Okay, my daughter hasn't stopped talking about those Spiderman कार्टून her and I watched together for the first time yesterday. I'm starting to think she's going to be OBSESSED with Spiderman. Today is the first संगीत कार्यक्रम I have had since Grace left to be with her sister who is terminally sick and it's definitely going to be interesting for me trying to figure out how to balance taking care of AJ almost completely on my own and performing three concerts a week. The whole point of having Grace come along was so she could watch AJ while I'm busy with meetings या performing. I know I'll be able to handle it but; I hope my manager Frank doesn't get irritated with the fact that I have to bring her with me everywhere I go and to all of the concerts. I don't know what it is; but it seems like he's upset with me because the संगीत doesn't come first anymore! He's going to have to he used to it though because AJ is what's most important to me and that's not going to change!

It was around 5 o'clock at night and I figured that we should start heading down to the संगीत कार्यक्रम arena because the संगीत कार्यक्रम starts in two hours. I picked AJ up and Jeffrey drove us to the arena. We went through a secret passageway that led to a huge dressing room backstage and Frank was already sitting down on the couch. He asked "how come आप have Alanna with आप Michael?" I कहा "well; something came up with her nanny and she won't be back for another six months as of yesterday." Frank asked "when is the replacement nanny going to get here?" I responded "there isn't going to be a replacement nanny. I'm going to take care of her pretty much on my own for six months." Frank कहा "you can't be taking care of a two-year-old and focus on your career at the same time Michael!" I asked with aggravation in my voice "what's that supposed to mean Frank?" He कहा "it means I think आप should think about having your mother look after her while you're on tour." I कहा "this isn't even up for discussion Frank! How dare आप even bring something up like that! If I wanted AJ to be with my mother I would've left her there in the first place! She needs to be with her daddy and she is not going anywhere whether आप like it या not! She's way और important to me than any of this! Now if you'll excuse me; I'm going to go to wardrobe and makeup to start getting ready for the show."

I passed Alanna to Jeffrey and कहा "thanks for watching her for me." Jeffrey looked at me terrified as he held my daughter in his arms. He कहा "I don't really know anything about kids Mr. Jackson! I'm a single guy with no brothers या sisters! Are आप sure आप want me to watch her?" I कहा "she's already had रात का खाना and I'm sure she'll be just fine watching TV back here until the संगीत कार्यक्रम is over! You're worrying about nothing Jeffrey!" He hesitated to say "okay Mr. Jackson; we'll see आप in a few hours." I kissed my daughter's forehead and went down towards stage to wait for the दिखाना to begin.

As soon as the संगीत कार्यक्रम ended, I ran back to the dressing room to check on AJ and Jeffrey. When I walked in there, it was so adorable because AJ and Jeffrey had both drifted off to sleep while watching the newest episode of "the amazing Spiderman" series on TV. I tapped Jeffrey shoulder and he slowly opened his eyes as I grabbed AJ off of his lap. I asked "how was she?" He कहा "she was good; we just watch the Spiderman marathon on TV the entire time आप were gone and it's so funny because it almost looks like she becomes mesmerized द्वारा the show. She didn't say a single word the entire time we were watching it!" I कहा "I know; that's why I knew she wouldn't give आप any problems if she was watching it! I think she's going to turn into a comic book lover just like her daddy!"

***

Debbie and I have been discussing the two of us getting married just as a way to the press to leave us alone. Since my अगला संगीत कार्यक्रम is in Sydney Australia I thought that would be a good place for us to get married because Debbie has always wanted to go there. I don't plan on spending a lot of time with her now that I don't have Grace around to help with Alanna. I just hope that the wedding isn't going to be awkward for us because I think deep down Debbie regrets not being able to be a mother to AJ and our future child. I know it doesn't help when the tabloid magazines accuse her of just giving away her rights as the mother for millions of dollars. I think she's really struggling with that right now and a vacation is just what she needs to relax.

