Part 5: link
Gwen opens her eyes to find herself lying on the floor of the gateway. “Arthur?” she calls, looking around. “Arthur?” a little और urgently this time.
Suddenly he is there, immediately crouching beside her, sitting, pulling her into his embrace.
“Guinevere, I’m so proud of you,” he whispers. “He’s beautiful, he’s just beautiful,” he says, burying his face in her neck.
“Of course आप think he’s beautiful, Arthur, he looks just like you,” she says, hitching an awkward laugh in between tears she didn’t realize she was shedding.
Gwen leans into his chest, unable to draw any physical warmth from him anymore, but his mere presence still comforts her, providing plenty of emotional warmth.
“I always loved how आप fit so perfectly against me,” Arthur murmurs, चुंबन her forehead.
“Why am I here?” Gwen asks, suddenly sitting up and looking at him. “I was… sitting in bed, talking to Gaius. Leon and Percival were there. क्वीन Annis, too. Then suddenly I’m here.”
“You’re not well,” he says quietly, holding her tightly. “You लॉस्ट a lot of blood and I think आप still are. आप fainted, Love.”
“Oh,” she says, strangely unconcerned about this revelation. “I told आप he was too big.”
“Sorry,” Arthur apologizes.
“I guess I am glad that I did not marry Percival,” Gwen jokes weakly.
“Guinevere, aren’t आप at all concerned for your own health?” he asks, frowning down at her.
“I suppose I should be,” she says. Something catches her eye and she looks over Arthur’s shoulder. “Arthur, I can see your door.”
“No,” he whispers.
“Does this mean I’m…?”
“No, Guinevere, आप are not done yet!” Arthur exclaims, standing now, pulling her gently to her feet with him. “You must go back,” he says urgently, his face pained.
“You don’t want me to stay with you?”
He sighs, pinching his eyes shut, his face pained. “Of course I do. There’s nothing I want और than to spend all of eternity with you, my love.” He opens his eyes.
“But?”
“But आप need to go back. For our son. My mother died right after I was born, but I at least had Father. He wasn’t ideal, but he was mine. If आप पार करना, क्रॉस over with me now, our son will grow up without even one parent. Please, Guinevere, please give him what I never had. I don’t want my son to grow up like I did, not knowing a mother’s love.”
“Oh, Arthur,” Gwen sighs, wrapping her arms around his chest, squeezing him tightly. He brings his arms around her, enfolding her.
“Guinevere,” Arthur says softly after a moment, “I’m going to go back for just a moment. Wait here.” He looks sternly down at her upturned face. “Do not follow me through that door, no matter how tempting it seems. I promise आप I will be back soon.” He kisses her forehead and dashes away.
“Where are you…?” she asks, but he is through the door. She just caught the barest glimpse of Avalon through the door when he went. It looked beautiful. Green and lush and warm.
As Guinevere sits, she wonders how long he’ll truly be gone. She remembers Arthur telling her that time doesn’t pass the same way in Avalon as it does in the real world. She wonders how long she’s been unconscious, and suddenly feels a pang of guilt, realizing she’s missing precious time with her son.
xXx
Merlin is standing द्वारा a stream, concentrating. He is staring into the water. Hungry. Finally, his patience is rewarded as he spies a fish. He fixes it in his gaze and feels the familiar tingle of the magic he is about to call upon, and…
“Ow!” Merlin shouts crossly, his concentration broken, the मछली gone. He spins around. He sees no one. But someone just thumped me on the back of the head. I felt it.
He looks around, contemplating his surroundings. I’m not alone. One of the things he’s learned from the Druids is to never assume he is ever completely alone.
“Ow!” he exclaims again. This time it felt like someone flicked his ear. “What the…” he huffs, irritated now, and irritated that he is irritated. In fact, the last time I felt this kind of irritation was…
“Arthur?” Merlin says aloud, and a strong breeze kicks up, blowing a wet leaf एक प्रकार का जहाज़ into his face.
“Look, do आप have a point to make या are आप wasting your precious energy just to be a prat?” he asks, plucking the leaf from his face and throwing it to the ground.
The cloudy sky over his head parts slightly, allowing a small shaft of sunlight through. It shines brightly, pointedly, at a patch of lavender nearby. Merlin follows the sunbeam, and bends to pick a sprig. He lifts it to his nose and inhales its scent, closing his eyes.
Guinevere.
The name is clear in his head, and Merlin gasps, because he heard it in Arthur’s voice.
“What about Guinevere?” Merlin asks, but he is suddenly ice cold and flooded with dread. “Something’s happened to her…” he gasps. He picks up his झोला, शराबी and takes off, lavender stem still clutched in his hand, lunch forgotten.
xXx
“How long was I gone?”
