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दिखाया जा रहा हैं 1-10 में से 4829 वॉल एंट्री

_Aderis_ कहा …
I am the Roast Queen. To add to that I am also the Sass क्वीन but I prefer the Roast क्वीन thank आप very much. पोस्टेड ·3दिन पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Happy Fathers दिन to everyone and for those who don't have a father figure in their life या a good one, I'll adopt आप :v पोस्टेड ·3दिन पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Man I need a new आइकन but I havent been super attached to anything as I've been focusing on my finals and getting the fuck घर that I really haven't had enough stable free time to just like... chill and read my mangaor anything XD पोस्टेड ·9दिन पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I guess Ill settle with this handsome boy for now ·9दिन पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Trauma resurfacing from thin dissociaitve walls and bubbling back up in a PTSD sense sucks. Its probably my lightest unprocessed trauma and it fucking sucks.

I can literally be having a good दिन then one word या one image and flick there goes my brain trying to give me a flashback and crap

Kms, not really but still. पोस्टेड ·9दिन पहले
Riku114 कहा …
ONE FINAL DOWN THREE TO GO पोस्टेड ·12दिन पहले
Riku114 कहा …
I honestly cant wait to be घर in a little over a week man. पोस्टेड ·15दिन पहले
LuceOfTheLight कहा …
Riku says I have to make my आइकन Sakamoto. पोस्टेड ·18दिन पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
FFF Dont call me out :v I didn't even notice this was here :vvv ·13दिन पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
आप really should !!!! ·10दिन पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Honestly a lot of the times my detachment from a lot from the world and what not serves me alright and sometimes well to reaching my goal and not getting bothered द्वारा the small things in life, but sometimes, often times, it can get to the worse either when it feels like the world is too far separate from me या when I feel like this is a secondary world and like I've been detached and disconnect from the world I actually belong in. पोस्टेड ·21दिन पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Sometimes its a weird feeling. Its like being homesick from a sense of reality / world that आप don't even really know. ·21दिन पहले
_Aderis_ कहा …
Also I added my responses to some of the DID Alter Q and A पोस्टेड ·22दिन पहले
_Aderis_ कहा …
I'm going to compromise and post here just saying that sometimes I feel like I want to use my own account. It's a fine line to walk though, between freaking Riku out and between holding myself back from saying something 'mean' या 'rude' या 'improper' that might soil some of Riku's image.

Out of respect for her I try to stay out of the picture but आप know~

I like to have my fun as well.

Besides, if Lucille can post a thing या two I sure don't see why I can't post an innocent post. पोस्टेड ·22दिन पहले
_Aderis_ टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Also hi Riku. Bet this is spookin ya but I want some fun as well. I'm behaving, don't worry about it. Buh bye, that is all. ·22दिन पहले
_Aderis_ टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
For those that aren't Riku feel free to friend me and message me या whatever. I don't particularly care and I'll reply like.. whenever I front and feel like it. Maybe that'd be a week, maybe a month, who knows. Not my problem tbh. ·22दिन पहले
_Aderis_ टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Buh bye bitches and hoes. (I am mandated to state that I do not actually think आप are bitches या hoes since apparently I am 'accidentally mean' a lot.) ·22दिन पहले
Riku114 कहा …
I am thoroughly attacked. I started watching Sakamoto Desu Ga and this is such a direct parody of myself and my social experience in highschool that it hurts.

I have been parodized पोस्टेड ·23दिन पहले
Riku114 कहा …
"DID pathologizes one of the coolest and amazing ways of exploring your mind"

Yeah, its so cool to have a personality that regularly gets in the way of your interpersonal relationships, one that is actively suicidal and distorted horribly with depression and trauma, and one that literally does nothing but belittle आप and poke at your largest insecurities.

