1) I can't reach my license unless आप hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2) Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3) Aren't आप the guy from the Village People?
4) Hey, आप must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5) Are आप Andy या Barney?
6) I thought आप had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer
7) You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8) I pay your salary!
9) Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10) Do आप know why आप pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11) I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12) When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have आप been drinking?" आप probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have आप been eating doughnuts?"
13) What? आप need a license to drive?
14) Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!
15) Is your power a penis substitute?
16) Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but आप have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk
17) Can आप come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.
18) Oops...I thought आप were a prostitute.
19) Do I have any fruits या vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a फल या vegetable?
20) A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind
21) Did आप pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, या the burned out tail-light?
22) Whoops, that's the fake one... here ya go, this is the one.
23) Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence
24) Is it true that guys become cops because they can't work at McDonald's ?
25) Thanks Officer, that last cop only gave me a warning, too
26) My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal
27) Hey, is that a 9mm ? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
28) Do आप have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?
29) You're lucky this car needs a tune-up या you'd have never caught me
30) In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?
31) If you'd try the stuff I just had, आप wouldn't be so damn uptight
32) Aren't there real crooks somewhere आप should be catching?
33) Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either
34) Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought आप going to get a doughnut
35) Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?
36) Do आप have any idea who you're talking to?
37) There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.
38) What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alchohol
39) That uniform makes your नितंब, गधा look really big.
40) आप don't happen to have any बीयर, बियर in your car?
41) I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
42) So what if I was speeding? Whatcha gonna do about it Mr. Hotshot?
43) I'm not as think as आप stoned I am.
44) Officer: "Do आप know how fast आप were going"
Driver "No I'm too stoned to remember"
Thanks to Simon for the two points above!
45) Its tobacco, honest
46) Hey, i bet i can grab that gun before आप finish लेखन my ticket!
47) Officer: Sir, have आप been drinking?
>Driver: No, I haven't had any cunts tonight drinkstable.