his gentle touch warming her.
“And what am I, then?” he asks, leaning close now, चुंबन her other cheek.
“You? आप are the sky…” she says, her voice a whisper.
Arthur looks at her with wonder in his eyes. “I can live with that,” he says, smiling at her. He leans in and kisses her lips once, briefly, softly.
“Guinevere…” he says, but before he can continue, he has to किस her one और time. “Guinevere,” he starts again, “if… if आप need to stop, if आप want to stop at any time, any time at all,” he kisses her once more, “just say the word and I will do so immediately.”
Gwen’s दिल melts. I didn’t even have to ask him, she thinks, and she feels tears, happy tears, pricking at her eyes now.
“Thank you,” she says, cupping his cheek in her hand.
“I am your servant,” he tells her, turning his head to किस her palm.
The simple किस on such an unexpected place, an unexpectedly sensitive place, sends a jolt through her, and she gasps just slightly.
She slides her hand around, threading her fingers into his hair as she leans forward, claiming his lips with hers, gently at first, but when his arms snake around her waist and pull her closer, her hand tightens on his head slightly and she presses firmer.
Moments later her lips are parting under his, closing around his lower lip, sucking the pliant flesh there for a moment, coaxing him deeper. Her tongue tentatively touches his lip now, and his restraint shakes. He opens his mouth for her, चुंबन her fully now, relishing the feel of her under his hands, against his lips, in his mouth.
She feels like heaven. Tastes like heaven. Clearly I must be dead.
Gwen’s hand rakes lightly through his hair, her fingertips making his scalp tingle. Her other hand bunches his कमीज, शर्ट in her fist before opening and splaying wide against the muscles of his chest.
He tries to pull her closer still, longing to feel her body against his, but the bench they are on proves uncooperative.
“Guinevere,” he gasps against her lips.
“Arthur,” she answers, pulling back slightly, looking at him through heavy-lidded eyes. She sees the desire pooled in his and knows that hers are surely the same. She stands, taking his hand again, leading him over to the bed.
I can do this. Don’t think about anything else. Just him. Just be here, now, with him.
Halfway there, he stops. “Wait a moment. Something’s not right here,” he says.
She puzzles over this until she finds herself lifted in his arms, and then she understands what he meant.
Boldly, she turns her head the small distance and kisses his neck, just once.
Arthur almost drops her. He hopes she doesn’t notice.
But she kisses him again, the same way, only a lingering slightly longer, and he knows that she did notice.
He chuckles then, unable to help himself, and he is rewarded with her sweet giggle as he sets her gently on the bed.
“Um…” he starts, suddenly unsure about how to proceed. He sits beside her on the bed, realizing that Merlin must have turned the sheets down when he dropped off dinner, because they are neatly folded back already.
“Oh,” he finally makes a decision, bending over to remove his boots.
She smiles at him, at his endearing awkwardness, his uncertainty over trying to be mindful of her needs. “I प्यार you, Arthur,” she says suddenly, reaching for his hand.
“And I प्यार you,” he answers, allowing himself to be pulled down onto the बिस्तर beside her. He looks at her, still hardly believing that she is here, on his bed, with him. He lifts their joined hands to his lips, चुंबन her fingers, her hands, the knob on her one knuckle.
“Hey, no shoes on the bed,” he teases gently, scooting down to gently remove the slippers covering her feet while she giggles at him again. He tosses them to the floor and pauses a moment, saying, “Well, that’s just not even fair,” he says.
“What?” she asks, curious. What on earth is he talking about now?
“Even your little feet are lovely. How is that possible that every bit of आप is beautiful?”
“Arthur, really,” she protests, stopping just short of saying you haven’t seen every bit of me yet.
“Yes, really, Guinevere,” he says, sliding back up to lie beside her now, hesitantly placing his hand on her stomach.
“You are all right?” Arthur asks, serious now again.
She nods, reaching up to pull his face down to hers, craving his lips again. She kisses him hungrily now, lips immediately parted, tongues thrusting and sweeping.
His hand slides on her stomach, gripping her waist. Her hand moves, pulling at his shirt, her other hand coming up to help, removing his बेल्ट first.
It is only when Arthur hears the clunk as the buckle hits the floor that he realizes what she’s done.
“Oh…” he groans, tearing his lips from hers for just a moment before returning, pressing her into the pillows.
She makes a very small sound in the back of her throat and he immediately eases up.
“Sor—”
Gwen cuts off his apology with her lips, चुंबन him still. “It’s all right,” she whispers against his lips, sliding her arms under his, around his back, holding him, easing him closer.
He feels her pulling at his कमीज, शर्ट again, and he leans back. “Off?” he asks.
“Yes,” she nods, and he quickly disposes of his shirt, wadding it into a ball and throwing it back over his shoulder.
“Someone has to clean that, आप know,” she gently chides him.
“Sorry,” he जवाब sheepishly.
Gwen reaches up with one hand, placing it flat against his chest. He takes it and moves it over his heart.
She can feel his दिल thumping against her palm, the warmth of his skin, the light covering of chest hair.
“When आप were gone, it was like this was missing from me,” he whispers, pressing her hand.
“I know. I felt exactly the same way,” she says, wiggling her fingers slightly beneath his hand. He leans down and kisses her and she actually feels his heartbeat speed up.
She feels his hand drop from hers, but she leaves her hand on his chest anyway, only now she moves it, acquainting herself with the feel of his chest.
I have touched his chest before, but only tending to wounds. This is very different.
Gwen is starting to become conflicted, but carries on चुंबन him nevertheless.
I want to go further. I want to take his hand and guide it to the laces of my bodice. This dress suddenly feels too tight, too unnecessary, and yet I cannot find the will to…
“Guinevere?” Arthur asks, looking down at her. “What’s wrong, Love? Please tell me.” He strokes her brow, brushing a few curls away from her face.
“I’m a little… scared.”
“Do आप want to stop?”
“No. Maybe. No. I know what I need to do next, but it is difficult for me.”
“Your dress?” he guesses, and she nods.
Arthur has no idea what exactly it was that happened that night in Helios’ chambers, nor does he want to think about it. But if I were a betting man, I’d wager he made her remove her garments for him while he watched. He kisses her forehead. “Is there anything I can do?” he asks.
“Blow out the candles?” she suggests. Perhaps in the dark, I will not feel so exposed.
“Your wish,” he says, चुंबन her forehead once और before hopping from the बिस्तर to scurry around and extinguish the candles.
“All?”
“Leave one,” she tells him, sitting up now.
“Thank you,” he says, deciding to leave the one bedside candle lit. So I won’t have to get up later to put it out. As he crosses the floor to return to her, there is a flash of lightning followed a moment later द्वारा the crack of thunder.
Gwen jumps slightly, startled, and Arthur smiles. “I guess the weather finally decided to let loose,” he says, sitting behind her on the बिस्तर now, wrapping her in his arms and pulling her gently back against his chest.
“Does the storm frighten you?” he asks quietly, nuzzling her temple with his nose.
“No, the lightning just surprised me,” she says, melting against him, the heat from his chest radiating into her back. “I wasn’t expecting it.”
“Oh,” he answers, sounding a little disappointed. “And here I was hoping that I could be your big ब्रेव hero, protecting आप from the storm.”
She chuckles softly. “Arthur, आप are already my hero,” she says, turning her face to किस him.
“No, Guinevere, आप are mine,” Arthur tells her before returning his lips to hers.
I’m his hero? Gwen vaguely thinks, pondering those words just a moment before becoming totally distracted when his lips leave hers and press softly against the side of her neck. She gasps at the sensation, and he misunderstands.
“Sorry,” he says, returning to her lips.
“No,” she pulls back, “That was a good sound. Keep doing it.”
“Oh,” he smiles, moving his head back, “so आप like this?” he asks, brushing his lips lightly against the apparently very sensitive skin of her neck.
“Yes,” she breathes, her head tilting to the side unconsciously to give him और access. Her one hand comes up to his face, reaching back, caressing his cheek before finding its way into his hair again.
Arthur smiles against her skin as he places soft wet kisses along the column of her neck, pleased that she found something that pleases her.
One of his arms around her waist moves, cautiously roving higher. His knuckles brush the underside of her breast, applying soft pressure there, asking permission.
“Can I…” he asks, moving his fingers slightly against her.
“Yes,” she breathes, momentarily लॉस्ट in the warm cocoon he has built around her. When his hand moves higher and closes gently around the soft mound of her breast, she gasps again, stiffening just momentarily before relaxing with a sigh.
Another flash of lightning lights up the room, another rumble of thunder, long and loud and low. Gwen doesn’t jump this time.
“Guinevere,” he whispers in her ear, his voice a caress before he kisses its outer shell. His hand gives a tentative squeeze, not hard, and she makes a small noise.
“Is that a good sound?” he rumbles low, still hovering near her ear.
“Mmm-hmm,” she answers, her eyes closed again. His touch is so different. Better. Loving. He wants me, not just my body, she realizes. Me. Her eyes open wide now and she sits up suddenly, catching Arthur totally द्वारा surprise.
“Are आप all right?” he asks, immediately worried.
“Yes,” she says, blinking in the surprise of her realization. “I just… your touch… it… I…”
“Yes?” he asks patiently, watching her struggle to organize her thoughts. He strokes her jaw with his index finger, turning her face to look at him.
“It’s… different. Than his,” she finally blurts.
“Of course it is. I’m me. I’m not him,” he says simply, but he thinks he knows what she means. She was expecting the touch of any man to feel like his.
“You प्यार me,” she says, turning her body slightly so she can look directly at him.
“Yes, I do. और than life.”
“I… can feel that. When आप touch me.”
“Good,” he smiles. “That’s how it should be, Guinevere. Loving. Beautiful.”
“I know… well, I used to know, until I shut it away and made myself forget.”
“I’m glad आप remembered,” he says, and, hoping he isn’t pushing too far, too fast, he leans आगे and drops a किस on the soft skin of her breast peeking at him above her bodice, very near to her heart.
Her hand drifts upward and rests on the back of his head, lightly. He kisses again and she closes her eyes, waiting for the painful तस्वीरें to come rushing back, the तस्वीरें that have been the subject of her nightmares since she returned to Camelot.
None come.
Did I push them away? Did I get rid of them? या did he किस them away; did his प्यार expel them from my mind? या is it all these things?
“Arthur,” she breathes his name, and he kisses again, his lips lingering on her skin slightly longer. He moves his lips a little higher, sucking lightly at the skin covering her collarbone, and his hand comes around her waist, sliding up along the row of laces at her back.
She realizes he is not चुंबन her anymore and she opens her eyes to find him just watching her, patiently but expectantly.
“May I?” he asks softly, and she feels the touch of his fingers at her laces, poised but not moving until she gives the word.
