I was watching कार्टून with AJ in the living room when there was a knock on the front door. I answered it to see Debbie's standing there with the biggest smile on her face. I raised my eyebrows and कहा "I haven't seen आप smile that big since आप told me आप were pregnant with AJ. What's going on Debbie?" She whispered "I'm pregnant again Michael!" I immediately jumped up and down as I shouted "I told आप it would work! आप wanted to give up after आप couldn't get pregnant a couple weeks ago; but I told आप it would work!" She कहा "I was just worried because I'm getting older and my fertility isn't as good as it used to be. I'm just glad that I can give आप the third of your three beautiful शिशु Michael."
I hugged her and she got ready to leave because she had to get to work. I went back into the living room and sat down अगला to AJ on the couch. I कहा "you're going to have another brother या sister soon AJ." She looked at me and कहा "yay; I'm going to be a big sister again!" I कहा "I think Grace is going to be surprised when she comes back tomorrow." AJ had a worried expression on her face and asked "why is she coming back daddy? आप aren't going back to work are you?" I कहा "no I'm not AJ; don't worry! I'm not working for a while because I need to take a break after being busy for so long!" She sighed and कहा "good daddy; I don't want to be away from आप ever again!" I कहा "you're going to have to be away from me at some point AJ!" She asked "why? You're my best friend daddy!" That made me almost want to cry because I had no idea that AJ thought of me as her best friend. I hugged her and कहा "you're my best friend too AJ!"
***
It's the beginning of June and there's been really good weather lately; so I decided to take the children outside. I like bringing AJ outside; but most of the time she makes me nervous because she doesn't like to listen to me. Neverland ranch is a really big place and I'm terrified that one दिन she will get लॉस्ट because she's not listening to me and staying close by; where I can see her. Grace is here today and I'm glad because she can help me keep an eye on both AJ and Prince.
As soon as we got outside, AJ asked "can we go swimming?" I walked over to the pool and it was still covered up द्वारा a tarp because it had been raining. I lifted the edge of the tarp up and saw that the water was a disgusting green color. I knelt down अगला to AJ and कहा "we have to wait until one of the maintenance staff members clean it out because the water is all gross; I'm sorry AJ." To my surprise, AJ took the disappointment very well and started playing with the sidewalk chalk that was on the driveway. Grace was as surprised as I was and the two of us were waiting for the usual meltdown to happen.
I sat down अगला to Grace at the picnic तालिका, टेबल and she कहा "I can't believe that she didn't throw a fit Michael!" I कहा "I know; me either! Maybe today is going to be a good दिन for AJ." Grace looked over my shoulder and कहा "I wouldn't get your hopes up Michael; look." AJ had found a टेनिस ball outside and was trying to throw it over the fence where my pet lama lives. Thankfully, she's only three years old and she's obviously too short to throw it over the चोटी, शीर्ष of the fence. I walked up to her and knelt down अगला to her as I asked "what are आप doing that for AJ?" She कहा " I’m trying to play catch with him!" I chuckled and कहा "good luck with that kiddo! He's a lama; not a puppy." She started to get frustrated which is always the precursor to the inevitable meltdown and I haven't quite figured out how to avoid the temper tantrums. I myself am a very logical person and I always try to understand where AJ is coming from.
I could tell she was getting और and और aggravated when she couldn't get the टेनिस ball over the चोटी, शीर्ष of the fence; so I कहा "it's not going to work AJ! Plus, it wouldn't be very nice to throw a ball at him. Would आप like that if I threw a ball at आप and आप couldn't catch it?" She responded "maybe; but I'm not going to throw it at him daddy! I want him to catch it!" I कहा "it's not going to work AJ because he's not a dog!" She started crying and I picked her up. She कहा "daddy, I want my own pet like आप have!" I thought about it for सेकंड and realized it might be a good negotiating tool to get AJ to listen to me because I'm running out of ideas and I'm desperate to get her to listen to me.
I कहा "I don't know AJ; I'll think about it!" Grace looked at me and whispered "are आप crazy Michael?" I put AJ down on the ground and she ran off to go play with some of her toys. I walked up to Grace and she asked "you are not seriously considering getting a pet for three-year-old are you?" I कहा "I obviously know that I'm going to be taking care of it most of the time because she's so young; but most kids her age have a pet." She कहा "I don't think आप know what you're getting yourself into Michael; but do whatever आप want to."
***
Okay here's the deal, yesterday I bought AJ a pet goldfish because I thought it would be easy for me to take care of. Apparently I was wrong because when I got up this morning it was dead. Maybe this idea of getting a pet wasn't as good as I thought as it would be. Now I have to have a discussion about life-and-death with my three-year-old. I didn't even know if I really should say anything because I don't think she's going to be able to understand. Maybe I could use the whole "your मछली went to live on a farm" excuse; but I don't like lying to AJ. I don't know what I'm going to do.
AJ came downstairs with her hair all a mess and still looking half-asleep. She stumbled up to me and I picked her up as I kissed her forehead. She asked "how's Mr. fishy daddy? Did he get enough sleep?" I कहा to myself "yeah; maybe a bit too much sleep." I brought AJ into the living room and sat her down on my lap as I sat down on the couch. I कहा "Mr. fishy; he told me that he needed to go to heaven and he wanted me to tell आप that he loves आप a lot." She asked "will he come back?" I thought about it for सेकंड and कहा "I'm sorry but no he won't; but you'll see him again someday!"
She surprisingly didn't ask any और सवालों because I don't think she really understood what had happened to the मछली and I'm glad that she didn't understand. I think it will be a long time before I feel comfortable buying AJ another pet because I have a feeling that as she gets older she will have many और सवालों than she did today. I'm just glad that that's over with because I was so worried that she would cry and it hurts me so much to hear her cry because she's my baby.
***
I was upstairs in my room practicing dance steps because I was bored and I didn't notice that AJ had walked into the room. She was sitting on the floor and watching me with her full attention. I stopped dancing for a सेकंड because I was surprised that she wasn't fidgeting like she normally would be due to her ADHD. She कहा "daddy, I want to be just like आप when I grow up!" I asked curiously "oh yeah; in what ways?" She कहा "I want to be famous daddy! I want to be a dancer and a singer like आप are!" The only words I heard out of her mouth were "I want to be famous daddy" and I was stuck on that phrase. I was terrified because being famous isn't an easy thing; especially when you're as famous as I am. I had to give up so many things to get to where I am now and I honestly don't want that for my daughter.
I sat down on the floor अगला to her and कहा "well; you're only three years old right now and आप have plenty of time to figure out what आप want to be when आप grow up AJ. Whatever आप decide to be know that I'll support आप no matter what! Just know that I want आप to try your absolute hardest in whatever आप do in life because that's what's going to get आप anything आप ever want and/or need." She looked at me confused and then I remembered that I was talking to a three-year-old; not a 20-year-old." I picked her up and took her downstairs to get something to eat because neither of us had eaten lunch yet.
