The Chick Code
लेख 1: Chicks before dicks. The bond between two women is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, women are और willing and able to commit than men. Unfortunate for our प्यार lives, but true.
लेख 2: A Chick is always entitled to do something wild, as long as the rest of her Side-Chicks* are all doing it. For example: partaking in "WOOO!"-ing.
लेख 3: A Chick never divulges the existence of the Chick Code to a man. It is a sacred document not to be shared with guys for any reason...no, not even that reason. (Note: if आप a man पढ़ना this, first, let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so many big words. Second, I urge आप to look at this document for what it is – a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe या adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.** Oh, and have आप been working out?)
लेख 4: A Chick shall not stare inappropriately if she and other Chicks must get naked in front of one another in a locker room, etc. आप may gossip, joke around, and many other fun activities but never should आप stare at another Chick's breasts, "No-No Square", and/or bum.
लेख 5: A Chick never admits that she's PMSing to a guy, not even when she is PMSing.
लेख 6: Should a Chick be critically injured, her Side-Chicks are to never make jokes about it, unless the hurt Chick does first.
लेख 7: A Chick will drop whatever she's doing and rush to help her Side-Chick when and if she gets dumped. Things required to ensure maximum comfort for your dumped Side-Chick: a shoulder to cry on, arms to hug, things to break, tissues, chocolate, alcohol, chick flicks, angry chick music, popcorn, mani/pedi kit, facial kit, and words aimed to describe what a douche what's-his-face was.
लेख 8: A Chick always asks for a guy's help when moving. For और effective results (aka getting a reluctant guy friend to हटाइए your massive सोफ़ा, सोफे and California king) मक्खन him up about how strong and able and manly he is. For even और effective results, it is acceptable to slut it up a little या "unintentionally" दिखाना off your assets while buttering him up. Pouting and begging in a sexual manner are also acceptable in this situation.
लेख 9: On रात का खाना dates, do not eat like a pig, but do not be peck-ish either. When मिठाई rolls around, and you're hoping for an "active" night, nonchalantly licking something off your finger(s) या the underside of your utensil works most effectively.
लेख 10: A Chick must always help her fellow Chicks stay away from known या rumored creeps.
लेख 11: A Chick shall always help a Side-Chick get a guy. Exception: your Side-Chick is pursuing a taken guy (in a relationship, engaged, या married).
लेख 12: If a guy should inquire about another Chick's sexual history, a Chick shall lie and say that she doesn't know so that the Chick questioned about looks not like a whore nor a prude.
लेख 13: A Chick never dances stupidly nor too slutty. Exception: when a Chick is drunk या under the pretense of being drunk.
लेख 14: A Chick should be able, at any time, to recite the following: winner of American Idoland Project Runway; who's on the cover of Vanity Fair and Vogue; who the new "It" couple is; who the चोटी, शीर्ष celebrity couples are; what the latest celebrity scandals are.
लेख 15: A Chick shall be kind and courteous to her co-workers, unless they are beneath her on the Pyramid of Screaming***, are total jerk wads, completely incompetent, and/or inappropriate (yes, that kind of inappropriate).
लेख 16: A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's brother (unless genuinely deemed okay with the Chick who has the brother). However, a Chick shall not let it bother her in any way if another Chick says, "OMG you're brother is, like, so hot!" Should a Chick's brother be interested in the Chick's friend, it is not acceptable for them to get together unless genuinely deemed okay द्वारा the Chick with the brother.
लेख 17: A Chick respects Chicks in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but और the point, because they can totally kick your नितंब, गधा when आप टिप्पणी दे on how camouflage print doesn't look good on them या their tragic haircut.
लेख 18: A Chick may share her observations about another Chick's smoking hot boyfriend, but in no way must she say anything further to ensure that the Chick with the hot BF doesn't think that the observing Chick will attempt to steal the BF in any way, shape, या form.