Its very cool and very fun and very amazing. पोस्टेड ·23दिन पहले
Lusamine टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Anybody who romanticizes mental illness is an absolute tool. ·23दिन पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Pfft right? ·23दिन पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Imma stream at about 2 PM PST (1.5 hours from this point) if आप guys are interested. पोस्टेड ·24दिन पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Ya know I honestly sometimes get a bit blown away when I think about the people that have claimed that I've helped them both online and offline. Often I don't really consider myself all that great and like... just kind of a pain in the नितंब, गधा of burden with how much baggage I can carry with me as someone to get to know, but then I have to double take and I realize I've really helped a good few people and it just sometimes doesn't sound real to be honest पोस्टेड ·24दिन पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Like if there was an alternate reality where I never existed, so many lives could have been different and worse and I really don't like to toot my own horn and I really don't mean to since I'm just kind of shocked and find it a bit hard to digest ·24दिन पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I dunno, its just hard for me to लपेटें my head around the idea that I am ACTUALLY a good person और than anything. ·24दिन पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Like... I'm not a BAD person, but the idea that I am "not a good person" has been a bit of a well known "fact" of my identity for a while that its just kind of hard for me to like be like??? I've helped people??? And I'm kind of caring??? Even when all the evidence shows that I do care about people and have done a lot और than I am required to do ·24दिन पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
And its like???? Wow??? ·24दिन पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Media depiction of DID

Alter: We gotta kidnap and kill them. I want to kill everyone. Stab them - Imma take over and kill them

Reality

Me: Maybe I should have a bit of soda with this popcorn

Lucille: I want tea.

Me: I am not walking out in the rain again to get tea. आप can come out and make चाय if आप really want it पोस्टेड एक महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Admittedly, this is like XD There is a lot of work and shit that goes into it, but like XD Its just a meme I had like three सेकंड्स पूर्व :v एक महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
FYI Lucille is a चाय addict एक महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Randomly being able to hear your suicidal alter having some sort of an episode is hard shit. Like, its not emotions and feelings and thoughts that I myself feel like are my own and it is fine, but just constantly hearing "I am so tired of being alive. I am so tired of this existence." and so on and so forth is just... its not easy.

I'd get like "Oh I think shes done and I managed to relax" and then another line will whisper out of no where and itd be square one again. पोस्टेड एक महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I'm just kind of waiting for it to pass and for her to go back to being silent. It kind of sucks because I really can't communicate back so I'm just kind of sitting here listening to it randomly appear एक महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
हे dudes, for Mental Health Awareness महीना I might try to post a few versions of DID सवालों and answer them myself and IF any of my alters come out and are willing to add their thoughts Ill let them :v पोस्टेड एक महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Public Service Announcement Kiddos

Take your medication. पोस्टेड एक महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
GUYS ITS ALMOST MAY

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

Maybe Ill do something XD पोस्टेड एक महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
It is a good feeling when your old friend आप had a bit of a really problematic friendship with messages back giving proper closure to the friendship's end and apologizing for some of the behavior in the time and ya know.

As someone who had a lot of codependent फ्रेंड्स left hanging, its a good feeling man. :feelsgoodman: पोस्टेड ·2महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Imma ramble about some just बिना सोचे समझे DID stuff I've been thinking about lately and its nothing important so dont bother too much with this unless आप are reaaaaallly bored but anyways here I go पोस्टेड ·2महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
So like, there is this thing that apparently a lot of people with DID have that I know I KINDA have and that I USED To have back when I thought I just had an overactive imagination and what not called "inner worlds" where the alters can manifest and occasionally interact and what not and sometimes they are actually kinda like big environments and what not ·2महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Also since I KNOW at least one of them checks my फैन्पॉप when he is out sometimes, yes this is at आप :v :v :v Fight me and don't use my account to redact या revise what I am saying here :v this is completely valid for me to post on here :v ·2महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
inb4 he doesnt front anytime soon and this post just gets लॉस्ट in time ·2महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Oh हे dude! I have a चोटी, शीर्ष Contributor thing now on my club's घर page! Thats actually pretty cool XD पोस्टेड ·2महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Its kind of nice being घर and what not. I get some good time with my fiance and I can kind of relax and pull the breaks a bit. Its pretty good - दिया my middle sister isnt also घर पोस्टेड ·2महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
आप know a lot of आप guys are actually like a genuine family to me और than yall probably think आप all probably think XD