After sitting her at the table, I went into the रसोई, रसोईघर and looked to see what we had to eat. It'd been a while since I had one of the Neverland staff members go grocery shopping; so we didn't really have much. I absolutely hate giving AJ कचरा, जंक, रद्दी खाना but I didn't really have any other choice because the person that usually does my grocery shopping had today off. The healthiest thing that I have left to give AJ for lunch was a मूंगफली, मूंगफली का मक्खन and जेली सैंडविच and some potato chips.
I'll be honest and tell आप that it's been a very long time since I've made myself या anyone else a सैंडविच and AJ was surprised when she took the first bite of the sandwich. I looked at AJ and asked "what's wrong?" She spit the bite out onto her plate and कहा "way too much मूंगफली, मूंगफली का मक्खन daddy!" I chuckled and कहा "oh; sorry about that. Daddy a little rusty when it comes to making sandwiches; it's been a while." I grabbed the plate from her and started making her another सैंडविच because I knew she couldn't continue to eat the other one. I brought it back to the तालिका, टेबल and she took a bite. I asked "how's that?" She कहा "much better daddy; much better!"
***
My birthday is tomorrow and I'm looking आगे to just relaxing with the children for the day. There was a knock at the front door so I got up to answer it and Frank was standing there. I asked "Frank; what are आप doing here? I'm not supposed to start working again for 3 1/2 और months." Frank responded "your mother called me last week and told me that she thinks आप need a break; so I'm taking आप on a only guys vacation for the weekend." I was hesitant and asked "what do आप expect me to do with the children?" He कहा "well of course bring them over to आप mothers because she is the one who asked me to take आप on a vacation in the first place."
I realized that Frank and my mother had been planning this for an entire week and I couldn't refuse because they had put so much time into it. I went upstairs and packed the bags of things for the children. After packing my bag, I went back downstairs and Frank had already carried AJ to the car. I took Prince to the car and I didn't tell AJ what was going to happen because I knew regardless that AJ would freak out.
When we got to Havenhurst, I helped bring the children inside and I knew I couldn't avoid telling AJ what was going to happen. I knelt down in front of her and कहा "I'm going to go somewhere with Frank for two days and you're going to stay here with grandma." AJ immediately started crying and I picked her up. I कहा "I always come back AJ! Grandma's going to have fun with आप and I promise that I'll call आप every night before आप go to bed!" Mother grabbed AJ out of my arms and कहा "go ahead Michael; have fun! I'll get AJ to calm down. I have it under control!"
My दिल was tearing to pieces as I heard AJ crying "daddy; stay here!" Frank gently pushed me out of the door because I was so reluctant to leave AJ while she was crying. As we got into the car and Jeffrey started driving, Frank could see that I was visibly upset. I started tearing up and rubbing my eyes. Frank put his hand on my shoulder and कहा "AJ's fine Michael; I promise!" I कहा "I know that she's in the best hands with my mother; but it's just so hard leaving the children with anyone!" Frank कहा "I know; but it's better that AJ gets used to being away from आप now because it's going to be और difficult to handle the separation anxiety when she gets older Michael. We're only going to be 45 मिनटों away at a समुद्र तट house; so if something does go wrong आप can be there." I कहा "okay; that makes me feel at least a little bit better."
Jeffrey pulled up in front of a beachfront house and all of us got out of the car. I walked inside the समुद्र तट house and कहा "wow Frank; आप really outdid yourself!" He कहा "only the best for आप Michael!" Frank opened up the refrigerator and tossed me a wine cooler. I कहा "I don't know about this Frank! I haven't had a drink since before AJ was born." Frank sat down अगला to me on the सोफ़ा, सोफे and कहा "that's exactly why आप need to drink that!" I popped it open and hesitated before taking a sip. I कहा "WOW; that stronger than I expected it to be!"
I looked out the window and didn't even notice that we were on our own little private section of the beach. Frank stood अगला to me at the window and कहा "you, Jeffrey, and I should go down there Michael!" I कहा "okay; I'll meet आप guys down there." While they went down to the beach, I couldn't help but call mother to see how the kids were doing. I dialed the phone number and sat back down on the couch. Mother asked "is everything alright Michael?" I कहा "yes mother; I'm just wondering how the kids are doing? Did AJ calm down? Did she stop crying?" She कहा "yes Michael; she's perfectly fine! She's watching a movie with me right now." I asked "can I talk to her?" She passed AJ the phone and I कहा "hi AJ; I miss you!"
Frank walked back inside the समुद्र तट house and कहा "come on Mike; what's taking आप so long?" He saw that I had the phone and took it out of my hands. I कहा "what? I was just checking up on the kids!" Frank put the phone up to his ear and कहा "give the phone back to grandma. Hello Katherine; I just want to that आप will not answer the phone if Michael calls आप before 7 o'clock at night because he needs a break. Okay; thanks a lot and I'll have him call the children later tonight." I asked "what did आप do that for? I was just talking to AJ for a few minutes." He कहा "you need to relax Michael and trust that your mother can handle the kids. Did आप forget that she raised you? A couple of days with your kids is nothing to her!" I कहा "but what if AJ –?" He कहा "your mother has everything under control Michael; just relax!" I exhaled and कहा "I hate to admit it but I think you're right! The kids do need a little bit of time away from me; especially AJ because her separation anxiety is getting a little crazy. It's only for two days and I don't think she's going to be scarred for life if she's away from me for that long." Frank कहा "that's the spirit Mike! आप need a couple days without boogers and temper tantrums!"
I chuckled and कहा "boogers and tantrums isn't everything that I deal with all दिन as a father!" Frank कहा "no; that's pretty accurate!" I कहा "no; not really." He sat down अगला to me on the सोफ़ा, सोफे and Jeffrey came back inside. Jeffrey asked "what's taking आप guys so long?" Frank कहा "sorry Jeff; Michael doesn't think that his life has gotten boring since the children have been born. Maybe आप could shed a little light on the subject because आप spend even और time with him than I do. Jeffrey sat in the chair and कहा "sorry Mike; but I have to be honest and say that I agree with Frank on this one. आप used to hang out with the two of us a lot और before आप had either of the kids; but especially AJ!" I looked at him confused and asked "what आप mean द्वारा 'especially AJ?'" Jeffrey कहा "well; I wouldn't be a true friend if I wasn't completely honest with you. The truth is that you're kind of a pushover Mike."
I was glad that Jeffrey was being honest with me and I didn't want to get mad at him; but I was still curious about what made him feel that way. Frank कहा "I agree Michael; you're a total pushover when it comes to AJ." I calmly asked "in what way?" Frank कहा "she's your little girl and I understand that; but the मिनट she cries she has आप wrapped around her finger." Jeffrey कहा "yeah and Mike आप don't encourage her to be independent because आप do everything for her; I mean everything!" I squinted my eyes and smirked as I कहा "come on आप guys; I think you're exaggerating a little bit." Jeffrey कहा "I really don't think we are Michael. I mean just look at how she freaked out when आप told her that आप were going to leave her with her grandmother for the weekend! Most three-year-olds are और than excited about going to their grandparents for the weekend because they get to be spoiled द्वारा them." Frank कहा “I know Mike and most kids can brush their own teeth द्वारा three years old." I कहा "AJ can brush her own teeth! I'm just really particular about making sure her teeth are clean." Frank कहा "whatever आप say Michael! Now that we've spoke our opinions, we should all just let loose and have fun." I rolled my eyes and took another sip of my drink. I कहा "I've got the feeling that I'm going to need this drink to get to the entire weekend without my kids.