She takes a deep breath. “Yes.” Then, “Let me know if आप need help.”
He laughs. “I might do, we’ll see.”
She turns, presenting her back to him, moving her hair out of the way. He won’t want to inspect me like livestock. He won’t, she reminds herself, but still she is unsure if she can let him look at her naked body yet.
She feels the laces loosen gradually, slower than if she were doing it but he is making progress.
“I think I’ve got it,” he says, reaching his hand up to touch the skin on her back, running his palm along the patch of skin between her shoulder blades, a place usually hidden द्वारा her hair.
“Okay,” she says. “Um…”
“Guinevere,” he says, his voice still low and soft, “if आप wish to leave your shift on, if आप are not comfortable…”
“Maybe. I… I don’t know yet.”
Arthur leans आगे and kisses that spot on her back. “Whatever आप wish, my love.”
Determined, bolstered once again द्वारा his patience, patience she frankly didn’t think he possessed, she pulls her arms from the sleeves of her dress and frees her upper half. Her back still to him, she scoots the dress beneath her, lifting her bottom to ease it out from under her and down off of her legs. She reaches her arm out and carefully tosses it onto a nearby chair.
Arthur watches, amazed as it lands neatly, as if it knows she will be पार करना, क्रॉस should it wrinkle. He smiles, then turns his attention back to her, sitting in front of him now in just a thin linen chemise, her creamy brown shoulders just a short distance from his lips.
He leans आगे and kisses one, unable to help himself. “You are beautiful, Guinevere,” he whispers, his breath blowing warm on her skin.
“You’re looking at my back, Arthur,” she says, strangely amused at him.
“Well, your back is beautiful. As I said: Every bit of you.”
“I think आप may be biased,” she says, looking over her shoulder at him now.
“Probably,” he smiles. “But I am the king, आप know. My word is law.”
“I thought आप कहा आप were my servant.”
“Did I?” he mock-pouts, trying to find a way out now. “Yes,” he allows, deciding to give in, because, as always, she is correct. “In here, in this room, I am your servant always.” Then he kisses her shoulder again.
Arthur brings his leg around so he is no longer sitting behind her but beside her, his eyes dancing quickly over her petite body, wanting to see her but not wanting to make her uncomfortable under his scrutiny.
The thin white material disguises very little, and he has to shift his position slightly to make himself और comfortable.
“Is… something wrong?” Gwen asks, noticing his discomfort.
“Um, no. Not at all. It’s just I… um, needed to adjust some things…”
“Oh,” she says. Then, “Oh,” and she blushes, her skin taking on a lovely गुलाबी hue that makes her even और beautiful somehow.
He leans over and kisses her, capturing her lips with his, gently easing her back on the pillows again.
“Nothing to be embarrassed by,” he whispers between kisses, “you should be proud that आप cause these feelings in me, these reactions in my body,” he kisses her nose.
“I didn’t think it was proper…” she starts.
“Guinevere, there is no place for propriety in the bedchamber,” he says gently, but there is an impish quality to his tone and she cannot help but smile.
“There आप go. Surely आप know,” he kisses her again, his hand sliding on her stomach, quietly feeling the contours of her body through her shift, “that this should also be enjoyable, yes? For both, I mean.”
She nods silently, but her wide eyes tell him that she hadn’t really considered that part of it.
He grins at her and then returns his lips to her neck, needing the taste of her skin on his lips again.
She relaxes a little again, her hands on his shoulders, his chest, shyly exploring. He slips his tongue out against her skin and she sighs. He actually licks the hollow of her throat and she takes his hand and brings it back to her breast.
Arthur loses a little bit of his mind then, he is able to feel so much through the linen. The shape of her breast, how it fits perfectly into his hand, how it is firm and yet soft at the same time, how her nipple puckers and stiffens when he moves his palm over it.
“Oh,” she gasps, gripping his shoulders when he daringly rubs his thumb over the stiff tip.
“Guinevere,” he groans softly, his lips moving lower again, shifting his hips slightly so she can feel him against her thigh. “That’s what आप do to me,” he coos against her skin, trying to allay any fears. “That is what my प्यार for आप does to my body. What your प्यार for me does.”
Surprising herself, her hand drops from his shoulder, her fingers trailing down his stomach, then stopping when she realizes where she is heading.
“You can touch,” he mutters against her breasts, “please do,” he adds.
Gwen gathers her resolve and moves her hand lower till her fingers brush something firm and cylindrical. She presses her palm against it, lightly at first, then as her boldness and curiosity grow, she presses harder, learning the feel of him through his trousers. He grunts and almost collapses over her, weakened द्वारा her hand on him.
“They will need to come off,” he says finally, lifting his head to look at her. “The trousers, I mean.”
“I know,” she whispers. Then, surprising herself again, she moves her hand and pulls the ties on his trousers in one तत्पर, तेज, स्विफ्ट move.
“Oh!” he exclaims, pleasantly surprised at how easy that was. He shucks his trousers, again tossing them carelessly aside. As soon as they are out of his hand, though, he remembers, and mutters, “Sorry.”
She just smiles at him, keeping her eyes stubbornly pointed above his waist.
Don’t look, she finds herself thinking.
He kisses her again before saying, “You can look.”
“I…” she hedges.
“Guinevere,” he says, his voice suddenly taking on a light teasing tone, “it’s not like आप haven’t seen…”
“Oh!” she exclaims now, blushing furiously, remembering that awkward afternoon when she had to knock out Merlin to save Arthur and wound up encountering him on the way to his bath.
“Don’t tell me आप didn’t peek,” he teases further, in her ear. “Hell, if Gaius wasn’t there with you…”
“Arthur, you’re not helping,” she says, but she is laughing now. Actually laughing.
“Yes, I rather think I am,” he says. “Because आप are laughing. And it’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.” He claims her lips again, leaning over her.
Gwen’s hand creeps आगे and finds him, bare now, and she realizes that she does want to touch, she does want to see.
He groans when her hand finds his naked shaft, and deepens the किस reflexively, his hand finding her breast once again, और daring now, teasing the nipple more, kneading the soft flesh.
She moans into him, squeezing her hand around him in response.
“Yes,” he breaks away to gasp his praise. She takes her opportunity to look down at his body now, his chest that she has seen several times yet it never ceases to quicken her pulse. His long muscular arms and graceful hands that seem to have no other purpose tonight but to pleasure her and hold her. Gwen bites her lip and forces her eyes further south, at her hand wrapped around him. She releases her hold and runs her fingers along its length, making his body jerk. It’s strange, yet beautiful, in its way.
“Sorry,” she says.
“Don’t be,” he smiles. “It’s good. आप have no idea what your touch does to me,” he whispers.
“If it’s anything like what yours does to me, then I have a pretty good idea,” she whispers back, looking down now at his long legs, every bit as muscular and perfect as the rest of him.
“You have nice legs, Arthur,” she says, and he chuckles, चुंबन her again.
“I… I think we can take my shift off,” she says, so quietly that he almost doesn’t hear it.
“Are आप certain?” he asks, his hand sliding down her body, fingers already pulling up the hem of the undergarment, exposing her legs now.
“I hope so,” she says, चुंबन him again. “This sounds silly, but it… doesn’t seem fair if I am clothed and आप are not,” she admits.
He chuckles again at her sweetness, and reaches over with his other hand as well now, raising the skirt.
“You have nice legs, too, Guinevere,” he observes, then bends to किस one knee, then the other. “Very.”
He’s चुंबन my knees? she wonders.
Arthur runs his hands up her legs, slowly caressing, marveling at the softness of her skin. He pauses, his hands on her thighs. “Should I proceed?” he asks.
She nods, closing her eyes, though, as he gently pushes the shift higher, over her hips, whispering, “Lift up for me, please.” She blindly complies, lifting her bum so the shift can slide upward and in another moment her arms are raising and she is completely bare before him.
Through her closed lids she can tell there is another lightning strike, followed closely द्वारा the thunder, louder this time. She can even hear the rain battering the windows now.
“Guinevere,” Arthur’s voice. His hand, stroking her face. His lips, चुंबन her eyelids. “Do not hide, Love. Open your eyes.”
She opens them and is met with Arthur’s face, the प्यार in his eyes tangible as he very consciously watches only her face, his hand resting now on her hipbone.
“Sorry,” she says, feeling bad that she once again let Helios’ memory invade her, the memory of his lust-filled eyes studying her like he was a starving man and she was his अगला meal.
“Guinevere, stop apologizing,” he says, his eyes twinkling slightly at her.
“Sor—” she stops herself this time, and he kisses her.
“You are perfect, do आप know that?” he says, resting his forehead against hers. “Just as beautiful outside as आप are inside.”
“Thank you,” she says, seeing that light in his eyes that she knows no one else gets to see, remembering again that he wants her to be happy, to enjoy herself. Because he loves her.
“I प्यार you,” he whispers, almost as if he has read her mind, and kisses her once before going exploring. He trails down her neck, even nibbling some now as he goes. He finds the sensitive place where her neck meets her shoulder, just above her collarbone, and sucks at it briefly.
When she makes a small mewling noise he does it again, longer, but taking care not to leave a mark. Will have to remember that spot, he thinks, but he moves on anyway, towards his अगला target.
His lips close over her breast now, taking the taut nipple in his mouth gently, slipping his tongue around it.
“Arthur,” she gasps, and is suddenly aware of the heat that has been steadily accumulating between her legs. It had been building all this while, but she had been too busy worrying and concentrating on Arthur, trying to keep her mind peaceful, that she didn’t take notice that her body was responding to him all on its own.
Arthur suckles at her breast, flicking her nipple with his tongue, gently nibbling. Gwen slowly removes her hand from his head and moves it down between her legs, investigating, hoping that Arthur is too busy to notice.
I’m certainly having enough trouble concentrating, she thinks as she probes with one finger to find her womanhood hot, sensitive, and thoroughly wet.
She gasps then, just as Arthur’s lips हटाइए to her other breast, giving it equal treatment. His hand caresses her stomach, hesitantly, and Guinevere thinks she knows what he wants to do.
Touch me. Please. Gwen’s own thoughts surprise her now, so लॉस्ट is she getting in him, in the experience.
“Guinevere, can…?”
“Stop asking, Arthur,” she cuts him off, her voice a slightly strained whisper.
Okay, then, Arthur thinks, but still he vows to go slow, to not overwhelm her.
His hand moves lower until he feels the coarse curls at the juncture of her thighs, moist already, so much so that he pauses again.
“Oh…” she moans, her hand holding his head, still at her breast. He places his hand against her now, just applying gentle pressure so she can grow accustomed to his touch.
“Mmm…”
Arthur slides one finger between her folds then, and the wetness pooled there almost causes him to lose control and spill his seed onto the बिस्तर and her hip.
