Feminism 101: Modesty Culture | Belle Brita 

In religious circles, Modesty Culture is a subset of Purity Culture. However, Modesty Culture also pops up in secular conversation and public school dress codes. Then it’s not acting as part of Purity Culture, but it’s still a part of the larger Rape Culture.

What is Modesty Culture? It’s actually pretty simple.

In a Modesty Culture, girls and women are expected to dress in such a way that boys and men will not be distracted by their clothing.

In a Modesty Culture, if a boy or man lusts after a girl or woman, she shares in that sin because of her choice in clothing.

In a Modesty Culture, if a boy or man sexually harasses a girl or woman, it’s partly her fault for dressing a certain way.

In a Modesty Culture, if a boy or man sexually assaults a girl or woman, she could have prevented her assault by dressing more modestly.

Modesty Culture is NOT an individual’s choice to wear modest clothing according to their own convictions or comfort level. Nor is it necessarily related to professional dress codes or school dress codes (although it can be).

I use a few words or phrases that you might not know to explain Modesty Culture. While some of this vocabulary might be familiar, keep in mind my definition when reading the rest of this post.

Stumbling Block: According to Wikipedia, “In an idiomatic usage in the Hebrew Bible and the New Testament, a stumbling block is a behavior or attitude that leads another to sin.” The Bible refers to stumbling blocks in several passages.

A few are popular for Modesty Culture, 1 Corinthians 8:9 and Romans 14:13. Both passages talk about food. Long story short, some new Christians in the early Church felt that eating certain foods was a sin, even though Paul explains that all food is okay for Christians. So Paul says that if you’re hanging out with those new Christians, then you should follow their eating habits.

In Modesty Culture, somehow those verses have turned into an excuse to control women’s clothing. In Modesty Culture, women’s bodies are stumbling blocks to men.

Modest is Hottest: This is a pithy slogan that attempts to woo young women into dressing modestly. It’s essentially a response to the idea that modest clothing must be frumpy. Unsurprisingly, it misses the point.

Lust: Lust is a sin. Lust usually isn’t defined very well. Lust ends up being anything sexual outside of marriage. To quote The Faulty Definition of “Lust:”

Basic sexual desire and arousal has now been deemed “lust.” And, for the normal young teen boy (and young teen girl, for that matter – if we are honest), the ordinary results of puberty have now been labeled “sin.”

For the child of Christian Patriarchy, “lust” means any sexual feeling or desire. (Except that felt for one’s wife in marriage.)

Who can live under the idea that natural, biological urges are evil?

And then to compound it by insisting that feeling sexual arousal is the same as committing adultery or a sexual assault?

Defraud: Let’s take a look at the Gothard definition. (This is the school of thought followed by the Duggars).

To defraud another person is to stir up in them desires that cannot be righteously satisfied. A woman can defraud a man by the way that she dresses, talks, or acts. A man can defraud a woman by improper touching or by talking about a marital commitment that he is not able or intending to carry out.

Notice how men receive pretty clear-cut examples of how they might defraud a woman. Women, on the other hand, receive vague and general examples of how they might defraud a man.

Any sexual thought or sexual reaction outside of marriage is lust.

Any sexual thought or sexual reaction is lust. An erection is a sin. Masturbation is a sin. Sexual attraction of any kind is a sin.

It’s your responsibility not to lust… but it’s a woman’s responsibility not to tempt you.

Avert your eyes. Pray with an accountability partner. Just do your best to ignore all attractive beings of the opposite sex. Guard your heart so you don’t stumble in your walk.

But if you do stumble, it’s not totally your fault, because…

Women always and only dress with men in mind. They’re supposed to dress to protect men, but they usually dress to tempt you.

It’s a woman’s responsibility to dress modestly. You alone get to decide if her clothing is modest or not. If it’s not, according to you, then clearly she intentionally wore provocative clothing to tempt you into lust.

It’s your duty as a Christian to chastise her, gently, for her sin. Pray about it first. Then talk to her and blame her for your lust. Even if that lust was just a fleeting sexual thought. That’s a sin, don’t forget.

For encouragement in your walk, consider these direct quotes from young Christian men.