***
I really don't get the point of going on this "guys only vacation" because all we did the entire weekend was talk about stupid things and drink. I'm starting to think that Frank just wanted to remember what I'm like when I'm a little buzzed. I RARELY ever drink and before yesterday I would have a hard time remembering when the last time I had a drink was. I'm just glad that today I'm getting ready to leave and I'll see my शिशु in less than an hour.
When Frank, Jeffrey, and I got into the car, I could hardly wait to get back to Havenhurst. Frank कहा "oh my God Michael; chill out!" I कहा "I can't; come on Jeffrey! Hurry up and drive faster; so we can get there sooner! I miss AJ and Prince so much!" Jeffrey कहा "I'm trying Michael! I can't go any faster because I'm going the speed limit." Frank कहा "thank God; we're finally here! I think if the traffic would've been any worse Michael would've gotten out of the car and sprinted all the way back here!"
I jumped out of the car before it even had the chance to stop and I bolted inside the house. I calmly walked into the living room and कहा "hi AJ!" AJ whispered "daddy; can we go घर now?" I picked her up and कहा "of course; right after I check in with grandma." I carried AJ into the रसोई, रसोईघर and my mother कहा "hello Michael. How was your vacation?" I कहा "too long; I missed my angels!" She कहा "they missed आप too Michael! AJ couldn't stop talking about आप the entire weekend! She was telling me stories about what आप do around the house. I was cleaning the रसोई, रसोईघर and she was describing how आप clean the kitchen! I thought that was the cutest thing ever." I chuckled and कहा "dare I ask, did AJ behave for you?" Mother कहा "she had her moments; but it's been taking care of Michael." I grabbed Prince from her and took him with my other arm as I कहा "okay mother; I think I'm going to take the children back घर because they're both due for a nap. Thanks for watching them for the weekend!" She कहा "you're welcome son; anytime आप need a break I will watch them for you!"
On the car ride back to Neverland, AJ was really quiet and that's extremely unusual for her. I asked "did आप have fun at grandma's house this weekend?" She just looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. I asked "what did आप guys do for fun?" She whispered extremely quietly "I don't know." I playfully asked "are आप sure? आप must've done something fun! Grandma's a really fun person!" AJ just shrugged her shoulders again and I just figured she was getting tired because it was nearing her nap time.
Grace was standing in the रसोई, रसोईघर when I got back to the house and I कहा "hello." She कहा "hello; how was your time with your friends?" I कहा "I had my fun; but I'm glad to be back home!" She asked "would आप like me to go put Prince down for a nap?" I कहा "yeah; I've got everything handled with AJ." Grace took Prince out of my arms and brought him upstairs. After I had gotten a cup of चॉकलेट दूध for AJ, I carried her upstairs and she asked "daddy; can I sleep in your room?" I कहा "yeah; I guess आप can because I'm feeling a little tired myself."
I brought her into my bedroom and she कहा "ouch." I looked at her puzzled and asked "what ouch?” She कहा "where grandpa hit me daddy." I froze for a सेकंड and then कहा "grandpa hit you! Where?" She कहा "on my back." Sure enough, when I lifted the back of her कमीज, शर्ट there was a BRIGHT red outline of a hand print on AJ's back." I found myself starting to cry and then an overwhelming amount of anger came over me." I stood up and AJ asked with a terrified tone of voice "where are आप going daddy? Don't leave me here; PLEASE!!!" I yelled for Grace to come upstairs and she came into my bedroom. I कहा "my father apparently hit AJ this weekend and I need to go over there to make sure it doesn't happen EVER again. Understandably, AJ doesn't want me to leave her side; but I'm not going to bring her over there with me because I don't know how it's going to go. Listen AJ, Grace won't leave आप द्वारा yourself and I promise that I'll come straight घर afterwards!" AJ looked at me worried and कहा "come right back daddy! I don't want to take a nap until आप get back!" I कहा "that's fine; if आप want to go down to the living room and watch TV आप can. I'll be right back!" I hugged AJ and I almost couldn't bring myself to let go as she lightly leaned in for a kiss.
I ran downstairs and कहा "come on Jeffrey; I need आप to drive me to Havenhurst because I'm too angry!" He कहा "right away Michael." I could barely contain my anger as we sat there in the car and I'm honestly surprised that Jeffrey didn't ask me why I was so angry. I couldn't even stand that insane traffic and normally I don't have any road rage; but I was in no mood to be messed with. I think Jeffrey was afraid to ask me what was wrong because I was having such a hard time keeping my composure until we got to the house.
Once we had gotten to Havenhurst, Jeffrey followed me quickly as I darted inside the house and straight for the kitchen. Mother looked at me and asked "oh; did आप forget one of the children's bags?" I asked angrily "where's Joseph?" Before she had the time to answer me, Joseph came out of the मांद, डेन and my eyes filled with rage. I pushed him up against the दीवार and pinned him there as I asked "WHO THE HELL DO आप THINK आप ARE?" Joseph कहा "I'm your father; that's who and आप better watch your tone with me Michael!" I कहा "I CAN'T BELIEVE आप HIT AJ!!!"
I punched him so hard in the face that it made his head go straight through the drywall and Jeffrey didn't know what to do. He held me back as I went in for a couple और swings and I shouted "IF आप EVER TOUCH MY CHILD AGAIN I'LL BREAK YOUR NECK!!!" I turned back to face mother and कहा "I trusted you! How could आप let something like this happen? How could आप let Joseph in the house after I told आप I didn't want him around the children? How could आप let him hit AJ? I trusted आप mother! How could you?"
I stormed out of the house slamming the door behind me and got into the car. On the ride back to the house, I लॉस्ट it and started crying like I had never cried before. Jeffrey looked at me sympathetically and asked "are आप okay Michael?" I shook my head no and कहा "I can't believe that I trusted my mother and I shouldn't have! I never wanted AJ to feel the physical pain या emotional pain that I felt from Joseph growing up and she wouldn't have if I hadn't trusted mother to watch them for the weekend! When I punched Joseph there was so much built-up anger that I could've punched him 1000 times if आप hadn't stepped in! I feel like the worst father in the world right now!"
After we got back to the ranch, I let Jeffrey take a drive द्वारा himself so he could clear his mind and comprehend what he had just witnessed. I walked into the house and Grace was sleeping on the couch. I went upstairs because I figured that she was able to get AJ to sleep and she had gone downstairs afterwards. I walked into my bedroom and AJ was sitting on the floor crying. I knelt down in front of her and asked "what's wrong AJ?" She कहा "I'm sorry daddy!" I asked "what are आप sorry for?" She कहा "I had an accident!" I asked "you did?" She shook her head yes as I noticed that she was completely soaked. She started shaking and कहा "please don't hit me daddy!" I started to tear up and कहा "I would NEVER hit आप AJ!!!"
