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बिना सोचे समझे सवाल

Is this a good poem? please read ^^ first time I ever written a poem

There is no cure for depression just some talk with no relation they say आप can fix it with प्यार and care but what if that just isn’t there? But I think there is one no one should ever do one where the note is your signal the gun is your queue except one person though the girl who hides her face so in fact I know her very well her dream a nightmare her life a living hell she lies awake at night trying to put up with her own fight with that object in her grip shell just say she fell and slip what could be worse ? everyday she feels shes living a curse . She looks at the mirror and to her despise she just wants to put on a disguise. Im just too fat im not this या that she screams but no one can hear her it seems . आप see now if your wondering how I relate या why I choose to end this persons fate well the truth is the poem आप see is about no other then me



Yea I got kinda depressed and randomly started typing
 SeeUV3 posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना
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बिना सोचे समझे जवाब

MERCEYISAWESOME said:
It's pretty dang good, actually. But आप just need to make your sentences shorter, (like take out the's and other stuff. Unless it has to be there in order to make sense. Like instead of 'all the children' just put 'children' we still know what you're talking about. xD) and put them in columns. या else it'll look और like a paragraph than a poem. Sorry, we're learning how to write a propped poem in school. But other than that, it's good. :)
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posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना 
EgoMouse said:
Eh, it was alright.
I would put commas, periods, या press enter so they won't be a line of text. It makes it hard to tell when to pause without any breaks in the sentences.
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posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना 
*
British aren't you?
S7n posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना
egyptprincess7 said:
It's good,it's just that I think आप should of added some commas and such. Because your sentences seem to run on a bit. But,it's good.
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posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना 
Sir_Kiwi said:
Pretty good. :) And it's much better than what I can write. The only thing that's a problem is that it should be in lines since it's a poem, because poems usually aren't a huge दीवार of text. But other than that, I see no problems.
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posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना 
mr-cullen said:
Awe
it's good
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posted एक साल  से अधिक पुराना 
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