लेख 19: Homosexual men are completely acceptable as Side-Chicks. Sometimes even better. For example, less of your Gucci's will "go missing". Unless your homosexual guy-friend cross-dresses, which is also completely acceptable.
लेख 20: There is no law that prohibits a straight man from being a Side-Chick या "one of the girls". He can make a wonderful wingman or, if all else fails, a backup boyfriend/hubby.
लेख 21: A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's ex, unless the Chick whose ex it is does.
लेख 22: If two Chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other, rather than stripping down and wrestling it out. (See लेख 38 for a विवरण of the rules should the strip-n-wrestle situation occur).
लेख 23: If two Chicks are wearing the same outfit, each retains the right to "accidentally" spill a drink on the other.
लेख 24: A Chick doesn't let another Chick get a "tramp stamp."
लेख 25: A Chick never removes her clothing in public, unless at a pool, beach, या (sometimes) a concert.
लेख 26: A Chick will, in a timely manner, alert her Side-Chicks to the existence of a sale/clearance.
लेख 27: If two Chicks decide to catch a movie together, they shall विभाजित करें, विभक्त करें a tub of पॉपकॉर्न to save money. However, the act of sharing a drink must be decided betwixt the Chicks due to personal levels of awkwardness and/or germaphobia.
लेख 28: A Chick comparison shops.
लेख 29: When on the prowl, a Chick hits the most decent seeming guy first in hopes of catching a good one.
लेख 30: When in a public restroom, a Chick (1) does not look in between the crack in stall doors; (2) waits until the restroom is completely empty before streaking to the अगला stall when आप find that the stall आप chose has no toilet paper (this also applies for when she needs to sprint to the tampon dispenser); (3) taps foot impatiently and huffs a bit when there is a wait; (4) always uses soap.
लेख 32: When the situation arises where a Chick spies another Chick with fake breasts while with her BF, then टिप्पणियाँ on it, a Chick always has the right to read between the lines at the BF's reaction टिप्पणी दे (aka catching him staring at her breasts – but at least give him a few brownie points if he decries the silicon masses).
लेख 33: A Chick always reserves the right to get miffed if her male companion does not exhibit gentlemanly conduct (i.e. not opening the door for her, not pulling out her chair for her to sit down, not offering to pay, etc.)
लेख 34: Even in a fight to the death, a Chick never assaults, या attempts to assault, another Chick's breasts, bum, या "No-No Square." Scratching (this includes eye-gauging) is not suggested, on account of the usually long and sometimes sharp nails of our gender. Hair pulling, unfortunately, is both acceptable and encouraged.
लेख 35: When a Chick exchanges information with a guy, she is allowed to contact him twice before she must honor the weird "wait three days" ritual guys do.
लेख 36: Should a Chick be engaged to be married, her Side-Chicks are obligated to help the betrothed out in any way the bride-to-be deems possible. (They shall also throw her a kick नितंब, गधा bachelorette party).
लेख 37: A Chick is always allowed to cry (and if she can cry on cue, all the better).
लेख 38: Upon greeting another Chick, a Chick may engage in a hug, cheek kiss(es), high five, hand shake, fist bump, Bro hug, jumping up and down, booty bump, या light नितंब, गधा smack, but not a किस on the lips nor grope/caress in any way. Exception: lesbians/bisexuals.
लेख 39: A Chick loves her country, especially if it's in Europe.
लेख 40: A Chick may never take off या हटाइए around her swim bottoms while applying sunscreen, though untying the back of her चोटी, शीर्ष is acceptable.
लेख 41: A Chick does not go to a strip club as a general rule, though it is not prohibited.
लेख 42: If a Chick is seated अगला to another Chick who's stuck in the middle सीट on an aircraft, she shall yield her all their shared armrests, unless the girl has (a) been talking absolutely nonstop; (b) is snoring; (c) makes the Chick get up और than once to use the lavatory.