She started crying and I picked her up. I tried my best not to cry; but I couldn't help it because I knew exactly how AJ felt after being physically abused द्वारा Joseph. She continued to cry as she asked "why are आप crying daddy?" I कहा "it's okay to cry. AJ; look at me. What grandpa did to आप was not okay and he shouldn't ever hit you! It was wrong of him to do that and I'll make sure that he'll NEVER do that again!" AJ was trying to justify why he had hit her and she कहा something that absolutely destroyed me inside! She कहा "but daddy, I was bad!!!" I कहा "don't ever say that again AJ! You're not bad and don't let anybody ever tell आप that आप are because you're not! You’re perfect just the way आप are!"
AJ and I both stop crying and I asked "did आप take a nap?" She कहा "no; I wanted to wait until आप came back." I asked curiously "not that it matters to me, but why did आप have an accident?" She कहा "I was afraid that when आप heard that I didn't listen to grandma that आप would hit me and that scared me! It was really scary when grandpa hit me and I thought it was going to be a lot worse if आप hit me because you're my daddy!" I कहा "I promise I will never hit आप for as long as I live! I would hit myself before I would ever hit आप AJ!"
After helping AJ change her clothes, I could tell that she was really embarrassed. I think it was because she hasn't had an accident for a very long time and I think she was beating herself up for letting it happen. As she climbed into the bed, I covered her up with the blanket and she कहा "I'm sorry daddy!!!" I कहा "sweetheart; it really doesn't bother me!" I chuckled and कहा "you've had quite a few accidents before and I've never gotten mad. That wasn't your fault at all! It only happened because आप were scared of getting hit. If you're going to blame it on anybody, blame it on grandpa!" She asked "you promise you're not mad at me?" I kissed her forehead and कहा "far from it actually! It was just an accident and I understand why you're embarrassed; but I promise that I won't tell anyone! It'll just be between आप and me!" She कहा "okay; that makes me feel less embarrassed now daddy!"
***
Ever since yesterday, AJ's been very jumpy and shaky. I'm really starting to think that Joseph hitting her traumatized her. She understands that I'm not going to hit her; but for some reason if I even so much as put my hand on her shoulder while I'm standing behind her she flinches. She hasn't been herself since Joseph hit her and for once I actually want her to be causing chaos. I'll do whatever I have to; so I can get AJ back to her normal self.
I was in the रसोई, रसोईघर washing dishes while AJ was playing with a puzzle at the table. I walked up to her and asked "don't आप want to be doing something a little और fun than this?" She कहा "no; I'm fine daddy." I turned the chair she was sitting in so it was facing me and कहा "no you're not fine because normally I can't get आप to sit still for और than three मिनटों and आप been sitting here for 2 1/2 hours!"
I picked her up and कहा "come on; I'm going to दिखाना आप how to have fun again! I want my AJ back!" I took her into the living room and playfully tossed her on the couch. I climbed on the सोफ़ा, सोफे and started jumping up and down. AJ just looked at me as if I had three heads and I realized that this was going to be a lot और difficult. I picked her up again and took her into the kitchen. I sat her on the countertop and started rummaging through the cupboards. I grabbed a bottle of ketchup, flipped open the lid, and squirted ketchup all over AJ's shirt. She chuckled and asked "what did आप do that for?" I कहा "I have to make आप have fun somehow because I don't like it when you're so quiet!"
AJ grabbed the bottle of ketchup from my hands and squirted it all over my face. The two of us started laughing and I कहा "there आप go!" She saw the bag of flour अगला to her on the counter and opened it up. She grabbed a handful and threw it at my face. I laughed and asked "so; आप think that's funny?" I grabbed the entire bag and dumped it on her head. She looked up at me in shock and both of us started laughing hysterically. I looked around the रसोई, रसोईघर and it was a complete disaster; but I didn't care because I was able to get AJ to loosen up.
As I started cleaning up the kitchen, there was a knock at the door and it was my mother. I wanted to let her inside but I knew what she wanted to talk about. AJ was still a disaster; so I had Grace bring her upstairs to get cleaned up while mother and I talked. I let her inside and she looked around the kitchen. She asked "what happened here?" I कहा "it's a long story. I didn't expect आप to come over here today; after what happened yesterday!" She कहा "Joseph feels awful about hitting AJ Michael!" I sarcastically कहा "yeah right mother!" I started mopping the floor angrily and mother कहा "you're right Michael! I should have never let Joseph hit AJ!" I cleared my throat and कहा "he shouldn't have been around her in the first place! I told आप I didn't want Joseph around the children and आप went behind my back! I thought आप were one of the few people on this earth that I could trust!" She कहा "you can trust me Michael." I कहा "apparently I can't mother because आप allowed all of that to happen! While we're on the subject, what did AJ do that was so awful that justified your reason for letting Joseph hit her?"
Mother grabbed a washcloth off the counter and started helping me clean the kitchen. She कहा "she wouldn't go to बिस्तर and Joseph was getting fed up. I didn't exactly tell him to hit her. I just asked him for help because I couldn't explain to her that it was time to go to sleep! He did try just talking to her and convincing her to lie down; but that wasn't working and आप know how short your father's temper is Michael!" I कहा "that's when आप should have दिया her a warning and let her know that if she didn't listen she would be standing in the corner for three minutes!" She कहा "I don't know how आप can get that timeout thing to work Michael because I don't see the point in it. She isn't learning anything from staring at the दीवार for three मिनटों because after she gets out of the corner she does something else!" I sarcastically कहा "oh; like physical harm is so much और effective!!!" She कहा "it got आप to listen to Joseph and me when आप were growing up." I कहा "it did work; but I spent my entire childhood terrified of Joseph and I don't want AJ to be terrified of me!!! I don't think आप understand how different I am from Joseph! I don't think आप understand how differently I raise AJ! Before this weekend, AJ had never been hit before; it really had a negative effect on her! She was terrified that I was going to hit her and she's been too scared to do anything because she doesn't want to be hit again! That really hurt me as a father because I don't want her to EVER be afraid of me! I would NEVER hit her! I think आप should leave now mother because I have some cleaning to do!" Mother walked out of the house without saying a single word to me and I was kind of the irritated that she didn't apologize for letting any of that happen."
***
My eyes shot open as AJ screamed "DADDY" at the चोटी, शीर्ष of her lungs. I ran अगला door to her bedroom and asked "what's the matter?" She कहा "I had a bad dream daddy! I walked up to her बिस्तर and sat down as I asked "what was it about?" She कहा "the bad man was chasing me and trying to hit me. I was screaming for you; but आप weren't there and I was really scared!" I कहा I won't ever let anybody hurt आप AJ and I will always be there when आप need me from now on!" She was shaking and terrified as she asked "daddy will आप stay in here with me?"
I thought about it for सेकंड and I wasn't going to stay in there; but the सेकंड I saw AJ shaking I couldn't help it. I कहा "okay; but its 1 AM so आप have to go back to sleep if I stay in here." I lay down अगला to her in the full-sized बिस्तर and switched off the overhead lamp. AJ whispered "I प्यार आप daddy!" I कहा "I प्यार आप और AJ!!!" She whispered back "you’re the best daddy in the whole wide world!" I कहा "and you’re the best AJ in the whole wide world because you're my AJ and I don't have to share आप with anyone else; good night sweetheart!" I looked down and she had drifted off to sleep with her head resting on my chest and she was holding my hand as tight as she possibly could! How could anybody hurt such an innocent child?
