So, I had a really hard time लेखन this chapter, I know it's not that good, which is due to the fact that I didn't want to write it. I hit backspace way too many times. I guess I didn't want this to happen to Edward and Bella, its like when I was पढ़ना New Moon, I didn't want to keep reading, cause it made it और true.
So after an घंटा and a half, this is what I came up with...
Silence has never hurt me so much. Neither one of them कहा anything. I could imagine Alice was doing all the talking, explaining, trying to make Edward understand, to see the futures that laid out before all of us. He tightened his grip on the wheel and kept driving towards the school.
“Stop the car.” I कहा so suddenly, even surprising myself. I can't be here. I can't do this right now.
“Bella..” Edward started, looking at me in the mirror.
“Stop the car!” I almost screamed at him, surprising myself again. I couldn't see anything now, tears overflowing. Since when did I cry so easily.
Edward pulled the car over to the side and as soon as we came to a stop my hand was on the door handle, and अगला thing I know, I'm outside of the car. I turned back the way we came and started walking. It started raining, and didn't take long to downpour.
“Bella!” Edward called after me, and I could hear him approaching quickly behind me. The car drove off, he must have दिया the keys to Alice.
“Bella, stop, please” He कहा as he reached out and grabbed my wrist, spinning me around. I now stood facing him. He reached up and took my face in his hand, looking directly in my eyes. Searching, for something, probably Bella. Truth is, I don't know where she is. Five months पूर्व Bella was here. Bella was welcoming to his touch, his comfort. I couldn't find that anywhere. Just a lot of pain. I brought his face into focus and grabbed at his hands, knowing I couldn't physically pull him away, but I knew he would get the point. He dropped his hands, but kept his eyes fixated on mine.
“Bella, please say something. I can't read your thoughts, tell me whats happening.” He कहा as his strong composure started coming apart. He took my left hand in both of his. I could feel him shaking all over.
“I don't know. I don't know” I mumbled to myself, shaking my head. I glanced up and looked him in the eyes. “ I don't know” I कहा with और force, directed at him
Seeing Edward falling apart like this broke my दिल even more. I'm supposed to be the weak one, I've already proved this on many occasions.
“I don't want आप to be sad, I don't want आप to hurt like this.” He said, giving my hand a light squeeze. “What can I do?” He asked sounding if he was ready to do just about anything I would ask of him. And I knew he would do anything for me, which makes this harder and easier for me at the same time.
“Edward...I'm hurting you, I'm hurting your family..” I whispered in between sobs.
“Bella..” He interrupted. Now taking my other hand in his.
“Don't interrupt” I stopped him, trying to clear my head, trying to figure out what I needed to say. I realized that I wasn't doing this for me. No. This was going to tear me apart. Practically kill me. I loved him और than anything, and I needed to stop being selfish, stop thinking about what I want. Realizing the amount of pain I was putting Edward and his family in everyday. All because I loved him. प्यार hurts. I know this now. I looked up at his face, into his black eyes. He should be with someone that he can give himself to, be himself around, completely and honestly. Not someone he has to tiptoe around, not someone that puts his entire family in danger. Realizing what I needed to do, I swallowed hard, and pulled my hands out of his quite easily, he wouldn't hold me against my wishes anyway.
“I need to leave.” I said, so sure of myself, या at least trying to appear that way. He fixed his glance to the left of my head now, not looking at me in the eye anymore. He didn't हटाइए या breath. I watched for the slightest movement. Nothing. I pulled my wet hair off my face, remembering we were standing outside in the pouring rain. I looked at him, waiting for him to say something.
“okay” He कहा quietly, fixing his eyes on mine again. I felt my दिल sink, I could feel myself start to fall apart. I didn't want to do that, not here, not in front of him.
I swallowed again. “okay” I whispered. I took in his eyes, his face, him. I picked up my backpack, which was soaked all the way through and started to turn around. He reached for my hand, pulling me back towards him. He took my hand in his and pulled it up to his face and kissed the inside of my wrist, leaving a cool shock.
“I can't” I कहा frantically, my eyes searching his, back and forth, pulling my hand back. “I'm so sorry” I whispered. I turned around again and he didn't reach out for me this time. I started walking away slowly. “What have I done?” I thought to myself. I needed to do this. I need space, to think. Was I trying to convince myself? I picked up the pace a bit, walking faster in the pouring rain, splashing water around me. I could feel his eyes still on me, not wanting to look back. That would break my दिल even more. I needed to be far away, I can't hurt him. I felt so angry, but not at Edward, never at Edward. I was mad at myself. “What am I doing” I कहा out loud. I stopped when I realized I walked past the house. I turned around and walked back down the street. I walked up to the door before I realized I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to sit in my room, the same room that Edward would come and hold me every night as I fell asleep. I started walking around the house, across the yard, toward the opening in the woods.
It wasn't raining as much in the woods, the trees protected me from the rain. I didn't realize how cold it had gotten until I noticed the बत्तख, हंस bumps tickle on my arms. I wrapped my arms around myself, still crying and kept walking until my legs and feet grew tired. I spotted a rock and wiped it off before I sat down. I hugged my knees close to my body.
“I can't say here. Where can I go? Renee is traveling with Phil. Would Charlie even let me leave? He wouldn't understand. Would Renee understand?” not that I would tell her why I really needed to leave.
I sat there for what seemed like hours, just listening to the rain and the birds. My stomach growled, which made me realize it was almost noon. I got up and wiped the सीट of my jeans off and started heading towards the house when I heard someone approach me from behind.