“Guinevere…” he says, surprised and delighted.
“More,” she whispers, reaching for him again now, gripping him lightly and sliding her hand, guided mainly द्वारा instinct now, as she is nearly mindless, finally surrendering fully to her long-denied desires.
“M- more?” he stutters, not sure he’s heard her correctly.
“Yes,” she urges, tightening her grip on him.
“As आप wish, my lady,” he chokes out, moving his finger along her cleft. He finds that spot and she cries out, squeezing him reflexively, bringing another grunt from him.
Arthur moves his finger again, making a slow transit back and forth. He moves his head back to hers to किस her lips while he slides his finger down, inside her.
“Oh,” she rips her lips from his now, tossing her head and gripping his shoulder just as another flash of lightning streaks across the sky outside, and Arthur is treated to a split-second view of his Guinevere, eyes closed and lips parted, लॉस्ट to her desire, lit द्वारा lightning.
It is an image that will stay with him always, burned into his memory.
He kisses her yet again and asks, “Are आप ready?”
“Please,” she says, even tugging on him a little, like she is trying to pull him to her.
He is about to position himself over her, when he has a better idea. I want her to have the power. She needs to feel in control. So he wraps his arms around her and rolls onto his back, positioning her over him.
“Arthur! What are you…?”
“You are in control, my love,” he tells her, lifting his head to किस her nose.
“But—”
“Shh,” he says, reaching down and placing the tip of his manhood against her opening. He kisses her again. “Whenever आप are ready,” he whispers, gritting his teeth against his most base need to raise his hips and slide into her warmth.
Gwen closes her eyes a moment. Then she opens them, and, staring directly into his, she lowers her hips, taking him slowly inside, deeper, until he is completely sheathed within her.
He groans low and long. She sighs. Neither of them move.
It does not feel like an invasion. It feels… good. So good. Like he belongs here.
Still watching his face, she lifts her hips again, then lowers them. He moves his hands to her hips, helping her move, moving his own hips with her, until they slowly find their rhythm.
Slipping in and out, kissing, nibbling, touching. Half-whispered words. Eyes closed, eyes open. Arthur’s hand moves and finds a breast, and he lifts his head to किस it, suck on it. Gwen’s hand comes around to support his head for him, holding it while she balances her weight on her other arm, hovering over him.
“Oh… Arthur…” she gasps, and he increases the tempo.
“Oh!” her reply, a joyful exclamation.
I am flying.
Arthur drops his head back and she leans down and kisses his neck, his jaw, making her way to his lips, which she descends upon, चुंबन him ardently, letting her feelings loose into him.
Oh… oh my, Gwen thinks as sensations start to flood her, starting at the spot where they are joined and spreading, hot and fast like the ever-increasing lightning outside, burning her to ash and making her whole all at once, building, building until it bursts forth from her like a ball of fire, and she cries out his name.
“Arthur! Oh…”
Gwen holds on, continuing the ride because she knows he has not yet reached completion, but her head is positively swimming and she can no longer tell if the flashes of light are being caused द्वारा the storm outside या the one that just let loose from her heart.
Moments later, Arthur’s arms लपेटें around her body tightly, he stills after one massive thrust, and he groans, loud and low, a garbled mess that sounds vaguely like her name.
She relaxes over him now, his arms still securely around her, like he’s afraid she’ll disappear now like she always does in his dreams.
Her head on his chest, she turns her face and kisses his Adam’s apple.
“Did आप fly?” A whispered question.
“Yes. And the sky was wonderful,” she answers, and blissful tears slip from her eyes and wet his chest.
xXx
“That,” Gwen says quietly, once her tears have abated, “was truly pleasurable company.” She mutters it low, almost to herself.
“What?” Arthur asks, rolling them so she is cuddled अगला to him, her head on his shoulder. He lifts his head and looks down at her, confused. Then he reaches up and wipes the tears from her cheeks.
“When Helios would summon us, he would send that slimy bastard Silas to our rooms, where he would knock and declare, ‘My lord Helios requests the pleasure of your company.’”
“Ugh,” Arthur says, making a face. “That’s… kind of creepy.”
“Yes. Not to mention that it wasn’t exactly a request. We would hear it every night, and every night it would make my blood run cold. At first from not knowing the reason, then from suspecting the reason, then from being sure of the reason and dreading the दिन when he came calling for me.”
Arthur holds her close, चुंबन her hair, stroking her cheek. “I’m so sorry आप had do live that way. Even if it was just for a few weeks. It just sickens me.”
“The days were mostly tolerable. It was the nights that troubled me.”
“Understandably so. And the way I see it, there are two things intrinsically wrong with his statement, anyway.”
“What’s that?”
“First: yeesh,” he shudders, and she actually giggles at him. “And second,” he tilts her chin up, leans down and kisses her, “he was the only one getting any kind of pleasure,” he says softly, his voice a caress against her skin.
His words make her skin tingle all over, and she squeezes him, wrapping her hand around his chest. “It is behind me now. I am looking आगे now.”
“My wise Guinevere,” he says, tilting her face to his again for another kiss, this one longer, deeper.
She surrenders to his किस now, letting him take the lead, now that she knows that her दिल and her body are सुरक्षित in his hands. She moans low in the back of her throat before she can help herself, his tongue sending rivulets of आग down her spine as it strokes hers.
“Do आप see, Guinevere,” he mutters, pulling just far enough away to speak, “in my बिस्तर – in our bed,” he amends, “you will only ever feel pleasure.”
He pulls away a little further, gazing at her. “I need आप to know this. Do आप believe me?” he asks, his face now दिखा रहा है signs of worry creeping back in.
“Yes,” she whispers, reaching up to stroke his cheek, his jaw with her fingertips. “Thank you, Arthur.”
“And आप already know I प्यार आप और than reason dictates, but I’m going to keep telling आप anyway,” he says, his face relaxing, a smile creeping across his face now before he drops another किस on her lips, accompanied द्वारा a whispered, “I प्यार you.”
“I प्यार you, and I प्यार hearing it,” she उत्तरों softly, चुंबन him once before settling back against his broad chest.
There is a distant rumble of thunder; the storm is passing.
“Arthur?” she asks quietly.
“Yes, Love?”
“Will आप marry me?”
Without a word, Arthur practically leaps from the bed, scrambling over to the bedside table, ripping the drawer out so fast that it nearly separates from the table, and grabbing the ring.
“Is that a yes?” she giggles, echoing his सवाल from what seems a lifetime ago.
He scoots back in close to her, and she sits up now, holding the sheet around herself. She watches as he undoes the knot around the ring, pulling with his fingernails until it is loose, then allowing the ring to fall into his palm.
He pauses a second. “If… if you’d like a new one…” he stammers, suddenly very aware of the fact that this ring might hold negative thoughts. “Looking आगे now,” she had said.
“Don’t आप dare,” she says. “That ring has memories. Some good, some bad, but those memories make us who we are today. I am trying to put the past behind me, yes, but we cannot deny its existence. We must remember the past for the sake of the future.” She holds her hand out for him now, almost stubbornly. “That ring kept me sane, kept me from dying of fright, of loneliness. It was the only connection I had to आप during my banishment and if आप take it away, I’ll…”
“Okay, okay, we keep the ring,” he smiles, taking her hand in his and sliding the ring back on her finger. “Where it belongs,” he says, speaking his thought out loud.
She practically leaps into his arms now, चुंबन him frantically, almost knocking him over.
“Wow,” he says, freeing his lips for a moment before she starts plundering them again.
“Got carried away I guess,” she giggles.
“No problem at all,” he says, smiling at her and laying them back down.
“It does feel better having it back on. My finger would itch without it. Like even my stupid finger knew something that I didn’t,” she chuckles.
He squeezes her, loving how she feels against him, how she fits against him.
“Will आप stay with me? All night? Here?”
She doesn’t answer right away.
“Please? I want to hold आप all night, to have आप here in my arms while I sleep. While we sleep.”
“What about Merlin?” she asks.
“I told him to take tomorrow morning off,” he says.
“Oh. Arthur?”
“Yes?”
“Did he notice your odd behavior today?”
“Yes.”
“And आप gave him tonight off as well.”
“Obviously.”
She sighs. “He’s going to know anyway.”
“If he has figured it out, he will be overjoyed, I am certain,” he answers. “So you’ll stay then?”
“There is nothing I want और than to sleep curled in your embrace, my lord,” she says, using his शीर्षक as a term of endearment.
“Then that is what आप shall have, my lady. As soon as I blow out this candle,” he adds, rolling away for just a moment before returning to her, pulling the blankets up and snuggling in with her, tight in his arms.
“I प्यार आप so much, Guinevere.”
“I प्यार आप too, Arthur. And thank you.”
He bends his head down, smelling her hair. He smiles as he feels her tuck her little feet between his calves, noting that she must have done so because they feel like ice. But he doesn’t mind, because he feels like his entire body is on fire.
“Your बिस्तर is really comfortable,” she says, her voice sleepy.
“Of course it is. I’m the king.”
She laughs, a small sleepy laugh, then sighs and her small body seems to melt against him as she drifts off to sleep.
For the first time in weeks, Guinevere has happy dreams.
Part 7: link
-Understanding-
There is a skirmish near the western borders of the kingdom involving some thugs menacing a peaceful Druid camp, so the अगला day, Arthur and a small party of knights ride out.
Arthur didn’t really need to go, but since it was involving the Druids, he wanted to go as an act of good faith, to further help repair the relationship with the Druids and the kingdom of Camelot.
That, and he wasn’t sure how to face Guinevere yet.
They rode out in the morning, watched unknowingly द्वारा Gwen from a small window overlooking the courtyard. She looks down at them, saying a silent prayer for their safety. She sees Frida standing off to one side, surreptitiously. She watches and smiles as she sees Percival give Frida a tiny wave, which the maid shyly returns.
Gwen’s emotions are in turmoil watching him leave. Her anger has faded almost completely, but she doesn’t know how to face him now, after all her harsh words. All she knows is that if something happens when he’s gone that prevents him from returning to her, she will surely crumble into dust.
They are gone for nearly two days, returning just after noon, in high spirits. The courtyard is ringing with male laughter as the knights joke with each other, teasing this one and that for various mishaps in whatever battles they may have been in.
Gwen peeks from a window in Gaius’ rooms, smiling when she sees that Arthur appears well and whole, but then frowning when she sees that he is not joining in the general revelry, his face still serious.
“Would आप like to go down?” Gaius asks, noticing her looking out at them.
“No, it’s all right, Gaius, thank you,” she says, disappearing just as Arthur’s face finds her window.
He smiles sadly, only having seen the swish of her hair as she turned away. She was watching, even if I missed her.
After dinner, a soft knock comes at Arthur’s door.