Cause "Riku" is actually a personality that is of a system that didn't exist - या at least didn't firmly विभाजित करें, विभक्त करें / solidify - before फैन्पॉप existed. I'm really an existence that was 'born' here and figured herself out on here so a lot of me quickly kind of 'grew up' and 'developed' around आप guys like one would with family पोस्टेड ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Google: Did I really recover from my depression या did I just dissociate from it? पोस्टेड ·3महीने पहले
2ntyOnePilots टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Ohhhh man. Relatable ·2महीने पहले
2ntyOnePilots कहा …
Ok so... I hav3 a सवाल that may seem ignorant, but truth is I just can’t remember most o& the distinguished details. What ways are Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder different? पोस्टेड ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
As someone who technically has both (one of my alters is BPD where as I myself is debatable on it) I can explain XD ·3महीने पहले
2ntyOnePilots टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Ok thx sm. That’s so interestin. (Sounding like my mum but fuck it lol) a Definitely clears it up ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Aye drop द्वारा any सवालों XD ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
;-; Headache and fatigue for two days in a row ;-; पोस्टेड ·3महीने पहले
2ntyOnePilots टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Awe man, I feel that. Get some rest + take care. ❤️ ·3महीने पहले
GDragon612 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
all the best for आप ma Rikubun, take care and get well soon!! ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
I lowkey प्यार that the दिन I go to screening with Neurology to make sure there is no physiological reasons I have memory and identity issues is Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day

The दिन my diagnosis will be pretty solid XD पोस्टेड ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Inb4 "Oh looks like आप just have a brain tumor" ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Update: Yeah I am physiologically solid so its probably just dissociation. Big shock XD ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Honestly if any of आप guys have any सवालों on DID I am good for answering. XD I appreciate सवालों पोस्टेड ·3महीने पहले
2ntyOnePilots टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I have a question. Did आप ever finish the लेख आप wrote, and where might I find it? लोल ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I got it MOST ways done but got distracted XD I need to finish it its still on my सूची of things to do but man my mental health has been taking up a lot of time XD ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I am actually getting into the nit and gritty stuff of DID and its quite interesting and very tiresome XD ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
One of these I should work on explaining just how important and why Akashi is such a big thing for all of us. पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Also still happy I get to train Lefteris in the way of Kuroko no Basket. Soon there will be someone caught up enough to understand my lord and savior Akashi Seijurrou पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
Economnomnomics टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Glad to see someone joining the cult. How could आप forget about me, Riku. ·3महीने पहले
Economnomnomics टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Just because I'm inactive doesn’t mean I'm dead 😵💀 ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Man I had a four दिन weekend but dude I still have a lot of stuff to get done पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
2ntyOnePilots टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
^ ·3महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
There are pretty much like three ways to know when Im MAJORLY dissociating and possibly switching personalities

1) A LOT of face touching. If Im rubbing my face a lot and/or blinking heavily, Im probably dissociating and its habitual touching in attempt to like "clear my eyes" and focus in

2) I अंतरिक्ष out into absolutely no where

3) I lower my head into my hands या arms या away from sight and towards the ground and take irregular breaths. पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I see. That is pretty interesting to know. Have been curious about the signs !!!! ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Holy shit I just realized Ive been worshipping Akashi for like four या five years now पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Happy 4th-5th Anniversary of Worshipping then !!!! ·4महीने पहले
simrananime कहा …
Joined^^ पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Aye sweet ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
My little boy bird is a big boy now ;-; I raised him since he was a chick and my mom caught him fucking one of the females XD Shes the one Im taking to college and have shipped him with for ages so like... Im not upset and its rather normal for birds especially during this season XD

But man hes a grown boy now. I remember when he was like... a centimeter big and just a little baby chick. पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
That feeling when आप were so dissociated for two to three months and constantly AT BEST half present that आप THOUGHT आप were fully present for some parts cause आप forgot what it was like to be alone in your head / got used to it

Like for the first time probably since Ive come to college, its been just me - no Lucille या Aderis - and HONESTLY it feels GOOD baby. पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Like.... when आप have और than one present up in the front and are dissociated, आप cant really get into life and do exactly what आप want to do regularly. आप cant REALLY perceive all your emotions या your needs या the world around आप cause even if आप are semi-present, its like there is an overload and आप only get half of whats being picked up. आप are kind of stuck at a skin deep level ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Its so peaceful to just have a few days to myself for once and actually feel the world again and oh man. #FeelsGoodMan ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Imma kick back and enjoy this weekend ·4महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Once again, I'm really happy to see आप like this. As I said, make the most of this feeling, Rikubun !!!! ·4महीने पहले
heart
GDragon612 कहा …
Party finally Rikubun got the 100
btw thanks to Nomy yeah!!!
opens a huge bottle of champaigne and Juice
throwe confetti
drunk now xD
Party hard =D

congrats ma Rikubun💗 पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Thanks XD ·4महीने पहले
GDragon612 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
ya welcome XD ·4महीने पहले
GDragon612 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
throws ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
"I honestly just see myself और of a character than anything else. To be honest, I learned most of my actions and who I am from ऐनीमे characters that I liked." ~ Me like.... three या four years ago

