is this good?

a. लेखन fanfic about real people is immediately offputting especially when it's so ridiculously ooc but i'll ignore that

b. the first paragraph is "I, I, I." it's boring and all the structure is the same throughout. vary your syntax. don't just use simple sentences with one compound thrown in here - where are your subordinate clauses?

c. it moves way too fast. don't jump right into the action, c'mon now. mystery novels don't put the murder on the first page (unless they're flashing forward). the amount of action in this लेख should be at least a few thousand words in length. it's rushed.

d. overall, not really, bro.

i liked the plot line आप were trying to convey, it had good characters and आप obviouslt knew what आप were trying to do. but, it didnt really attract me, its sort of boring to be honest, sorry, i know आप probably worked hard on it, आप should also try to make it a bit longer.

and if आप like लेखन fanfiction या writing..anything, आप shouldnt post it on here, and maybe instead post it on Wattpad, a site used specificly for people who want to write.

i have one, and i have actually written one, but i wont tell आप what its called because i dont want to.

well, yeah.

There's just something about it. It just needs a little और work, and usually if आप wanna make someone stutter, आप put - not ,