I hugged her and she got ready to leave because she had to get to work. I went back into the living room and sat down अगला to AJ on the couch. I कहा "you're going to have another brother या sister soon AJ." She looked at me and कहा "yay; I'm going to be a big sister again!" I कहा "I think Grace is going to be surprised when she comes back tomorrow." AJ had a worried expression on her face and asked "why is she coming back daddy? आप aren't going back to work are you?" I कहा "no I'm not AJ; don't worry! I'm not working for a while because I need to take a break after being busy for so long!" She sighed and कहा "good daddy; I don't want to be away from आप ever again!" I कहा "you're going to have to be away from me at some point AJ!" She asked "why? You're my best friend daddy!" That made me almost want to cry because I had no idea that AJ thought of me as her best friend. I hugged her and कहा "you're my best friend too AJ!"
***
It's the beginning of June and there's been really good weather lately; so I decided to take the children outside. I like bringing AJ outside; but most of the time she makes me nervous because she doesn't like to listen to me. Neverland ranch is a really big place and I'm terrified that one दिन she will get लॉस्ट because she's not listening to me and staying close by; where I can see her. Grace is here today and I'm glad because she can help me keep an eye on both AJ and Prince.
As soon as we got outside, AJ asked "can we go swimming?" I walked over to the pool and it was still covered up द्वारा a tarp because it had been raining. I lifted the edge of the tarp up and saw that the water was a disgusting green color. I knelt down अगला to AJ and कहा "we have to wait until one of the maintenance staff members clean it out because the water is all gross; I'm sorry AJ." To my surprise, AJ took the disappointment very well and started playing with the sidewalk chalk that was on the driveway. Grace was as surprised as I was and the two of us were waiting for the usual meltdown to happen.
I sat down अगला to Grace at the picnic तालिका, टेबल and she कहा "I can't believe that she didn't throw a fit Michael!" I कहा "I know; me either! Maybe today is going to be a good दिन for AJ." Grace looked over my shoulder and कहा "I wouldn't get your hopes up Michael; look." AJ had found a टेनिस ball outside and was trying to throw it over the fence where my pet lama lives. Thankfully, she's only three years old and she's obviously too short to throw it over the चोटी, शीर्ष of the fence. I walked up to her and knelt down अगला to her as I asked "what are आप doing that for AJ?" She कहा " I’m trying to play catch with him!" I chuckled and कहा "good luck with that kiddo! He's a lama; not a puppy." She started to get frustrated which is always the precursor to the inevitable meltdown and I haven't quite figured out how to avoid the temper tantrums. I myself am a very logical person and I always try to understand where AJ is coming from.
I could tell she was getting और and और aggravated when she couldn't get the टेनिस ball over the चोटी, शीर्ष of the fence; so I कहा "it's not going to work AJ! Plus, it wouldn't be very nice to throw a ball at him. Would आप like that if I threw a ball at आप and आप couldn't catch it?" She responded "maybe; but I'm not going to throw it at him daddy! I want him to catch it!" I कहा "it's not going to work AJ because he's not a dog!" She started crying and I picked her up. She कहा "daddy, I want my own pet like आप have!" I thought about it for सेकंड and realized it might be a good negotiating tool to get AJ to listen to me because I'm running out of ideas and I'm desperate to get her to listen to me.
I कहा "I don't know AJ; I'll think about it!" Grace looked at me and whispered "are आप crazy Michael?" I put AJ down on the ground and she ran off to go play with some of her toys. I walked up to Grace and she asked "you are not seriously considering getting a pet for three-year-old are you?" I कहा "I obviously know that I'm going to be taking care of it most of the time because she's so young; but most kids her age have a pet." She कहा "I don't think आप know what you're getting yourself into Michael; but do whatever आप want to."
***
Okay here's the deal, yesterday I bought AJ a pet goldfish because I thought it would be easy for me to take care of. Apparently I was wrong because when I got up this morning it was dead. Maybe this idea of getting a pet wasn't as good as I thought as it would be. Now I have to have a discussion about life-and-death with my three-year-old. I didn't even know if I really should say anything because I don't think she's going to be able to understand. Maybe I could use the whole "your मछली went to live on a farm" excuse; but I don't like lying to AJ. I don't know what I'm going to do.
AJ came downstairs with her hair all a mess and still looking half-asleep. She stumbled up to me and I picked her up as I kissed her forehead. She asked "how's Mr. fishy daddy? Did he get enough sleep?" I कहा to myself "yeah; maybe a bit too much sleep." I brought AJ into the living room and sat her down on my lap as I sat down on the couch. I कहा "Mr. fishy; he told me that he needed to go to heaven and he wanted me to tell आप that he loves आप a lot." She asked "will he come back?" I thought about it for सेकंड and कहा "I'm sorry but no he won't; but you'll see him again someday!"
She surprisingly didn't ask any और सवालों because I don't think she really understood what had happened to the मछली and I'm glad that she didn't understand. I think it will be a long time before I feel comfortable buying AJ another pet because I have a feeling that as she gets older she will have many और सवालों than she did today. I'm just glad that that's over with because I was so worried that she would cry and it hurts me so much to hear her cry because she's my baby.
***
I was upstairs in my room practicing dance steps because I was bored and I didn't notice that AJ had walked into the room. She was sitting on the floor and watching me with her full attention. I stopped dancing for a सेकंड because I was surprised that she wasn't fidgeting like she normally would be due to her ADHD. She कहा "daddy, I want to be just like आप when I grow up!" I asked curiously "oh yeah; in what ways?" She कहा "I want to be famous daddy! I want to be a dancer and a singer like आप are!" The only words I heard out of her mouth were "I want to be famous daddy" and I was stuck on that phrase. I was terrified because being famous isn't an easy thing; especially when you're as famous as I am. I had to give up so many things to get to where I am now and I honestly don't want that for my daughter.
I sat down on the floor अगला to her and कहा "well; you're only three years old right now and आप have plenty of time to figure out what आप want to be when आप grow up AJ. Whatever आप decide to be know that I'll support आप no matter what! Just know that I want आप to try your absolute hardest in whatever आप do in life because that's what's going to get आप anything आप ever want and/or need." She looked at me confused and then I remembered that I was talking to a three-year-old; not a 20-year-old." I picked her up and took her downstairs to get something to eat because neither of us had eaten lunch yet.
After sitting her at the table, I went into the रसोई, रसोईघर and looked to see what we had to eat. It'd been a while since I had one of the Neverland staff members go grocery shopping; so we didn't really have much. I absolutely hate giving AJ कचरा, जंक, रद्दी खाना but I didn't really have any other choice because the person that usually does my grocery shopping had today off. The healthiest thing that I have left to give AJ for lunch was a मूंगफली, मूंगफली का मक्खन and जेली सैंडविच and some potato chips.