Still honestly not inaccurate, but the degree I saw myself a vessel to write and create a story in rather than to live in was interesting. I wouldn't go and say I dont view it that way anymore, but its much less severe if आप were to ask me. पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
heart
GDragon612 कहा …
just one और प्रशंसक then आप got 100 fans
then I open a champaigne yeah(for non alcoholics रस =3) पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
GDragon612 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
hwaiting*-*<3 ·4महीने पहले
GDragon612 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
will open<<< ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
NOMY MADE THE 100! HALELLUJAH ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
MY FIANCE कहा I CAN MAKE HIM WATCH KNB WHEN WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER YAS पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Yeee! One और person has been added to the KnB Gang !!!! ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Me: Man I never write लेखाए anymore. I still have like three या four half completed लेखाए to do. Im so lazy man. Why am I always so tired and not in the mood for लेखन and explaining things when I remind myself of my articles?

Me: *working on a website to build and explain an entire fictional world with races and classes and cities and functions* *writes easily over a thousand या two on the website whenever shes bored enough to do it*

Me: Man I never write. पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
Lusamine कहा …
Joined! पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Welcome! ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Im still upset Ill never be able to be someones gay boyfriend पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
Lusamine टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I know, I was sad too. ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
;-; ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to tbh. Someone to take guidance off of. Someone who I am impressed so thoroughly द्वारा that they serve as an inspiration. But alas, it turns out I am stuck द्वारा myself. I have to generate goals and admiration from myself within myself. I have to generate the drive and inspiration and will entirely on my own.

Its not horrible. It makes me independent

But sometimes having the safety net so आप can take a break once and a while would be great पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Isn't there though? At least those who have contributed their fair share of inspiration over the years. Maybe not a complete Role Model through Life (A lot really have a hard time finding something like this and might also be not be the best option depending on one's selection) but the experiences taught through them and the examples आप have taken can be valuable nonetheless. Regardless of being Family या Friends, irl People या Fictional, etc. I have noticed that they could have an impact in a person's jouney. Something that I can relate with myself !!!! ·4महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
That being said, it is apparent that your progress so far is mainly because of yourself. No one else could define it. Your very own driving force that pushed आप towards Improvement. It is something to be truly admired and a reason why many others look up to आप and seek for your guidance themselves. Something to take great Pride in !!!! ·4महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
^ As excessively Optimistic I might be coming across, that is my Hope. A pure one and I find it to be worthy holding on to it in your case. Just letting that be known !!!! ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
“I wonder since when, I started yawning as I left my घर for a match. I wonder since when I stopped feeling anything even when we won. The person who can win against me is me alone. But all I wanted was an opponent that I could go all out against. I've always wished for a tight game in which आप couldn't tell if you'd win या lose...I am grateful to आप Tetsu." ~ Daiki Aomine पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
" *in meh mood* .... lets eat पॉपकॉर्न and soda"

"You know we literally just agreed and decided wed lean back towards चाय and फल since drinking things that do not excite the brain and fuels the body with HEALTHY stuff will actually almost factually pick up our mood right? Get some फल and tea"