If a girl flaunts herself, it changes everything about what I think of her. To start with, I automatically assume she is not a Christian or is not taking her walk with Christ seriously (I might even try witnessing to her). If she is a Christian, I’ll probably tell her that she is being a sexual distraction (much more gently, of course). If you flaunt yourself, you have the attention of lots of guys, but you instantly lose their respect and admiration. I would never consider courting a girl that advertises her body like a product. (Age 17)

It’s not their body to flaunt. It belongs to Christ and their future husband. How dare they flaunt something that God did not permit them to flaunt? How dare they write a check the Bible doesn’t allow them to cash? When a girl purposely flaunts her body, she is almost immediately ruled out for anything beyond acquantenance [sic] in my eyes. (Age 22)

I feel they need to be rebuked. I feel that they are self-consumed…or consumed in the world. Their standard of living, dressing, etc…isn’t that of the Word, but of the world. (Age 25)

For more on what Modesty Culture teaches men:

Women Are Scary (and other lessons modesty culture teaches men).

You are responsible for men’s lust because they can’t help themselves.

Men are actually the weaker sex. Women are so strong that we don’t even have sex drives until our wedding day. So you have to do everything you can to keep men from lusting after you.

You must wear modest clothing. Otherwise men will lust after you. You must not stretch your arms or lean over in front of men. They will lust if they see your abdomen or your cleavage. You should not engage in any physical activity that could cause your breasts to move. Men lust if they notice breasts at all.

If a man lusts after you, you have sinned too.

You should always consider the weakest of your brothers in Christ. You don’t want to be a stumbling block to any man, ever. If a man lusts after you, that’s your fault. Thus you have sinned. You should have prevented his lust. This is totally biblical and not at all misconstrued.

A man’s opinion of your appearance is the only thing that matters.

Confused by what to wear? Don’t worry! A bunch of Christians got together and asked 1600 teenage boys to share their thoughts on modesty. Many of them were home-schooled. None of them were pre-screened for having a healthy understanding of sexuality. But their opinions can help you pick a modest wardrobe!

Modest is hottest! Modest doesn’t have to mean frumpy. Just remember that if you accidentally don’t meet the modesty standards of every single man you ever meet, one of them will lust after you. And you will have sinned.

Modesty is a heart issue… Which you demonstrate through your clothing.

You must wear your heart on your sleeve. Modesty is all about your relationship with God, your love for your Christian brothers, and your inner conviction to dress a certain way. Men know your heart based on what you wear. So make sure you dress according to every man’s standards.

But don’t take my word for it. A few young men have graciously shared their thoughts on your heart.

If a girl purposefully flaunts her body she loses her right to ask guys to stop looking at her like something to be had. When you flaunt your body by wearing tight clothes, low-cut shirts, short skirts and underwear that sticks out of your clothes, then you are asking to have guys stare at you. We are visual. When we see skin we look. When we see cleavage or underwear, our imagination takes over. Girls, have some dignity about yourself and don’t flaunt your body and then wonder why you can’t get any respect from people. (Age 19)

Girls who purposely flaunt their bodies will get no respect from me. I would not want to have a girlfriend, or get married to somebody like that, because there are other men looking at her and thinking impure thoughts about her. Those other men may also tempt her and she may become unfaithful. (age 18)

For more on what Modesty Culture teaches women:

My Feminism 101 posts always end up so long! This is just an introduction to the topic. I will write more in the future! Until then, I encourage you to check out my Modesty Culture Pinterest board.

Just a reminder that if you totally disagree with me or have a question, you should read some of the included links before leaving a comment. They provide evidence that I’m not just making stuff up, and they’ll probably answer most of your questions.

I really like how you laid this all out. The Modesty Culture is definitely how I was raised, but I’ve got a lot of issues with it now! Especially the whole part about it being a sin for women to “make men stumble.” Thanks for sharing this!

I just think it’s an awful idea to tell women that their mere existence could be a sin in certain circumstances. I’m glad you agree!

Couldn’t have said it better myself. We live in a society that seems to forget what modesty really means and what it does to affect us.

Yeah, it’s definitely weird because those who try and force their ideas of modesty on women claim their values are different, because they don’t focus on women’s appearances. Except then they still do. If Christians actually understood modesty as a heart issue, there’d be a lot more sermons about expensive clothes and flashy cars!