Today's the first दिन off that I've had in a while because I performed three concerts in a row the last few nights; but I'm happy because I get to have a whole week off from work to spend time with AJ. Debbie and I both decided that it would be best if her and I go get married tomorrow when her flight arrives here and then she can leave the अगला दिन without anyone suspecting anything right away. We know that we don't want anything special for the wedding ceremony because it's just going to be the three of us and we don't want anything extravagant that would give us away! We want the press to find out that we are married; but we don't want them to know until Debbie flies back to the United States that way she will have enough time to figure out if she's going to hide from the photographers and paparazzi. She really dislikes all the attention she has been getting since everyone found out that she's pregnant with my सेकंड child. I feel so bad for her and I wish there was something that I could do to make it better.

***

I stood there waiting in a small room with a priest and waited for Debbie to arrive. I picked up AJ and asked "are आप excited for daddy to get married?" She कहा "yeah and then we can go back to the hotel to watch और Spiderman shows daddy!" I chuckled and कहा "you प्यार Spiderman; don't you?" A few मिनटों later, Debbie walked into the room wearing a black dress with a very visible baby bump that is getting bigger every day. She कहा "hi guys; sorry I'm late! My flight got delayed and I was worried आप would think that I stood आप up Michael!" I कहा "I would never think that about आप Debbie!" She कहा "hi Alanna; it's nice to see आप again!" AJ looked at me irritated and I कहा "she likes to be called AJ instead of Alanna."

After we had कहा our vows, we signed the marriage license and Debbie asked if we could go get something to eat. I agreed and had Jeffrey shut down a restaurant; so AJ wouldn't have to worry about being able to eat with a mask on. We sat down at a तालिका, टेबल in a seafood restaurant and AJ started to throw the silverware on the ground. I picked it up, but of course she threw it again. I कहा "you need to stop doing that AJ या else आप are going to go to timeout when we get back to the hotel room. Do आप understand?" She looked at me and tossed another fork on the ground. I tried my best to ignore it because I think Debbie was a little shocked द्वारा our child's behavior. Debbie asked "does she normally act like this Michael?" I कहा "yes; all the time" as I glanced down at the menu.

AJ threw the last spoon she could reach and it almost hit me in the face. I कहा "just because we are in a restaurant doesn't mean आप can't have a timeout AJ." I took her out of the booster सीट and placed her in the corner of the room. She gave me a dirty look as I sat down a few feet away at the table. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have followed through with the timeout in public because of all the people that would've been watching us. I was already embarrassed because Debbie got to witness AJ's typical behavior and I didn't want it to affect how she saw me as a parent. I try my best to get AJ to listen to me without having to discipline her; but nothing ever works!

I walked over to AJ and stood her up on her feet. I कहा "I want an apology from you!" She refused to answer me at first and then I कहा "I'm waiting AJ." She कहा with an attitude "sorry!" I कहा "you need to say it nicer and mean it AJ." She कहा "I'm sorry." I hugged her as we walked back to the तालिका, टेबल and the waitress brought us our food. Debbie smiled and chuckled as she stared down at me cutting AJ's chicken fingers. I laughed as I asked "what's so funny?" She कहा sarcastically "could आप cut those any smaller Mike?" I कहा "I just like to be extra careful because I don't want her to choke on it!" She continued to laugh and कहा "I understand that part; but those pieces are so small she's not even going to need to chew them! She can just निगलना, निगल, निगल संकलन them whole!" I joked "yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I'm a little too overprotective of her; but it's better to be सुरक्षित than sorry!"

***

Yesterday was the last संगीत कार्यक्रम in the first leg of my "history" world tour and I have a four-month long break before the tour starts up again. Grace ended up calling last night and कहा that she would be returning back to work probably द्वारा the time my son is born. That's about five months away from now and it doesn't really bother me because I like it when it's just AJ and I because we have और time to bond then we normally would.

I woke up around 6 AM because our flight back to Neverland ranch is going to leave in a little while. I went off into the other section of the hotel room where AJ was still fast asleep. I picked her up and noticed that she felt warm. I wasn't surprised because I thought I heard her coughing last night; so she's probably just coming down with a cold. I tried my best not to wake her up because she looked exhausted. I knew that Jeffrey had a private jet waiting for us at the airport and that hopefully AJ would sleep the entire time on the airplane. I wanted to pack cough medicine inside the suitcase; but I knew that they would allow me to bring it with us when we leave airport to board the plane.