".....popcorn and soda" पोस्टेड ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Im not living am I? पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Man I havent पोस्टेड on here in a while. Its... been a week. XD Chaos man. Tiresome. पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Relatable XD !!!! ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Im in प्यार पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
GDragon612 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
with your boyfriend या your birds Rikubun <3 ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Birds, boyfriend (fiance), and Akashi XDD ·5महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
#TripleLove !!!! ·4महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
The Holy Trinity of Riku's Obsessions !!!! ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
...... can someone tell my lungs how to breathe? पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
link ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
MY LUNGS DONT WORK पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Personally, I identify और masculine than feminine and typically want to be and identify with और male / masculine things. I actually never wanted to be a girlfriend when I was younger. I hated the idea of being a GIRLfriend. I was 100% alright with being a boyfriend but the term girlfriend just grossed me out and Im still not a HUGE प्रशंसक of it but Im used to it so I dont mind XD पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Theres the whole thing about wanting to be a prince and my style and all. There was even a point in my life / time when I wanted to look as masculine as possible and a bit of dysphoria but that all went away when I really stopped bothering with gender. ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I got overwhelmed and tired with all the gender culture and decided I was just going to be me and not do anything to my body that could harm it including binding my boobs cause once आप get past 38D its really not सुरक्षित to bind ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Plus I like my tits and my fiance likes my tits so... ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
“I wish we met before they convinced आप life is war.” पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Relatable !!!! ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Ah man. I was not ready to go back to college to be honest. Ill probably be better once I get back into academia and get fed the drug of constant work but ugh. पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
I have a cheese addiction tbh पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Zeppie टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
As I'm munching through a handful of grated मोत्ज़ारेला, मोज़ेरेला I find this relatable v: ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
^^ ·5महीने पहले
JetBlack__ कहा …
Riku didn’t post in 24 hours !!
call 911 पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
XD Im alright man XD ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Me: I didnt take my meds yet. Dont forget. Yeah just after I find some good संगीत to listen to.

"Honestly sometimes don't आप think it would be easier to play the roll of broken, edgy, depressed, and unhealthy drug lord या something than this high standing skilled academic and mental health caring scholar? It would be so easy to maintain that and we'd just have to stop trying with everything. Wouldn't that be fu-"

Me: Okay time to take medication. पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
2ntyOnePilots टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ·4महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
i cant sleep cos i cant stop imagining things and scenarios :vv ;-; पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
JetBlack__ टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
It's alright Riku it is all temporary,it's over now.you okay.. back to awesome Riku kicking life shit. ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
XD Its fine XD Its just lowkey nostalgic ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Me: I am not that bad of a maladaptive daydreamer

Me: *organizes a DnD group*

Me: *literally can not stop knocking out into obsessive character planning and background forming and दिवास्वप्न up different potential characters legit for the अगला 12 hours straight including while go kart racing to which Im shocked I didnt crash* पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Stream might be delayed due to DMV stuff पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
BlueDopamine टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
ok, Anna ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
:vv Dont call me द्वारा my first name ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
It makes me uncomfortable XD Not cause its online but for other reasons I dont wanna go into XD ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
या well real name I suppose XD ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
ANYWAYS. I finally get to take my drivers test after annoying delays twice and a बिना सोचे समझे appointment cancellation that the DMV didnt tell us about XD All the delays pretty much have me at the end of my learners permit though XD So I need to pass this या Ill have to start from square one again XD

But I think Ill do fine probably. I mean I am not the best driver and personally I wouldn't drive if I didn't have to cause of my dissociation, but Im somehow better than पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
my older sister according to my mom and she has a license so... I think Ill do fine. XD ·5महीने पहले
Rihanna312 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Welp, this is the third साल when I`m postponing getting a license. Mostly because I don`t feel the need for it. But if आप have the reason and need it, I`m sure you`ll do good on the test! ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
But yeah I would have passed since my driving was stellar but not noticing it was a yield left was an instant fail ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Ah man its bird fucking season it seems XD My birds keep trying to fuck पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
JetBlack__ टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
That’s disturbing yet cute xD ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
.... on another note I just realized I am 18 and have been living for the past few months with the self pressure as if I was like 21-24 पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Like my mom reminded my dad I was turning 19 and I was like "HOLY SHIT WAIT IM 18 WHAT THE HECK IM DOING JUST FINE. WHY AM I TREATING MYSELF LIKE IM WAY BEHIND?!?!" XD ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
With that being said, I am not going to change the working speed and rate I am working at :v I want to get everything done as fast as possible but man I shoulda cut myself some slack XD ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
"There is no victory for the passive" पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
I wanted to do something when I got back but now House is hallucinating a person and it reminds me too much of personal shit so Im hooked XD पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Fresh Owari no Seraph प्रोफ़ाइल पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Shukuya टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Looks cool! ·5महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Noice. Looks pretty neat !!!! ·5महीने पहले
JetBlack__ टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
It’s perfect. ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Me: *gets into the car and sees fiance's जैकेट in the backseat and put it on*

Him: You? Cold? Who are you?

Me: Nah, I just miss your jacket

*twenty मिनटों later*

Me: Actually I was a bit chilly but I did really mainly want it cos I missed it.