लेख 43: A Chick always, when the opportunity arises, participates in a drinking game (i.e. "I Never"/"Never Have I Ever", etc.) या risky party game (i.e. Truth या Dare, Seven मिनटों in Heaven, Would आप Rather, Spin the Bottle, etc).
लेख 44: When asked, "Do आप need some help?" द्वारा a super hot guy, a Chick always उत्तरों yes, whether या not she's really got it.
लेख 45: If a Chick should accidentally boob या butt brush another Chick both shall continue on like nothing had happened. If a Chick should boob या butt brush a guy on accident she shall act like nothing happened and try not to blush (unless it was on purpose, in which then she may act however sexually alluring she feels is appropriate).
लेख 46: A Chick checks out another Chick's blind तारीख, दिनांक and reports back, though the Chick going on the blind तारीख, दिनांक is obligated to still go on the तारीख, दिनांक and give the guy a chance even if the रिपोर्ट is bad.
लेख 47: A Chick is required to remember birthdays and anniversaries.
लेख 48: Even in a drought, a Chick always washes her hands after every potty break, and washes her face every morning and night. We are ladies, and ladies are hygienic.
लेख 49: A Chick is required to go out with her mother on Mother's Day, and her Side-Chicks on Halloween, New Year's Eve, Boxing Day, Black Friday, and Desperation दिन (February 13th).
लेख 50: A Chick is always allowed to borrow clothes from another Chick, unless कहा clothes are unwashed, frumpy, obsolete, ugly, and/or extremely special to the owning Chick.
लेख 51: A Chick is required to alert another Chick if the Dude/Chick Ratio at a party falls below 1:1 in favor of the Chicks. However, so not to create Chicklandia****, a Chick may only alert three Side-Chicks.
लेख 52: A Chick always reveals the score of a sporting event to a guy, if she can remember it.
लेख 53: A Chick always shaves/waxes her legs, armpits, eyebrows (if need be), and "down there." Exception: butch lesbians, Chicks too uncomfortable या sensitive, या Chicks who are making a statement द्वारा not doing it.
लेख 54: A Chick always brings a jailed Chick the necessities ("necessities" may vary in definition for each individual, so be sure to know what the jailed Chick would appreciate).
लेख 55: A Chick will always be respectful to others' parents, even if they're driving her insane.
लेख 56: A Chick will always alert the significant other of her Side-Chick to an upcoming anniversary, birthday, या other important events. This is to protect the feelings of her Side-Chick, because आप knowthat the significant other had forgotten.
लेख 57: In the event that two Chicks lock on to the same target, they may be somewhat petty towards the opposing chick and somewhat slutty to the target. It is important that the target be aware that there is competition for his affection, but not find out just how vicious and important the situation is. Should it happen that the target choose neither Chick, they reserve the right to blame each other and call each other bad names under their breath.
लेख 58: A Chick will be completely supportive of all decisions of her Side-Chick in the event of pregnancy. (This includes the touchy subject of abortion, but even then a Chick must respect any and all decisions made द्वारा the pregnant Chick).
लेख 59: In the case of a road trip, the Chick that suggested the road trip must pay for the gas and lodging. Bad things, like car sickness या post-Taco घंटी, बेल potty breaks, willbe blamed on the Chick who suggested the road trip, therefore she must be responsible for both the aforementioned expenses.
लेख 60: A Chick can order any type of alcoholic drink she wants. Because, unlike men, we can have both fruity drinks with umbrellas andcheap beer.
लेख 61: A Chick shall always participate in karaoke when the even arises, and, if she can't carry a tune, reserves the right to pretend to be drunk या get drunk.
लेख 62: Should आप know for a fact that your Side-Chick's significant other is cheating on her, then she must tell her Side-Chick, even though it'll hurt her. Getting evidence first also helps.