Gwen stands when Arthur returns. “Not long at all. Though I don’t know how long I’ve been unconscious back in the land of the living,” she says, looking at him, puzzled. “Are आप all right? आप look a little… faded.”
“I will be. I just used up a lot of energy,” he says, smiling weakly.
She reaches over and touches his cheek with her palm. “You’re even colder,” she breathes. “What did आप do?”
“I got Merlin. He’s coming to help you.”
“Did आप see him?”
“I did, but he didn’t see me. I’m not strong enough to do that. Only here,” he says, and then an impish grin creeps across his face.
“What did आप do, Arthur?” she asks again, her tone completely different this time.
“Well, I had to get his attention, didn’t I?”
“Arthur…”
“Let’s just say that my attempt worked and leave it at that. If आप want to know, you’ll have to ask him. When आप wake up. In Camelot,” he says definitively.
“Dead kings do not get to give orders,” she tells him.
“Is that so?” he counters, pulling her closer. She can feel द्वारा his arms that he is indeed weaker.
“Yes,” she says, looking up at him. “And you’re tiring yourself out. I don’t think I can भालू to watch आप fade completely away before my eyes,” she adds.
“You need to go back,” he says, his voice quiet, almost seductive.
“I know. So do you,” she whispers, leaning up to किस him once, pressing her lips softly against his.
“Tell my son I प्यार him,” Arthur whispers against her lips, his forehead resting on hers. “And I प्यार you.”
“I will tell him everything about you,” she whispers back, “I promise.”
xXx
“Merlin!” Gaius exclaims. Merlin has just burst into the royal bedchamber, nearly knocking Lily over in the process. She is heading out with a laundry basket in her arms, her face ashen and her eyes red.
“Sorry,” he mutters hurriedly as he dashes to Gwen’s bedside. “What happened? How is she? She had the baby? Where is he? Is he all right?”
“Merlin, slow down,” Gaius tries to calm the frantic wizard. “He is with क्वीन Annis and the wet nurse, having his lunch. He is fine. Perfect. Looks eerily like Arthur.”
Merlin grins a moment before his eyes fall on Gwen’s still form. “So what happened?” he asks, sitting down on the edge of the बिस्तर beside her, placing his hand on her damp forehead. “She’s on fire.”
“Delivery was long and difficult. The prince weighs just over eight pounds, Merlin, which is quite a large baby for someone as tiny as Gwen. She’s bleeding inside and we cannot seem to find the स्रोत and cannot stop it. We are changing her clothes and her sheets every couple hours. I fear…”
“No, Gaius. I can help her. I know I can.”
“Lucky thing आप turned up,” Gaius says cryptically.
“Luck had nothing to do with it,” Merlin mutters, moving his hand over Gwen’s stomach now, his eyes closed.
“Of course not,” Gaius says. “Never does, with you.” He places his hand on Merlin’s shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze before stepping back and letting the young wizard work.
“Don’t let anyone in, please,” Merlin says quietly, bent over Gwen’s still form, placing his hands here and there, searching. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Gaius walk silently to the door to stand like a sentry.
“Where is it, Gwen?” Merlin whispers, closing his eyes. “Where is your wound?” He presses his hand on her stomach, just below her navel. Almost. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be improper,” he whispers, moving just a few inches lower, pushing away any feelings of impropriety. I need to heal her.
“Aha,” he says, “Got it.” He opens his eyes a moment, then furrows his brows. “Another,” he breathes, and places his other hand beside the first. He closes his eyes and draws upon the magic within him and around him, pulling it to himself, bending it to his will.
Merlin chants, ancient words, softly at first, then growing, a crescendo until he raises his head and shouts the final words, opening his eyes as they flash the brightest gold.
The world is still and silent for a long moment, and Gaius cranes his neck to see over to the bed. He sees Merlin’s shoulders slump slightly, drained from his effort. Merlin reaches over and touches Gwen’s forehead again, finding it dryer and cooler. He places his hand on her abdomen again, feeling around again.
“I stopped it. I stopped both places,” he says very quietly, but Gaius hears him and breathes again. He starts to walk back to the bed.
“You stopped the bleeding, but…” Gaius hesitantly asks.
“I fixed everything. She’s fine now,” Merlin says quietly. He looks up at Gaius. “Why does healing magic tire me so? I can blast a room full of men into the walls as easily as… that,” he says, knocking over an empty goblet with the flick of his finger, “but this… I feel completely drained.”
“It is a different sort of magic, Merlin. Deeper. Especially because आप do it with naught but yourself. आप don’t employ any herbs या talismans like most magical healers employ. They may seem like trinkets, but they have merit.”