I had no choice but to wake my sleeping daughter, so she could take the medicine before we left the hotel. She opened her eyes as I sat her up on the couch. I knew this was going to be a battle because AJ HATES the taste of medicine. I have to say that I can't blame her for not wanting to take it because चेरी flavored medicine is probably the most disgusting out of all the flavors. The सेकंड she saw me trying to quickly and discreetly give her the medicine, she immediately pulled away. I felt terrible having to hold her down; but that was my only option because time was running out.

She immediately reached for the cup on the coffee तालिका, टेबल and started drinking as fast as she could. I ran out the door with her in my arms and to a car was waiting outside the hotel to take us to the airport. When we finally boarded the private jet, I was prepared to do whatever it took to keep AJ entertained for the 3 1/2 घंटा flight back to California. I asked "what आप want to do?" She कहा "watch Spiderman daddy!" I really didn't want to watch Spiderman again because we had been watching it nonstop for days and deep down it was driving me crazy! I asked "you don't want to watch a डिज़्नी movie instead AJ?" She कहा "no thank you; I want to watch Spiderman daddy!" I reluctantly put one of the Spiderman कार्टून DVDs on the portable disc player and found myself starting to drift off to sleep.

As my eyes started to shut, I was startled awake द्वारा a loud sneeze and saw that AJ had completely sneezed everywhere. I looked at my manager Frank and asked "do आप have any tissues on you?" Frank laughed and asked "what makes आप think that I would have tissues?" I कहा "I don't know!" As I searched desperately for something, I decided to throw caution to the wind and use my कमीज, शर्ट sleeve. Jeffrey looked at me in disgust as I cleaned my daughter's face with my red button-down sleeve and he कहा "that's so gross! How can आप do that Michael?" I कहा "one thing आप should know about parenting Jeffrey is that sometimes it can be a dirty job! आप just have to learn not to worry about germs too much when you're a parent! I remember that I used to be just as grossed out about this stuff as आप are right now; but I got used to it!"

Of course the paparazzi waiting at the airport happened to take a picture of my snot covered sleeve; but what do I care? It's all part of being a dad! I was just glad that in a matter of मिनटों we would be home. As we walked into the house, I could tell AJ was happy to be back in familiar surroundings because she immediately asked "we aren't leaving here for a while; right daddy?" I कहा "not until after क्रिस्मस and your brother is born! Trust me; I don't like leaving here either! If it were up to me we would have never left in the first place! आप and I are just going to have to enjoy the time here while we have it!"

***

I'm so glad AJ and I are back घर finally! I've actually been thinking of some fun things the two of us can do together before my son is born because then I will have to give attention to the both of them. My mother wants me to have a family reunion for all of us to get back together and catch up on what's been going on in our lives; but I'm not sure I like that idea! I प्यार my father and I wouldn't want to leave him out of it; but I just can't deal with all the pain he has caused me emotionally and physically through the years! I hate how the rest of my family refuse to acknowledge how downright wrong it was for Joseph to treat us that way! That's part of the reason why I don't like having AJ around the majority of my family members because they are in some serious denial and I don't find them the most trustworthy of people. As a matter of fact, I don't really know if there's anybody in my inner वृत्त that I can really trust! With the exception of my daughter; but she's only two years old so that doesn't really count!

AJ was looking at a book as she sat on the living room सोफ़ा, सोफे and I sat down अगला to her. I asked "are आप excited to meet your baby brother in about five months?" She responded "yes; what's his name daddy?" I कहा "I think I'm going to name him Prince Michael." I कहा "I can't wait to दिखाना him how to do stuff!" I कहा "that'll be fun; but you'll have to wait until he's a little bit older because he is not going to be able to do much right after he is born." I try my best to explain it to her; but she's understandably confused द्वारा the whole concept of being an older sister. I don't think she really understands that there is going to be another child in the house that is going to be in need of most of my attention and time. I'm hoping she will be ready enough for all of this; but I'm not going to force it.