I'll be honest and tell आप that it's been a very long time since I've made myself या anyone else a सैंडविच and AJ was surprised when she took the first bite of the sandwich. I looked at AJ and asked "what's wrong?" She spit the bite out onto her plate and कहा "way too much मूंगफली, मूंगफली का मक्खन daddy!" I chuckled and कहा "oh; sorry about that. Daddy a little rusty when it comes to making sandwiches; it's been a while." I grabbed the plate from her and started making her another सैंडविच because I knew she couldn't continue to eat the other one. I brought it back to the तालिका, टेबल and she took a bite. I asked "how's that?" She कहा "much better daddy; much better!"
***
My birthday is tomorrow and I'm looking आगे to just relaxing with the children for the day. There was a knock at the front door so I got up to answer it and Frank was standing there. I asked "Frank; what are आप doing here? I'm not supposed to start working again for 3 1/2 और months." Frank responded "your mother called me last week and told me that she thinks आप need a break; so I'm taking आप on a only guys vacation for the weekend." I was hesitant and asked "what do आप expect me to do with the children?" He कहा "well of course bring them over to आप mothers because she is the one who asked me to take आप on a vacation in the first place."
I realized that Frank and my mother had been planning this for an entire week and I couldn't refuse because they had put so much time into it. I went upstairs and packed the bags of things for the children. After packing my bag, I went back downstairs and Frank had already carried AJ to the car. I took Prince to the car and I didn't tell AJ what was going to happen because I knew regardless that AJ would freak out.
When we got to Havenhurst, I helped bring the children inside and I knew I couldn't avoid telling AJ what was going to happen. I knelt down in front of her and कहा "I'm going to go somewhere with Frank for two days and you're going to stay here with grandma." AJ immediately started crying and I picked her up. I कहा "I always come back AJ! Grandma's going to have fun with आप and I promise that I'll call आप every night before आप go to bed!" Mother grabbed AJ out of my arms and कहा "go ahead Michael; have fun! I'll get AJ to calm down. I have it under control!"
My दिल was tearing to pieces as I heard AJ crying "daddy; stay here!" Frank gently pushed me out of the door because I was so reluctant to leave AJ while she was crying. As we got into the car and Jeffrey started driving, Frank could see that I was visibly upset. I started tearing up and rubbing my eyes. Frank put his hand on my shoulder and कहा "AJ's fine Michael; I promise!" I कहा "I know that she's in the best hands with my mother; but it's just so hard leaving the children with anyone!" Frank कहा "I know; but it's better that AJ gets used to being away from आप now because it's going to be और difficult to handle the separation anxiety when she gets older Michael. We're only going to be 45 मिनटों away at a समुद्र तट house; so if something does go wrong आप can be there." I कहा "okay; that makes me feel at least a little bit better."
Jeffrey pulled up in front of a beachfront house and all of us got out of the car. I walked inside the समुद्र तट house and कहा "wow Frank; आप really outdid yourself!" He कहा "only the best for आप Michael!" Frank opened up the refrigerator and tossed me a wine cooler. I कहा "I don't know about this Frank! I haven't had a drink since before AJ was born." Frank sat down अगला to me on the सोफ़ा, सोफे and कहा "that's exactly why आप need to drink that!" I popped it open and hesitated before taking a sip. I कहा "WOW; that stronger than I expected it to be!"
I looked out the window and didn't even notice that we were on our own little private section of the beach. Frank stood अगला to me at the window and कहा "you, Jeffrey, and I should go down there Michael!" I कहा "okay; I'll meet आप guys down there." While they went down to the beach, I couldn't help but call mother to see how the kids were doing. I dialed the phone number and sat back down on the couch. Mother asked "is everything alright Michael?" I कहा "yes mother; I'm just wondering how the kids are doing? Did AJ calm down? Did she stop crying?" She कहा "yes Michael; she's perfectly fine! She's watching a movie with me right now." I asked "can I talk to her?" She passed AJ the phone and I कहा "hi AJ; I miss you!"
Frank walked back inside the समुद्र तट house and कहा "come on Mike; what's taking आप so long?" He saw that I had the phone and took it out of my hands. I कहा "what? I was just checking up on the kids!" Frank put the phone up to his ear and कहा "give the phone back to grandma. Hello Katherine; I just want to that आप will not answer the phone if Michael calls आप before 7 o'clock at night because he needs a break. Okay; thanks a lot and I'll have him call the children later tonight." I asked "what did आप do that for? I was just talking to AJ for a few minutes." He कहा "you need to relax Michael and trust that your mother can handle the kids. Did आप forget that she raised you? A couple of days with your kids is nothing to her!" I कहा "but what if AJ –?" He कहा "your mother has everything under control Michael; just relax!" I exhaled and कहा "I hate to admit it but I think you're right! The kids do need a little bit of time away from me; especially AJ because her separation anxiety is getting a little crazy. It's only for two days and I don't think she's going to be scarred for life if she's away from me for that long." Frank कहा "that's the spirit Mike! आप need a couple days without boogers and temper tantrums!"
I chuckled and कहा "boogers and tantrums isn't everything that I deal with all दिन as a father!" Frank कहा "no; that's pretty accurate!" I कहा "no; not really." He sat down अगला to me on the सोफ़ा, सोफे and Jeffrey came back inside. Jeffrey asked "what's taking आप guys so long?" Frank कहा "sorry Jeff; Michael doesn't think that his life has gotten boring since the children have been born. Maybe आप could shed a little light on the subject because आप spend even और time with him than I do. Jeffrey sat in the chair and कहा "sorry Mike; but I have to be honest and say that I agree with Frank on this one. आप used to hang out with the two of us a lot और before आप had either of the kids; but especially AJ!" I looked at him confused and asked "what आप mean द्वारा 'especially AJ?'" Jeffrey कहा "well; I wouldn't be a true friend if I wasn't completely honest with you. The truth is that you're kind of a pushover Mike."
I was glad that Jeffrey was being honest with me and I didn't want to get mad at him; but I was still curious about what made him feel that way. Frank कहा "I agree Michael; you're a total pushover when it comes to AJ." I calmly asked "in what way?" Frank कहा "she's your little girl and I understand that; but the मिनट she cries she has आप wrapped around her finger." Jeffrey कहा "yeah and Mike आप don't encourage her to be independent because आप do everything for her; I mean everything!" I squinted my eyes and smirked as I कहा "come on आप guys; I think you're exaggerating a little bit." Jeffrey कहा "I really don't think we are Michael. I mean just look at how she freaked out when आप told her that आप were going to leave her with her grandmother for the weekend! Most three-year-olds are और than excited about going to their grandparents for the weekend because they get to be spoiled द्वारा them." Frank कहा “I know Mike and most kids can brush their own teeth द्वारा three years old." I कहा "AJ can brush her own teeth! I'm just really particular about making sure her teeth are clean." Frank कहा "whatever आप say Michael! Now that we've spoke our opinions, we should all just let loose and have fun." I rolled my eyes and took another sip of my drink. I कहा "I've got the feeling that I'm going to need this drink to get to the entire weekend without my kids.