“Healing द्वारा magic is the one area that I have not studied enough,” Merlin says, fighting the urge to crawl in beside Gwen and go to sleep.
“Most of what I know I learned from Alice,” Gaius chuckles. “Get some rest, Merlin.”
“No, I want to see the prince,” Merlin says, standing. “Where is he?”
“They should be back any…” Gaius’ words prove true when the door opens quietly and Annis enters, a very happy and well-fed baby cradled in her arms.
Merlin rushes over, stopping short a foot away from the imposing queen. “My lady,” he says, bowing respectfully to her. “I… may I see him?”
“Merlin, is it?” Annis asks, angling her head slightly. “The fool who was never a fool,” she smirks just a little at him, and Merlin ducks his head, caught.
“No, my lady, it seems not.”
“No matter,” she says, deciding that it really isn’t important anymore. She steps closer to Merlin, and he leans in.
His breath hitches as he looks down at the baby, words failing him. Looks eerily like Arthur indeed, he vaguely thinks. “He’s…”
“He’s beautiful and strong and perfect,” Annis supplies. “Would आप like to hold him?”
“I couldn’t…” Merlin stammers, backing up, holding his hands up. “I’ll drop him.”
“You won’t,” Annis says.
“Hold him, Merlin,” Gwen’s weak voice calls from the bed. “You’re going to be his godfather. आप should get to know him.”
“Gwen!” Merlin exclaims, turning.
“Merlin,” Annis urges, handing him the baby.
“Oh,” he gasps, taking him now, adjusting the wiggling boy in his thin arms until he seems somewhat settled.
“Merlin,” Gwen calls.
Merlin walks back to the bed, Annis close behind.
“You’re awake,” Annis says.
“Merlin healed me,” Gwen says absently, her eyes on her friend and her son. Merlin sits in the chair द्वारा the bed, looking down at the boy.
“Hello, Llacheu,” Merlin says softly, catching a waving fist gently in his hand to bring it to his lips. “I’m your Uncle Merlin. I was your daddy’s best friend. He’d deny it, of course. I’m sorry he can’t be here for you, but he loves you.”
Gwen, Gaius, and Annis all watch as Merlin talks to the prince, his voice soft and soothing. The strangest part is that Llacheu seems transfixed द्वारा him, watching him attentively.
“It’s like he understands what Merlin is saying,” Gaius whispers.
“Daddy is in Avalon, but he will be looking out for you, I promise. He left me and your mummy here with आप to make sure आप don’t grow up and be a…” he pauses, overcome momentarily, “…a prat like he was.” He stops again, turning his head to wipe his eye on his shoulder. “We won’t let that happen. We straightened him out, we’ll keep आप in line as well,” he finishes, touching the prince’s nose lightly. Llacheu gurgles and grabs Merlin’s finger, grasping it tightly.
“Merlin,” Gaius asks softly, “how did आप know his name?”
Merlin looks up, his eyes flitting from Gaius to Annis and back. He merely raises a noncommittal eyebrow. “I’ll bet your mummy misses you,” Merlin says, talking to Llacheu again. He stands and passes him to Gwen, who has propped herself up on pillows against the headboard.
“Hello, my lamb,” she says, her face growing soft as she gazes down at her son. She lifts him and presses her lips to his head, inhaling his scent. “I missed आप while I was out, but I’m back now. Daddy made me come back for you.”
“Merlin?” Gaius asks, raising an eyebrow. Merlin just gives him a dismissive wave.
“He is a very good baby, Gwen,” Annis says, stepping over now. “He surely must have your temperament, as he is very content and agreeable. Except when he gets hungry, then he gets demanding and impatient.”
“He gets that from his father,” Merlin says with a smirk.
“Oh…” Gwen says, scowling as realization hits her. Someone has had to feed him while I was unconscious.
“Gwen, it is common practice for a क्वीन to employ a wet nurse,” Annis says, guessing at the स्रोत of Gwen’s unhappiness.
“I had hoped to nurse him myself,” Gwen says. “How long was I out?”
“Just over a day,” Gaius says.
“If I may say,” Annis says, “it is probably for the best that आप don’t, Gwen. Perhaps if Arthur were here आप could have managed, but ruling a kingdom alone and nursing an infant are not two things that can be juggled.” She glances at Merlin, the word “juggled” jogging her memory, and Merlin chuckles once.
“I’m sure you’re right,” Gwen says glumly. “I suppose it would not do to run a council meeting with a child at my breast,” she adds, then starts laughing. Llacheu reaches up and wraps his fingers around Gwen’s crystal. Gwen lets him.