***

Since we just got घर from the tour a few days ago, my mother has been begging me to let her watch AJ for a couple of hours. I agreed because I needed to do some shopping and AJ always makes it difficult because she always wants something in the store. I just hope that my mother listens to me about not having Joseph at the house while AJ is there. Instead of having my mother watch her at her house, I had her come over to Neverland because then Jeffrey would say something if Joseph decided to come by. I gave Jeffrey strict instructions not to let my father onto the property under any circumstances! I know I have nothing to worry about because Jeffrey has always been a loyal bodyguard and I feel like he's one of the few people that I can trust with anything; especially my daughter!

I was so glad to be able to go shopping द्वारा myself for once because Jeffrey had called the store in advance to make sure that no customers would be allowed in the store या the parking lot. I entered the store, which was the famous persons version of Walmart and I immediately was greeted द्वारा the manager. He shook my hand and कहा "I'm so glad that आप decided to खरीडिए here Mr. Jackson! If there's anything we can help आप with, please let us know!" I कहा "I appreciate the accommodations आप have made for me here and I've heard your service is very well liked."

I didn't really have anything in particular that I was looking for; so I started to just walk down the aisles. I had already purchased so many things for my unborn son and I was beginning to worry that AJ would start to feel unimportant. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed an entire aisle dedicated completely to Spiderman and I had to check it out. There was everything आप could possibly imagine! I walked backwards that way I would be able to see better and noticed that I had accidentally pulled something down from the bottom shelf with my foot. I picked it up and grinned as I saw a tiny pair of Spiderman बॉक्सर shorts. I was about to put them back on the shelf when I hesitated and looked at them once more. I seemed to have a flashback of when Latoya and I almost got into an argument about me holding AJ back.

I threw the boxers into the गाड़ी and grabbed another six pack of them; before asking the manager for assistance. I walked up to him and asked "do आप have anything for first-time parents who are toilet training?" He directed me towards the back section of the store and I was extremely confused. There was, books, dolls, and chairs; which only worsened my confusion. I just started throwing anything I could grab into the shopping गाड़ी and hoped that I had gotten everything I needed.

After putting AJ in her room for the rest of the night, I started to read one of the parenting पुस्तकें I had bought earlier today and I don't know what came over me. I started to cry and as tears hit the pages of the book I slammed it shut. I कहा to myself "she's not going to be considered baby anymore after all this! I can't believe that all this time has gone by! I wish that I was here more. I didn't want to go on tour again; but financially it was the best decision I could've made! I just feel like I'm losing a grip on that part of AJ's life because it's pretty much over and there's nothing I can do about it! Who knew that it would take me until this point to realize how much I've actually missed out on when it comes to AJ!" I sighed and the last few tears streamed off of my face. I chuckled and कहा "on the positive side of things, I guess this means I won't have to change diapers until my son is born." I looked at the pile of बिना सोचे समझे things in the corner of my bedroom and chuckled as I कहा "what the heck did I get myself into?"

***

I woke up this morning and looked at the clock sitting अगला to me on the nightstand to see that it was only 8 o'clock; about an घंटा before AJ usually wakes up. I rubbed my eyes and stared in the corner of my bedroom; remembering all that I had purchased yesterday. After getting ready for the day, I grabbed the pile of things and brought them downstairs. I took everything into the living room and put it down on the floor. I sat down on the सोफ़ा, सोफे and started to have सेकंड thoughts about this whole toilet training thing. I know that she's probably और than ready for this; but I don't know if I'm ready to let go of the years where AJ is completely dependent upon me!

I heard a very soft sounding "daddy" coming from upstairs; so I went to the bottom of the steps and watched as my daughter walked down them. Once she reached the bottom step, I picked her up and कहा "good morning!" I was about to walk into the living room with her in my arms when I decided that we should probably have breakfast first. AJ asked "can आप make your French टोस्ट for breakfast daddy?" AJ rarely ever asks me to cook anything in particular and because I had a feeling that today is going to be a very long day, I कहा "of course I can!" I set her down and she ran off into the play room. Before I even had a chance to get the proper ingredients needed to make French टोस्ट out of the refrigerator, AJ asked "can आप come put कार्टून on for me please?" I कहा "I sure can" and went into the play room to do so.