***
I really don't get the point of going on this "guys only vacation" because all we did the entire weekend was talk about stupid things and drink. I'm starting to think that Frank just wanted to remember what I'm like when I'm a little buzzed. I RARELY ever drink and before yesterday I would have a hard time remembering when the last time I had a drink was. I'm just glad that today I'm getting ready to leave and I'll see my शिशु in less than an hour.
When Frank, Jeffrey, and I got into the car, I could hardly wait to get back to Havenhurst. Frank कहा "oh my God Michael; chill out!" I कहा "I can't; come on Jeffrey! Hurry up and drive faster; so we can get there sooner! I miss AJ and Prince so much!" Jeffrey कहा "I'm trying Michael! I can't go any faster because I'm going the speed limit." Frank कहा "thank God; we're finally here! I think if the traffic would've been any worse Michael would've gotten out of the car and sprinted all the way back here!"
I jumped out of the car before it even had the chance to stop and I bolted inside the house. I calmly walked into the living room and कहा "hi AJ!" AJ whispered "daddy; can we go घर now?" I picked her up and कहा "of course; right after I check in with grandma." I carried AJ into the रसोई, रसोईघर and my mother कहा "hello Michael. How was your vacation?" I कहा "too long; I missed my angels!" She कहा "they missed आप too Michael! AJ couldn't stop talking about आप the entire weekend! She was telling me stories about what आप do around the house. I was cleaning the रसोई, रसोईघर and she was describing how आप clean the kitchen! I thought that was the cutest thing ever." I chuckled and कहा "dare I ask, did AJ behave for you?" Mother कहा "she had her moments; but it's been taking care of Michael." I grabbed Prince from her and took him with my other arm as I कहा "okay mother; I think I'm going to take the children back घर because they're both due for a nap. Thanks for watching them for the weekend!" She कहा "you're welcome son; anytime आप need a break I will watch them for you!"
On the car ride back to Neverland, AJ was really quiet and that's extremely unusual for her. I asked "did आप have fun at grandma's house this weekend?" She just looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. I asked "what did आप guys do for fun?" She whispered extremely quietly "I don't know." I playfully asked "are आप sure? आप must've done something fun! Grandma's a really fun person!" AJ just shrugged her shoulders again and I just figured she was getting tired because it was nearing her nap time.
Grace was standing in the रसोई, रसोईघर when I got back to the house and I कहा "hello." She कहा "hello; how was your time with your friends?" I कहा "I had my fun; but I'm glad to be back home!" She asked "would आप like me to go put Prince down for a nap?" I कहा "yeah; I've got everything handled with AJ." Grace took Prince out of my arms and brought him upstairs. After I had gotten a cup of चॉकलेट दूध for AJ, I carried her upstairs and she asked "daddy; can I sleep in your room?" I कहा "yeah; I guess आप can because I'm feeling a little tired myself."
I brought her into my bedroom and she कहा "ouch." I looked at her puzzled and asked "what ouch?” She कहा "where grandpa hit me daddy." I froze for a सेकंड and then कहा "grandpa hit you! Where?" She कहा "on my back." Sure enough, when I lifted the back of her कमीज, शर्ट there was a BRIGHT red outline of a hand print on AJ's back." I found myself starting to cry and then an overwhelming amount of anger came over me." I stood up and AJ asked with a terrified tone of voice "where are आप going daddy? Don't leave me here; PLEASE!!!" I yelled for Grace to come upstairs and she came into my bedroom. I कहा "my father apparently hit AJ this weekend and I need to go over there to make sure it doesn't happen EVER again. Understandably, AJ doesn't want me to leave her side; but I'm not going to bring her over there with me because I don't know how it's going to go. Listen AJ, Grace won't leave आप द्वारा yourself and I promise that I'll come straight घर afterwards!" AJ looked at me worried and कहा "come right back daddy! I don't want to take a nap until आप get back!" I कहा "that's fine; if आप want to go down to the living room and watch TV आप can. I'll be right back!" I hugged AJ and I almost couldn't bring myself to let go as she lightly leaned in for a kiss.
I ran downstairs and कहा "come on Jeffrey; I need आप to drive me to Havenhurst because I'm too angry!" He कहा "right away Michael." I could barely contain my anger as we sat there in the car and I'm honestly surprised that Jeffrey didn't ask me why I was so angry. I couldn't even stand that insane traffic and normally I don't have any road rage; but I was in no mood to be messed with. I think Jeffrey was afraid to ask me what was wrong because I was having such a hard time keeping my composure until we got to the house.
Once we had gotten to Havenhurst, Jeffrey followed me quickly as I darted inside the house and straight for the kitchen. Mother looked at me and asked "oh; did आप forget one of the children's bags?" I asked angrily "where's Joseph?" Before she had the time to answer me, Joseph came out of the मांद, डेन and my eyes filled with rage. I pushed him up against the दीवार and pinned him there as I asked "WHO THE HELL DO आप THINK आप ARE?" Joseph कहा "I'm your father; that's who and आप better watch your tone with me Michael!" I कहा "I CAN'T BELIEVE आप HIT AJ!!!"
I punched him so hard in the face that it made his head go straight through the drywall and Jeffrey didn't know what to do. He held me back as I went in for a couple और swings and I shouted "IF आप EVER TOUCH MY CHILD AGAIN I'LL BREAK YOUR NECK!!!" I turned back to face mother and कहा "I trusted you! How could आप let something like this happen? How could आप let Joseph in the house after I told आप I didn't want him around the children? How could आप let him hit AJ? I trusted आप mother! How could you?"
I stormed out of the house slamming the door behind me and got into the car. On the ride back to the house, I लॉस्ट it and started crying like I had never cried before. Jeffrey looked at me sympathetically and asked "are आप okay Michael?" I shook my head no and कहा "I can't believe that I trusted my mother and I shouldn't have! I never wanted AJ to feel the physical pain या emotional pain that I felt from Joseph growing up and she wouldn't have if I hadn't trusted mother to watch them for the weekend! When I punched Joseph there was so much built-up anger that I could've punched him 1000 times if आप hadn't stepped in! I feel like the worst father in the world right now!"
After we got back to the ranch, I let Jeffrey take a drive द्वारा himself so he could clear his mind and comprehend what he had just witnessed. I walked into the house and Grace was sleeping on the couch. I went upstairs because I figured that she was able to get AJ to sleep and she had gone downstairs afterwards. I walked into my bedroom and AJ was sitting on the floor crying. I knelt down in front of her and asked "what's wrong AJ?" She कहा "I'm sorry daddy!" I asked "what are आप sorry for?" She कहा "I had an accident!" I asked "you did?" She shook her head yes as I noticed that she was completely soaked. She started shaking and कहा "please don't hit me daddy!" I started to tear up and कहा "I would NEVER hit आप AJ!!!"
She started crying and I picked her up. I tried my best not to cry; but I couldn't help it because I knew exactly how AJ felt after being physically abused द्वारा Joseph. She continued to cry as she asked "why are आप crying daddy?" I कहा "it's okay to cry. AJ; look at me. What grandpa did to आप was not okay and he shouldn't ever hit you! It was wrong of him to do that and I'll make sure that he'll NEVER do that again!" AJ was trying to justify why he had hit her and she कहा something that absolutely destroyed me inside! She कहा "but daddy, I was bad!!!" I कहा "don't ever say that again AJ! You're not bad and don't let anybody ever tell आप that आप are because you're not! You’re perfect just the way आप are!"