“I daresay that many of the older lords would run screaming for the hills were आप to do that,” Gaius laughs.
“Then perhaps I should,” Gwen mutters darkly, and now Annis laughs. So does Merlin.
xXx
“Merlin, can I ask आप something?” Gwen asks later, after dinner. Llacheu has gone to बिस्तर and Annis and Gaius have both retired as well. “And it’s only a question, mind, I don’t mean anything द्वारा it.”
“You want to know why I could heal आप but not Arthur,” Merlin guesses. She nods, looking at her hands.
Merlin sighs. “Arthur’s wound was inflicted द्वारा a weapon that was infused with magic, while yours was inflicted द्वारा an overlarge infant.”
“But surely, with all your power…”
“It wasn’t enough. I needed help, Gwen. I nearly drained myself healing आप today, in fact. I was taking him to get that help, and I just wasn’t fast enough. Morgana saw to that, waylaying us like she did. I should have summoned the dragon sooner…” he trails off.
“So… Arthur saw Morgana, then? Before she died?”
“Before I killed her with Arthur’s sword,” Merlin clarifies. “I think… I think that was the turning point for him. He was fighting all the while because he knew she was out there and he had to defeat her. But once she was gone, he knew he could let go as well, I think. Camelot would be safe. You would be safe.”
Gwen says nothing, tears cascading down her cheeks. “He couldn’t fight any more? Not even for me?” she asks softly.
“There was no fight left in him, Gwen. He was so tired. So weak. When Morgana died, he कहा something like, ‘Peace, at last.’ And I knew, deep down, that he was done. I could not admit it to myself at the time, but I think he felt that if he was going to die, at least he could die secure in the knowledge that आप would no longer be plagued द्वारा his sister.”
“I have to learn to stop being so selfish when it comes to him,” Gwen says. “He died nobly, fighting for his kingdom. He held on long enough to make sure we would be safe.”
“Gwen,” Merlin says, reaching for her hand, “you are allowed to feel how आप feel. He was your husband and आप loved him. Of course आप still want him to be around, to be here with you. But… Arthur knew what he was doing, I think. Putting आप in charge. Hanging on until he knew he could let go. He was so calm at the end… so at peace. He was ready to go, even though we weren’t ready.”
“I still get angry at him,” Gwen confesses. “Angry that he’s not here. When I have to deal with matters of state that I just don’t want to deal with. Late at night, when I’m in this big बिस्तर alone and cannot seem to get warm.” She snickers suddenly. “You should have heard the awful things I was calling him when I was delivering Llacheu.”
“I can imagine,” Merlin smiles. “Gwen, I miss him, too. He was like a brother. An annoying brother. An annoying, bossy older brother who delighted in making my life difficult, but still a brother. But there were moments, Gwen. Moments when it was just him and me and it was almost like we were equals. He would talk और candidly, और openly, usually in the safety of darkness and often when we thought we were going to die very soon. But those moments, those little, sparkling moments where he was just a man and not a king, those are the moments I will always cherish.”
Gwen takes a deep breath and heaves a great sigh. “You and I are lucky people, Merlin. We are the only two people in this world to have ever truly known Arthur Pendragon. Arthur the man, not Arthur the prince या Arthur the king. Everyone says how fortunate he was to have the two of us, two people he could really trust. But I see it the other way. It is we who were fortunate to have been allowed to have the time we had with him, we are the lucky ones in that he was able to relax and not have to be anything other than himself when he was with us.”
Merlin nods, resting his forearms on his knees, his head dangling between his shoulders. “It is also sad,” he says.
“True,” Gwen allows. “He was really a wonderful person. Underneath all the… kingy-ness,” she waves her hands vaguely, “underneath the trappings of nobility and the burden of responsibility, he was just another लॉस्ट person, like the rest of us. Sweet and loving and so…”
“…fragile,” Merlin finishes, lifting his head to look at Gwen. “He felt things so deeply, but…”
“…he often didn’t know what to do with those feelings,” Gwen agrees.
“That’s why he needed आप so much, Gwen,” Merlin says.
“That’s why he needed both of us, Merlin.”
Merlin reaches his hand out and Gwen takes it. “How long are आप staying this time?” she asks.
“I don’t know, Gwen,” he sighs. “I never know.”
“You know आप are always welcome to stay,” she ventures.
“I know that.”
Gwen knows then that he is still not back for good, but does not press. “Merlin?”
“Hmm?”
“What did Arthur do to get आप to come back here?”
“He didn’t tell you?” Merlin asks, leaning back in his chair.
“No. He told me I had to ask आप when I woke up.”
“Sounds like him.”
