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8theGreat said:
It's a very serious and दिल wrenching matter that I take personally and to the heart. It's been a very real part of my life. For a long time, I repeatedly thought about and attempted to take my own life. On the last attempt, I was a hair's width away from succeeding and spent a महीना in the hospital shortly afterwards. I regretted not succeeding, and would have attempted it once more, making sure not to fail this time, if I didn't have very special people, one in particular, tethering me here. If I didn't have that one thing, that one beautiful person, I would be dead now. It wasn't until recently when I figured out that being here and surviving such darkness was no accident, that I have reasons for being here that nobody else could fulfill. I had a friend commit suicide in my younger years, and I remember the scars she left us all with, and how angry I was with her for running away from us like that. But she didn't run away... she was too strong to run away. Once I remembered that, I saw everything. I realized that I wasn't weak, and I wasn't afraid. I just couldn't see, nor was I willing to. I had blinded myself with my own hatred and fear. I was running away and refusing to see other options even though they were as plain as day. I was being selfish. No matter how much I think about it now, I will be stronger than my pain, and I will absolutely never turn my back on anyone going through those things. Suicide is the embodiment of fear, a curtain of impenetrable darkness. But no matter how frighting it is, that only means that it can be beaten, and we will be stronger when we do so. Life is an obstacle course, suicide is just an obstacle.
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