After I had brought the खाना to the table, I sat down अगला to AJ and helped her cut her food. It was quite silent for the first few मिनटों that we sat there eating and then I decided to start a conversation. I asked "are आप excited to be a big sister in a few months?" She responded "yeah; I can't wait!" I कहा "I can't believe you're going to be three in a little less than four months! My first baby isn't really a baby anymore and my सेकंड baby is about to be born!" My eyes started to water and I had totally forgotten that AJ was sitting in the chair अगला to me at the table. She asked sympathetically "what's wrong daddy? Are आप sad?" I quickly pulled myself together and कहा "no AJ; I'm not sad. I just have something in my eye."

After cleaning up the kitchen, I went into the room where AJ was and picked her up. She asked "where are we going?" I कहा "I just want to दिखाना आप something that I bought आप yesterday when I went shopping.” We both sat down on the सोफ़ा, सोफे in the living room and AJ immediately asked "is that Spiderman?" I कहा "as a matter of fact, it is Spiderman." I passed her the बॉक्सर shorts and she कहा "I want to wear this!" I कहा "okay; but आप have to let me get rid of the diapers! Are आप okay with that?" She कहा excitedly "yes; Spiderman is worth it daddy!" I was surprised be on belief द्वारा her reaction because I thought I would have to at least negotiate with her for an घंटा before she would willingly agree to get rid of them. I have a feeling that the initial excitement is going to wear off once she realizes the difference between the two. I think she only really cares right now because the boxers have Spiderman on them.

I कहा "okay, now आप can't go in these like आप would in that" as I pointed to one of the diapers. She कहा "okay daddy; I won't!" I explained to her where she was now supposed to go instead and she seemed really excited. I'm starting to think that maybe I was over exaggerating about how difficult potty training would actually be in reality. Typically, she likes to dress up in her Spiderman costume most days of the week; so I didn't think twice about letting her wear it today. As she walked around alternating between playing and watching TV, I heard a knock at the front door. I answered it and saw Frank standing there. That's when I remembered that I had scheduled a meeting with him to discuss the सेकंड leg of the tour ahead of time so we are prepared. I can't believe that I have forgotten all about that!

He was here for almost 2 hours going over the schedule with me to make sure I knew what countries and cities I'd be performing. After I felt that I had a good enough understanding of our "game plan", Jeffrey escorted him back to his car. As I sat there putting the schedule inside a folder, I was interrupted द्वारा an AWFUL scream coming from upstairs. I bolted out of the chair I was sitting in so fast that it fell to the ground. I had never heard AJ scream like that before; which had made me extremely concerned.

I ran into AJ's bedroom and shouted with deep concern "what's wrong?" That's when I saw that she was standing in a puddle. She took one look at me and with a horrified expression on her face, she burst out crying. I picked her up and कहा sympathetically "it's okay AJ; it's no big deal!!!" She repeated over and over "I'm sorry daddy" as tears streamed down her face and onto my shoulder. I have never heard AJ say that she was sorry so many times in a row! She must be really worried about my reaction! I sincerely कहा "AJ; look at me. I'm not mad at you! It really isn't that bad! It's kind of my fault too because I was too busy talking with Frank to remember to ask आप if आप needed to go potty!" She asked "are आप sure you're not mad at me daddy?" I कहा as I chuckled "no silly; I would never be mad at you; especially for something like this!!!!! It was an accident and accidents happen sometimes!!!"

This process is going to take much longer than I thought this morning! I don't know what was और upsetting for AJ; the embarrassment of what had occurred या the fact that she had to take off her Spiderman costume so it could be thrown in the washing machine. Again, I have to ask "what the heck did I get myself into?"