Part 7: link
Gwen opens her eyes to find herself lying on the floor of the gateway. “Arthur?” she calls, looking around. “Arthur?” a little और urgently this time.
Suddenly he is there, immediately crouching beside her, sitting, pulling her into his embrace.
“Guinevere, I’m so proud of you,” he whispers. “He’s beautiful, he’s just beautiful,” he says, burying his face in her neck.
“Of course आप think he’s beautiful, Arthur, he looks just like you,” she says, hitching an awkward laugh in between tears she didn’t realize she was shedding.
Gwen leans into his chest, unable to draw any physical warmth from him anymore, but his mere presence still comforts her, providing plenty of emotional warmth.
“I always loved how आप fit so perfectly against me,” Arthur murmurs, चुंबन her forehead.
“Why am I here?” Gwen asks, suddenly sitting up and looking at him. “I was… sitting in bed, talking to Gaius. Leon and Percival were there. क्वीन Annis, too. Then suddenly I’m here.”
“You’re not well,” he says quietly, holding her tightly. “You लॉस्ट a lot of blood and I think आप still are. आप fainted, Love.”
“Oh,” she says, strangely unconcerned about this revelation. “I told आप he was too big.”
“Sorry,” Arthur apologizes.
“I guess I am glad that I did not marry Percival,” Gwen jokes weakly.
“Guinevere, aren’t आप at all concerned for your own health?” he asks, frowning down at her.
“I suppose I should be,” she says. Something catches her eye and she looks over Arthur’s shoulder. “Arthur, I can see your door.”
“No,” he whispers.
“Does this mean I’m…?”
“No, Guinevere, आप are not done yet!” Arthur exclaims, standing now, pulling her gently to her feet with him. “You must go back,” he says urgently, his face pained.
“You don’t want me to stay with you?”
He sighs, pinching his eyes shut, his face pained. “Of course I do. There’s nothing I want और than to spend all of eternity with you, my love.” He opens his eyes.
“But?”
“But आप need to go back. For our son. My mother died right after I was born, but I at least had Father. He wasn’t ideal, but he was mine. If आप पार करना, क्रॉस over with me now, our son will grow up without even one parent. Please, Guinevere, please give him what I never had. I don’t want my son to grow up like I did, not knowing a mother’s love.”
“Oh, Arthur,” Gwen sighs, wrapping her arms around his chest, squeezing him tightly. He brings his arms around her, enfolding her.
“Guinevere,” Arthur says softly after a moment, “I’m going to go back for just a moment. Wait here.” He looks sternly down at her upturned face. “Do not follow me through that door, no matter how tempting it seems. I promise आप I will be back soon.” He kisses her forehead and dashes away.
“Where are you…?” she asks, but he is through the door. She just caught the barest glimpse of Avalon through the door when he went. It looked beautiful. Green and lush and warm.
As Guinevere sits, she wonders how long he’ll truly be gone. She remembers Arthur telling her that time doesn’t pass the same way in Avalon as it does in the real world. She wonders how long she’s been unconscious, and suddenly feels a pang of guilt, realizing she’s missing precious time with her son.
xXx
Merlin is standing द्वारा a stream, concentrating. He is staring into the water. Hungry. Finally, his patience is rewarded as he spies a fish. He fixes it in his gaze and feels the familiar tingle of the magic he is about to call upon, and…
“Ow!” Merlin shouts crossly, his concentration broken, the मछली gone. He spins around. He sees no one. But someone just thumped me on the back of the head. I felt it.
He looks around, contemplating his surroundings. I’m not alone. One of the things he’s learned from the Druids is to never assume he is ever completely alone.
“Ow!” he exclaims again. This time it felt like someone flicked his ear. “What the…” he huffs, irritated now, and irritated that he is irritated. In fact, the last time I felt this kind of irritation was…
“Arthur?” Merlin says aloud, and a strong breeze kicks up, blowing a wet leaf एक प्रकार का जहाज़ into his face.
“Look, do आप have a point to make या are आप wasting your precious energy just to be a prat?” he asks, plucking the leaf from his face and throwing it to the ground.
The cloudy sky over his head parts slightly, allowing a small shaft of sunlight through. It shines brightly, pointedly, at a patch of lavender nearby. Merlin follows the sunbeam, and bends to pick a sprig. He lifts it to his nose and inhales its scent, closing his eyes.
Guinevere.
The name is clear in his head, and Merlin gasps, because he heard it in Arthur’s voice.
“What about Guinevere?” Merlin asks, but he is suddenly ice cold and flooded with dread. “Something’s happened to her…” he gasps. He picks up his झोला, शराबी and takes off, lavender stem still clutched in his hand, lunch forgotten.
xXx
“How long was I gone?”