“Come,” he calls from where he is standing, contemplating the fireplace, watching the flames dance as they warm him.
“Arthur?” Gwen calls timidly, and once again Arthur is pleased that she never reverted to addressing him द्वारा his title. At least still I have that much.
“Guinevere,” he says nervously, closing his hand around her ring that he had once again been holding like a security blanket.
“Um, I’ve brought your बरसती, लबादा back,” she says quietly, her voice a little nervous, holding up the folded red cloth. “Good as new.”
“Thank you. आप didn’t have to mend it, आप know.”
She sets it on the table. “I know. I wanted to. I’m only sorry it took so long.”
“You had a broken hand, Guinevere,” he chuckles, and is rewarded with the smallest of smiles.
Gwen opens her mouth as if she is about to say something, then closes it again. I still don’t know what to say. “Good night,” she says instead, turning to leave.
“Guinevere, will आप stay and talk with me?”
She hesitates, her hand on the door. I want to. I really do. My दिल aches to be so near him, yet I still cannot seem to let myself let him close again.
“Please?”
She turns to look at him, and he has stepped closer, his face unguarded and hopeful. Sad. So sad. She looks down and sees the leather पेटी still bearing her ring dangling from between his fingers, and her resolve bends a little.
“Very well,” she says, heading for the table.
“No, over here, द्वारा the fireplace where it’s warm,” he says.
She bites her lip and follows him to the fireplace. He sits on an upholstered bench and indicates that she should शामिल होइए him.
Gwen holds her breath a moment, then sits stiffly beside him, close enough to be polite, but far enough so that they are not touching.
“How was your journey?” she asks.
Ah. So it’s polite conversation. Better than no conversation. “It was very good. Productive. We pretty well made sure that those thugs will never bother anyone ever again, especially the Druids. या anyone from Camelot.”
“That’s good. I’m glad that आप are mending that relationship.”
“They were lovely and hospitable, actually,” he says, his fingers twitching idly on his lap. “They… they knew about you. About us. Even knew your name, and none of us had spoken it.”
“What?” she looks at him finally, surprised.
“Yes. The head priest in the camp, he told me to look after you. Take care of you, keep आप safe. Help आप heal,” he says quietly.
“That is very kind of him to say. And I know that’s what you’ve been trying to do,” she admits, indirectly addressing her outburst days before.
“Yes, but I’ve been doing it wrong,” he sighs, reaching out slowly for her hand. She stiffens almost imperceptibly beside him, and he brings his hand back to his lap.
“Is it really so difficult to let me touch you?” he asks, then immediately backpedals. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound insensitive, I am just trying to understand. That’s what I should have been doing all along.”
“I know आप mean no disrespect, Arthur,” she says quietly, then adds, even quieter, “And I want to be close to आप again.”
“You do?”
“But…” She fidgets with her स्कर्ट in her lap.
“Guinevere… I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to fully understand, but will आप help me try?” Arthur asks quietly, watching her sadly, her skin glowing सोना in the firelight. She looks so beautiful, but so sad.
Gwen stares at the आग for a long while. She looks down at her hands, running her thumb over the bump on her knuckle. When she looks at Arthur, the sadness in her face wrenches his heart.
I cannot remember the last time I saw her truly smile.
“What’s the worst feeling आप can imagine, Arthur?”
“I don’t have to imagine. It was when I लॉस्ट you.”
She sighs. “Less specific, Arthur, और general. Broader,” she clarifies, then tries a different approach. “How did आप feel watching your father die?” she asks quietly.
“Sad. Angry.”
“And why were आप angry?”
“Because I felt helpless. Hopeless. All these terrible things were unfolding around me and there was nothing I could do. I felt the same way when I realized that I wanted, no, needed आप back here with me, and I had no idea where आप were.”
“Helpless. आप are a man of power; feeling helpless must be very distressing indeed,” she says, but not unkindly.
“Yes. I think I’m beginning to understand…”
“Beginning to. Now, imagine that helpless feeling, and all the bad things happening around आप are actually happening directly to you. And you’re completely. Trapped.”
He says nothing, but she can see the pain in his eyes. He carefully, slowly reaches for her hand. She allows it, and he almost leaps for joy.
“Powerless, Arthur. आप would think that someone who has been a servant her whole life would be accustomed to feeling powerless. But it is different. So different,” she says, pausing, sniffling as a tear rolls down her cheek. “I am used to following orders, to serving others. But something like that, something so… personal… intimate…” She trails off a moment, and that haunted look crosses her face again. “It was so humiliating, so mortifying. I spent the entire time wishing that I would just die. Something that was supposed to be so beautiful got turned so ugly, so wrong, so dirty. And that’s how I feel, Arthur. Dirty. Worthless. Ruined.”
Arthur’s दिल is breaking again, watching his beautiful Guinevere crumble before him as she bravely relives her horror, just so that he can attempt to understand.
“You know it doesn’t matter to me that आप are no longer a maiden,” he whispers tenderly, his thumb gently stroking the back of her hand.
“I know,” she allows. “But that’s not actually the point. There is no going back, no taking back what he did to me.” Her breath catches now and she is crying fully, pulling her hand away from his to cover her face as she weeps.
“Shh,” Arthur tries to console her, reaching his hand towards her but stopping himself. His hand hovers in midair as he feels the tears running down his own face now. He touches her shoulder, and she doesn’t shrink from him. “Will आप let me hold you, Guinevere?” he croaks, “Please?”
She slowly nods after a long moment, and he pulls her into his embrace, gently, so gently, not wishing to frighten her या upset her any more. She sobs into his chest, her tears soaking into the white linen of his shirt, his tears falling onto the चोटी, शीर्ष of her head.
“I have so little to give you,” she whispers hoarsely against him. “That… that was supposed to be yours…”
“You have already दिया me so much,” he says, tightening his arms around her just slightly, holding her a little closer. “And I know… I know that as my wife and my क्वीन आप will continue to give me everything I need to be happy. Your support. Your wisdom. Your honesty.” He pauses, swallowing. “Your love.”
She relaxes a little against him, her hand resting on his chest.
“You may feel worthless, Guinevere, but I would still give up this entire kingdom if it meant I could spend the rest of my life with you. That is how much worth आप have.”
Something breaks inside her and she sobs harder now. Arthur still holds her, tentatively stroking her hair now.
“And I promise you, Guinevere, that I will never, ever hurt आप again,” he says, his emotions making his voice hoarse.
“That is not something आप can promise,” she whispers into his chest.
He thinks a moment. She’s right. I can’t promise that. “Then I promise I will do everything in my power to never, ever hurt आप again,” he amends. “Your pain is like a चाकू in my heart,” he whispers now, his lips against her hair.
She weeps against him, letting him hold her, finally allowing herself to be soothed द्वारा his presence.
“Thank you, Arthur,” she whispers after a time, hiccupping, trying to calm herself.
Gwen pulls back and looks up at him, her eyes, swollen and red-rimmed, blinking at him as he watches her through his own glassy blue eyes.
Before either of them realize what’s happening, their lips meet, softly, gently, warm and pliable.
How…? he thinks, his दिल thumping so hard she can probably feel it against hers.
Gwen’s fingers curl, bunching his कमीज, शर्ट in her fist, and she is lost.
It’s like home. His प्यार is like a balm on my heart. How could I not have known?
Arthur wants nothing और than to slide his tongue between her lips and plunder the warm familiar crevices of her delicious mouth, but he holds back, quite content to be able to even just किस her at all.
Slowly they part, and Arthur opens his eyes, gazing down at her. He carefully lifts his hand to her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb.
She doesn’t jump.
His दिल swells in his chest and he almost starts crying again.
“I प्यार you, Arthur,” she says, “I never once stopped.”
Arthur hugs her to him again, squeezing tightly, burying his face in her neck.
She tenses briefly, but then relaxes.
Too fast. “Sorry,” he mutters into her neck.
“Don’t let go.”
xXx
Merlin enters the royal bedchamber later that night to find Arthur smiling.
“Who are आप and what have आप done with Arthur?” he asks, freezing in his tracks.
“She kissed me, Merlin. Tonight. She kissed me and told me she loved me. She told me she loved me and didn’t follow it with ‘but.’” Arthur cannot stop smiling.
“She kissed you?” Merlin asks, stepping forward, a grin spreading over his face now.
“Or I kissed her and she let me,” he says, waving his hand vaguely. “Not quite sure how it happened, but that’s not important.”
“What happened?”
“We talked,” Arthur says, following Merlin as he heads over to turn down the bedcovers, probably uselessly, but he always makes the effort.
“She came and returned my cloak, which she mended herself even though she didn’t have to, and I asked her to stay and talk and she did.”
“I knew you’d figure it out,” Merlin says, smiling to himself at Arthur’s rambling.
“Well, I did talk to Gaius, to be honest. He helped me realize what I was doing wrong.”
“And what was that?”
“Oh, only everything,” Arthur laughs.
“Did… did she say anything about the other night?”
“Not a word. And if she had tried to apologize, I would have told her that she has no reason to apologize anyway.”
Arthur sleeps in his बिस्तर that night.
xXx
“Frida?” Gwen calls softly when she enters her house.
“Gven! I vas getting vorried!” Frida exclaims, sitting up and lighting a candle.
“Sorry,” she apologizes.
“Vat happened? Vy so late?”
“I was with Arthur, actually,” she says, sitting on her bed.
“Really? और yelling?”
“No,” Gwen chuckles. “No और yelling. It was… nice. We talked.”
“Good.”
“And…” she looks down at her feet. “I think I kissed him.”
“You tink?”
“Well we definitely kissed. I’m just… not sure who kissed who, exactly.”
“Ya…?” she asks, leading her.
“It felt good. It felt right. Like… a missing piece of my दिल returned.”
“Dat is good, Gven,” Frida says, smiling a sad smile.
“Does such talk make आप think of Nils?” Gwen asks quietly.
“Ya. But it is okay. I have finally made my peace vit him, I tink. Now that I am someplace good and can think clearly again. I have had longer to heal from my vounds than आप did and had the time to harden myself against… him… that आप did not have. I vill be fine.”
“You will be और than fine, Frida,” Gwen says, reaching across, holding her hand out to her friend. Frida puts her hand in Gwen’s and Gwen squeezes reassuringly.
“Tank you.”
“I am exhausted, though,” Gwen says, releasing Frida’s hand and beginning to undress for the night.
“I vould tink so,” Frida lays back down. “Percival brought me फूल today,” she says suddenly.
“Did he, now? That’s lovely.”
“Ya. I do like him very much. He is big like the men of my home, but kinder and gentler. Doesn’t feel he has to pound skulls to prove he is man.”
“Wait till आप see him in battle,” Gwen chuckles. “But you’re right. His natural disposition is very sweet.”
