*Sigh* Let me dive right in. I could use a good swim.
1. Grammar, oh, grammar, where art thou proper grammar?
Please use quotation marks, and spell out words like "thanks." You're not in a chat room. Remember that the dictionary is your friend, and he can be very helpful with spelling. You also forgot your capitalization on names and sentence beginnings, and you have to capitalize I. Plus, try writing out something like "The corners of his lips turned up in a gentle smile" rather than *smile*. Again, this isn't a chat room. Also, edit. Please, edit. There probably would be less mistakes if you took the time to edit. For example: "...came and picked my up." It should be 'picked me up.' Okay, I'm tired of grammar. I can only take so much of it.
2. Cliches = bad. Sehr schlecht.
This is very stereotypical thus far. It's just another girl waking up to go to school, not giving a crap what others think. Have you ever heard the phrase "Mary Sue?" And the "my best guy friend is smiling at me" thing reminds me of those cheesy romance novels that you only read while half asleep on the beach. It's cliche, really, the direction you can tell it's heading.
3. Your telling the story way too straight up.
What this is is "I woke up, then I did this, then this happened, etc. etc." Where's the emotion? Use your senses: touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste. (You can use them both figuratively and literally.) Beginning the story by telling us about the character is boring and predictable. Tell us who the character is by her actions, words, etc. Develope your character. Give her flaws, give her strengths.
Thank you for reading, and have a nice day.
Miranda
1. Grammar, oh, grammar, where art thou proper grammar?
Please use quotation marks, and spell out words like "thanks." You're not in a chat room. Remember that the dictionary is your friend, and he can be very helpful with spelling. You also forgot your capitalization on names and sentence beginnings, and you have to capitalize I. Plus, try writing out something like "The corners of his lips turned up in a gentle smile" rather than *smile*. Again, this isn't a chat room. Also, edit. Please, edit. There probably would be less mistakes if you took the time to edit. For example: "...came and picked my up." It should be 'picked me up.' Okay, I'm tired of grammar. I can only take so much of it.
2. Cliches = bad. Sehr schlecht.
This is very stereotypical thus far. It's just another girl waking up to go to school, not giving a crap what others think. Have you ever heard the phrase "Mary Sue?" And the "my best guy friend is smiling at me" thing reminds me of those cheesy romance novels that you only read while half asleep on the beach. It's cliche, really, the direction you can tell it's heading.
3. Your telling the story way too straight up.
What this is is "I woke up, then I did this, then this happened, etc. etc." Where's the emotion? Use your senses: touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste. (You can use them both figuratively and literally.) Beginning the story by telling us about the character is boring and predictable. Tell us who the character is by her actions, words, etc. Develope your character. Give her flaws, give her strengths.
Thank you for reading, and have a nice day.
Miranda
last edited एक साल से अधिक पुराना