YES. This. ALL of this. I’m so glad you wrote this! Totally sharing!

I’ve been sitting here for at least 5 minutes trying to figure out what to say because this post is so spot on. Modesty has nothing to do with someone wearing a tank top on a hot day, or shorts above the knee, etc. Modesty is absolutely a behavior, a manner, something beyond the physical. It’s been on my mind recently just seeing various posts around social media and with situations in my own family. One of my sisters is very very conservative and I’ve heard her judge others on what they’re wearing, but I think it’s more a reflection of her own insecurities hiding behind the “modesty” label. And then I have my own daughter, who is very very young now, but I want her to learn a healthy body image, respect herself, and be confident in the choices she makes with what she wears. And I’d like her to feel free to wear whatever flatters her, makes her comfortable, and happy, knowing full well that the width of her shoulder straps or length of her shorts is not a reflection of her relationship with Christ.

I think if conservative Christians truly valued modesty, we’d hear a lot more about vanity and pride. If you or your children are wearing designer clothes and driving expensive cars, are you also tithing each year and donating your time/money to charity? Envy and coveting your neighbor’s things are sins. According to the “stumbling” logic, owning nice things could cause your neighbors to sin.

Modesty Culture really comes down to policing women’s bodies while demonizing male sexuality and ignoring female sexuality.

I am right there with you! I was raised in this culture and now find so many problems with it. I want to raise my children to be confident in who they are, what they want to wear, and how they want to express themselves instead of policing them on what not to wear because of someone else’s actions.

I’ve participated in these discussions in various and sundry places on the Internet and most of them dissolve into a contest between ‘left-wing’ feminists and ‘right-wing’ Christians over who can shame, blame, and humiliate men over this question most effectively. The fembots begin by railing against ‘double standards’ that ‘oppress’ and ‘objectify’ women. They are deeply insulted by the suggestion that they should give men any consideration at all in anything they do; because didn’t we all learn in college that those y-chromosomers are nothing but oppressy, privileged ogres and thinking about their interests at all is an automatic affront to a woman’s dignity. Then the godbots retort by saying its precisely because men are these sexual beasts, even more bestial than you fembots imagine because said animality is innate, and not learned. It is for this reason, that our blogger alludes to, that we must think of them in how we dress or otherwise they will completely lose control and go on the rape-a-thon the fembots say they are already engaged!

Despite the fact that I’m an atheist, I have to admit the godbots are closer to reality on this one. Ladies, it’s not a level playing field out there. We like sex like potato chips. It’s nice sometimes but too much makes us sick. The y-chromosomers like sex like water. They can’t get stop thinking about it if they’re not getting it regularly. “Accidentally” hitching your skirt up or bending over where a guy can see can give him an erection whether he wants one or not. After that he will not stop thinking about sex with you until he either has sex or masturbates. Yes ladies, this is how their sex drive really works. (I’m bisexual and I have a son who actually talks to me so I’m one of the few gals with a clue.) The ignorance of, and lack of empathy for, masculine sexual frustration that most women display reminds me of men who think a period is like a paper cut.

What one thinks about this is of course a matter of opinion. I do not regard lust as a sin. In fact I make my living this way. If you excite a man sexually it is as my would-be basketball player son would say “no, harm–no foul.” Nothing “bad” was described in the above paragraph. The converse also applies. If you dislike stares from the “creepy” men you otherwise can’t distinguish from furniture you are not being “oppressed” or “harassed” or are some victim of anything. If you dislike male lust you can minimize, if not totally eliminate it by covering up.

If people respond, nothing will stop the fembots from screaming ‘patriacrchy’ and ‘double standards’ and ‘objectification’ and whatever other buzzwords-du-jour You are free to adopt whatever standards you wish for whatever reasons you choose, for all such value judgments are equally arbitrary. You are equally free to demand the government impose your particular moral vision on everybody at gunpoint. (This is what is colloquially called ‘Fighting for your rights.’) However, no matter what rights you are granted, no matter what laws are passed, no matter how many ‘creepy’ men are fired from their jobs or thrown in jail the realities I described will not go away.

Tina– Your friendly neighborhood uberfrau wandering amongst the last women.

Christian feminist libertarian, making the world a better place one day at a time. Fueled by hot tea and mimosas.

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