“Champion in battle but gentle ven not in battle. Dat is man,” Frida says, smiling to herself.
“But you’re still not ready for anything more, I take it,” smiling at her friend’s fondness for one of her प्रिय knights.
“Not yet. I tink soon.”
Gwen blows out the candle and settles down into her bed, feeling a happy sleepiness falling over her for the first time in a very long time.
“Frida?” she asks again after a few minutes.
“Ya?”
“I think I’m ready to be strong again. हटाइए forward. I’m tired of jumping at shadows, tired of flinching when any man comes near me.”
“Good.”
“I’m tired of being scared all the time.”
“Ya. Dis is very good, Gven.”
“If I am the queen… I will be able to… help people, Frida.”
“Ya. Because आप know how it feels to suffer.”
“Ya,” Gwen echoes.
Frida chuckles, then asks, “Vat do आप mean, ‘if?’”
xXx
After lunch the अगला day, Gwen knocks on Arthur’s door.
“Come,” he calls.
Gwen enters, standing a little taller than she had been recently, looking a little और like her old self.
“Good morning, Guinevere,” he smiles at her.
“Good morning,” she says.
“What can I do for you?” he asks, smiling.
“I’ve made a decision,” she says, trying to sound confident.
“Oh?” You’ll take your ring back and marry me? He leans against the table, facing her.
“I need to find my strength again. I need to be strong now. If I continue to shrink and hide, then Helios has damaged me forever, and I cannot let that happen. Because then I am still under his thumb though he is dead and gone.”
Arthur loves hearing these words. She is coming through. “Yes, Love, आप cannot let him continue to torment आप from beyond the grave. आप are too good, आप have too much to offer, to walk around here like आप are a ghost yourself.”
Gwen reaches out then, actually taking his hands in hers. Her cool, slender fingers feel so good against his skin.
“Please marry me,” he blurts out without even thinking.
“Maybe,” she answers, releasing his hands.
“Maybe?”
She fidgets a minute. Dare I say it? “I… I think I need to…” she bites her lip and looks down.
“What do आप need, Guinevere?” he asks quietly, lifting her chin. “You know आप have only to ask.”
Be brave. Strength, Gwen, strength. “I need to lay with आप first,” she tells her shoes.
What? His jaw drops. “Isn’t that… kind of… backwards…?” he stammers, his mind reeling.
“Yes, I know.” She gathers her resolve and continues despite her furiously-blushing cheeks. “It’s a bit… odd, yes, but I need to know that I can give myself to आप before I commit to marrying you. I need to know that I will be able to be your wife in every way. Because if I cannot do it, then… then I should not be your wife.”
“Oh,” is all he can think to say. When? Do we set a date? Make an appointment? When? Now? Now is good…
Gwen looks back up at him and the expression on his face actually makes her laugh a little. “Arthur, आप look like आप just swallowed a wilderen.”
Dare I ask? “When?” he croaks.
She presses her lips together and looks down again, blushing further. “Tomorrow night?” she whispers.
Not tonight? Easy, man. Don’t rush her. That would be bad.
He once again lifts her face, only this time he bends and kisses her, still relishing the simple fact that she lets him.
“I have no plans,” he says, trying to appear calm.
“I will…” she pauses, trying not to lose her nerve, “I will return after रात का खाना tomorrow, then.”
“Will आप not शामिल होइए me for रात का खाना tomorrow? Here, alone?”
“No, Arthur,” she answers. I am nervous enough, if I have to sit through a meal with him knowing what we will be doing after, I surely will die.
xXx
Oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear is the mantra running through Gwen’s head the rest of the day. I can’t believe what I just committed to. Why did I say it? And now the words are out, and it’s too late.
I can change my mind. He may be disappointed, but he will understand. I know he will.
“Gwen? Guinevere?” Gaius calls to her, snapping her out of her panicked thoughts.
“Hmm?”
“Are आप all right, dear? If आप pound that chamomile any और it’ll be so fine that it will just float away.”
She looks down and the mortar and pestle in her hands, at the dried chamomile she’s been grinding for only the gods know how long.
“Sorry. Just a little preoccupied this afternoon,” she says setting the pestle aside and portioning the pulverized chamomile into a few jars.
“Seems आप are preoccupied with something good, though.”
“I hope so,” she जवाब cryptically.
“I must admit that I noticed a change in आप right away this morning. So did Merlin. आप seem more… yourself.”
“I feel और myself, Gaius. I feel… better.”
“Things are better with Arthur, then?”
She blushes deeper and manages a careful “Yes” before turning away so he can’t see her face.
It must be written all over it.
“Good. The two of आप are destined to be together, आप know,” Gaius says.
“Oh?”
“Yes. Arthur’s destiny is to be a great king. Your destiny, and Merlin’s destiny, is to guide him there, to make sure he keeps his arrogant head on his shoulders and his feet firmly on the ground,” he says, his eyes twinkling.
Gwen laughs a little. “Merlin told me that he was insufferable when I was gone.”
“Not all the time,” Gaius says.
“Oh?”
“I’m sure he was quite pleasant when he was asleep.”
xXx
“Frida?” Gwen asks that night, once again seeking the safety of the dark to talk to her friend.
“Ya?”
“I did something today that was either quite brilliant या extraordinarily foolish.”
“And आप need me to help आप decide vich?”
“Maybe. I… I told Arthur that I wished to lay with him before I could consent to marrying him.”
Frida is silent, mulling over Gwen’s confession.
“You… आप are vishing to find out if आप can, ya? If आप can allow yourself to be loved द्वारा him, um, physically?”
“Yes. At least I hope that’s the reason,” she says, biting her lip.
“Gven! आप are… I don’t know vat is the vord.”
“Scandalous?”
“No.”
“Wanton?”
“Close enough. If आप are vanting to give yourself to him, dat is your choice.”
“I told him that if I could not be his wife in every way, then I should not be his wife.”
“And so आप vish to test dis out before आप accept the ring back.”
“Yes.”
“I tink dat आप are being very smart, really.”
“Thank you. I’ve been fretting over it all afternoon.”
“I did notice dat आप vere a little… scattered.”
“Gaius कहा the same thing,” she laughs.
“Gven? One ting.”
“What’s that?”
“You must make it clear dat if आप vant या need to stop, no matter vat state आप both are in, he must stop.”
“I will,” Gwen जवाब quietly. “I think he will understand that. No, I know he will.”
“He had better, या I vill be coming after him vit Percival’s dagger. आप are not the only voman who can do damage to the soft parts of a man, आप know.”
“Frida!” Gwen exclaims, but falls to giggling nevertheless.
There is a tap at the door, followed by, “What’s all that laughter in there?”
“Push off, Elyan,” Gwen calls, still laughing. She hears him chuckle and walk away.
xXx
Arthur has trouble concentrating the following day, a दिन that drags on endlessly, just to torment him. A council meeting of which he remembers nothing. Meeting a visiting lord whose name he no longer remembers.
What did I have for lunch?
Finally he gives up, and, claiming his knee is giving him trouble in the day’s rainy weather, he begs off of afternoon training, leaving Leon in charge.
I’d probably end up injured and then I’d be no good at all for… anything.
Merlin finds him staring at a book, sitting at his desk.
“Interesting reading, my lord?” Merlin asks, walking over.
“Hmm? Oh. Yes,” Arthur says vaguely, turning a page.
“Oh really?” Merlin steps over, lifts the book and turns it right-side-up. “Perhaps this will help.”
“Shut up, Merlin,” Arthur says, but he isn’t even able to put any real feeling behind it.
“Oh, come now, surely आप can do better than that…” Merlin cajoles, waiting. He had of course noticed the king’s oddly-distracted mood and has been waiting to find out about it all day.
“What?” Arthur looks up at him. “Merlin, is there a point to your being here?”
“Just making sure आप are well, Sire,” he says idly.
“Never better.”
“Except for your knee, of course.”
“What knee?”
“The knee आप claimed was troubling आप and keeping आप from attending training.”
“Ah. Yes. That knee. Right.”
“Arthur, what is going on? I thought आप and Gwen were back on track.”
“We are, we are…”
“So…?”
Arthur looks up at him. “It’s none of your concern.”
“Oh,” Merlin says, blinking in surprise, now even और curious. “You’re not going to tell me what’s troubling you?”
“No. And nothing’s troubling me.”
“Right. But something is definitely distracting you.”
“Merlin, shouldn’t आप be polishing my armor right now?”
“No, I don’t think so…” Merlin says, thinking, ticking off his सूची of duties for the day.
“Let me rephrase that. Merlin, shouldn’t आप be polishing my armor right now?”
“Ah. Right.” He turns to leave, disappointed that he was unable to solve the mystery.
“And Merlin,” Arthur calls.
“Yes?”
“I’ll be having my रात का खाना here tonight.”
“Alone?”
“Yes. Just bring it in and then आप may have the rest of the night off.”
“Um… thank you?” Merlin is growing even और confused द्वारा the minute.
“And… tomorrow morning as well,” Arthur adds, sticking his nose firmly back in the book that he is clearly not reading.
“Uhhhhhooookaayyyy…” Merlin answers, and turns to leave again. He reaches for the door and the realization hits him like a stone wall.
He fumbles with the knob and almost falls into the hallway, his ears now bright red.
xXx
Arthur stares at his रात का खाना as if he has never seen chicken before.
This is ridiculous. I don’t get nervous. I am the king of bloody Camelot. A knight. A warrior. The ultimate killing machine. The “once and something whoozits” that Merlin keeps blathering on about.
Qualities that will do me no good whatsoever this evening.
He pokes the chicken with his fork. He takes a drink of his wine. He ponders the carrots as if they have secrets to tell him.
He picks up the chunk of cheese. This is one of Frida’s, Merlin had said. He sets it down and cuts off a small slice.
Oh gods, this is the best cheese I have ever had. He cuts another slice, bigger, and eats that as well as his eyes keep drifting to the door, wondering when her quiet knock will come.
If it will come.
Not that I doubt her, I just still cannot believe this is happening.
Arthur manages a bite of chicken and one roasted carrot before his head turns sharply to the door.
Her knock comes a सेकंड later, soft. Tentative. He almost tips his chair over as he stands, walking to open the door for her rather than just bidding her enter.
“Hi,” Gwen says nervously. She looks up and sees all the same emotions she’s been feeling all day: nervousness, excitement, anxiety, anticipation, all mirrored in his face.
She laughs suddenly then, a light, musical laugh that throws Arthur completely off balance. Again.
He steps aside and she enters, saying, “I’m sorry to laugh, Arthur, it’s just… I guess I am relieved to see that आप are feeling the same way I am.”
Then Gwen turns and smiles at him. Actually smiles. Arthur is paralyzed, having nearly forgotten how beautiful her smile was.