Him: I know, आप just have to be big strong girl that doesnt get cold

Me: >.> Shut up. पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
After all these, anyone who still can't see आप being a Tsundere simply knows nothing XD !!!! ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
YES I AM STILL THE क्वीन OF MEDIATING AND ARGUMENT CLEAN UP!

Managed to simultaneously

-Keep my sisters fiance from having to deal with my family's bs arguments
-Made sure my sister was alright the दिन before leaving
-Made sure my mom understood where my sister was coming from
-Made sure my mom was alright with how she left my sister
-Made sure everyone was at least neutral
-Ended the drama
-Explained my 'disowning' of my middle sister
-Everyone is alright पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Oh on that note, my middle sister I blantantly let it be known Im done trying with her and I am going to need to see her change and get her act together before I start trying again cos I got tired being let down on us getting along and her being nice and respectful to my existence ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I honestly cant hate her, but its not good for me to keep trying to be nice and get along cause Ill be sucked dry and left used if I keep trying when she isnt. ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
A bit of appreciation, but I honestly प्यार my fiance. The और I think about it, the और of a rare human that probably has like a 0.01% chance of existing that fits my tastes in people, quirky interests, patient, capable, and understanding enough of my mental health bullshit, and everything to somehow find me and care / like me enough to make me give them a chance even after I tore them apart. पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Like... being in my tastes and being someone Im willing to spend time around IRL is like.... a one in a millionth shot (not really but its pretty rare) ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Then just multiplying the rarity of everything else... ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Im just lucky to have him ·5महीने पहले
Zeppie टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
So sweet ❤ ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
I swear Ill get back to Hakuoki eventually XD

Im currently bouncing around a few other games though since there are some good sales on thigns I want

Currently doing Jurassic World: Evolution and then Devil May Cry 1 after. If I like Devil May Cry 1 I might get और of the series in the future but I dunno पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Dude, I found a clear definitive hole in my memory. My sister's fiance's sister apparently was like... best फ्रेंड्स with me in elementary school and APPARENTLY I was teased a lot या something like that and she asked about me when my sister met her and I honest to god dont recognize her much at all if at all.

I was a biiit skeptical that it was overexaggerating but legit found pictures of me hugging her as a kid so??? पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
And I was in the same school as her for three years at the very least and she is somehow entirely absent from all my memories? I mean thats not shocking because I dont remember much from elementary school but I did make a hell of a hard job remembering the general story including फ्रेंड्स of mine at the time. ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I remember some of my other फ्रेंड्स at the time Im pretty sure...??? So its weird but the photographs dont lie... .-. ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Legit my first PROOF backed लॉस्ट memory and its kinda..... odd?? ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Bruh solid क्रिस्मस this year. पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
>.> Starting to get to that "hating break" mood cause Im running out of things to keep my mind stimulated पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I honestly hate wasting time ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I hate being stressed out about wasting time especially on vacations because I know its irrational but I cant. ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Im honestly kind of jealous of people who can comfortably do nothing with their time may it be on vacations या not ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
हे guys I'm not dead I swear पोस्टेड ·5महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Aye guess who is officially engaged now? पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Might stream tomorrow at 12 PM PST Kingdom Hearts 1 with my boyfriend. Might not, still considering it पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Nah decided against streaming btw XD Figured itd be और fun just to chill with my boi ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Since I dont really have the ability to remember my moods for और than two weeks and it screws up a lot of my psychiatry मंचों and all, I am going to now keep a mood log to keep track of how I feel so I can और accurately रिपोर्ट it पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
^ That is a really nice idea !!!! ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
I might be kind of between fragments या something because I am feeling two extremely polar emotions at the same time that shouldn't be able to coexist at the extent that they are and because I can't respond to really interesting फैन्पॉप बिना सोचे समझे सवालों because I cant come up with any consistent ideas so my sense of identity is probably obscure and messed up even though I dont notice it. पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
^ Relatable in a way. Have been similarly felt confused about some of them myself !!!! ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
SAIX DESERVES और प्यार पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Its a bit shocking that I am still a good bit affected / bothered द्वारा my first major codependent break up. I've mostly moved on and I dont have breakdowns over it every other week like I did two years पूर्व and I don't compulsively stalk unless "triggered" and thus there is like a REALLY small one in comparison to before