Gwen stands when Arthur returns. “Not long at all. Though I don’t know how long I’ve been unconscious back in the land of the living,” she says, looking at him, puzzled. “Are आप all right? आप look a little… faded.”
“I will be. I just used up a lot of energy,” he says, smiling weakly.
She reaches over and touches his cheek with her palm. “You’re even colder,” she breathes. “What did आप do?”
“I got Merlin. He’s coming to help you.”
“Did आप see him?”
“I did, but he didn’t see me. I’m not strong enough to do that. Only here,” he says, and then an impish grin creeps across his face.
“What did आप do, Arthur?” she asks again, her tone completely different this time.
“Well, I had to get his attention, didn’t I?”
“Arthur…”
“Let’s just say that my attempt worked and leave it at that. If आप want to know, you’ll have to ask him. When आप wake up. In Camelot,” he says definitively.
“Dead kings do not get to give orders,” she tells him.
“Is that so?” he counters, pulling her closer. She can feel द्वारा his arms that he is indeed weaker.
“Yes,” she says, looking up at him. “And you’re tiring yourself out. I don’t think I can भालू to watch आप fade completely away before my eyes,” she adds.
“You need to go back,” he says, his voice quiet, almost seductive.
“I know. So do you,” she whispers, leaning up to किस him once, pressing her lips softly against his.
“Tell my son I प्यार him,” Arthur whispers against her lips, his forehead resting on hers. “And I प्यार you.”
“I will tell him everything about you,” she whispers back, “I promise.”
xXx
“Merlin!” Gaius exclaims. Merlin has just burst into the royal bedchamber, nearly knocking Lily over in the process. She is heading out with a laundry basket in her arms, her face ashen and her eyes red.
“Sorry,” he mutters hurriedly as he dashes to Gwen’s bedside. “What happened? How is she? She had the baby? Where is he? Is he all right?”
“Merlin, slow down,” Gaius tries to calm the frantic wizard. “He is with क्वीन Annis and the wet nurse, having his lunch. He is fine. Perfect. Looks eerily like Arthur.”
Merlin grins a moment before his eyes fall on Gwen’s still form. “So what happened?” he asks, sitting down on the edge of the बिस्तर beside her, placing his hand on her damp forehead. “She’s on fire.”
“Delivery was long and difficult. The prince weighs just over eight pounds, Merlin, which is quite a large baby for someone as tiny as Gwen. She’s bleeding inside and we cannot seem to find the स्रोत and cannot stop it. We are changing her clothes and her sheets every couple hours. I fear…”
“No, Gaius. I can help her. I know I can.”
“Lucky thing आप turned up,” Gaius says cryptically.
“Luck had nothing to do with it,” Merlin mutters, moving his hand over Gwen’s stomach now, his eyes closed.
“Of course not,” Gaius says. “Never does, with you.” He places his hand on Merlin’s shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze before stepping back and letting the young wizard work.
“Don’t let anyone in, please,” Merlin says quietly, bent over Gwen’s still form, placing his hands here and there, searching. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Gaius walk silently to the door to stand like a sentry.
“Where is it, Gwen?” Merlin whispers, closing his eyes. “Where is your wound?” He presses his hand on her stomach, just below her navel. Almost. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be improper,” he whispers, moving just a few inches lower, pushing away any feelings of impropriety. I need to heal her.
“Aha,” he says, “Got it.” He opens his eyes a moment, then furrows his brows. “Another,” he breathes, and places his other hand beside the first. He closes his eyes and draws upon the magic within him and around him, pulling it to himself, bending it to his will.
Merlin chants, ancient words, softly at first, then growing, a crescendo until he raises his head and shouts the final words, opening his eyes as they flash the brightest gold.
The world is still and silent for a long moment, and Gaius cranes his neck to see over to the bed. He sees Merlin’s shoulders slump slightly, drained from his effort. Merlin reaches over and touches Gwen’s forehead again, finding it dryer and cooler. He places his hand on her abdomen again, feeling around again.
“I stopped it. I stopped both places,” he says very quietly, but Gaius hears him and breathes again. He starts to walk back to the bed.
“You stopped the bleeding, but…” Gaius hesitantly asks.
“I fixed everything. She’s fine now,” Merlin says quietly. He looks up at Gaius. “Why does healing magic tire me so? I can blast a room full of men into the walls as easily as… that,” he says, knocking over an empty goblet with the flick of his finger, “but this… I feel completely drained.”
“It is a different sort of magic, Merlin. Deeper. Especially because आप do it with naught but yourself. आप don’t employ any herbs या talismans like most magical healers employ. They may seem like trinkets, but they have merit.”