“I had to pretend my knee was bothering me to get out of attending training. I was afraid I would end up injured, I was so distracted,” he admits.
“I almost crushed some dried chamomile into nothingness until Gaius reminded me of my task. And that was yesterday,” she replies, watching as he finally moves, sliding the lock into place on his door.
Her smile fades with the click of the lock and is replaced द्वारा the nervousness again.
“We do not have to do this, Guinevere,” Arthur says quietly, taking her hands in his. “I understand if you’ve changed your mind.”
“No, Arthur, I do need to do this,” she says, squeezing his hands, taking comfort in their warmth.
“The fact that आप even want to is enough for me,” he says, his voice still gentle.
“It isn’t enough for me,” she whispers.
“Are आप sure? Are आप absolutely certain?” he asks, looking down into her eyes, serious now.
“Arthur,” she says, dropping one hand to lead him द्वारा the other over to the bench द्वारा the fireplace where they sat two nights ago. “How much do आप know about birds?” she asks.
“What?”
“What do आप know about birds? Apart from how they taste. And knowing how to kill a chicken at a thousand paces, of course.”
Arthur laughs at her remark, remembering that night where he almost kissed her for the first time. “Not a lot. Why?”
“When the baby birds have grown all their feathers in, it is time for them to learn to fly. They have the instinct to fly. They want to fly. But they can’t until the mother bird pushes them out of the nest.”
“Ah,” Arthur says, understanding now.
“Wanting it isn’t enough. They need that push to know that they can do it.”
“And are आप the baby bird या the mother bird?” he asks, scooting a little closer to her, stroking her cheek with his finger.
“Both, actually, which makes it a little complicated,” she says, closing her eyes, his gentle touch warming her.
“And what am I, then?” he asks, leaning close now, चुंबन her other cheek.
“You? आप are the sky…” she says, her voice a whisper.
Arthur looks at her with wonder in his eyes. “I can live with that,” he says, smiling at her. He leans in and kisses her lips once, briefly, softly.
“Guinevere…” he says, but before he can continue, he has to किस her one और time. “Guinevere,” he starts again, “if… if आप need to stop, if आप want to stop at any time, any time at all,” he kisses her once more, “just say the word and I will do so immediately.”
Gwen’s दिल melts. I didn’t even have to ask him, she thinks, and she feels tears, happy tears, pricking at her eyes now.
“Thank you,” she says, cupping his cheek in her hand.
“I am your servant,” he tells her, turning his head to किस her palm.
The simple किस on such an unexpected place, an unexpectedly sensitive place, sends a jolt through her, and she gasps just slightly.
She slides her hand around, threading her fingers into his hair as she leans forward, claiming his lips with hers, gently at first, but when his arms snake around her waist and pull her closer, her hand tightens on his head slightly and she presses firmer.
Moments later her lips are parting under his, closing around his lower lip, sucking the pliant flesh there for a moment, coaxing him deeper. Her tongue tentatively touches his lip now, and his restraint shakes. He opens his mouth for her, चुंबन her fully now, relishing the feel of her under his hands, against his lips, in his mouth.
She feels like heaven. Tastes like heaven. Clearly I must be dead.
Gwen’s hand rakes lightly through his hair, her fingertips making his scalp tingle. Her other hand bunches his कमीज, शर्ट in her fist before opening and splaying wide against the muscles of his chest.
He tries to pull her closer still, longing to feel her body against his, but the bench they are on proves uncooperative.
“Guinevere,” he gasps against her lips.
“Arthur,” she answers, pulling back slightly, looking at him through heavy-lidded eyes. She sees the desire pooled in his and knows that hers are surely the same. She stands, taking his hand again, leading him over to the bed.
I can do this. Don’t think about anything else. Just him. Just be here, now, with him.
Halfway there, he stops. “Wait a moment. Something’s not right here,” he says.
She puzzles over this until she finds herself lifted in his arms, and then she understands what he meant.
Boldly, she turns her head the small distance and kisses his neck, just once.
Arthur almost drops her. He hopes she doesn’t notice.
But she kisses him again, the same way, only a lingering slightly longer, and he knows that she did notice.
He chuckles then, unable to help himself, and he is rewarded with her sweet giggle as he sets her gently on the bed.
“Um…” he starts, suddenly unsure about how to proceed. He sits beside her on the bed, realizing that Merlin must have turned the sheets down when he dropped off dinner, because they are neatly folded back already.
“Oh,” he finally makes a decision, bending over to remove his boots.
She smiles at him, at his endearing awkwardness, his uncertainty over trying to be mindful of her needs. “I प्यार you, Arthur,” she says suddenly, reaching for his hand.
“And I प्यार you,” he answers, allowing himself to be pulled down onto the बिस्तर beside her. He looks at her, still hardly believing that she is here, on his bed, with him. He lifts their joined hands to his lips, चुंबन her fingers, her hands, the knob on her one knuckle.
“Hey, no shoes on the bed,” he teases gently, scooting down to gently remove the slippers covering her feet while she giggles at him again. He tosses them to the floor and pauses a moment, saying, “Well, that’s just not even fair,” he says.
“What?” she asks, curious. What on earth is he talking about now?
“Even your little feet are lovely. How is that possible that every bit of आप is beautiful?”
“Arthur, really,” she protests, stopping just short of saying you haven’t seen every bit of me yet.
“Yes, really, Guinevere,” he says, sliding back up to lie beside her now, hesitantly placing his hand on her stomach.
“You are all right?” Arthur asks, serious now again.
She nods, reaching up to pull his face down to hers, craving his lips again. She kisses him hungrily now, lips immediately parted, tongues thrusting and sweeping.
His hand slides on her stomach, gripping her waist. Her hand moves, pulling at his shirt, her other hand coming up to help, removing his बेल्ट first.
It is only when Arthur hears the clunk as the buckle hits the floor that he realizes what she’s done.
“Oh…” he groans, tearing his lips from hers for just a moment before returning, pressing her into the pillows.
She makes a very small sound in the back of her throat and he immediately eases up.
“Sor—”
Gwen cuts off his apology with her lips, चुंबन him still. “It’s all right,” she whispers against his lips, sliding her arms under his, around his back, holding him, easing him closer.
He feels her pulling at his कमीज, शर्ट again, and he leans back. “Off?” he asks.
“Yes,” she nods, and he quickly disposes of his shirt, wadding it into a ball and throwing it back over his shoulder.
“Someone has to clean that, आप know,” she gently chides him.
“Sorry,” he जवाब sheepishly.
Gwen reaches up with one hand, placing it flat against his chest. He takes it and moves it over his heart.
She can feel his दिल thumping against her palm, the warmth of his skin, the light covering of chest hair.
“When आप were gone, it was like this was missing from me,” he whispers, pressing her hand.
“I know. I felt exactly the same way,” she says, wiggling her fingers slightly beneath his hand. He leans down and kisses her and she actually feels his heartbeat speed up.
She feels his hand drop from hers, but she leaves her hand on his chest anyway, only now she moves it, acquainting herself with the feel of his chest.
I have touched his chest before, but only tending to wounds. This is very different.
Gwen is starting to become conflicted, but carries on चुंबन him nevertheless.
I want to go further. I want to take his hand and guide it to the laces of my bodice. This dress suddenly feels too tight, too unnecessary, and yet I cannot find the will to…
“Guinevere?” Arthur asks, looking down at her. “What’s wrong, Love? Please tell me.” He strokes her brow, brushing a few curls away from her face.
“I’m a little… scared.”
“Do आप want to stop?”
“No. Maybe. No. I know what I need to do next, but it is difficult for me.”
“Your dress?” he guesses, and she nods.
Arthur has no idea what exactly it was that happened that night in Helios’ chambers, nor does he want to think about it. But if I were a betting man, I’d wager he made her remove her garments for him while he watched. He kisses her forehead. “Is there anything I can do?” he asks.
“Blow out the candles?” she suggests. Perhaps in the dark, I will not feel so exposed.
“Your wish,” he says, चुंबन her forehead once और before hopping from the बिस्तर to scurry around and extinguish the candles.
“All?”
“Leave one,” she tells him, sitting up now.
“Thank you,” he says, deciding to leave the one bedside candle lit. So I won’t have to get up later to put it out. As he crosses the floor to return to her, there is a flash of lightning followed a moment later द्वारा the crack of thunder.
Gwen jumps slightly, startled, and Arthur smiles. “I guess the weather finally decided to let loose,” he says, sitting behind her on the बिस्तर now, wrapping her in his arms and pulling her gently back against his chest.
“Does the storm frighten you?” he asks quietly, nuzzling her temple with his nose.
“No, the lightning just surprised me,” she says, melting against him, the heat from his chest radiating into her back. “I wasn’t expecting it.”
“Oh,” he answers, sounding a little disappointed. “And here I was hoping that I could be your big ब्रेव hero, protecting आप from the storm.”
She chuckles softly. “Arthur, आप are already my hero,” she says, turning her face to किस him.
“No, Guinevere, आप are mine,” Arthur tells her before returning his lips to hers.
I’m his hero? Gwen vaguely thinks, pondering those words just a moment before becoming totally distracted when his lips leave hers and press softly against the side of her neck. She gasps at the sensation, and he misunderstands.
“Sorry,” he says, returning to her lips.
“No,” she pulls back, “That was a good sound. Keep doing it.”
“Oh,” he smiles, moving his head back, “so आप like this?” he asks, brushing his lips lightly against the apparently very sensitive skin of her neck.
“Yes,” she breathes, her head tilting to the side unconsciously to give him और access. Her one hand comes up to his face, reaching back, caressing his cheek before finding its way into his hair again.
Arthur smiles against her skin as he places soft wet kisses along the column of her neck, pleased that she found something that pleases her.
One of his arms around her waist moves, cautiously roving higher. His knuckles brush the underside of her breast, applying soft pressure there, asking permission.
“Can I…” he asks, moving his fingers slightly against her.
“Yes,” she breathes, momentarily लॉस्ट in the warm cocoon he has built around her. When his hand moves higher and closes gently around the soft mound of her breast, she gasps again, stiffening just momentarily before relaxing with a sigh.
Another flash of lightning lights up the room, another rumble of thunder, long and loud and low. Gwen doesn’t jump this time.
“Guinevere,” he whispers in her ear, his voice a caress before he kisses its outer shell. His hand gives a tentative squeeze, not hard, and she makes a small noise.
“Is that a good sound?” he rumbles low, still hovering near her ear.
“Mmm-hmm,” she answers, her eyes closed again. His touch is so different. Better. Loving. He wants me, not just my body, she realizes. Me. Her eyes open wide now and she sits up suddenly, catching Arthur totally द्वारा surprise.
“Are आप all right?” he asks, immediately worried.
