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posted by ilovepenguins
5
50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time आप turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him या her that you’ve लॉस्ट your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he या she has anything for body lice.

8. After visiting the bakery section, go up and down the aisles exclaiming, “My buns are squishy!”

9. While arguing with an invisible friend, आप proceed to play tug-of-war over an item.

10. Hold your nose while standing in line at the meat department.

11. Ask the deli clerk how much potato सलाद it would take for two people to comfortably wrestle in.

12. Fake cell phone conversation: “Doctor, I couldn’t possibly have malaria. That was weeks ago!”

13. Start doing a river dance in front of the corned beef.

14. Tell the checkout cashier that आप have to hurry, या your spaceship will leave without you.

15. Tell the checkout bagger that आप knew him in a former life, and ask why he left without a note.

16. Ask someone if they saw your picture in the post office and remark that it was one of your best.

17. On a hot summer day, ask the manager if someone can help आप clean the snow from your car.

18. Tell a customer that you’re from the future and have just zapped back for an historic vacation.

19. Walk around holding a copy of the Scarlet Letter while sporting a big red “A”.

20. Ask a clerk if आप can test several types of deodorant before making a decision to buy one.

21. Using a stethoscope, listen intently to several coconuts in the produce aisle.

22. Tell one of the lobsters that you’ve brought the potion to turn him back into a man.

23. Run up to the fresh vegetables in the produce aisle and yell, “Boo!”

24. Play peek-a-boo with a little old lady while waiting in the checkout line.

25. When the clerk in the deli asks for your order, mime it.

26. Walk around smoking an invisible cigarette – and get great satisfaction from it.

27. Pretend to cook a meal using the pots and pans in the housewares aisle.

28. Bring a concealed whoopie cushion with आप and activate it every couple of minutes.

29. Ask if anyone has seen your pet snake – he was just in your pocket a मिनट ago.

30. While waiting in the deli line, pretend to read an invisible book – be sure to turn the pages.

31. Hold up a can of bug spray and ask someone what type of पटाखा, पटाखे would go best with it.

32. Shout out, “OK, who squeezed my melons?!”

33. If आप see someone offering samples, keep circling like a शार्क and snatch snacks at each pass.

34. Invite other customers to शामिल होइए आप in a game of limbo using a pepperoni stick.

35. Go up to a dead मछली on ice, sob and say, “We were supposed to be married on Saturday!”

36. In the middle of one of the aisles, scream, “Food fight!”

37. Stand in front of the ice cream freezer, look intently at it, and scream intermittently.

38. Squirm around a lot and shout, “Quick – where’s the hemorrhoid cream?”

39. Pick up bananas at random; act as though you’re on the phone and say, “Sorry, wrong number!”

40. Point accusingly at one of the cucumbers and say, “I thought I told आप to wait in the car!”

41. Holding a flea collar, ask a clerk how आप get the flea to hold still so that आप can put it on him.

42. Look for someone holding a jar of honey, and then explain that this is actually bee vomit.

43. Every time आप pass a particular type of meat, imitate the sound of the animal.

44. Walk down the aisles like a turkey, while opening your eyes as wide as physically possible.

45. As आप pass the lettuce, turn toward it, fold your arms and say, “You’re out of your head!”

46. Pick up a jar of pickled pig’s feet and – in a distraught voice – say, “Oh, no! It’s Babe!”

47. As आप pass people in the aisles, look startled and run in the opposite direction.

48. Bring a ventriloquist dummy and argue about what to buy for रात का खाना as आप go through the store.

49. Tell the produce clerk that the bananas are fighting again, and that they’re all getting bruised.

50. Tell the manager to call for a clean-up in the laxative aisle.
posted by nivi20997
3
FINAL TIDE OF NOMINEES ANNOUNCED FOR "TEEN CHOICE 2013" AIRING SUNDAY, AUGUST 11, LIVE ON FOX

"The Heat" and "Man of Steel" Lead Third Wave with Most Nominations
Lucy Hale, Ian Somerhalder, Laura Marano and Leven Rambin among Choice Stars Scheduled to Appear

The final tide of nominees has been announced for TEEN CHOICE 2013, airing LIVE Sunday, Aug. 11 (8:00-10:00 PM ET live/PT tape-delayed) on FOX. "The Heat" and "Man of Steel" lead the third wave with five nominations each, while cable drama "The Fosters" garnered four nominations.

Fans ages 13-19 can vote once each दिन per category for their...
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{Sally's POV}


"I think i'm gonna settle this." Jane got up and ran inside the school.

"This is not going to end well." Me, Ben and scissor mouth said.

We all left the bench at the same time almost bumping into each other going into the building.

"Ben, what did she mean द्वारा 'settle this'? I asked him, holding his hand.

"I don't know, but whatever it is, it's not gonna end well." Ben said, Letting go of may hand.

While we were walking we so Jane and Jeff.

We stopped where we were.

"Well, well,well. Guess who came crawling back!" Jeff said, playing with his knife.

"I CAME TO FUCKING SETTLE THIS!" Jane...
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(A/N) Still has gayness! cussing! and sex! so enjoy biggums! ^-^ xXx


~Ty's POV~

A week after Alice found out i was gay she invited Jason and I for some coffee.