BUT Id be lying if I कहा I wasn't still held back and occasionally bothered द्वारा it. There are some things that can "trigger" small little moments to which पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I recover from rather fast ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Its almost four years passed at this point I believe ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
द्वारा the way stream this week is canceled due to my schedule combined with other people's schedules पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
*sigh* Its hard to convince myself to sleep cause my brains oddly on edge over the session earlier today and the fact I gotta ride Uber to the airport which Ive always been paranoid about पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Not like horrifically but enough that Im resistant to sleep out of discomfort ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Tfw आप have to talk with your therapist over why something आप know is irrational is irrational because your brain doesnt always listen to ration and आप just sit there like "Fuck man, now we look dramatic because आप were freaking out over something I told आप was irrational and pointless and potentially unhealthy." पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
And then him pointing out the fact I over prepare and over plan for the worst to the point its kinda bad with how it takes a lot of the fun and excitement out of life and then Im like ":vvvv Dont bring me into this :vv Im just trying to protect us :v We might get caught off guard if we dont know whats going on :vv" ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
.... I really clearly dissociate myself in therapy dont I? ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I dont really mean dissociate in like... the experience of dissociation, but the way I talk about myself and my issues in therapy REALLY sounds like Im REALLY विभाजित करें, विभक्त करें and like "pfft thats not me" when it fucking is ya hoe. Like its not THAT apparently until I talk about my emotions and way of doing things ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Also I gotta stop talking in first person plural so much. XD या maybe not, cause it might be something I should stop restricting myself on. I dunno. Im curious what psychiatry will say when I go to it on the topic. And after I get MRI scans and shit on my brain so I can make sure its not like some tumor या anything that might be causing the memory issues and stuff just so they can go through the procedure of diagnosing shit ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
TFW आप lazily and casually take the ECON practice exam that is 20 सवालों longer than the one आप will take today and get an 96% on it with a little over 40 मिनटों to spare when आप really didnt do anything other than Chem and a little bit of Animal Science for about a week पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Honestly I kind of doubt when I say I have extremely fragmented personalities because a good 90% of the time I currently feel really like... single. I dont mean dating wise, but like... I feel like Im the only one up in my head and Im like "Nah I must have faked it before" but I vaguely remember having way too indepth discussions with "thoughts" that had extremely different opinions and voices in my head and my boyfriend claims hes seen it in my eyes / body when I claimed to be Aderis so.. पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Lately its only when Im really stressed / threatened that I hear anything in my mental अंतरिक्ष - either that या briefly when something 'stimulates' one of them I guess ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
I think I got Chem down XD I mean I learned the majority of it in the last two days cause I was on a good track for the first half of the quarter then the fires came and ruined my momentum XD

But its still pretty good. I hear the teacher curves the class two letter grades and I only need a 30% I think then? Which I know I can pull off. Plus I feel like I might know it better than a good chunk of people? पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Yo hearing your oldest sister be like "Yeah, I didn't really care that आप were और attached to him than me, I was just glad there was someone else helping out because I could barely keep आप alive since there is only so much a sister could do."

Well geee.

I mean I remember being bad but not that bad :v पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
But then again I dont really remember XD At least people being really up front with how close I seemed to be to offing myself gives me validation that I really was depressed at some point like my sparknotes of my own life says :v ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Lowkey kinda wanna go back and experience again just to see how bad I really was but I think Id regret that five सेकंड्स in ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
I don't really have a good sense of when Im pushing myself too hard to be entirely honest. Usually I end up pushing myself and pushing myself unaware of the toll its having या only minimal awareness of it to the point I feel like I can do a lot और then I just suddenly snap / break / crack and am forced to stop

Its something I am working on and I only really stopped studying (out of boredom) cause I took a short rbeak to call my boyfriend and he told me to take a break पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Turns out Im kinda feeling how exhausted I was after taking about an घंटा break XD ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Same kinda goes with most internal feelings, may it be hunger, exhaustion, and sometimes even just flat out pain. Im really bad at recognizing it until Im barely functioning and at that point it tends to be too late :v But Im working on it and try to listen when someone I know that can read me and that I trust tells me to take a break cos I know some people are better at telling when Im worn down than I am XD ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Man going through your tumblr (a place आप only ranted on when REALLY bad and not really wanting people to know) and specifically go back to the rants cause आप know आप had a tag for them