AJ and I both stop crying and I asked "did आप take a nap?" She कहा "no; I wanted to wait until आप came back." I asked curiously "not that it matters to me, but why did आप have an accident?" She कहा "I was afraid that when आप heard that I didn't listen to grandma that आप would hit me and that scared me! It was really scary when grandpa hit me and I thought it was going to be a lot worse if आप hit me because you're my daddy!" I कहा "I promise I will never hit आप for as long as I live! I would hit myself before I would ever hit आप AJ!"
After helping AJ change her clothes, I could tell that she was really embarrassed. I think it was because she hasn't had an accident for a very long time and I think she was beating herself up for letting it happen. As she climbed into the bed, I covered her up with the blanket and she कहा "I'm sorry daddy!!!" I कहा "sweetheart; it really doesn't bother me!" I chuckled and कहा "you've had quite a few accidents before and I've never gotten mad. That wasn't your fault at all! It only happened because आप were scared of getting hit. If you're going to blame it on anybody, blame it on grandpa!" She asked "you promise you're not mad at me?" I kissed her forehead and कहा "far from it actually! It was just an accident and I understand why you're embarrassed; but I promise that I won't tell anyone! It'll just be between आप and me!" She कहा "okay; that makes me feel less embarrassed now daddy!"
***
Ever since yesterday, AJ's been very jumpy and shaky. I'm really starting to think that Joseph hitting her traumatized her. She understands that I'm not going to hit her; but for some reason if I even so much as put my hand on her shoulder while I'm standing behind her she flinches. She hasn't been herself since Joseph hit her and for once I actually want her to be causing chaos. I'll do whatever I have to; so I can get AJ back to her normal self.
I was in the रसोई, रसोईघर washing dishes while AJ was playing with a puzzle at the table. I walked up to her and asked "don't आप want to be doing something a little और fun than this?" She कहा "no; I'm fine daddy." I turned the chair she was sitting in so it was facing me and कहा "no you're not fine because normally I can't get आप to sit still for और than three मिनटों and आप been sitting here for 2 1/2 hours!"
I picked her up and कहा "come on; I'm going to दिखाना आप how to have fun again! I want my AJ back!" I took her into the living room and playfully tossed her on the couch. I climbed on the सोफ़ा, सोफे and started jumping up and down. AJ just looked at me as if I had three heads and I realized that this was going to be a lot और difficult. I picked her up again and took her into the kitchen. I sat her on the countertop and started rummaging through the cupboards. I grabbed a bottle of ketchup, flipped open the lid, and squirted ketchup all over AJ's shirt. She chuckled and asked "what did आप do that for?" I कहा "I have to make आप have fun somehow because I don't like it when you're so quiet!"
AJ grabbed the bottle of ketchup from my hands and squirted it all over my face. The two of us started laughing and I कहा "there आप go!" She saw the bag of flour अगला to her on the counter and opened it up. She grabbed a handful and threw it at my face. I laughed and asked "so; आप think that's funny?" I grabbed the entire bag and dumped it on her head. She looked up at me in shock and both of us started laughing hysterically. I looked around the रसोई, रसोईघर and it was a complete disaster; but I didn't care because I was able to get AJ to loosen up.
As I started cleaning up the kitchen, there was a knock at the door and it was my mother. I wanted to let her inside but I knew what she wanted to talk about. AJ was still a disaster; so I had Grace bring her upstairs to get cleaned up while mother and I talked. I let her inside and she looked around the kitchen. She asked "what happened here?" I कहा "it's a long story. I didn't expect आप to come over here today; after what happened yesterday!" She कहा "Joseph feels awful about hitting AJ Michael!" I sarcastically कहा "yeah right mother!" I started mopping the floor angrily and mother कहा "you're right Michael! I should have never let Joseph hit AJ!" I cleared my throat and कहा "he shouldn't have been around her in the first place! I told आप I didn't want Joseph around the children and आप went behind my back! I thought आप were one of the few people on this earth that I could trust!" She कहा "you can trust me Michael." I कहा "apparently I can't mother because आप allowed all of that to happen! While we're on the subject, what did AJ do that was so awful that justified your reason for letting Joseph hit her?"
Mother grabbed a washcloth off the counter and started helping me clean the kitchen. She कहा "she wouldn't go to बिस्तर and Joseph was getting fed up. I didn't exactly tell him to hit her. I just asked him for help because I couldn't explain to her that it was time to go to sleep! He did try just talking to her and convincing her to lie down; but that wasn't working and आप know how short your father's temper is Michael!" I कहा "that's when आप should have दिया her a warning and let her know that if she didn't listen she would be standing in the corner for three minutes!" She कहा "I don't know how आप can get that timeout thing to work Michael because I don't see the point in it. She isn't learning anything from staring at the दीवार for three मिनटों because after she gets out of the corner she does something else!" I sarcastically कहा "oh; like physical harm is so much और effective!!!" She कहा "it got आप to listen to Joseph and me when आप were growing up." I कहा "it did work; but I spent my entire childhood terrified of Joseph and I don't want AJ to be terrified of me!!! I don't think आप understand how different I am from Joseph! I don't think आप understand how differently I raise AJ! Before this weekend, AJ had never been hit before; it really had a negative effect on her! She was terrified that I was going to hit her and she's been too scared to do anything because she doesn't want to be hit again! That really hurt me as a father because I don't want her to EVER be afraid of me! I would NEVER hit her! I think आप should leave now mother because I have some cleaning to do!" Mother walked out of the house without saying a single word to me and I was kind of the irritated that she didn't apologize for letting any of that happen."
***
My eyes shot open as AJ screamed "DADDY" at the चोटी, शीर्ष of her lungs. I ran अगला door to her bedroom and asked "what's the matter?" She कहा "I had a bad dream daddy! I walked up to her बिस्तर and sat down as I asked "what was it about?" She कहा "the bad man was chasing me and trying to hit me. I was screaming for you; but आप weren't there and I was really scared!" I कहा I won't ever let anybody hurt आप AJ and I will always be there when आप need me from now on!" She was shaking and terrified as she asked "daddy will आप stay in here with me?"
I thought about it for सेकंड and I wasn't going to stay in there; but the सेकंड I saw AJ shaking I couldn't help it. I कहा "okay; but its 1 AM so आप have to go back to sleep if I stay in here." I lay down अगला to her in the full-sized बिस्तर and switched off the overhead lamp. AJ whispered "I प्यार आप daddy!" I कहा "I प्यार आप और AJ!!!" She whispered back "you’re the best daddy in the whole wide world!" I कहा "and you’re the best AJ in the whole wide world because you're my AJ and I don't have to share आप with anyone else; good night sweetheart!" I looked down and she had drifted off to sleep with her head resting on my chest and she was holding my hand as tight as she possibly could! How could anybody hurt such an innocent child?