"We should go, it would be fun" Jason कहा hugging me from behind.

"Coffee with my sister would be fun?" I asked grabbing his hands perched on my collarbone.

"Yeah, now that she knows, we can be ourselves, and we're pretty fucking awesome people" Jason कहा letting go and sitting on the couch.

I sat beside him, "Well, we are fucking awesome, fine we'll go."

Jason smiled and kissed my cheek.

I turned and kissed him on his lips.

I pulled away and...
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posted by MineTurtle
5
This ain't mine. I twas originally written द्वारा xSHOCKYx, who कहा 'Pass this on if आप प्यार Jesus'. So here it is.


Science vs. God
"Let me explain the problem science has with येशु Christ." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes sir," the student says.

"So आप believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are आप good या evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a...
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posted by randomgirl3000
2
The Moment Of Death:
1. The दिल stops.
2. The skin gets tight and ashen in color.
3. All the muscles relax.
4. The bladder and bowels empty.
5. The body temperature begins to drop 1 1/2 degrees Fahrenheit per hour.

After 30 minutes:
6. The skin gets purple and waxy.
7. The lips, fingernails, and toenails fade to a pale color.
8. Blood pools at the bottom of the body.
9. The hands and feet turn blue.
10. The eyes sink into the skull.

After 4 hours:
11. Rigor mortis has set in.
12. The purpling of the skin and the pooling of the blood continue.
13. Rigor continues to tighten muscles for another...
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posted by TheRealSexyKate
2
Almost all heavy ele­ments (every­thing but Hydro­gen, Helium, and a bit of Lithium) comes from stars that have gone super­nova. आप are made of stars.

The solar sys­tem is in orbit around the cen­ter of the Milky Way.  We’re mov­ing at about 483,000 miles an hour.

There are और mol­e­cules in a cup of water than there are cups of water in the ocean.

There are almost और atoms in a grain of sand, than there are grains of sand on Earth.

The word “bed” looks like a bed. Also… shark

The mir­ror image of ’3.14′ looks like the word ‘PIE‘.

Pepsi Cola was orig­i­nally...
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posted by Nein-Nein
1
Aokigahara (青木ヶ原?), also known as the Sea of Trees (樹海 Jukai?), is a 35-square-kilometre (14 sq mi) forest that lies at the northwest base of Mount Fuji in Japan.
The forest has a historic association with demons in Japanese mythology and is a लोकप्रिय place for suicides , The forest is a लोकप्रिय place for suicides, reportedly the most लोकप्रिय in जापान and सेकंड in the world after San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge. Statistics vary, but what is documented is that during the period leading up to 1988, about 100 suicides occurred there every year.
In 2002, 78 bodies were found within...
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 Awesome
Awesome
Tianmen Cave known as Gateway to Heaven is a natural bridge/arch and is reportedly highest elevation (1520 meters) natural arch in the World. Although it is an arch but locals call it a cave. As per local history it used to be cave and in circa 263 there was a massive collapse of the cliff face, which changed the cave into an arch. At that time the mountain was called Songliang, which was then changed to Tianmen meaning sacred.

It is 131.5 meters high, 57 meters wide and 60 meters deep. It is located close to Zhangjiajie city in western Hunan Province, China and is part of Wulingyuan Scenic Area - a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

One has to climb 999 steps to reach the top.

The whole area is very scenic and was not easily accessible. However Tianmen Mountain Cableway - reportedly the longest passenger cableway in the World with a length of 7200 meters and a height gap of 1277 meters, now brings thousands of tourists to this natural wonder.
 One has to climb 999 steps to reach the चोटी, शीर्ष
One has to climb 999 steps to reach the top
 STUNT द्वारा U.S.S.R JET FIGHTERS
STUNT BY U.S.S.R JET FIGHTERS
 Glass path(4,700ft above sea level)
Glass path(4,700ft above sea level)
 Tianmen Mountain Cableway
Tianmen Mountain Cableway
posted by unohana
2
"Be a leader not a follower" a saying that can mean many things. I am one of those people who doesn't copy and do what others do. When आप a follower आप are trying to be like someone. If आप are trying to be like someone than आप are a copy. Its okey to to look up to someone and try to be like them but that person has to be a good example. If आप follow the wrong person there might be a chance of death ahead in your life. Gangs are an example of leaders and followers. Gang Leaders get their followers to send drugs and kill rivial gangs and later those rivial gangs kill the leader and later...
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posted by Surfer_Girl_16
5
._. या (._.) indecisive
:-) या =] या :) या =) या :] या :^) या :D या :^D Smile या happy
:-L या =L या o¬o Drool या Zombie. Being tired.
,':Y An inquisitive duck.
:-( या =( या D: या D= Frown या Sad
<3 )~ A mouse
xP या XP Straining, disgust, bad joke, dead, dead from laughing, silliness
xD या XD Laughing hard (often taken as Cartman from the television
show South Park)
X8 laughing hard while covering mouth with hands
:S या :s या =S या =s confused
:Þ या :þ या =b या =Þ happy, dropped jaw, raspberry
:/ या : या =/ या = Skepticism, annoyance, uneasiness, या a slight
frown; dissatisfaction, lack of favourable...
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posted by IloveMyLord
1