***

AJ and I sat in the backyard as the chefs brought out various barbecue type foods like burgers and salads because I had agreed to host a Jackson family reunion at Neverland. The only member of the family that isn't going to come is my father. Not because I didn't invite him; but because he would rather be in Las Vegas gambling away what little money he has left to his name. I'm completely okay with the fact that he's not coming because I was only inviting him to make my mother happy. I have a feeling that today the entire family can put all things aside and just have a really fun time together!

Unfortunately, AJ has not had any success with making it to the bathroom; but that's kind of expected because she's only been wearing the boxers for about a week and only during the दिन time because I'm not crazy enough to want to get up five times in the middle of the night to change the sheets on her bed. I once again found myself sounding like a broken record as I looked down at my daughter and कहा "make sure आप don't forget that आप can't go in your boxers AJ!" That's the problem I've been having lately with her. She's और than willing to try to go in the bathroom but; she has a hard time remembering that she can't just go whenever she feels like it anymore. It makes me feel really bad because she's being so cooperative about listening to me when it comes to this; but I have to constantly keep reminding her and I think she gets understandably annoyed with me.

As my siblings started to arrive, I asked "how come mother isn't here yet?" They asked as a group "what do आप mean? She told us that आप wanted to just hang out with all of us for the day! She never कहा anything at all about her coming over here today!" I chuckled and कहा "mother must've tricked me into thinking this was supposed to be a huge family reunion just so all of us siblings could spend some quality time together! That's alright; it'll give us all time to catch up!"

I'm not really as comfortable talking with the majority of my siblings as I was when I was growing up; so as a result we ran out of things to talk about very quickly! I watched as AJ played all alone in the nearby sandbox and I suggested to my siblings "what do आप say we have a good पुराने ज़माने का, पुराने जमाने water balloon fight that way AJ can be included; instead of just having to watch us talk all day?" They all smiled and कहा in unison "sounds like a plan!" I was really excited because this would be the first time ever that all of us would be in the same water balloon fight together! I knew one thing was for sure and that was that I needed to have Janet on my team no matter what! I'm the water balloon master and she is pretty good herself; but the two of us together are unstoppable!!!

I ran over and picked AJ up out of the sandbox. I कहा excitedly "come on; we're going to have a water balloon fight kiddo!" She knew exactly what that meant and she loved just thinking about it! My siblings and I spent over 20 मिनटों filling up over 100 water balloons and were ready for war. I normally would've lasted the entire water balloon fight without getting wet at all; but I spent the entire battle watching over AJ to make sure she didn't get trampled या stepped on द्वारा some of my brothers who are almost 6 feet tall. I think they realized that I was और focused on protecting AJ then the fight itself because they just started bombarding me with water balloon after water balloon. It got to the point where there was only one balloon left and Jermaine and I were both after it; but he got to it first.

He playfully pinned me down on the ground and broke the water balloon right across my face. We both got up off of the ground as I कहा "this water balloon fight definitely wasn't one of my best! I'll get आप guys back अगला time!” I saw that AJ had walked off somewhere and Latoya asked "ummmm Michael?" I कहा "yeah" and she pointed to a huge hedge behind her. I was confused as to why she wanted me to look at this hedge; but after I moved closer I realized why. I started hysterically laughing as I saw my daughter standing there with her swim trunks down to her ankles "watering" the hedge. I wanted to correct her; but I couldn't stop laughing long enough to say anything. All my siblings started laughing too and that only made me laugh harder. AJ कहा with a sense of accomplishment "there!" I asked in between spurts of laughter "why would आप pee outside AJ?" She कहा "you told me not to go in my boxers! आप didn't say anything about going outside daddy!" It was in that moment that I realized I needed to be way और specific when it comes to this with AJ! I कहा while still laughing hysterically "okay; well अगला time when I say that, आप should know that you're not supposed to go anywhere but in the bathroom; okay?" She कहा "okay daddy!" I thought I managed to stop laughing; but my siblings’ laughter made it so much harder to keep a straight face. We all looked at each other and I कहा "only AJ would…. without a care in the world pee outside! I swear; sometimes I don't know what I'm going to do with my kid!!! She DEFINITELY didn't get that idea from me!!!"