लेख 63: A Chick will drive another Chick to the airport and, if she's available, also pick her up – both of which on time and/or early. She is expected to inquire how her trip was and her general wellbeing, and offer to help her with her luggage
लेख 64: Chicks are strongest in three's and four's. Can't explain it, but so true
लेख 65: A Chick always spell-checks.
लेख 66: When a group of Chicks are in a restaurant, each shall pay for what they ate. (This is because it eliminates the time-wasting "bill jockeying" and it is very fair
लेख 67: Yellow stoplights are an option – either slow down and accept the red light, या speed up and get across while आप can.
लेख 68: A Chick must never ever get her vagina pierced.
लेख 69: Duh.
लेख 70: A Chick can always be honest to a guy about their occupation (because she knows that he'll imagine it as a sexual role play no matter what it is).
लेख 71: A Chick reserves the right to be a bit miffed should her BF act differently toward her around his Bros, but will only confront him when the Bros have all gone away. Because Chicks are courteous.
लेख 72: Chicks may always snuggle, cuddle, and spoon.
लेख 73: A Chick shall never Cock Block***** her Side-Chick(s). Exception: he's a known या rumored creep, या it's known that he's taken.
लेख 74: At a wedding, a Chick shall be excited about the bouquet catch, even if she isn't, for the sake of the bride.
लेख 75: Chicks are not dolls, toys, या experiments. Hazing is absolutely unacceptable.
लेख 76: A Chick always puts the toilet सीट back down – we are ladies.
लेख 77: If two Chicks get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, she is expected to take it back, apologize, and make amends. Otherwise the offended Chick reserves the right to never speak to the out-of-line-Chick again.
लेख 78: Though it is not strictly prohibited, mixing it up romantically with a coworker is not suggested. (Seeing each other all the time at work after a break up? Awkward...)
ARCTICLE 79: If a Chick buys a new car, she is required to accessorize it immediately.
लेख 81: A Chick shall accessorize. Period. Nuff said. लेख 69.
लेख 82: A Chick never सवालों another Chick's stated amount of shoes, calories she's eaten that day, या how many times she's dyed her hair.
लेख 83: If a Chick, for whatever reason, must drive another Chick's car, she may adjust the mirrors and सीट position, but put it back to the way it was before giving it back. A Chick must not let anything impair her driving.
लेख 84: A Chick does not work in the kitchen, nor does she make/bring her man a sandwich. Exception: she's a chef.
लेख 85: A Chick always brings over a bottle of wine when invited to an event at someone's house. Exception: under the age of 21 (USA).
लेख 86: A Chick must not, under any circumstances, become like her mother.
लेख 87: Chicks shall swear off men at least once a year, for the sake of feminism, या because of douche bags.
लेख 88: Chick will call her BF "cute" या "adorable" once in front of his Bros just for fun, then promise never to do it again…when he's around. ;)
लेख 89: Asking for directions, maps, GPS... it doesn't matter, okay? Do whatever will help आप get to your destination.
लेख 90: When pulling up to a stoplight, a Chick may text (etc.), regardless of whether या not her state has made that illegal.
लेख 91: If a Chick asks another Chick to keep a secret, she shall take it to her grave and beyond. Yes, this will be very difficult since the human race is a very social species and she might feel the exploding need to spill the beans या gossip, but she shan't because फ्रेंड्स are और important than having the latest scoop. Exception: if she या anyone else is in danger.
लेख 92: A Chick shall take great care in selecting her outfit for any occasion.
लेख 93: A Chick never wears क्रिस्मस रंग (red and green) when it's not क्रिस्मस time. Same goes for हैलोवीन रंग (orange and black), and Independence दिन रंग (red, white, and blue).
लेख 94: The father and/or stepfather of a Chick is always off-limits.
लेख 95: If a Chick is not invited to another Chick's wedding, she doesn't make a huge deal out of it, even if, let's face it, she was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. It's cool. No biggie. (Talking discreetly behind the bride's back may work, if she truly feels the need to make a semi-big deal out of it).