“Yes,” she says, blinking in the surprise of her realization. “I just… your touch… it… I…”
“Yes?” he asks patiently, watching her struggle to organize her thoughts. He strokes her jaw with his index finger, turning her face to look at him.
“It’s… different. Than his,” she finally blurts.
“Of course it is. I’m me. I’m not him,” he says simply, but he thinks he knows what she means. She was expecting the touch of any man to feel like his.
“You प्यार me,” she says, turning her body slightly so she can look directly at him.
“Yes, I do. और than life.”
“I… can feel that. When आप touch me.”
“Good,” he smiles. “That’s how it should be, Guinevere. Loving. Beautiful.”
“I know… well, I used to know, until I shut it away and made myself forget.”
“I’m glad आप remembered,” he says, and, hoping he isn’t pushing too far, too fast, he leans आगे and drops a किस on the soft skin of her breast peeking at him above her bodice, very near to her heart.
Her hand drifts upward and rests on the back of his head, lightly. He kisses again and she closes her eyes, waiting for the painful तस्वीरें to come rushing back, the तस्वीरें that have been the subject of her nightmares since she returned to Camelot.
None come.
Did I push them away? Did I get rid of them? या did he किस them away; did his प्यार expel them from my mind? या is it all these things?
“Arthur,” she breathes his name, and he kisses again, his lips lingering on her skin slightly longer. He moves his lips a little higher, sucking lightly at the skin covering her collarbone, and his hand comes around her waist, sliding up along the row of laces at her back.
She realizes he is not चुंबन her anymore and she opens her eyes to find him just watching her, patiently but expectantly.
“May I?” he asks softly, and she feels the touch of his fingers at her laces, poised but not moving until she gives the word.
She takes a deep breath. “Yes.” Then, “Let me know if आप need help.”
He laughs. “I might do, we’ll see.”
She turns, presenting her back to him, moving her hair out of the way. He won’t want to inspect me like livestock. He won’t, she reminds herself, but still she is unsure if she can let him look at her naked body yet.
She feels the laces loosen gradually, slower than if she were doing it but he is making progress.
“I think I’ve got it,” he says, reaching his hand up to touch the skin on her back, running his palm along the patch of skin between her shoulder blades, a place usually hidden द्वारा her hair.
“Okay,” she says. “Um…”
“Guinevere,” he says, his voice still low and soft, “if आप wish to leave your shift on, if आप are not comfortable…”
“Maybe. I… I don’t know yet.”
Arthur leans आगे and kisses that spot on her back. “Whatever आप wish, my love.”
Determined, bolstered once again द्वारा his patience, patience she frankly didn’t think he possessed, she pulls her arms from the sleeves of her dress and frees her upper half. Her back still to him, she scoots the dress beneath her, lifting her bottom to ease it out from under her and down off of her legs. She reaches her arm out and carefully tosses it onto a nearby chair.
Arthur watches, amazed as it lands neatly, as if it knows she will be पार करना, क्रॉस should it wrinkle. He smiles, then turns his attention back to her, sitting in front of him now in just a thin linen chemise, her creamy brown shoulders just a short distance from his lips.
He leans आगे and kisses one, unable to help himself. “You are beautiful, Guinevere,” he whispers, his breath blowing warm on her skin.
“You’re looking at my back, Arthur,” she says, strangely amused at him.
“Well, your back is beautiful. As I said: Every bit of you.”
“I think आप may be biased,” she says, looking over her shoulder at him now.
“Probably,” he smiles. “But I am the king, आप know. My word is law.”
“I thought आप कहा आप were my servant.”
“Did I?” he mock-pouts, trying to find a way out now. “Yes,” he allows, deciding to give in, because, as always, she is correct. “In here, in this room, I am your servant always.” Then he kisses her shoulder again.
Arthur brings his leg around so he is no longer sitting behind her but beside her, his eyes dancing quickly over her petite body, wanting to see her but not wanting to make her uncomfortable under his scrutiny.
The thin white material disguises very little, and he has to shift his position slightly to make himself और comfortable.
“Is… something wrong?” Gwen asks, noticing his discomfort.
“Um, no. Not at all. It’s just I… um, needed to adjust some things…”
“Oh,” she says. Then, “Oh,” and she blushes, her skin taking on a lovely गुलाबी hue that makes her even और beautiful somehow.
He leans over and kisses her, capturing her lips with his, gently easing her back on the pillows again.
“Nothing to be embarrassed by,” he whispers between kisses, “you should be proud that आप cause these feelings in me, these reactions in my body,” he kisses her nose.
“I didn’t think it was proper…” she starts.
“Guinevere, there is no place for propriety in the bedchamber,” he says gently, but there is an impish quality to his tone and she cannot help but smile.
“There आप go. Surely आप know,” he kisses her again, his hand sliding on her stomach, quietly feeling the contours of her body through her shift, “that this should also be enjoyable, yes? For both, I mean.”
She nods silently, but her wide eyes tell him that she hadn’t really considered that part of it.
He grins at her and then returns his lips to her neck, needing the taste of her skin on his lips again.
She relaxes a little again, her hands on his shoulders, his chest, shyly exploring. He slips his tongue out against her skin and she sighs. He actually licks the hollow of her throat and she takes his hand and brings it back to her breast.
Arthur loses a little bit of his mind then, he is able to feel so much through the linen. The shape of her breast, how it fits perfectly into his hand, how it is firm and yet soft at the same time, how her nipple puckers and stiffens when he moves his palm over it.
“Oh,” she gasps, gripping his shoulders when he daringly rubs his thumb over the stiff tip.
“Guinevere,” he groans softly, his lips moving lower again, shifting his hips slightly so she can feel him against her thigh. “That’s what आप do to me,” he coos against her skin, trying to allay any fears. “That is what my प्यार for आप does to my body. What your प्यार for me does.”
Surprising herself, her hand drops from his shoulder, her fingers trailing down his stomach, then stopping when she realizes where she is heading.
“You can touch,” he mutters against her breasts, “please do,” he adds.
Gwen gathers her resolve and moves her hand lower till her fingers brush something firm and cylindrical. She presses her palm against it, lightly at first, then as her boldness and curiosity grow, she presses harder, learning the feel of him through his trousers. He grunts and almost collapses over her, weakened द्वारा her hand on him.
“They will need to come off,” he says finally, lifting his head to look at her. “The trousers, I mean.”
“I know,” she whispers. Then, surprising herself again, she moves her hand and pulls the ties on his trousers in one तत्पर, तेज, स्विफ्ट move.
“Oh!” he exclaims, pleasantly surprised at how easy that was. He shucks his trousers, again tossing them carelessly aside. As soon as they are out of his hand, though, he remembers, and mutters, “Sorry.”
She just smiles at him, keeping her eyes stubbornly pointed above his waist.
Don’t look, she finds herself thinking.
He kisses her again before saying, “You can look.”
“I…” she hedges.
“Guinevere,” he says, his voice suddenly taking on a light teasing tone, “it’s not like आप haven’t seen…”
“Oh!” she exclaims now, blushing furiously, remembering that awkward afternoon when she had to knock out Merlin to save Arthur and wound up encountering him on the way to his bath.
“Don’t tell me आप didn’t peek,” he teases further, in her ear. “Hell, if Gaius wasn’t there with you…”
“Arthur, you’re not helping,” she says, but she is laughing now. Actually laughing.
“Yes, I rather think I am,” he says. “Because आप are laughing. And it’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.” He claims her lips again, leaning over her.
Gwen’s hand creeps आगे and finds him, bare now, and she realizes that she does want to touch, she does want to see.
He groans when her hand finds his naked shaft, and deepens the किस reflexively, his hand finding her breast once again, और daring now, teasing the nipple more, kneading the soft flesh.
She moans into him, squeezing her hand around him in response.
“Yes,” he breaks away to gasp his praise. She takes her opportunity to look down at his body now, his chest that she has seen several times yet it never ceases to quicken her pulse. His long muscular arms and graceful hands that seem to have no other purpose tonight but to pleasure her and hold her. Gwen bites her lip and forces her eyes further south, at her hand wrapped around him. She releases her hold and runs her fingers along its length, making his body jerk. It’s strange, yet beautiful, in its way.
“Sorry,” she says.
“Don’t be,” he smiles. “It’s good. आप have no idea what your touch does to me,” he whispers.
“If it’s anything like what yours does to me, then I have a pretty good idea,” she whispers back, looking down now at his long legs, every bit as muscular and perfect as the rest of him.
“You have nice legs, Arthur,” she says, and he chuckles, चुंबन her again.
“I… I think we can take my shift off,” she says, so quietly that he almost doesn’t hear it.
“Are आप certain?” he asks, his hand sliding down her body, fingers already pulling up the hem of the undergarment, exposing her legs now.
“I hope so,” she says, चुंबन him again. “This sounds silly, but it… doesn’t seem fair if I am clothed and आप are not,” she admits.
He chuckles again at her sweetness, and reaches over with his other hand as well now, raising the skirt.
“You have nice legs, too, Guinevere,” he observes, then bends to किस one knee, then the other. “Very.”
He’s चुंबन my knees? she wonders.
Arthur runs his hands up her legs, slowly caressing, marveling at the softness of her skin. He pauses, his hands on her thighs. “Should I proceed?” he asks.
She nods, closing her eyes, though, as he gently pushes the shift higher, over her hips, whispering, “Lift up for me, please.” She blindly complies, lifting her bum so the shift can slide upward and in another moment her arms are raising and she is completely bare before him.
Through her closed lids she can tell there is another lightning strike, followed closely द्वारा the thunder, louder this time. She can even hear the rain battering the windows now.
“Guinevere,” Arthur’s voice. His hand, stroking her face. His lips, चुंबन her eyelids. “Do not hide, Love. Open your eyes.”
She opens them and is met with Arthur’s face, the प्यार in his eyes tangible as he very consciously watches only her face, his hand resting now on her hipbone.
“Sorry,” she says, feeling bad that she once again let Helios’ memory invade her, the memory of his lust-filled eyes studying her like he was a starving man and she was his अगला meal.
“Guinevere, stop apologizing,” he says, his eyes twinkling slightly at her.
“Sor—” she stops herself this time, and he kisses her.
“You are perfect, do आप know that?” he says, resting his forehead against hers. “Just as beautiful outside as आप are inside.”
“Thank you,” she says, seeing that light in his eyes that she knows no one else gets to see, remembering again that he wants her to be happy, to enjoy herself. Because he loves her.
“I प्यार you,” he whispers, almost as if he has read her mind, and kisses her once before going exploring. He trails down her neck, even nibbling some now as he goes. He finds the sensitive place where her neck meets her shoulder, just above her collarbone, and sucks at it briefly.
When she makes a small mewling noise he does it again, longer, but taking care not to leave a mark. Will have to remember that spot, he thinks, but he moves on anyway, towards his अगला target.