“Healing द्वारा magic is the one area that I have not studied enough,” Merlin says, fighting the urge to crawl in beside Gwen and go to sleep.
“Most of what I know I learned from Alice,” Gaius chuckles. “Get some rest, Merlin.”
“No, I want to see the prince,” Merlin says, standing. “Where is he?”
“They should be back any…” Gaius’ words prove true when the door opens quietly and Annis enters, a very happy and well-fed baby cradled in her arms.
Merlin rushes over, stopping short a foot away from the imposing queen. “My lady,” he says, bowing respectfully to her. “I… may I see him?”
“Merlin, is it?” Annis asks, angling her head slightly. “The fool who was never a fool,” she smirks just a little at him, and Merlin ducks his head, caught.
“No, my lady, it seems not.”
“No matter,” she says, deciding that it really isn’t important anymore. She steps closer to Merlin, and he leans in.
His breath hitches as he looks down at the baby, words failing him. Looks eerily like Arthur indeed, he vaguely thinks. “He’s…”
“He’s beautiful and strong and perfect,” Annis supplies. “Would आप like to hold him?”
“I couldn’t…” Merlin stammers, backing up, holding his hands up. “I’ll drop him.”
“You won’t,” Annis says.
“Hold him, Merlin,” Gwen’s weak voice calls from the bed. “You’re going to be his godfather. आप should get to know him.”
“Gwen!” Merlin exclaims, turning.
“Merlin,” Annis urges, handing him the baby.
“Oh,” he gasps, taking him now, adjusting the wiggling boy in his thin arms until he seems somewhat settled.
“Merlin,” Gwen calls.
Merlin walks back to the bed, Annis close behind.
“You’re awake,” Annis says.
“Merlin healed me,” Gwen says absently, her eyes on her friend and her son. Merlin sits in the chair द्वारा the bed, looking down at the boy.
“Hello, Llacheu,” Merlin says softly, catching a waving fist gently in his hand to bring it to his lips. “I’m your Uncle Merlin. I was your daddy’s best friend. He’d deny it, of course. I’m sorry he can’t be here for you, but he loves you.”
Gwen, Gaius, and Annis all watch as Merlin talks to the prince, his voice soft and soothing. The strangest part is that Llacheu seems transfixed द्वारा him, watching him attentively.
“It’s like he understands what Merlin is saying,” Gaius whispers.
“Daddy is in Avalon, but he will be looking out for you, I promise. He left me and your mummy here with आप to make sure आप don’t grow up and be a…” he pauses, overcome momentarily, “…a prat like he was.” He stops again, turning his head to wipe his eye on his shoulder. “We won’t let that happen. We straightened him out, we’ll keep आप in line as well,” he finishes, touching the prince’s nose lightly. Llacheu gurgles and grabs Merlin’s finger, grasping it tightly.
“Merlin,” Gaius asks softly, “how did आप know his name?”
Merlin looks up, his eyes flitting from Gaius to Annis and back. He merely raises a noncommittal eyebrow. “I’ll bet your mummy misses you,” Merlin says, talking to Llacheu again. He stands and passes him to Gwen, who has propped herself up on pillows against the headboard.
“Hello, my lamb,” she says, her face growing soft as she gazes down at her son. She lifts him and presses her lips to his head, inhaling his scent. “I missed आप while I was out, but I’m back now. Daddy made me come back for you.”
“Merlin?” Gaius asks, raising an eyebrow. Merlin just gives him a dismissive wave.
“He is a very good baby, Gwen,” Annis says, stepping over now. “He surely must have your temperament, as he is very content and agreeable. Except when he gets hungry, then he gets demanding and impatient.”
“He gets that from his father,” Merlin says with a smirk.
“Oh…” Gwen says, scowling as realization hits her. Someone has had to feed him while I was unconscious.
“Gwen, it is common practice for a क्वीन to employ a wet nurse,” Annis says, guessing at the स्रोत of Gwen’s unhappiness.
“I had hoped to nurse him myself,” Gwen says. “How long was I out?”
“Just over a day,” Gaius says.
“If I may say,” Annis says, “it is probably for the best that आप don’t, Gwen. Perhaps if Arthur were here आप could have managed, but ruling a kingdom alone and nursing an infant are not two things that can be juggled.” She glances at Merlin, the word “juggled” jogging her memory, and Merlin chuckles once.
“I’m sure you’re right,” Gwen says glumly. “I suppose it would not do to run a council meeting with a child at my breast,” she adds, then starts laughing. Llacheu reaches up and wraps his fingers around Gwen’s crystal. Gwen lets him.