"I WANT TO DISSOCIATE. I WANT ADERIS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL या BE HERE." पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
[Hashtags so I could find the post if need be] #I Hate That Ive Been Stopping With My Dissociation #I Want It Back #I Dont Want To Be Here #I Dont Want To Feel For Now #If I Had To Give The Personality To Her #I Would #I Want Someone Else To Protect Me #I Want Someone Else To Handle The Stress #I Dont Want To Be The One To Take This Bullcrap #I Want Someone Who Doesnt Judge Herself #I Want Someone Who Can Say 'Fuck आप And Fuck It' #I Want Someone Narcissistic And Egotistical #Just Not Me ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
April 4th 2018 apparently. I wish I knew what happened that दिन XD ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
tfw आप went to the nearby campus market to get और Icebreakers, forget, buy a soda and Ramune for the stream, then half an घंटा after आप come back आप just go "shit I dont have any icebreakers" पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
"Yeah, youre probably right. [...] Were probably all insane.. broken. But whose fault is that!? The adults are the ones who broke us! आप want to hear the truth? .. We're scared" ~Nagisa Shingetsu (DRAE) पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Was gonna make my प्रोफ़ाइल "Just Riku" entirely cause I felt like it but nah. I felt like mixing it up since I didnt have a Danganronpa-specific background.

... quite shockingly actually. पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
TheLefteris24 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
^ I'm shocked myself !!!! ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
... I just realized now after पढ़ना 'scientific literature' for an Animal Science Assignment a few weeks पूर्व that I find पढ़ना "scientific literature" for psychiatry and psychology as just like... a hobby XD पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
Just a reminder of the stream on Saturday 2 PM पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
On another note, getting a double major in Animal Science (Avian and Behavior specialization) and Psychology in 4 years seems a lot easier than Pre-Vet in 3.5 years XD पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
I THINK I FINALLY FIGURED OUT EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR FUCKS SAKE FINALLY THE AMBIGUOUS PIECES OF ANIMAL SCIENCE MATCHED. पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Okay so like I am going to complete my major in Animal Science, Avian Science Specialization and BEHAVIOR Disciplinary Focus. All of that is necessary for the Animal Science degree btw. A specialization and a Disciplinary Focus. But listen here - Im either going to minor या double major in psychology just like I used to plan to for the majority of my middle / highschool career and carry on to get a Doctorate in Animal Behavior and / या Psychology and then go into research for the both of them and essentially try to bridge the सवाल marks between animal and human psychology and see how the two could better develop, grow, and understand when looked at each other in a parallel manner. ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
This solves a lot of my issues and pretty much combines my main two interests, obsessions, overwhelming passions, and ties in my otherwise 'random' goals into a larger circle. Like one of the issues with being a Veterinarian was that I felt I would get bored being specialized in that and just working commercially and I wouldnt be learning at the rate I like to. My brain would get bored and Id start to feel like life is dull. As for genetics and convservation, it just seems fun but half baked. I wasnt passionate या THAT curious about it. BUT WHEN आप GO INTO ANIMAL BEHAVIOR AND PSYCHOLOGY, THEY ARE BOTH HUGE PASSIONS OF MINE AND THEY ARE BOTH RATHER UNEXPLORED TERRITORIES SO THERE IS A LOT OF सवालों AND THINGS TO FIGURE OUT ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Okay enough of me being a nerd. I just felt some of youd be curious XD ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
But yeah for those of आप that dont fully understand how problematic dissociative amnesia is when getting mental help

Therapy: So how was your week?

Me: ??????? I can check my notes if आप like????????

Psychiatry: Okay lets track your progress. In the past two weeks have आप felt this?

Me: ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Me: WHAT IS TWO WEEKS. HOW COULD I REMEMBER THE PAST TWO WEEKS. MAYBE IVE BEEN GOOD MAYBE I HAVENT WHO KNOWS पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
I can probably maybe answer for "The past two days" confidently at best XD ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 कहा …
On a सेकंड note, we have a "stale" (someone who joined the band post-Summer Retreat) and my motherly "adoptive" instincts kicked in and I think he thought I was an "upper" / "returner" for a bit until I was like "Oh yeah Im new too so I know how आप feel" पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
BlueDopamine कहा …
97th. Was waiting to be the 100th, but knowing the growing community fanpop's active members number , this might take forever. पोस्टेड ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Understandable XD ·6महीने पहले
Riku114 टिप्पणी जोड़ा गया हे…
Honestly Ive लॉस्ट a member या two so its kinda been staying around 95-97 for the past long while ·6महीने पहले