His lips close over her breast now, taking the taut nipple in his mouth gently, slipping his tongue around it.
“Arthur,” she gasps, and is suddenly aware of the heat that has been steadily accumulating between her legs. It had been building all this while, but she had been too busy worrying and concentrating on Arthur, trying to keep her mind peaceful, that she didn’t take notice that her body was responding to him all on its own.
Arthur suckles at her breast, flicking her nipple with his tongue, gently nibbling. Gwen slowly removes her hand from his head and moves it down between her legs, investigating, hoping that Arthur is too busy to notice.
I’m certainly having enough trouble concentrating, she thinks as she probes with one finger to find her womanhood hot, sensitive, and thoroughly wet.
She gasps then, just as Arthur’s lips हटाइए to her other breast, giving it equal treatment. His hand caresses her stomach, hesitantly, and Guinevere thinks she knows what he wants to do.
Touch me. Please. Gwen’s own thoughts surprise her now, so लॉस्ट is she getting in him, in the experience.
“Guinevere, can…?”
“Stop asking, Arthur,” she cuts him off, her voice a slightly strained whisper.
Okay, then, Arthur thinks, but still he vows to go slow, to not overwhelm her.
His hand moves lower until he feels the coarse curls at the juncture of her thighs, moist already, so much so that he pauses again.
“Oh…” she moans, her hand holding his head, still at her breast. He places his hand against her now, just applying gentle pressure so she can grow accustomed to his touch.
“Mmm…”
Arthur slides one finger between her folds then, and the wetness pooled there almost causes him to lose control and spill his seed onto the बिस्तर and her hip.
“Guinevere…” he says, surprised and delighted.
“More,” she whispers, reaching for him again now, gripping him lightly and sliding her hand, guided mainly द्वारा instinct now, as she is nearly mindless, finally surrendering fully to her long-denied desires.
“M- more?” he stutters, not sure he’s heard her correctly.
“Yes,” she urges, tightening her grip on him.
“As आप wish, my lady,” he chokes out, moving his finger along her cleft. He finds that spot and she cries out, squeezing him reflexively, bringing another grunt from him.
Arthur moves his finger again, making a slow transit back and forth. He moves his head back to hers to किस her lips while he slides his finger down, inside her.
“Oh,” she rips her lips from his now, tossing her head and gripping his shoulder just as another flash of lightning streaks across the sky outside, and Arthur is treated to a split-second view of his Guinevere, eyes closed and lips parted, लॉस्ट to her desire, lit द्वारा lightning.
It is an image that will stay with him always, burned into his memory.
He kisses her yet again and asks, “Are आप ready?”
“Please,” she says, even tugging on him a little, like she is trying to pull him to her.
He is about to position himself over her, when he has a better idea. I want her to have the power. She needs to feel in control. So he wraps his arms around her and rolls onto his back, positioning her over him.
“Arthur! What are you…?”
“You are in control, my love,” he tells her, lifting his head to किस her nose.
“But—”
“Shh,” he says, reaching down and placing the tip of his manhood against her opening. He kisses her again. “Whenever आप are ready,” he whispers, gritting his teeth against his most base need to raise his hips and slide into her warmth.
Gwen closes her eyes a moment. Then she opens them, and, staring directly into his, she lowers her hips, taking him slowly inside, deeper, until he is completely sheathed within her.
He groans low and long. She sighs. Neither of them move.
It does not feel like an invasion. It feels… good. So good. Like he belongs here.
Still watching his face, she lifts her hips again, then lowers them. He moves his hands to her hips, helping her move, moving his own hips with her, until they slowly find their rhythm.
Slipping in and out, kissing, nibbling, touching. Half-whispered words. Eyes closed, eyes open. Arthur’s hand moves and finds a breast, and he lifts his head to किस it, suck on it. Gwen’s hand comes around to support his head for him, holding it while she balances her weight on her other arm, hovering over him.
“Oh… Arthur…” she gasps, and he increases the tempo.
“Oh!” her reply, a joyful exclamation.
I am flying.
Arthur drops his head back and she leans down and kisses his neck, his jaw, making her way to his lips, which she descends upon, चुंबन him ardently, letting her feelings loose into him.
Oh… oh my, Gwen thinks as sensations start to flood her, starting at the spot where they are joined and spreading, hot and fast like the ever-increasing lightning outside, burning her to ash and making her whole all at once, building, building until it bursts forth from her like a ball of fire, and she cries out his name.
“Arthur! Oh…”
Gwen holds on, continuing the ride because she knows he has not yet reached completion, but her head is positively swimming and she can no longer tell if the flashes of light are being caused द्वारा the storm outside या the one that just let loose from her heart.
Moments later, Arthur’s arms लपेटें around her body tightly, he stills after one massive thrust, and he groans, loud and low, a garbled mess that sounds vaguely like her name.
She relaxes over him now, his arms still securely around her, like he’s afraid she’ll disappear now like she always does in his dreams.
Her head on his chest, she turns her face and kisses his Adam’s apple.
“Did आप fly?” A whispered question.
“Yes. And the sky was wonderful,” she answers, and blissful tears slip from her eyes and wet his chest.
xXx
“That,” Gwen says quietly, once her tears have abated, “was truly pleasurable company.” She mutters it low, almost to herself.
“What?” Arthur asks, rolling them so she is cuddled अगला to him, her head on his shoulder. He lifts his head and looks down at her, confused. Then he reaches up and wipes the tears from her cheeks.
“When Helios would summon us, he would send that slimy bastard Silas to our rooms, where he would knock and declare, ‘My lord Helios requests the pleasure of your company.’”
“Ugh,” Arthur says, making a face. “That’s… kind of creepy.”
“Yes. Not to mention that it wasn’t exactly a request. We would hear it every night, and every night it would make my blood run cold. At first from not knowing the reason, then from suspecting the reason, then from being sure of the reason and dreading the दिन when he came calling for me.”
Arthur holds her close, चुंबन her hair, stroking her cheek. “I’m so sorry आप had do live that way. Even if it was just for a few weeks. It just sickens me.”
“The days were mostly tolerable. It was the nights that troubled me.”
“Understandably so. And the way I see it, there are two things intrinsically wrong with his statement, anyway.”
“What’s that?”
“First: yeesh,” he shudders, and she actually giggles at him. “And second,” he tilts her chin up, leans down and kisses her, “he was the only one getting any kind of pleasure,” he says softly, his voice a caress against her skin.
His words make her skin tingle all over, and she squeezes him, wrapping her hand around his chest. “It is behind me now. I am looking आगे now.”
“My wise Guinevere,” he says, tilting her face to his again for another kiss, this one longer, deeper.
She surrenders to his किस now, letting him take the lead, now that she knows that her दिल and her body are सुरक्षित in his hands. She moans low in the back of her throat before she can help herself, his tongue sending rivulets of आग down her spine as it strokes hers.
“Do आप see, Guinevere,” he mutters, pulling just far enough away to speak, “in my बिस्तर – in our bed,” he amends, “you will only ever feel pleasure.”
He pulls away a little further, gazing at her. “I need आप to know this. Do आप believe me?” he asks, his face now दिखा रहा है signs of worry creeping back in.
“Yes,” she whispers, reaching up to stroke his cheek, his jaw with her fingertips. “Thank you, Arthur.”
“And आप already know I प्यार आप और than reason dictates, but I’m going to keep telling आप anyway,” he says, his face relaxing, a smile creeping across his face now before he drops another किस on her lips, accompanied द्वारा a whispered, “I प्यार you.”
“I प्यार you, and I प्यार hearing it,” she उत्तरों softly, चुंबन him once before settling back against his broad chest.
There is a distant rumble of thunder; the storm is passing.
“Arthur?” she asks quietly.
“Yes, Love?”
“Will आप marry me?”
Without a word, Arthur practically leaps from the bed, scrambling over to the bedside table, ripping the drawer out so fast that it nearly separates from the table, and grabbing the ring.
“Is that a yes?” she giggles, echoing his सवाल from what seems a lifetime ago.
He scoots back in close to her, and she sits up now, holding the sheet around herself. She watches as he undoes the knot around the ring, pulling with his fingernails until it is loose, then allowing the ring to fall into his palm.
He pauses a second. “If… if you’d like a new one…” he stammers, suddenly very aware of the fact that this ring might hold negative thoughts. “Looking आगे now,” she had said.
“Don’t आप dare,” she says. “That ring has memories. Some good, some bad, but those memories make us who we are today. I am trying to put the past behind me, yes, but we cannot deny its existence. We must remember the past for the sake of the future.” She holds her hand out for him now, almost stubbornly. “That ring kept me sane, kept me from dying of fright, of loneliness. It was the only connection I had to आप during my banishment and if आप take it away, I’ll…”
“Okay, okay, we keep the ring,” he smiles, taking her hand in his and sliding the ring back on her finger. “Where it belongs,” he says, speaking his thought out loud.
She practically leaps into his arms now, चुंबन him frantically, almost knocking him over.
“Wow,” he says, freeing his lips for a moment before she starts plundering them again.
“Got carried away I guess,” she giggles.
“No problem at all,” he says, smiling at her and laying them back down.
“It does feel better having it back on. My finger would itch without it. Like even my stupid finger knew something that I didn’t,” she chuckles.
He squeezes her, loving how she feels against him, how she fits against him.
“Will आप stay with me? All night? Here?”
She doesn’t answer right away.
“Please? I want to hold आप all night, to have आप here in my arms while I sleep. While we sleep.”
“What about Merlin?” she asks.
“I told him to take tomorrow morning off,” he says.
“Oh. Arthur?”
“Yes?”
“Did he notice your odd behavior today?”
“Yes.”
“And आप gave him tonight off as well.”
“Obviously.”
She sighs. “He’s going to know anyway.”
“If he has figured it out, he will be overjoyed, I am certain,” he answers. “So you’ll stay then?”
“There is nothing I want और than to sleep curled in your embrace, my lord,” she says, using his शीर्षक as a term of endearment.
“Then that is what आप shall have, my lady. As soon as I blow out this candle,” he adds, rolling away for just a moment before returning to her, pulling the blankets up and snuggling in with her, tight in his arms.
“I प्यार आप so much, Guinevere.”
“I प्यार आप too, Arthur. And thank you.”
He bends his head down, smelling her hair. He smiles as he feels her tuck her little feet between his calves, noting that she must have done so because they feel like ice. But he doesn’t mind, because he feels like his entire body is on fire.
“Your बिस्तर is really comfortable,” she says, her voice sleepy.
“Of course it is. I’m the king.”
She laughs, a small sleepy laugh, then sighs and her small body seems to melt against him as she drifts off to sleep.
For the first time in weeks, Guinevere has happy dreams.
Part 7: link