“I daresay that many of the older lords would run screaming for the hills were आप to do that,” Gaius laughs.
“Then perhaps I should,” Gwen mutters darkly, and now Annis laughs. So does Merlin.
xXx
“Merlin, can I ask आप something?” Gwen asks later, after dinner. Llacheu has gone to बिस्तर and Annis and Gaius have both retired as well. “And it’s only a question, mind, I don’t mean anything द्वारा it.”
“You want to know why I could heal आप but not Arthur,” Merlin guesses. She nods, looking at her hands.
Merlin sighs. “Arthur’s wound was inflicted द्वारा a weapon that was infused with magic, while yours was inflicted द्वारा an overlarge infant.”
“But surely, with all your power…”
“It wasn’t enough. I needed help, Gwen. I nearly drained myself healing आप today, in fact. I was taking him to get that help, and I just wasn’t fast enough. Morgana saw to that, waylaying us like she did. I should have summoned the dragon sooner…” he trails off.
“So… Arthur saw Morgana, then? Before she died?”
“Before I killed her with Arthur’s sword,” Merlin clarifies. “I think… I think that was the turning point for him. He was fighting all the while because he knew she was out there and he had to defeat her. But once she was gone, he knew he could let go as well, I think. Camelot would be safe. You would be safe.”
Gwen says nothing, tears cascading down her cheeks. “He couldn’t fight any more? Not even for me?” she asks softly.
“There was no fight left in him, Gwen. He was so tired. So weak. When Morgana died, he कहा something like, ‘Peace, at last.’ And I knew, deep down, that he was done. I could not admit it to myself at the time, but I think he felt that if he was going to die, at least he could die secure in the knowledge that आप would no longer be plagued द्वारा his sister.”
“I have to learn to stop being so selfish when it comes to him,” Gwen says. “He died nobly, fighting for his kingdom. He held on long enough to make sure we would be safe.”
“Gwen,” Merlin says, reaching for her hand, “you are allowed to feel how आप feel. He was your husband and आप loved him. Of course आप still want him to be around, to be here with you. But… Arthur knew what he was doing, I think. Putting आप in charge. Hanging on until he knew he could let go. He was so calm at the end… so at peace. He was ready to go, even though we weren’t ready.”
“I still get angry at him,” Gwen confesses. “Angry that he’s not here. When I have to deal with matters of state that I just don’t want to deal with. Late at night, when I’m in this big बिस्तर alone and cannot seem to get warm.” She snickers suddenly. “You should have heard the awful things I was calling him when I was delivering Llacheu.”
“I can imagine,” Merlin smiles. “Gwen, I miss him, too. He was like a brother. An annoying brother. An annoying, bossy older brother who delighted in making my life difficult, but still a brother. But there were moments, Gwen. Moments when it was just him and me and it was almost like we were equals. He would talk और candidly, और openly, usually in the safety of darkness and often when we thought we were going to die very soon. But those moments, those little, sparkling moments where he was just a man and not a king, those are the moments I will always cherish.”
Gwen takes a deep breath and heaves a great sigh. “You and I are lucky people, Merlin. We are the only two people in this world to have ever truly known Arthur Pendragon. Arthur the man, not Arthur the prince या Arthur the king. Everyone says how fortunate he was to have the two of us, two people he could really trust. But I see it the other way. It is we who were fortunate to have been allowed to have the time we had with him, we are the lucky ones in that he was able to relax and not have to be anything other than himself when he was with us.”
Merlin nods, resting his forearms on his knees, his head dangling between his shoulders. “It is also sad,” he says.
“True,” Gwen allows. “He was really a wonderful person. Underneath all the… kingy-ness,” she waves her hands vaguely, “underneath the trappings of nobility and the burden of responsibility, he was just another लॉस्ट person, like the rest of us. Sweet and loving and so…”
“…fragile,” Merlin finishes, lifting his head to look at Gwen. “He felt things so deeply, but…”
“…he often didn’t know what to do with those feelings,” Gwen agrees.
“That’s why he needed आप so much, Gwen,” Merlin says.
“That’s why he needed both of us, Merlin.”
Merlin reaches his hand out and Gwen takes it. “How long are आप staying this time?” she asks.
“I don’t know, Gwen,” he sighs. “I never know.”
“You know आप are always welcome to stay,” she ventures.
“I know that.”
Gwen knows then that he is still not back for good, but does not press. “Merlin?”
“Hmm?”
“What did Arthur do to get आप to come back here?”
“He didn’t tell you?” Merlin asks, leaning back in his chair.
“No. He told me I had to ask आप when I woke up.”
“Sounds like him.”
Part 7: link