लेख 96: A Chick never lets another Chick look like trash. Exception: the other Chick is a frenemy/enemy.
लेख 97: If a Chick forgets another Chick's name, somehow devise a plan to learn her name without actually asking her.
लेख 98: When Chicks attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall wave, point, blow kisses, and/or hide her face.
लेख 99: If a guy orders a Chick a drink, the Chick shall use gestures to thank him for the drink, then ask the bar tender if he knows if the drink-sender is a decent guy.
लेख 100: If a Chick discovers another Chick has forgotten to sign out of her email, the Chick shall respectfully sign out for her without peeking at anything.
लेख 101: Should a Girl Power song come on, a Chick is expected, at the very least, to shriek about how much she loves that song.
लेख 102: Should a Chick need to bunk at another Chick's house for an extended period of time, she is expected to help pay for food, toiletries, and any delivered movie-rentals.
लेख 103: If a Chick finds a "clothing optional" beach, and it's not in Europe, then it is not suggested that she attend.
लेख 104: A Chick never willingly relinquishes possession of her cell phone. Should another Chick snatch it from her, then the offended Chick reserves the right to be very angry and possibly mildly harm the theiving Chick in order to retrieve her cell phone.
लेख 105: A Chick must, at the very least, attempt not to drink in front of a recovering alcoholic.
लेख 106: Chicks must always wear sunscreen.
लेख 107: If a Chick owns a convertible, she is required to, during warm days/months/seasons, have the चोटी, शीर्ष off, let her hair loose, and wear sunglasses.
लेख 108: A Chick reserves the right to be hyper.
लेख 109: A Chick lets guys win half the time. (Enough so that he doesn't get bitter, enough so that she'll still feel good about herself).
लेख 110: When driving with a friend following, a Chick always makes sure that she is in sight of the friend.
लेख 111: A Chick shall always help another Chick reconstruct the events from the पूर्व night.
लेख 112: If a Chick lends another Chick a DVD, लेख of clothing, CD, या anything else, she shall expect to get it back and will hold it against the borrowing Chick in the occurrence of an argument.
ARTIVLE 113: A Chick shall not hitchhike anywhere ever.
लेख 114: Chicks do not fart.
लेख 115: When hosting, a Chick makes sure that her BF hasn't messed with anything. If he has, then she must fix it immediately.
लेख 116: Getting kneed in the crotch hurts Chicks, too.
लेख 117: A Chick reserves the right to simply walk away after the first five मिनटों of a date. This is the "Lemon Law" and आप can find cut outs of it in the fabled "Bro Code" (see लेख 118).
लेख 118: Yes, it's true – guys really do have their own Code, much like this document. But it is full of sexist text, and obviously the लेखक was thinking from his crotch and not his brain. As a Chick, it is our vagina-given right to frown upon The Bro Codeand those who actually live द्वारा it. [A/N: I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself and cracked up all over the place as I wrote this. It, of course, is a lie – theBro Codeis hilarious and awesome, and Barney Stinsen is the King.]
लेख 119: A Chick must get a mani/pedi/facial/massage about every two months to ensure a happy and healthy body.
लेख 120: A Chick shall seek no revenge if she passes out around her Side-Chicks and wakes up to find that they've pulled numerous pranks on her sleeping form (i.e. marker all over her face, the hot water trick, the shaving cream trick, etc).
लेख 121: Chicks care about the environment.
लेख 122: Chicks care about animals. (And not in the "I wonder which one is 'in' right now" way, but in the very humane, loving, and non-clothes way).
लेख 123: A Chick never sleeps nude while bunings with someone else. Exception: sex with the one(s) you're bunking with.
लेख 124: If a Chick sees one of her Side-Chicks get into a fight, she attempts to rip the fighters away from each other.
लेख 125: Chicks are smarter than guys. It's a scientific fact.