In jealousy there is और of self-love than love.
FranÁois de la Rochefoucauld
A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
Robert A. Heinlein
There is no greater glory than love, nor any greater punishment than jealousy.
Lope de Vega
Jealous people poison their own banquet and then eat it
unknown
Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like a cancer.
Bible
Jealousy is the dragon in paradise; the hell of heaven; and the most कड़वा of the emotions because associated with the sweetest.
A.R. Orage...
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This is my चोटी, शीर्ष 14 fave sayings and कोट्स :) Enjoy xx

14. आप got to swim out of your comfort zone to catch the wave thats going to change your life -Unknown
13.Sometimes your knight in shining armour, is just an idiot wrapped in tin foil -Unknown
12."God heals and the doctors takes the fee" -Unknown
11.Ever notice that "what the hell" is always the right decision -Marilyn Monroe
10.Remember the days when ब्लैकबेरी and सेब where just फल -Unknown
9.When guys get jealous, its kinda cute. When girls get jealous, World War 3 is about to start -Unknown
8.You know youre in प्यार when आप cant fall...
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posted by hetaliaitaly
1
1.Ride mechanical घोड़े with coins fished out of the reflecting pool.

2.Try pants on backwards and Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.

3.At any clothing Stores take Heeps of stuff into the dressing room take an आइपॉड या something and play on it while ur bored and when its time to close say "I STILL HAVE TO TRY STUFF ON IDIOT".

4.Sneeze on the खाना sample's they have in woolworths.

5.At the bottom of an escalator, scream, “My shoelaces! Augh!” and pretend your stuck.

6.Ask the sales personnel at the संगीत store whether आप can get a CD that आप know they dont have and ask really...
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posted by IloveMyLord
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only द्वारा this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

"My फ्रेंड्स are my estate."
- Emily Dickinson

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out"
-Walter Winchell

"A friend is someone who is there for आप when he'd rather be anywhere else."
- Len Wein - Sent द्वारा Paulo Louro

"A friend is someone who knows the...
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posted by LizzyTheCat
3
1.Hum loudly in class and when he/she tells 'the person who is humming' to keep quiet-stop but then carry on two मिनटों later.

2.Tap your foot loudly when he/she is grading tests.

3.While he/she is busy explaining something, have a huge coughing fit (make sure it's loud) and don't let her finish a sentence.

4.Push your chair in and pull it out, non-stop.

5.Sigh loudly while he/she is explaining something and look longingly at a clock (or your watch if आप are wearing one) and then look out the window and sigh again.

6.Pretend to be asleep during a lesson and when आप get woken up, scream loudly...
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posted by tokidoki123
[The Simpsons] 1F02 - Homer Goes To College #255
Homer: I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.
Contributed द्वारा funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F05 - Bart's Inner Child #32
Skinner: Damn...they're very slowly getting away!
Moe: They're heading for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not.
Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway -- get some cider!
Contributed द्वारा funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F06 - Boy Scoutz 'N the हुड, डाकू #86
Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what...
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posted by tokidoki123
[Family Guy] S01E05 - A Hero Sits अगला Door #178
Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have आप tried दिखा रहा है him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy.
Contributed द्वारा funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E07 - Lethal Weapons #183
Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like आप - very homosexually.
Contributed द्वारा funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E10 - मछली Out Of Water #181
Auctioner: We'll open this auction with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagemire: Fifty...
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posted by Usui--takumi
1
Why was Tigger looking in the bowl??
He was trying to find pooh.
There were three men on an airplane, one of them decides to bring a baby.There is a crash and only three parachutes so they leave the baby behind. When they get to the bottom they hear screaming. They find the baby on the ground. The dad of the baby says, '' How did आप get down here? ''. The baby replies, '' Me not dumb, me not silly, me hold on to daddy's willy!''
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
A पेंगुइन rolling down a hill.
Yo momma so fat, when she jumps her own boobs slap her.
Yo momma so dumb AND fat,...
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posted by Usui--takumi
8
I'm Against death penalty. Looking at the death penalty system in action, आप realize that the only purpose it serves is retribution या revenge, it is seriously (and intrinsically) flawed in application and that there is a serious and continuing risk of executing innocent people. And, it costs much और than life in prison.
130 people wrong fully convicted people were sentenced to death and were lucky to be exonerated and released, eventually. DNA, available in less than 10% of all homicides, can’t guarantee we won’t execute innocent people. If someone is convicted and later found innocent...
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posted by Juilet1234
5
Mittens.
They warm your hands, protect आप from the cold. They're not a bad thing.
But imagine if for your whole life आप wore heavy mittens. If आप dial a phone, try to use a remote control, या try to play a board game, you're still wearing mittens. Practically everything is much और difficult.
Right there.
Practically everything is much और difficult.
Remember that.
Now imagine this.
You're in a room with the TV on full volume. The radio is blaring loud, screeching music. The lights are flickering on and off. Everything आप see is magnified, is a much bigger deal than it normally would...
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